Hisoka: Arg! So many ideas are running around in my head!
Tsuzuki: Like what kind of ideas, Hi-chan?
Hisoka: looks at Tsuzuki; an evil look on her face You don't want to know.
Tsuzuki: does the puppy eyes look Please, Hi-chan!
Hisoka: Well. . . Okay, but I warned you. There's this idea that I wanted to do a story about Hisoka choosing who he really loves.
Tsuzuki: Wah! Does it mean that 'Soka-chan and I will be together at last?
Hisoka: Not really. There's another person that is after your partner's heart, and you might be surprised at who it is.
Tsuzuki: You mean. . .
Hisoka: That's who I mean. Hijiri is the other person besides you who desires 'Soka-chan's heart.
Tsuzuki: Hi-chan doesn't own the characters from Yami no Matsuei or the song 'So In Love With Two' by Mikalia (Hi-chan loves that song so much that she got the idea for the story). She does own her own made up character Kisara.
Hisoka: On with the fic!
Off-Topic Rambling # 1: This is my fifth Yami no Matsuei story that I am REALLY REALLY trying to work so hard on, but at the same time I am trying to finish some of the other Yami no Matsuei stories that I started on. Life has been so hard on a twenty yrs old lesbian like me, and with damaged/false love throwing itself at my feet; it feels like the stories will never get done. Just reading those other great stories about Hisoka/Tsuzuki just makes me feel so bad about what I am trying to do, and maybe my stories aren't that good at all. Maybe I should just quit while I am ahead in order to save myself the pain and agony of writing bad stories.
Off-Topic Rambling # 2: Christmas has come and gone in my house; and all of the presents that my family and I got are very great. I got a pair of new gloves and some earmuffs, and I also got two gifts cards for Borders and another bookstore that I can't really think of right now. Both of the bookstores are the ones where I get my Descendants of Darkness/Yami no Matsuei manga from, and I am so grateful that I was able to get both gift cards for them. Hopefully, the twelfth volume of the manga comes out soon, because I so want to know more about Tsuzuki/Hisoka's relationship! They're my one true passion!!!!
Off-Topic Rambling # 3: Lately, I have been watching this great show called 'South Of Nowhere' on the N, and it is so great for me to see how the world works when it comes to lesbians and their relationships. The two girls' names are Ashley and Spencer, and they are so much in love; yet there are many obstacles that want to tear them apart. sneezes Ew, I just sneezed on my laptop, and that is so gross! Anyways, the show is over for the season; and I hope that they will pick it up for a second season; unless that was the second season. Lesbians and Gays so rulez! Ow, I hurt my hand! If you get a chance to see this show, I recommend it!
Warnings: Yaoi or shonen-ai. If you don't like boy x boy or male x male, then I recommend you leave at this moment. But if this is your cup of tea; then by all means please read.
Pairings: Hisoka x Hijiri, Hisoka x Tsuzuki (This is my first multiple pairing, but trust me that Hisoka will end up with the one he truly loves)
Recommended Listening: 'So In Love With Two' by Mikalia. I so love this song, and that's where the idea for this story came from. When I watched the music video for this song, the person made it as Tsuzuki having to choose between Hisoka and Muraki. But now I am making Hisoka choose between the partner that he has secret feelings for, and the young violinist who looks just like cute 'Soka-chan. Let's see who Hisoka-san will choose: Tsuzuki or Hijiri?
() Tsuzuki and My Side Notes. You should know this by now! Hee
Hisoka In Love With Two
'If I should ever fall in love with you against my wishes,
Please release me from your mind and memories of us.
Don't ever let me wish for you again in the future;
Or else my heart will break in pieces.'
-Myself
Hisoka wasn't sure how it happened, but at the same time the young empathy was beating himself up inside for whatever kind of excuse that his partner Asato Tsuzuki would require of the young boy's actions. And yet there was one reason why Hisoka stayed intact by Tsuzuki's side even after the whole Kyoto incident; their seven years old adopted daughter, Kurosaki Kisara. The young girl was a reincarnation of Hisoka's young fourteen years old sister who had died as a result of risking her life for the two lovers; only to be reborn as a young girl whose eyes had seen what Hisoka and Tsuzuki had done with their relationship. (Hisoka: Sadly, Hisoka-san doesn't even realize that the girl is actually his sister reborn, because parts of her memory are gone. Tsuzuki: Really?!? That's so sad! Hisoka: I made it that way, Tsu-san.)
