A Supernatural fanfiction!

A/N: 1) This story is absolutely fictional! I do not own Supernatural or any of its characters, i am just borrowing them for my stories!

2) Its set after the end of season 2 but before the first episode of season 3, so please be aware of this for spoilers up to season 2!

3) In the story there are mentions of panic attack so be aware of it if it triggers you! (I have never had one, so all i know about it is from search on the internet! Please forgive any mistakes!)

4) Be warned for some mentions of rape but nothing too graphic!

5) I plan on making this story Wincest (Sam/Dean), but once again not to graphic! It will also have some drama but… Its just fiction!

6) I hope you enjoy this story and please leave a commend before you click the "back" button!

SO… Enough talk… Off we go!

"One stormy night..."

Part1 "In the dark of this night"

The rain was falling viciously on the windows of the old, moldy motel and the cold wind which was blowing from the North was entering the rooms through the cracks on the doors and the windows… And damn, cracks existed in the boys room as well, making Sam shiver under the thin dirty sheets and Dean fill one more glass of whisky so as to feel hit spread inside him… Sleepless guard he was, sitting on the floor with his back on the wall, the glass of whisky in between his hands and eyes fixed on Sam, looking agonizingly for signs…The way his chest was rising and falling, the way slight shivers caused by the air entering the room, made him crawl into a ball, the way his hands were clutching onto the sheets, seeking warmth...All those signs, signs that his brother was alive, that his heart was beating steadily, that his breathing was even, seemed to calm the older hunter down a little bit. As lightning stroke, enlightening the room, Dean's green eyes mirrored in the whiskey, two bright green orbs drowning in the hot brown liquor. And inside them, those who knew him well could still see fear and pain. And now this very moment he could see it as well. Flashes of what had happened a couple weeks ago came to his mind.

(A/N: Spoiler of Season 2 Episodes 21&22 "All Hell breaks Loose Parts 1&2")

Oh, how close had he got on loosing the only member of his family which actually loved him. Huh…Who was he kidding? He had arrived late. Sam had been stabbed right before his eyes and had died in his arms. It had always been his job to protect him, to keep him safe from all harm supernatural or not. Sam was his entire world…He felt proud of every small or big achievement Sam managed, as if it was his own. Every good grade, every 'excellent' on some test, made Dean so happy… But what always made him walk in the air was the fact that, after each and every good grade or praise Sam would throw himself in Dean's arms, as if there was no tomorrow…And soon, Dean's love for his brother became too much and took a different form. Sure, he loved him as a brother, but from the day Sam hit sixteen and Dean saw him getting out of the shower, covered in just a towel his feelings turned into something else… Something he couldn't bring himself to face, because he knew it was wrong to love your baby brother in a not-so-brothery-way…So he hid those feelings deep inside him, in a corner of his heart which was beating for Sam and Sam only. And managed to build a huge wall around them, to lock them away, suppress them. But the night he saw him dying, the wall cracked and those feelings came to the surface once again droving him mad… Because that very moment he realized that he wasn't just loosing his baby brother, but the person he loved the most, the person he was in love with. He was left alone, all alone, in a world full of monsters, demons, vampires and a tone of supernatural crap…And that he couldn't stand. So he did what he had to, what his heart and every sell of his body told him to do. He sold his soul to the crossroad Demon in order to bring his brother back, his Sammy back…Or as he saw it, a part of himself back, maybe most of it…

(A/N: Spoiler of Season 2 Episodes 21&22 ENDS! A/N

He knew that Sam would be pissed, but he couldn't care less…The image of Sam, pale, with cloudy eyes slipping away from him, still hunted his mind, even though in these two weeks he would hug him almost every day, and would watch him sleep almost every night, staying awake until three in the morning… When his eyes would drift close he would sleep for a couple of hours and woke up with the first light of day.

