Who We Really Are
Chapter 1 - I Am No One-
"Find Him, Rey." Luke tells me looking over the water.
"I can't, master Luke. I'm not ready." I say knowing full well that this is the last part before I can officially become a Jedi knight.
"Kylo Ren is a fake. My sister wants her son back, Rey. Bring him back, I can sense you know this is the last stage before knight hood. You long for the honor, but there are some things I can't teach you." Luke tells me turning and putting his real hand on my shoulder.
"But Kylo Ren can? I don't want to be pulled to the dark side. I believe if I were to avoid the dark side, I could avoid the temptation." I say the truth.
"Rey, Ben Solo was so eager to learn the power of both sides as a kid, I kept him from the darkness. That was— is my biggest mistake. You must learn about both sides." He tells me turning back to the ocean.
"Master Luke, how will I resist the temptation of the dark side?" I ask moving to the cliffs edge and looking out across the waves. "I don't wish to be like Kylo Ren."
"You won't be. Kylo Ren never had one side pulling and calling to him. He always had both." He looks at me and sits down on the edge pulling me with him. The green grass is wet from the ocean mist. It's soothing. "You feel the light, it pulls you into a blanket of warmth, that is why you must go. If anyone can bring him back, it will be you, Rey. You are his last hope." He says without looking into my eyes.
"No pressure then." I say. Even if— when I go, how will I know Ben will listen to me? He has every reason to kill me, torture me, and break me. Yet I still must go.
"You will be fine. I've always told you to follow the force. That will be the last piece of advice I give you." Luke tells me. We both stand up. "Goodbye Rey," Luke bows like the Jedi do, but I pull him into a hug. Something tells me I won't see Luke again.
"Goodbye Master," I say holding on to him until he hugs me back.
"Goodbye, Patawan," We let go and I head down to the Millennium falcon.
We all strap up, and I decide it's time to tell them the plan and I start up the Millennium Falcon. We have been a team, and I don't know how they'll take it.
"Chewwie, I'm taking you and BB-8 back to the home base with the General." I tell Chewwie as I lift off the Millennium Falcon.
"Graaahhhhh!" He roars in protest.
"No, you don't have a choice. Where I'm going it will be dangerous for you." I tell him. I feel water begin to flood my eyes, but my tears never drop. I don't need to look at him to know he has tilted his head in confusion. "I have my orders, to go to StarKiller base, and train from Kylo Ren. I am to learn, and bring him back to the light." Now my tears drop. I try to rid of them quickly but BB-8 already saw.
"Beep Beep Boop?" He asks.
"I'm crying because I'm scared. I have spent months running from him, and now he is to be my teacher." I say covering up the truth.
"Boop boop." He tells me. He knows me too well.
"Because I'm afraid; terrified even. He is the darkness, and I am the light. I don't want to learn in his shadow. But Luke says I must." Exiting the atmosphere, I put the ship into light speed.
The rest of the ride is smooth and very quiet. No one talked after the discussion. When we landed, we were all met with hugs from Poe Finn and Leia.
"I thought you were going to go to Starkiller base." Says Leia confused but still excited to see me.
"I wanted to drop Chewwie and BB-8 off. They can't come with me." I tell her.
"BEEP!" BB-8 screeches causing all of us to cover our ears.
"BB-8! You can't come with me! We discussed this!" I kneel down to his level, and look at him in the eye. "Where I'm going, you will not be safe. I can't risk that." I tell him.
"Bleep beep bloop." he says.
"Yes, I promise I'll comeback." I tell him and he rolls into my arms. I hug him, and though he doesn't have arms I know he's hugging me too. When we part I notice Finn and Poe waiting for me.
"Why do you have to go?" Finn says hugging me. "He tried to kill us. He put me in a coma. He is evil." We pull apart and I look at Leia before I return to Finns eyes and answer him.
"I need him to teach me some things, about the force that Luke couldn't teach me." I tell him, and Poe jumps in to protest.
