Contribution to Fandom for Leukemia & Lymphoma Society
"No Time Like The Present" by FemmeCullen
Summary:
Edward needs to find happiness in his life, after learning there is no time like the present to make those changes before you regret and could be too late.
.*.*.*.
It had been while since I last came home to Forks. It's not like I'd planned on not going back, it's just that there were other things in my life at the time.
We were having Thanksgiving dinner as a family, and it would be the first with all of us together since I had left. I parked my car in the garage, and as I stepped through the threshold of my parents' house the smell of the food invaded my senses and made my stomach growl.
I headed towards the kitchen, and just when I entered my mother turned to greet me.
"Edward, I'm so glad you are finally here, we've missed you!" she said excitedly.
"Thanks Mom, it's good to be back," I replied, hugging her.
"Well, go get yourself settled and we'll have dinner in twenty minutes." I nodded and headed towards my old room.
I pulled my clothes out of my luggage and stepped into the shower. It was just what I needed to relax. I'd been anxious about this trip. It had been almost three years, and I still wasn't sure how I would feel if I ever saw Bella again. Unconsciously, I knew that had always been the main reason for me to not come back to Forks. I just couldn't deal with the fact that I had hurt her. I had never been able to apologize for my behavior — we just got a divorce and that was it.
A few minutes later, I was ready to go downstairs for dinner. My mom was getting the food to the table.
"Edward, it's good to have you here," Carlisle said, and greeted me with a hug.
"Thanks Dad, it's good to be here."
"Well, please sit down, the rest of the family should be here soon." I took my seat and waited for everyone to get here.
My brother Emmett lived just around the corner. He and Rosalie had been married for seven years now and had two cute sons Elliot, who is six, and Robert, who just turned four.
Emmett was still working as the Forks High School Principal; he never grew past his high-school years, and when the job knocked on his door, he hadn't hesitated to apply. All his experience in pranks as a teenager came quite handy, and all the kids loved him. Rosalie, on the other hand, managed a couple of coffee shop franchises, which, I might add, were very successful. She said she grew tired of having only one diner in town, and decided to take matters into her own hand and established her first coffee shop.
Then there is my best friend Jasper and my little sister Alice. They live a few blocks away, and have been married for six years. They have Mia, a beautiful five-year-old daughter, and Tina, the most amazing little girl you could ever meet, aged two.
They all arrived within minutes, and were all enjoying a delicious dinner together, talking and laughing. That was, until Dad's phone rang. As a doctor, he really didn't have much time off, but there were other doctors that could be reached to attend any emergency. Before they got the Chief of Oncology, which was Dad's official title, there were many others available to handle most emergencies.
We all turned to look at him, expecting him to delegate to someone who could handle it at least for a few minutes until he had to arrive. What we never expected was for Carlisle to go pale as a ghost and stand up immediately, grabbing his belongings and running to the door without further explanation.
I had never seen him act like that, and by the astonished looks of everyone else, I guess nobody had, not even my mom, who ran after him to demand some kind of quick explanation before he left.
Not more than thirty seconds passed before she came back inside, as pale as a ghost herself. She grabbed the door frame, met my gaze, and in just a moment fell to the floor. Running to her, I did a quick assessment and yelled for someone to get me some alcohol.
In less than a minute, Alice was beside me holding a cotton ball with alcohol. Mom began to stir and finally opened her eyes.
"Mom, are you all right?" I asked.
"Yes… yes, I'm okay." She didn't meet my gaze, which should have clued me in that something was not okay.
Emmett and I helped her to the couch. We settled her in and Rosalie got her some water. She looked around to everyone. Until she met my eyes, little did I know that her next words would be forever engrained in my mind.
"Edward, it's Bella, she… she is in the hospital, we need to get there now," she said with a trembling voice.
All the air left my lungs; I felt as if someone had punched me. Without hesitation I ran to my car. I heard them shouting something at me, but I didn't care — I just had to get to her.
.*.*.*.
I arrived within minutes at the nurse's station, demanding to know where Bella was. Carlisle must have heard me, and he grabbed me by the elbow and dragged me into his office. He closed the door behind him and turned to me, his eyes wide.
"Edward," he began to talk, but I interrupted him.
"Where is Bella, what happened?" I demanded.
"Edward, I need you to calm down and hear what I have to say."