As a thunder tore the sky in half, Dean got on his fit, wiped tears he didn't knew were there, with his fingers and finished his whisky. His heart wanted him to stay awake, but his body had other plans. This time, he couldn't ignore the need for sleep. He changed into more comfortable clothes and got ready to lie down when, suddenly, a whisper reached his ears. And, hell, he would have recognized it everywhere. It was the voice of his brother. Dean turned towards the nightstand and turned on the light to be able to see Sam's face better. And what he saw scared him to death. His brother's face, was wet form sweat and tears, his lips were ajar as though he wanted to scream but no sound seemed to be able to escape them. Dean swallowed hard and placed his hands on Sam's shoulders. "Sam, hey wake up kiddo." He said in a low voice, but Sam seemed lost in his dream. The dim light of the nightstand's lamb proved to be of little help, because Dean ended up using the lightning's illumination to see that the dirty motel sheets were wet with sweat and had been tangled- up to his brother's ankles. "Come on Sammy wake up for me will ya?" he tried again, shaking him harder than before. But this time Sam's hand grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and tried to push him away. "No… Don't please…Help…" Dean's heart broke as he heard his younger sibling technically begging for mercy and his 'big brother' instinct took over at the sound of Sam's pleadings. His need to protect his younger brother was burning him like fire, but he had learned the hard way that nightmares were something he couldn't protect him from. He cupped his neck with his hands feeling his brother's pulse under his fingers. His heart was beating like a drum. "Sammy, come on wake up for me, its just a dream, no one can hurt you." "No…NO! Help…Dean help me!" Dean's eyes went wide open, for he knew that, when Sam called for his help things were bad…Very bad. "Wake up, Sam!" At this command, hazel eyes snapped open and looked straight into green orbs, but saw nothing. Sam's breath was coming out in short, agonizing gasps and his whole body was shaking violently with sobs.

Dean swore under his breath as he recognized the sighs of a huge panic attack. He knew that it was rare for his brother to get one of those, in fact only once had he got one, when he thought that Dean had died on a hunt. From that one time though, Dean had learned that Sam could go completely out of control. Moving swiftly he got himself on the bed and behind his terrified, shaking and sobbing little brother, tossing the sheets on the floor, freeing Sam's long legs. He placed his right hand on Sam's chest, and with his left hand he held both of his brother's wrists, behind his back. "Sammy, Sammy come on calm down, its alright, you are ok, you're ok…" he whispered in his ear. But the sound of thunder swallowed the comforting words and made Sam struggle even harder. Using all his training as a hunter, Sam shifted in his brother's embrace and Dean could barely hold him down using all his skills and strength. "No, let me go, De…an, De… Don't let him do this…" Broken whispers escaped dry lips, as Sam desperately tried to escape his bonds, escape from nightmare which took place in a dark room, in a also stormy night, four and half years ago. A night which was the cause he left his home and fled to Stanford. "Sam, hey, hey, I'm right here, no matter who you think you're fighting his not here, his is not going to hurt you, cause I'm here, I'm here…" Dean reassured his sobbing brother, with trembling voice. His heart was beating as fast as Sam's, if not faster and his night shirt was now wet from his own sweat and Sam's tears. This time, his words seemed to reach Sam's fogged mind and he slowed down a little bit. Dean saw that and released his wrists, only to clutch the fingers of his, now free hand, with the ones of his brother. "De…an I am…" "Shh don't talk now just focus on calming down ok? I am right here Sammy, with you, come on breathe in and out, in and out." His voice trembled and Dean had to bite the bottom lip in order to keep the tears from falling.