"Hisoka, why are you still here? You need your rest after what happened in Kyoto." Hisoka looked up to see a pair of hurt amethyst eyes staring at him while the young empathy stood up as Hisoka walked over to Tsuzuki; still not sure about what he was going to say. Tsuzuki tried his hardest not to embrace the young boy in his arms, but at the same time the elder Shinigami knew that his feelings for Hisoka were more than just a friend. 'Especially since Hisoka said that he wants me to exist; even if it's just for him.' thought Tsuzuki as he wrapped his arms around Hisoka and felt some tears starting to form from his closed eyes. "Tsuzuki. . ." The amethyst eyed Shinigami opened his eyes to see that Hisoka was also starting to cry as the young empathy tried to show his partner just how much he loved him. "Don't do this to yourself, Hisoka. You're tired and devoid of energy." replied Tsuzuki as he gently pushed Hisoka away from his embrace; feeling his own heart begin to break apart as he saw the young empathy wiping away some of the fallen tears. "You're right, Tsuzuki. Please make sure that Ki-chan gets enough rest." answered Hisoka as he walked to the door and left Tsuzuki's apartment, not even hearing Tsuzuki sigh in defeat at his own actions.
After Hisoka had returned to his empty apartment, the young empathy flung himself on his bed as Hisoka cried out all of his tears and hurt. "I am such an idiot for making Tsuzuki stay when he didn't want to live anymore. And yet, I still haven't even told him that I love him more than just a friend." cried Hisoka as the young empathy buried his face into the pillow, and Hisoka knew that Tsuzuki had wanted to die so badly in Kyoto; all due to what Muraki had said to his partner about his past. Hisoka knew that it wasn't all true that Tsuzuki was a demon, but then again it would explain why his partner always pretended to smile and be happy; even when Hisoka could sense just how much misery and pain the elder Shinigami was in.
While Hisoka was still crying for Tsuzuki, the phone that sat near the young empath's bed rang and Hisoka blindly reached for it. "Moshi, moshi; this is Kurosaki Hisoka. May I ask who I am speaking to?" asked Hisoka as he lifted his head from the pillow, and he felt that his heart skipped a beat when the caller's voice surprised him. "Moshi, moshi Hisoka-san. It's me, Hijiri-san. I was calling to see how you are doing since we last saw each other." replied the young violinist as Hisoka tried to find his voice, mainly because of the fact that Hisoka and Hijiri had been secretly seeing each other since the Devil's Trill was wrapped up; which Hisoka hadn't been sure if it was a good idea for him to be in a relationship with someone that looked almost like him.
"Everything is okay with me. My adopted daughter Kisara is sleeping over at Tsuzuki's house because my partner pleaded that he wanted to spend more time with her. That means that I am all alone for the night." answered Hisoka as he turned over on the bed to better adjust his body, and the young empathy heard that there was some laughter from Hijiri's end of the line." Do you want me to keep you company for tonight, Hi-chan? I have been missing the times that we spend together, and I desire to touch you once more." teased Hijiri as Hisoka felt very weak at the mere thought of being in the young violinist's arms, and Hisoka sighed in defeat. "I'll be in the living world in about a few hours. Can you meet me at the corner of your school?" (Hisoka: Ooh! 'Soka-chan is planning to meet Hijiri in the living world! What kind of effect will this have on Tsuzuki-san?!? Tsuzuki: looks like he's about to cry How can 'Soka-chan be dating Hijiri behind my back? Wah! Hisoka: 00 pats Tsuzuki's back It's okay, Tsuzuki-san.)
