Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter nor anything you recognize.
Family
Sirius was a little jealous.
He'd never admit it to anyone, of course, but there it was all the same.
Staring down at the 'bundle of joy' for the first time, and seeing the way James and Lily looked at each other, Sirius almost wished he had that. Almost.
The hiding out, the occasional screaming, and the inconsistent sleep patterns were maybe a negative side. But they had a home, a family, love, and Sirius could clearly see the happiness that James and Lily shared for their life. Sometimes he wished he could have that.
Sirius had never had love in his family. He'd never even really had a family. His home live had been filled with vindictiveness, critical words, physical attacks, impossibly high expectations, and disgusting levels of snobbery and prejudice. Not a family at all. He hadn't even realized until meeting James, Remus, and Peter what family even meant. It was only by meeting their families that he had realized that his own was so dysfunctional. It wasn't like his friends' home lives were perfect. Remus' saw him with fear despite their love, Peter just had his overprotective mother, and James' parents were often too busy for him. Yet they all did things that Sirius' own parents never did: spared time for their child, gave them words of encouragement and affection, and seemed to genuinely care for them, not just for what they could bring the family in terms of success and fulfilling expectations. Sirius envied his friends that.
It wasn't like he was bothered about it often. Sirius wasn't really bothered by much, and he rarely had the attention span to stay angry at anything. The only exception was his hatred for his family and what they stood for. He wasn't normally bothered by the lack of a traditional family, though. He was used to it, and he had his friends.
But looking at Lily, James, and their little son Harry, Sirius was forcibly reminded of his lack of his family. When Lily and James had first gotten together, Sirius had hated it. He had possessed a selfish fear that James would leave him behind. He'd gotten over it, mostly because instead of James being pulled away, Lily had simply been pulled into their little group. But some of that old feeling of abandonment lingered, showing itself now as that little bit of jealousy.
It wasn't like Sirius actually wanted a family, and he definitely wouldn't ever have one. He wasn't good at holding onto a girl. He lost interest pretty quickly. The whole war thing put a damper on things too. Part of his reasoning behind for not wanting to have a family was that he was too independent, too wild, too adventurous. Secretly he was afraid he'd somehow mess it up. In fact, he was sure he would. It was much funner to be the doting uncle, and a whole lot safer. It was hard to screw that up.
"Sirius? You alright, mate?" James asked, looking concerned. Sirius had been staring at Harry for a full minute - such concentration was rare for the man. Sirius laughed.
"He's got Lily's eyes, alright, but the poor lad's got your hair."
AN: My first posting in forever. Hope you enjoyed.