"No…no, I'm- I can't breath I can't Dean…Dean." "Yes, Sam you can, its all in that big head of yours, you can breath, come on Sammy." The young man tried to follow his brother's instructions and push his memories back down, to cast them in the back of his mind but failed and felt the tightness on his chest becoming unbearable. "I should have…tried to… fight back…but…couldn't…Dean I'm sorry… I couldn't…I can't brea-" Sam's words made no sense to Dean right then, but he knew that he had to do something…and fast. "Sonofabich! Sam!" he cried out loud and thanked both the God and the Devil that they had been given the last room of the floor and that the motel was almost empty. He hated using this tone (get- your-fucking- ass- over- here- now!-tone) on Sam but he had no other choice. "I need you to listen to me now, and I mean really, listen to me. I don't know who or what you have been dreaming about, or what happened that you couldn't stop from happening but…" And at this point he felt Sam slowly coming back to him, so he once again softened his tone. "… No matter what it was, nobody will hurt you here, cause I won't let them pass the freaking door. And it doesn't matter that you couldn't stop it back then, whatever it was, what matters is that you are here now with me. And you have to calm down. Don't worry about the chick-flick rule, forget about it for now. All you have to worry about now is your breathing. Come on synchronize your breathing with mine, in… and out…in and out… in-"kiss on the neck "-and out, in-"kiss on his wet cheekbone "and out, in-"kiss on his shaking Adam's nipple "-and out…" Sam squeezed his brother's hand to the point Dean was sure that half of his bones were cracked but said nothing about it. He squeezed back, needing the contact as well, cause, hell, he was scared for Sam.

The younger boy slowly, so very slowly to Dean's eyes, started taking small breathes and his sobs died little by little. Yet, the middle Winchester kept saying "in and out" in between kisses, on Sam's cheek, on his nose, on the corner of his dried lips…

The corner of his…lips? This time Sam forgot to exhale and turned his face to meet Dean's. Hazel eyes met green orbs as lightning stroke and illuminated the room and as it seemed a hidden side of their relationship as well. "Sammy…breathe out for me." Dean said voice hoarse but lower than a whisper. His breath- a mix of whisky,cheap toothpaste, and something Sam could only identify as Dean- reached his nose. This smell clouded and awakened his mind at the same time. On the one hand, Sam's mind screamed at him that it had to be a foggy dream…Right? Dean couldn't feel this way for him, right? It was something Sam wished he would feel since the age of fifteen. He wanted to feel Dean's breath of his face, the taste of his lips on his own…And those two wishes had just came true…But, on the other hand, his mind screamed that, since this was happening right that second, it was true and according to any logical assumption, it meant that Dean wanted him, in a not-so-brotherly-way…And it was that assumption which finally, cleared up Sam's mind. Sam exhaled as Dean had instructed a few seconds earlier, and this time it was Dean who inhaled a mix of beer and 'Sam'. Right at that very moment, for an unknown reason Dean's body moved on its own, closing the distance between them, in a slow, gentle, almost tender kiss. And, he could go to hell if Fate wanted to, this was all or nothing. He could no longer fight it. Sam's hazel eyes went wide open and he was sure his heart missed a bit. Because this feeling was something he had never felt before. He knew that, this was so… 'chick-flick moment', but he didn't care. The way Dean's lips brushed over his own, ever so gently, ever so protectively, as if he was about to break into pieces…Made Sam's soul ache with love. Yet, he was taken aback by this sudden turning of events, so it took him a few seconds to understand he was completely still. It wasn't until he felt his brother was ready to pull away – probably thinking that Sam was freaked- that he pushed himself forward reconnecting their lips with a little bit more pressure this time. And this time, it was Dean who went completely still…