Hijiri softly kissed the young empath's forehead as the two lovers were walking back to Hijiri's apartment. (A/N: I am not really sure how old Hijiri is in the series/manga, but I made him about eighteen in this story, so if you have a problem with that; then take it up with me personally! J/K!) Hisoka felt that a little blush had started to creep upon his face as the young empath closed his emerald eyes and leaned his head on Hijiri's shoulder; forgetting for one brief moment everything that happened between him and Tsuzuki. Hijiri had that kind of effect on Hisoka whenever the two of them were alone together, and Hijiri knew that Hisoka desperately craved affection and love from someone that would truly return those feelings back to him. 'Tsuzuki-san doesn't really care that much about Hi-chan the way that I do, and Hi-chan is much happier with me.' thought Hijiri as he softly petted Hisoka's dirty blonde hair.
"Hi-chan, wake up. We're at my apartment, and I need my shoulder to open the door so that we both don't freeze out here in the cold." commented Hijiri as the young empath slowly opened his eyes, and Hijiri had to smile while Hisoka had to pout a little while his lover opened the apartment door, and Hisoka stepped into the apartment as Hijiri placed his keys down on the table. "Hijiri. . . Thank you for helping me forget about Tsuzuki for just one day. I really needed it and your company tonight." replied Hisoka as he sat down on the couch while the young violinist sat down by Hisoka and placed a hand on the young empath's hair before Hisoka softly kissed Hijiri on the lips; both lovers not being able to pull away from each other.
The next day, Hisoka awoke up to see the sun shining through a open window, and the young empath turned around to see that Hijiri was sleeping besides him in bed as Hisoka smiled gently while he placed a hand on the young violinist's black hair. "Hijiri. . . Last night was so beautiful for the both of us." whispered Hisoka as he placed a feather-like kiss on Hijiri's forehead before the young empath slowly untangled his arms from around the young violinist's sleeping body, and Hisoka got up quietly from the bed while he got dressed to return back to Meifu for work. "Mmm. Good morning to you, Hi-chan. Do you have to return back to your world?" asked Hijiri as he turned around to face Hisoka, and the young empath had to smile as he placed a hand on Hijiri's hair. "Sadly, I do. If anyone found out that I was in the living world, then I might get in trouble." replied the young empath while Hijiri looked a little sad at Hisoka's departure, and Hisoka gave the young violinist one last kiss before Hisoka and Hijiri pulled away from each other; with Hisoka teleporting out of Hijiri's bedroom. "I doubt that you really love me as you say. But I know that you really love Tsuzuki so much." whispered Hijiri as he felt a tear fall from his closed eyes.
"Where have you been all of last night, 'Soka-chan? I tried calling you this morning at your place, but I got the answering machine!" cried Tsuzuki as Hisoka walked into the Ministry; his emerald eyes widen in surprise as his partner ran up to him while Tsuzuki was holding Kisara in his arms. "Sorry about that, Tsuzuki. But I didn't hear the phone ring since I had a headache from last night." replied Hisoka as he reached for the young girl in which the elder Shinigami gladly handed Kisara to his young partner; but at the same time Hisoka was hit with a wave of guilt, sorrow, depression, and some other feelings that the young empath couldn't really understand. 'Could Tsuzuki have been worried about me since I left his apartment last night; almost like I was about to burst into tears? No, I must be dreaming to even think that he would actually love me.' thought Hisoka as he felt one of Kisara's hands gently pulling on his jean jacket, and the young empath had to smile as Hisoka gave the little girl a hug. "Did you have fun sleeping over at Tsuzuki's apartment last night. Ki-chan?" asked Hisoka as he tickled Kisara in the stomach while Tsuzuki stared at the two important people in his entire life, and the elder Shinigami felt a stab of jealousy and guilt for even thinking about leaving Hisoka and Kisara alone in this world. Tsuzuki knew that Hisoka wouldn't have a problem with raising the young girl by himself, but the amethyst eyed Shinigami also knew that his young partner wouldn't be able to deal without Tsuzuki in his life; and that scared Tsuzuki as well. If Hisoka decided to leave Tsuzuki, it would crush his heart forever.