"Calm down! How am I supposed to calm down? Mom just passed out from whatever explanation you gave her before you left the house!" He stiffened as what I said just sank in.
"Is she okay?" he asked.
"Yes, she is with everyone else, now tell me!" I demanded, not so sure I wanted to hear the answer.
It had been three years since our divorce and since I last saw her, but that didn't mean I didn't still care for her.
"Edward, I'm sorry, I can't divulge anything about her case to you," Carlisle said his consternation clearly showing.
"What?!" I all but yelled.
"Edward, I can only give explanations about her to her direct relative. As a doctor yourself, you know that."
"But what about me? You should give me an explanation to me!" I'm starting to get angry.
"Edward, I'm sorry, but you and Bella have been divorced for three years. I can't do this. You can go to the waiting room, and perhaps Charlie…" He trailed off. I knew what he must have been thinking; Charlie would never allow me to go near her daughter or know anything about her.
I stared at him and abruptly I turned around and left his office. There was no way I could go without knowing about her. So I headed to the waiting room, and hoping to catch one the doctors who would be explaining Bella's condition to Charlie when he arrived.
.*.*.*.
It didn't take long for Charlie to come through the doors. What I never expected was to see him with puffy red eyes and calmly asking for information. He didn't notice me, so I kept myself sitting still and tried to eavesdrop as much as I could.
"…Swan, Isabella Swan."
"Chief Swan, the doctors will be with you in a moment," the nurse replied.
Carlisle appeared with another doctor. He extended his hand to greet Charlie.
This confused me a little. I thought that Charlie didn't want to know anything about me or my family, but I guess it only applied to me, because after they shook hands, Carlisle met my gaze and Charlie noticed, turning around and spotting me sitting on a chair in the corner.
I stood up cautiously, getting ready for hell to break loose on me, but Charlie just turned his gaze back to Carlisle, ignoring me completely. I froze on the spot.
"Charlie, she is…" Carlisle started to explain, but Charlie cut him off mid-sentence.
"Carlisle, I need to see her now."
Carlisle just nodded and said something to Charlie. He turned to see me again and then back to Carlisle, giving him a quick nod.
"Edward, please follow us," Carlisle said. I just started walking behind them until we arrived at a room. Carlisle opened it and motioned Charlie ahead.
I followed, but before I could enter, Carlisle stopped me.
"Edward, I'm so sorry, I never wanted for you to be in this situation, but I guess it's just right for you to know why Bella is here," Carlisle said, standing beside the door and closing it, giving Charlie time to see his daughter first.
"Edward, Bella is sick, she has been diagnosed with Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia," he started explaining.
"What?" was the only response I got out, my mind swirling with all kinds of questions. When? How? Why? As a doctor, I knew what it meant, how there were a lot of factors, but my mind couldn't settle in the information that Bella was very sick. The doctor in me kicked in.
"What treatment is being considered?" I asked.
"Edward, she is in the last stage, there is nothing we can do, and I'm so sorry but I don't think she has much time left — that's why Charlie agreed for you to see her now."
This felt worse than ice cold water thrown at you in winter; I grabbed myself as all air left me; I couldn't breathe. Everything started to spin; I caught myself on the wall and closed my eyes.
This could not be happening, not to her, not now. She was still so young. I hadn't seen her since the day we signed the divorce.
A divorce that I could only blame myself for. She had never deserved any of it.
.*.*.*.
It was three years ago. I had been hired to work at UCLA. It was a dream come true for me. Bella was working for a very prestigious publishing house; we had been happily married for two years.
I knew she was achieving everything that was required for her to be considered for an editor promotion. And we both wanted to do what we had both worked so hard to get. Unfortunately that meant being two states away from each other. I thought we could see each other on the weekends, until she got the promotion and could ask for a transfer to the Los Angeles office. That would take around six months, but being a doctor meant rotations, and that meant having to work at ungodly hours all week, having only a few hours to rest.
We started to drift apart. First we tried to see each other every weekend, then when that was impossible we tried for every two weeks. Then we started to see each other less and less, until a couple of months passed without being able to be together.
Unfortunately, that depressed me to no end and I started going out with friends. That was never a good option; they were all single and their way to cheer me up was to take me to strip clubs.