Sam pulled back seconds latter, gazing at his older brother with red rimmed eyes. "Dean, I'm so-" "Christo." Dean whispered, not knowing what else to say, because this couldn't be Sam. Yet, his eyes didn't turn black, they remained this beautiful, brown color. "Its me Dean." Sam said his lips turning into a weak smile. It took the older brother a few moments to suck these words in, but when he finally did, he cleared his throat and spoke in a low voice. "Ok… I guess we need to talk about what just happened…But before that…" and as his voice fainted he turned Sam around pining him down with his back on the bed. He got himself above him as well, placing his right hand on Sam's chest and his left hand on his own chest. "Dean what-" Dean saw the distress in his brother's eyes and was quick on calming him down, but he also took a mental note to ask Sam why was he so afraid and what his nightmare was about. "Shhh, hey calm down Sammy. Don't speak for a second, just breathe, take a few slow breaths for me." Sam relaxed and did as he was told, trying to understand what was happening. After a minute or so Dean got off the bed. "Thank God…" he whispered in such a low voice, that if Sam had breathed at that moment, he wouldn't have heard it. And then it hit him, Dean was checking his pulse. "I…I'm fine now… thank you for…" Sam said and also got up. "Yea… don't mention it. Listen Sam, about what we did…" Dean said, taking a deep breath to calm himself down. And hell, he needed to calm down in order to say what he was about to… He was about to speak of those emotions he held secret, burred in this small corner of his heart. The wall which concealed all those emotions now broke completely, shuttering like glass. And so he gave in, to the need and the urge of his heart, to speak the truth, to tell Sam how he really felt about him. And as all those emotions rose up to his chest, slowly, ever so slowly, Dean began to feel again and knew he was ready to let go of the past he could no longer change, the people he couldn't save, the things he hadn't done…All those things which hunted his mind and had been clunged to him for all those years like a sickness. He turned around, eyes locked with Sam's and started talking.

"I… know that what you always wanted was a normal life, at least as normal as our life can be. I know that, and for 3 years I've been saying it to my self… For the moment you hit sixteen to be honest. When I saw you get out of the shower in just a towel i…" Dean stopped for a second and turned around unable to face Sam any longer. After a moment he started talking again this time a little louder. "I lost it. I've always loved you, I know that I don't say this often, because I believe words mean nothing, but I really do." If Dean could see his brother's face right then, he would see hazel eyes widen and lips turning to a smile, a smile which had never appeared on his face before. "From the moment mum said she would bring home a baby, my baby brother, I've loved you. And when dad shoved you in my arms, the night yellow-eyes burned the house down, it was like…Me and you… Got connected somehow… And the way we grew up, with me actually been the one to raise you, my love for you became too much. And when you hit sixteen I started to notice that this love slowly turned into something more. In order to fight it, fight the urge to shove you on a bed and show you haw much I love you…I started going-" "-Out with every chick you could find…And started getting drunk…" Sam cut in speaking for the first time after a while. Dean made a sound similar to a laugh but the younger man was sure it wasn't one. "The funny thing was that, most of them had hazel eyes…I also started going on more dangerous hunts seeking a way to get you out of my head. Hunts seemed to work, at first." Dean said staring at the window. "But, latter on…it became harder and harder to focus on hunting because we had to leave you behind, dad said it was too risky for you to come. So…My mind was always on you and not on the crap we hunted. God knows how many times I thought I was about to die…Without letting you know how I felt. Every time we would return home from a hunt in which I had almost died I said to my self that, I would talk to you. Especially after that hunt in which dad left you with Sillas for a couple of weeks…I was on the edge, I wanted to speak to you so badly…But I never got the chance, you left us for Stanford three weeks latter."At these words, Deans voice, filled with bitterness, fainted, and his face darkened. "Dean…" Sam started, but Dean didn't let him continue. "But, it was better this way. You chased what you wanted, that little slice of normal, away from darkness, pain, grief…And away from all things supernatural. "Dean…" Sam tried again, louder this time, but his brother turned a deaf ear at him, because he knew that if he stopped at that point he wouldn't be able to start again. "And if you want to leave now, I won't say a word, I will not-" "I kissed you back for God's sake Dean! This is what I've been dreaming about for years! I don't want to leave you, I want to stay here, solve your deal, and then… I want you to kiss me."