"Tsuzuki? Are you okay?" questioned Hisoka as he turned his gaze to look at his partner, and Tsuzuki shook his head to smile at Hisoka; which the young empath didn't really buy it for a second. "Hai, 'Soka-chan. I am okay. We should get to work, or else Tatsumi will yell at the both of us." answered Tsuzuki as Hisoka placed the young girl down onto the ground, and Tsuzuki could see that there was a mark on Hisoka's neck; which seemed to make the elder Shinigami a little suspicious. "Um. . . Where did you get that mark on your neck from, 'Soka-chan?" asked Tsuzuki as the young Shinigami looked up at his partner; covering his neck with one of his hands while Hisoka tried to think of some excuse. 'Damn. Apparently my healing powers aren't doing so well, so I need to make up a lie. I just hope that Tsuzuki believes me.' thought Hisoka as he felt that Tsuzuki had placed both of his hands on the young empath's face; which caused for Hisoka to blush a little. "I. . .I tripped this morning while I was trying to get dressed. You know that I am a little clumsy when I am not looking where I am going." replied Hisoka as he tried to calm down his beating heart while Tsuzuki felt a little bit depressed at the fact that his young partner had hurt himself on purpose.
"Are you sure that you're okay, 'Soka-chan? It's not like you to injure yourself like that." commented Tsuzuki as Hisoka bit his lower lip so that the young empath wouldn't be able to reveal the honest truth about where the mark came from, and Hisoka heard a sigh from his older partner as Tsuzuki had to smile a little. "Well, if you say so." replied Tsuzuki as Hisoka took one of Kisara's hands and walked to the office; leaving Tsuzuki sigh in defeat. 'I wish that I could tell you that I love you, Hisoka. But I am too afraid that you might reject me or even that you might be in love with someone. . .' thought the elder Shinigami as he lowered his head. (Hisoka: Poor Tsuzuki-san. He doesn't even have a clue that Hisoka-san is seeing Hijiri. Oops! covers her mouth Tsuzuki: Are you serious, Hi-chan?)
Hisoka and Tsuzuki were eating lunch under the sakura trees with Kisara; or rather Hisoka was just sitting there with Kisara in his lap while Tsuzuki was eating some of his sweets. "Ne 'Soka-chan, is it okay if I spend the weekend with Tsuzuki-san? I love it when he gives me sweets!" chirped Kisara as she looked up at Hisoka while the young empath looked at his partner before Hisoka opened his mouth to answer the young girl's question. "Sure you can. Actually, I was going to see a friend of mine this weekend, so it would be perfect if you stayed with Tsuzuki." replied Hisoka as the elder Shinigami petted Kisara's light brown hair while Hisoka had to sigh in defeat as he thought of Hijiri and the times that they would be able to spend together made the young empath shiver in delight.
"Ne Hisoka, are you cold? If you are, then maybe we should head back inside." suggested Tsuzuki as he saw that his young partner had blushed at the comment, and Hisoka silently cursed for thinking about the young violinist while he was around Tsuzuki and Kisara. "You can both go inside, but I am going to stay out for a while." replied the young Shinigami as Tsuzuki picked up Kisara in his arms, and Hisoka took out his cell phone from the pocket of his jean jacket as the young empath dialed a number that was familiar to him. "Hijiri? It's me, Hisoka. I'll be coming to the living world after work, so be ready for me." replied Hisoka as he caught a falling sakura petal in his hand; unknown that Tsuzuki was listening to the conversation not too far away. "Hisoka and Hijiri? They're dating each other, and now I may never get a chance to tell Hisoka how much I love him. . ." whispered Tsuzuki as he felt a tear start to form in his amethyst eyes.
"It's so good to be able spend some time alone with you once again, Hisoka. And the fact that you have the weekend off as well; it's just so perfect." replied Hijiri as he hugged the young empath around the waist as Hisoka smiled before he leaned forward and gave Hijiri a kiss on the cheek. "It is good to spend time with you as well, Hijiri-san. But yet, I am still unsure about what kind of effect this will have on my daughter Kisara's well-being." replied Hisoka as he pulled away from the young violinist while Hijiri looked a little depressed about what Hisoka had said. 'Kisara. . . That was the name of Hi-chan's young sister when she was alive. But why would she be the reason that Hisoka is still indecisive about being with me?' thought Hijiri as he looked at his emerald eyed lover; who was sipping some of his green tea as Hijiri placed his head on Hisoka's shoulder while Hisoka petted Hijiri's soft black hair as Hisoka sighed deeply. 'Tsuzuki. . . Why is it so hard to trust my feelings for you, but why does it feel so good to be with Hijiri?' thought Hisoka.