Long story short, one day Bella came down to visit me and found out that I was going out a lot. She then found receipts from the strip club in my wallet and confronted me.
But the worst was when she tried to surprise me. It was a bachelor party for one of my said friends, and because I lived alone they decided to make it at my house. I would forever regret the day I agreed to it. The party was the same as all the rest; strippers and alcohol, never a good combination. In fact, it was a deadly combination, at least for a marriage.
Bella arrived the next morning and found me with a stripper. I had taken so much alcohol that I couldn't recall anything — up to this day I still think nothing happened, but I can't be hundred percent sure. Bella had never forgiven me for it, and we got divorced a couple of weeks later. I was to devastated that I exiled myself after that to New York, and for three years I hadn't seen anyone, especially Bella. I finally decided that I need them in my life, and so I decided to go back home.
I would forever regret everything I had done since the day I received that damn letter from UCLA inviting me to be part of their team.
.*.*.*.
"Edward, do you want to see Bella now?" Carlisle asked, getting me out of my reverie and back to the painful reality. I nodded.
He opened the door for me to enter the room. I was afraid to see her, but this might well be my last chance. I took a deep breath and walked in.
Charlie was sitting by the bed, holding her hand. My sight travelled upwards until I'm met her face, her eyes were closed, all we could hear were the machines trying to help her through her last days? Hours? I didn't know how long, but by what I could read in the numbers of the machine it wasn't long. I swallowed and my heart tightened; everything within me constricted.
I couldn't help it as my eyes started to well up, and it wasn't long before tears were falling down my cheek.
Charlie turned and stood, signaling for me to sit. He said something about water and went outside, but I didn't really hear anything. I sat, and with a little hesitation I held Bella's hand. I couldn't stop my feelings and started sobbing.
I tried to tell her how much I regretted everything I had done; all the bad choices I made that had led us to our separation. But most of all I tried to say how much I still loved her, that even after all this time I had never stopped loving her. She was the love of my life, my soulmate. How much I regretted not setting things straight with us. We were both too stubborn to give in and look for a way to be together again.
I felt Bella give me a little squeeze, and I bolted upright. We stared into each other's eyes. Mine were full of tears, and hers were so deep that I could see all the way into her soul. We stared at each other, and I kept saying how much I still loved her, apologizing for everything. Her breathing started to accelerate, her heart beat to go slower. She was visibly in pain, and tried to get rid of the oxygen mask. I told her not to, but she insisted. I helped her.
"Edward, I… I'm sorry too," Bella said with difficulty.
"Bella, I know. I'm so sorry too, for everything. I love you, I always have and always will," I said, my voice breaking.
"Edward, I know. I forgave you a long time ago, I'm sorry."
"Please, Bella, I love you so much."
"Edward, I will always love you."
Those were her final words; she fell into unconsciousness and she passed away a few hours later.
.*.*.*.
A couple of days later after the funeral, we were all gathered in Mr. Jenks's office. It seemed that Bella had a will.
After some reading, Alice, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, my parents, and Charlie knew Bella's final wishes for them.
"To Carlisle, I leave this letter, hoping that you find the answers I know you need, and thanking you for everything you did for me in the past couple of months."
"What? Why did she say that for the last couple of months?" Esme interrupted.
"Carlisle, did you know about Bella?" Esme demanded an answer; Carlisle turned to look at me and sighed.
"Yes, I diagnosed and treated Bella for the last couple of months. I knew," Carlisle says.
"Why didn't you say anything?!" I yelled.
I couldn't believe he had known all this time. What surprised us all was that Charlie yelled the same thing at the same time as I did. That stopped me dead in my tracks and turned to see him, then back to Carlisle.
"Doctor-patient confidentiality," was his reply.
"That's bullshit, you should've told us!" I yelled. He raised his eyebrow, challenging what I had just said.
"Or at least Charlie, he is her father."
"I'm sorry, Bella didn't want me to. I had to respect her wishes, she was an adult and she asked me not to divulge any of it. She only said that there would be a time where she would answer why. I'm sure that this is it. That the letters we are getting from her is her way and I respect that. I hope you all do the same," Carlisle explained.
I was still trying to figure out everything that had happened in the last couple of days, but it was impossible. The hurt was too much.
Mr. Jenks cleared his throat, bringing the attention back to him.
"And for Edward," he said as he handled me a thick envelope.