"Why do you need him? He's darkness. He'll teach you the darkness, not the light." He says concerned and it's evident that he doesn't understand.
"That's why I need to go. Master Luke says I need to learn the Darkness too. Plus, I don't think he's all darkness." I say.
"Did you decide this before or after he strapped you to a chair and tortured you? Maybe it was even after he tried to kill us." Fin tells me.
"I know Finn, I was there too. I could feel the Darkness radiating off him, but I also felt the light." I say.
"I'm sure you're right, I'm just nervous you won't come back." He says, and Poe puts his arm around him. I'm happy they have each other.
"I have to come back," both of them raise their eyebrows to me. "One day, you both are going to get married, and that's not something I plan on missing." I say. We all laugh.
-|— —-
After much consideration and debate, Leia decided I should stay here for the night. When I protested, she went as far as to prohibit any aircraft from leaving the base until 4:00 this morning. I woke up early so I wouldn't have to say goodbye. Leia loaded up the falcon for what I'll need to survive to get there.
I get on the Millennium Falcon and lift off. When I exit the atmosphere, I hear something make a crash, and immediately pull out the lightsaber and ignite the blue light. I walk back to the closet where I heard the crash and open it cautiously yet quickly. I'm about to swish the lightsaber, but I stop myself to the familiar screech .
"BB-8?! I need to turn this ship around right now." I try to move back to the pilots chair, and am stopped by a stubborn droid.
"Bleep Bleep Bloob." He tells me.
"You know why you can't come. If I don't even know if I'll be safe, how can I know you will be too?" I say frustrated with him following me.
"Boop bop. Squeech, boop boop bloop beep." He says.
"Why are you always right? Fine, you can come." I say.
"Shwee Shweep." He says and moves his head to make himself look like a hero.
"Of course you can protect me." I say and chuckle at the thought of BB-8 against Kylo Ren. "Tell him the law, and stick with me." I say and he moves to position himself in the copilots seat. "Um, BB-8, do you know how to fly a ship?" I ask mildly confused but fascinated by his confidence. BB-8 lifts his head like he has an answer, then drops it.
"Shoo." He says defeated.
"It's okay, Chewwie never did much anyway." I say. I push us into hyper speed and I go to Starkiller base. I send a force message to Kylo Ren so we won't be shot at when we arrive.
"I'm coming to Starkiller base. You were right, I need a teacher." I say. I didn't think he received it until he sent one back to me.
"I know," he says. I am surprised to hear his regular voice, not the masks.
I feel as though I didn't get enough sleep, so I go to the bedroom, and sleep a dreamless sleep.
My deepest secret is still mine, I won't let anyone know it. It's not wether I will be tempted by the dark side, or wether I'll die at the hands of Kylo Ren. It's something more than that. What if the Kylo Ren isn't Kylo Ren at all? What if he is Ben Solo after all? I don't know if I can handle being anchorage of another's life. I messed up my own, how could I try to fix another's? Luke never should have sent me on this mission, and Leia was a fool for putting me in this position.
I wasn't with Been growing up, but Poe, Leia, Luke? They all were. Why should the General think a scavenger from Jakku, who barely knows him, would turn her son to the light? It's all foolish, and it's going to get me killed.
I try to push these thought's from my head, they are thoughts that should belong to the dark side. That is one place I refuse to go. I have BB-8, I'm going to become the next Jedi Knight, and I am going to return home at some point. Fear is an obstacle I can't afford.
I'm awoken to BB-8, he tells me we're here. I walk to the closet and put on my cloths, which are the same I've had on Jakku. I put my hair in a braid. The braid goes below my hips. Master Luke told me not to cut it, so I never will.
I am going to walk out of this ship with my head held high. I put my light saber in my belt, and I look to BB-8. He's shaking.
"Don't be afraid. We're going to do this together." I tell him and head to the exit. I lift my head high and walk down the ramp to be met by Kylo Ren himself.
"Ben," I say knowing that if Ben Solo were there, that's how I should dress him.