Hijiri placed one of his hands on Hisoka's face as he gave the young empath a kiss on the lips while Hisoka closed his eyes and grazed his tongue over Hijiri's bottom lip as the young violinist opened his mouth to allow Hisoka entrance, and the two lovers shared an everlasting passionate kiss that seemed like forever before Hisoka felt a wave of guilt coming from Hijiri as Hisoka pulled away from the kiss. "Hijiri-san. . ." Hisoka was cut off by a finger being placed on his lips as Hijiri smiled sadly at the young empath before Hijiri looked away. "It's not fair that you are spending time with me, but at the same time it's not fair that you're denying that you are not falling in love with Tsuzuki." replied Hijiri as Hisoka blushed a little at the mere thought of Tsuzuki, and Hisoka tried to find his voice.
"You go back to Meifu and tell Tsuzuki that you love him very much. At the same time, I hope that you will never forget the times that we shared together." added Hijiri as he gave Hisoka one last kiss before the young empath smiled as he got up from the couch and Hisoka teleported out of the apartment while Hijiri wiped some tears from his closed eyes. "Goodbye, my dear Hisoka. May you and Tsuzuki-san find the happiness that you both deserve so much." whispered Hijiri as the young violinist picked up the cup of unfinished green tea.
Tsuzuki was giving Kisara a bubble bath in the bathroom when the elder Shinigami heard the doorbell ringing, and Tsuzuki got up from where he was sitting while he wiped his hands on a towel. "Okay, okay. I am coming already, please just hold on." replied Tsuzuki as he walked to the door while making sure that his young daughter hadn't fallen out of the tub or the fact that Kisara had drowned in the water, and the sight that was waiting in the hallway surprised Tsuzuki when he opened the door. "Hi. . .Hisoka? Why are you-" Tsuzuki was cut off by a pair of lips as Hisoka threw himself into the elder Shinigami while Tsuzuki wrapped his arms around Hisoka's waist as he pulled away from the kiss. "Hisoka. . ." whispered Tsuzuki as the young empath looked up into passion-filled amethyst eyes while Hisoka felt his whole body shaking with worry as Tsuzuki pulled his young partner closer to him.
"Tsuzuki, please listen to what I have to say. Ever after Kyoto, I only thought of you as a mere friend who would never abandon me or leave our adopted daughter for any reason whatsoever. You always had a smile to hide the true feelings that you were harboring from the never-ending scars of your past, and yet you were able to protect me from my past. When my sister Kisara died to protect us from Muraki on the Queen Camellia, I thought that I lost everything that was important to me; until you helped me recover from the shock. And now that we have our daughter to raise and protect from that sick doctor, I only now realized that my feelings for you have changed into true love." replied Hisoka as Tsuzuki kept looking at the young empath before he smiled at Hisoka, and Tsuzuki kissed his young partner on the lips. "I am so glad that you finally return the exact feelings that I held within my heart, 'Soka-chan. But I was so afraid to reveal them because you would reject me." answered Tsuzuki as he pulled away to look into Hisoka's emerald eyes that reflected how the young empath felt towards his older partner.