I didn't waste any time in ripping it open.
I took out a letter and started reading.
Dear Edward,
I'm so sorry, I can't believe our stubbornness is the reason we fell apart and never saw each other. I still regret not giving you the opportunity to explain yourself. But I guess if you are reading this it is just too late.
But what I will always regret and beg for you to forgive me is what I did after we got divorced. I will never understand what I was thinking and how I got myself into hiding something like this from you, but it wasn't just you and your family, Charlie doesn't know either. I made a choice and now I'm not sure it was the best, but felt like it at the time.
I beg you to forgive me; I have always loved you and always will.
Love you forever,
Bella
P.S. You will find everything explained in the white envelope.
I grabbed the white envelope and opened it. My heart stopped, time stopped, I couldn't believe what I was reading. Tears started forming and in just seconds I started sobbing.
I couldn't read the letter attached to the picture. I knew what the picture meant I was only able to read part of the date. It was the day before she had surprised me in LA. The day that had changed both of our lives forever. She had been going to tell me she was pregnant.
I tried to get myself together. I needed to read the letter, hoping to find some sort of explanation. With trembling hands I opened it and wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt.
Dear Edward,
I'm sorry I never got the chance to tell you, but understand I was devastated about everything that happened. And after I was too hurt and stubborn to let you know. Abortion crossed my mind, more times that I could count, but I love you and the child inside me already owned me. I don't think I could ever be able to do such thing, especially since our child was made out of love.
I'm leaving you with two rows you can walk; you can find and get to know your son, or not. The choice is yours. Your son has been with my mother Renee all this time; I've been living with her down in Jacksonville. That's why Charlie doesn't know. It's your choice too whether you want your family involved. But I left a letter for Charlie with Renee, and he will know too.
I love you and I'm sorry that I couldn't get to say it to you, but you left and I was too obstinate to confront you with this after three years.
Love forever,
Bella
I couldn't take it anymore, it was too much. I knew I wanted to get to know my son, to be with him, I didn't have to make up my mind to take that decision, but for it was a lot to take in. My world started spinning and everything went black.
.*.*.*.
It's been over a year now since Bella passed away. I miss her every day. Anthony is a very happy boy. He's got my bronze untamed hair, but he has his mother's eyes.
We now live together in Seattle. He is four years old and so smart. He loves to play the piano — a gift that inherited from me — and he has his mother's love for books.
Today we are going to Forks Memorial Park. Everyone will be meeting us there; even Renee flew all the way from Jacksonville to be there today.
We stop just to get Bella's favorite flowers. As we approach, we can see that they have all arrived.
Anthony runs to hug his grandmother and the rest of the family. I say hello to everyone and thank them for being here today. We all say something about Bella so we can cherish her in our memory. She will always be in our hearts, but I want Anthony to know some of the stories we shared with his mother.
After an hour, everyone goes back to their cars; we are all having lunch at my parents' house. Anthony gets to go with Charlie and Renee, leaving me behind to have my private moment.
Bella, I'm with Anthony, we now live in Seattle. We are a happy family, everyone supports us and help us unconditionally. I must tell you he is very smart and talented. He is so much like you, I can see you in his eyes.
Anyway, I've missed you every single day. I know you will always be with me and Anthony. We forgave each other, and that brings me peace, but I will always regret not spending those years with you. I know if you were here you would be kicking my ass for dwelling on it, but I can't help it. I love you and always will. I will try to live a long and happy life for Anthony, but please wait for me; I just want to be with you again when my time comes. Thank you for everything you taught me, and even now I'm still learning.
Life must go on, and I promised that I would be happy. The family came here today too, even your parents. I know you would've liked for everyone to remember and be happy, instead of sad. So here I am to say that I'm happy and I will love you forever.
The End.
A/N:
I want to give special thanks to my beloved beta SunFlower3759, she is the best, and EvilPumpkin for helping me with this story.
I'm sorry I couldn't give you the expected HEA with Bella and Edward. Cancer and a lot of other diseases don't always give you the chance to amend things. Real life is tough, and we need to find strength from other people and try to find happiness any way we can when this disease strike.
I dedicate this story to everyone who has ever lost someone to Cancer, and hopping that you all try to live your lives at the fullest and it's never too late to make the right choice or take the right decision. Remember there's no time like the present to do it.