"It's Kylo Ren now." He says, his mask lowering his voice and making it sound darker than a starless sky. " I no longer go by the name my father gave me."
"Call yourself what you like to your mother, uncle, and I, you are Ben Solo." I say and turn to the ship. "Come on BB-8, he won't hurt you." I say.
BB-8 comes down the ramp complaining. "Plop Plop."
"Don't plop plop me. I know he won't hurt you. He isn't stupid." I say.
"Squrp Squrp." He says rolling behind me.
"I am not?! Young Droid, I will stick you back on that ship and fly you back to Poe on D'Qar." I sound like a mother, I think. I never had one.
"Blop." He says. I look to Kylo Ren.
"Shall we?" He holds his arm out, and I take it. I notice he has a muscular arm even if I'm not looking for it. He isn't a twig some make him out to be.
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"To Snoke, he is my master as I am yours now." I stop him right there.
"Master Luke is my master. You are a person he sent me to so you can teach me about the dark side. Don't mistake the two." I say.
"And don't mistake the fact that he didn't send you here to only learn from me. That isn't your mission. Your mission is to turn me to the Light. Prepare to fail, I have snuffed that part out of me. I am Kylo Ren now, you are a Scavenger girl from Jakku, a no one. Yet you are someone. I will show you the darkness." He says.
"But you won't ever force me to turn to the Darkness." I say defiantly.
"You're right, you'll make that choice on your own." He says, and pulls me so we are moving again.
We walk down the halls until we get to our location. As we walk, we get strange looks. At first I think it's because of me, but it's because of who my arm is locked around with. They haven't seen Kylo Ren like this, and for them, it's terrifying. We walk into a dark room, but is lit up but a Dark Lord, Snoke.
"Master," Kylo Ren says and kneels down pulling me with him. "This is the girl."
"Rey, the scavenger who defeat Kylo Ren in a lightsaber duel without any lessons." He says and examine me. I don't know how to respond to this so I just look at him. "Now you are here to learn about the dark side. I invite you do do so, but you will be considered a prisoner. I know you have been taught be Luke Skywalker and have since then have grown with the force. Now you will grow more under Kylo Ren's power and instruction." I look back down and try to calm myself down.
"I don't care what you do with her, but bread her." Smoke says to Kylo Ren, and I feel him tense up. "It's a good idea to take powerful force users and have them make more."
"Yes, Master," Kylo Ren tells Snoke.
"And don't fail me this time. Leave me." I am mad at Snoke's orders but feel powerless. I have just became Kylo Ren's property.
Kylo Ren senses my shock and may even be able to hear my breath tremble. "I won't rape or hurt you, I swear." I hear Ben Solo's voice tell me in my head. He must have blocked out Snoke to send me the message of disobedience. It didn't calm me any more, though. I am still Kylo Ren's prisoner. He grabs my arm gently, and I am pulled with him, BB-8 following. He was so quiet, I almost forgot he was here.
The gentleness of Kylo Ren is terrifying. Initially I was scared of being raped or forced to be with him. Now, I find myself terrified because he is rebelling against Snoke's orders. While that may be good for the Resistance, it isn't for me. If he stays as gentle as he is now, then he must care for me. I can't afford that. I don't want that. In doing so I make a promise to myself: I will not be tempted by the darkness or Kylo Ren, regardless of how he feels or how I feel. I will be better than that.
-|— —-
"Who are you?" I recall Maz's voice, from a memory. It sounds as if she already knows the answer. But I answered her question anyway.
"I am no one." I tell her the truth from my eyes.
The rest of the memory is gone. It never has been before. I've always heard her reassure me and prove me wrong when I think back to that meeting. She knew from the start that my connection to Master Luke's lightsaber meant I was someone; even If I couldn't see it. I open my eyes and pull myself from the meditation.
It's gone. The memory, the reassurance, the protection is all gone. Maybe it's gone for a reason. Maybe back then, I wasn't really a no one. If Maz saw something in me, then it must have been there. But now, I'm Kylo Ren's. If the rest of the memory isn't there, then I must truly be a no one.