After Hisoka had placed Kisara in the guest bedroom, Tsuzuki had brought out two cups of hot chocolate (Tsuzuki: Ooh! Hot chocolate! Hisoka: I just had some of that today while I was busy taking care of my little brother. It tastes so good! Tsuzuki: Yea, especially when you share it with the one you love gets hit with a book by Hisoka Hisoka: Don't ever mention that subject again, Tsu-san!) into the living room, and Hisoka slumped down on the couch while Tsuzuki placed his arms around the young empath's waist. "Our daughter had so much fun today, 'Soka-chan. You should have been around to see." replied Tsuzuki as Hisoka rested his head on his older partner's chest while Hisoka felt that his heart was beating rapidly at the mere thought of being with Tsuzuki. "How did it feel to be with Hijiri-san? I overheard you saying his name when you thought that you were alone under the sakura trees." The young empath felt like his entire world had crashed when Hisoka looked at Tsuzuki; his empathy feeling a sense of sadness and jealousy rising within his lover's heart as Hisoka leaned forward to give Tsuzuki a chaste kiss on his lips. "Hijiri and I broke up today when I finally realized that I was madly in love with you, Tsuzuki. He made me realize that it wasn't fair to be denying that I had feelings for you when I was spending time with him, and my heart actually did love you so much; but I was such a fool to even think that I could be good enough for you." replied Hisoka as he looked away from his lover; only to feel Tsuzuki's hands on his cheek as the young empath turned back around to face his lover. "Don't ever think that way about yourself because of what Muraki did to you. Raising our daughter Kisara and taking care of her has proven you to be worthy of anyone; even to me. I love you for who you are and what you have become since we first became partners, Hisoka." replied Tsuzuki as he softly petted Hisoka's dirty blonde hair while the young empath felt tears starting to form in his emerald eyes as Hisoka pushed his face into Tsuzuki's shirt; allowing for his tears to fall. "I am so sorry, Tsuzuki. I shouldn't have made you stay with me and Kisara when you wanted to die so badly. It was selfish of me, and I am sorry for it." cried Hisoka as he felt his older partner's arms wrapping themselves around Hisoka's waist as Tsuzuki softly kissed the young empath's forehead. "It was not selfish of you to make you stay. After all, you and Kisara are the reason why I decided to stay." whispered Tsuzuki as he continued to comfort Hisoka while his young lover was still crying in his shirt, and Hisoka looked up into pure amethyst orbs as Tsuzuki and Hisoka shared an intense kiss; while made Hisoka's heart swell with purity and sincere. 'Never again will I have to worry or choose about true love. Tsuzuki is my one true love, and I won't ever have to be alone again.' thought Hisoka as he closed his eyes and moved his body closer to his lover.
Hisoka: Oh my god!
Tsuzuki: What is it, Hi-chan?
Hisoka: I finally finished one of my YnM stories!
Tsuzuki: This calls for a celebration!
Hisoka: narrows her eyes I doubt that a celebration will make me feel better.
Tsuzuki: Come on, Hi-chan! You've been depressed about what your decision involving Sa- gets cut off by Hisoka's hands
Hisoka: laughs nervously as she looks at her readers Tsu-san doesn't know what he's talking about. So please, read and review this story because I have been working non-stop on this since Christmas Day. It's my belated Christmas present to all of my loyal reviewers (and you guys know who you are), and I wanted to give a shout-out to Saphira112; whose stories are great to read. Probably even better than my own stories; I am pretty much not lying about that. If anyone has any questions about the progress of 'Can This Be Real Or A Lie', the url for the Tsuzuki/Hisoka/Muraki music vid that I got my idea from, or anything else; feel free to PM me. Or drop a line at my Yahoo address: Thanks, and please review! Oh, and I am still working on my newest story 'Understanding'; which should be uploaded very soon when I finish it. Also I finished working on the third chapter of 'Can This Be Real Or A Lie', so I'll upload it as soon as I can!
Tsuzuki: Who knows. Maybe if Hi-chan gets enough reviews, then she might start on a sequel to this story! That would be good, ne? Or Muraki might kill Hi-chan.
Hisoka: Tsuzuki-san! throws another book at him Don't say that creep's name! He scares the hell out of me whenever he's around.
Muraki: Did you call for me, my dear Tsuzuki?
Hisoka: sweatdrops as Tsuzuki hides behind Hisoka Stay away from me!
Muraki: Come here, my beloved.
Tsuzuki: Aah! runs away, leaving an confused Hisoka
Hisoka: Well, that was fun and creepy at the same time. Read and review, or else poor Tsuzuki will be molested by Muraki; which I am sure that Kurosaki-san won't like. holds up her 'Shuichi' plushie to her face and hugs him For Tsuzuki-san, Kurosaki-san, and myself; we wish you all a Happy New Year (which by the time I upload this story; the holiday will be over already). My wishes goes out to Saphira112, Krizia-chan, Poppet or Tissu (who I talk the most to about my problems. Thanks Poppet and Krizia-chan, for being great friends to me!) Ja ne!
Tsuzuki: is still being chased by Muraki
Hisoka-Kurosaki-138 and Asato Tsuzuki