It was another rainy and gloomy day in a godforsaken part of Scotland where Hogwarts castle stood on a large pile of rocks, near an unnamed lake and the shady looking forest. Several centaurs merrily galloped across the dirty green lawns of castle grounds, pointedly ignoring wooden boards with "PLEASE DON'T STEP ON THE GRASS" written on them in elegant cursive. The sound of hoofbeats reverberating through the ground woke up the giant squid. One tentacle rose slowly above the silver surface of the lake, waited for a moment and sprung out to snatch a random centaur that wondered a bit too close to the water. There was a brief cry of horror, silenced quickly by an involuntary dive and thus the squid's breakfast was served.
"I think that we should tell Salazar to take those signs off. They are probably feeling challenged or whatnot and it might be a bit too much of rubbing it in, since the land was theirs before" said Godric Gryffindor, looking out of the window with an amused expression.
His wife, Helga Hufflepuff, glanced up at him from a book she was reading and smiled a little.
"He is going to be very upset if you make him. Have you seen the signs up close? All ,,S" letters look like little snakes and he even made smiley faces inside each ,,O". I know commitment when I see it."
"Well, maybe, but he is a grown man, not a kindergartner. And I can't help but wonder if he doesn't do that on purpose. And no, don't look at me like that. It is not another one of my conspiracy theories. But doesn't it seem like an awfully convenient arrangement? First he buys a giant squid. Mind you, it wasn't even big when he bought it and I thought, well, finally the guy takes interest in something that's not a snake. And he said that he hadn't had the slightest idea that it would be giant before it actually grew. Oh, but if it was about the size..." he ignored an amused snort coming from Helga. "The size wouldn't have mattered if it was the only thing he overlooked. But of course he also didn't know that it was carnivorous. He should've at least checked what it eats before letting it into the lake. Now it has a turf war with the merpeople and we have this strange centaur problem."
"Well dear, he promised to feed it himself. We can't deny him a pet. All of us have familiars and you know how he gets when he doesn't feel included. Let him have it, you don't have to like it. The most important thing is that he adores it. And I know he does, because there aren't many people who would give their squid a magical bubble bath in a lake. With a giant rubber duck. And let me remind you that before the squid he had this strange obsession with basilisks, so I guess it could've been worse."
Salazar sneezed somewhere beneath the castle, where he was currently trying to finally get this wretched toad to hatch the chicken's egg.
"I suppose so. Nonetheless it seems a bit odd that he made all of those signs and repeatedly refused centaurs to remove them. At this rate the squid will make them disappear from here entirely. I don't know too much about figures and numbers, but centaurs aren't exactly numerous and we might be contributing to species endangerment."
"Maybe Salazar just feels really strongly about our lawns?"
"I highly doubt it."
There was another scream coming from outside, accompanied by a loud splash and a happy gurgle.
"I still cannot fathom why would he call it Squishy."