"Come again?" was all Dean could say as he turned around and faced his brother. "I…want you to k-kiss me again…I mean if you want, if you liked…what we did bef-" At that point Sam blushed but hopped Dean didn't notice it. If he did, he said nothing. He moved closer to Sam and cupped his face in his hand. His eyes, filled with love and expectation, lost themselves in hazel ones, much like earlier, when Dean saw his eyes 'drawing' in the whisky. But this time it was different. Because, right then, he saw Sam's eyes shine with joy, his face blushing slightly… And he wanted to treasure this moment for he felt whole…Happy. So, for the second time that night, he closed the distance between them, ever so slowly, as though giving him the chance to step back, but when he didn't he shut him up, before he could finish the sentence he was saying. Their lips met, in a slow, gentle kiss, which soon turned into a hot one. Dean slowly licked Sam's lips moisturizing them, and asking permission to explore the inside of his mouth at the same time. Sam obeyed and felt Dean's hot tongue entering his mouth, exploring each and every corner, every inch. He got lost in the kiss, even though he wasn't sure what to do. He felt gun callused fingers run through his messed-up hair and wondered how was it possible; hands which could kill instantly, which could hold any kind of gun, to be so gentle as they touched his skin. When the need for oxygen kicked-in Dean pulled back hesitantly, not wanting to loose the contact. "Um…Sorry I don't really know what to do so…Did you liked…?" Sam rambled unable to form a full sentence. Dean smiled widely adoring the shyness and innocence he could see Sam still had. "Yea, I liked it, it was awesome Sammy." Sam returned the smile and felt warmth filling him up. Dean slowly moved them towards the bed sitting on it and placing Sam next to him. "So…Since when did you…you know, started liking me in the other way?" He said smiling. Sam though didn't answer; instead, he lowered his chin and had his hair cover his eyes. "Sammy?" Dean asked as he lifted his brother's chin with his fingers only to meet eyes full of shame staring back at him.

"Since…since I was fifteen, but… By the time I hit sixteen…I wanted you to touch me, but never found the courage to tell you." Sam whispered trying to turn his face away from his brother but Dean tighten his hold on Sam's chin so as to prevent him from turning away from him. "Sam…You don't have to be ashamed alright?" "Yea…But you know that what we feel could be the cause of our death Dean." Sam said and buried his face in Dean's chest. "We live out of the norm Sam, we dwel in the endge of night, we save people and yet, we are treated like murderers, so...I do not care what others think. I care what you think." Dean said taking Sam's face in his hands. "I think that you've been reading a book or something, cause those words you used are-" "Jerk." Dean answered back but leaned forwards and kissed Ssm once again. "Bitch" Sam whispered when they finally broke apart. "So, next question is…What did you dream about?" Dean asked pulling Sam's face up, once gain. "Dean, just drop it alright? It was just a stupid nightmare, there's nothing to talk about." The younger man answered in a tone which alerted Dean's protective instinct. "Sam I know you, you wouldn't have had a full-scale panic attack for just 'a stupid nightmare.' So spit it out." Sam swallowed hard, head waving in refusal, hands shaking and palms sweating. He knew he had to lie he couldn't let Dean know, not now, not now that they had finally managed to confess their feeling for one another...The young hunter was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't feel Dean had left his side until he heard a fist hitting the wall.

"Dean what the-" "Go fuck yourself. I just told you I have feelings for you, I opened myself in a way I have never done before, risking everything, and you...You just keep having secrets from me. Fine, you can screw around all you want but know that-" "I am not screwing around Dean I am-" "Then just what the hell are you doing Sam? Huh?" Dean yelled back at him waving his hands in an attempt to hide their shaking. "I am scared! That as soon you learn what is it that I hide, you will turn around and leave!" Sam shouted, getting up from the bed. "Well, welcome to the club little brother! And how exactly do you think I was feeling earlier?" "That's not the same Dean...You don't understand..." Sam whispered, looking away. " Then help me understand! I am not the one who left-" and here Dean's voice was filled with bitterness, "I am not the one who leaves. So, talk to me Sam...I deserve so much as the truth.""Yea...But you don't deserve me... Because...I'm...used." Sam said meeting his brother's gaze. "What? What do you mean 'used?'" The older Wincester asked moving closer to his brother once again. Sam took a deep breath and turned his back on Dean. At least he wouldn't have to see him walk away, he would hear the door closing behind him...

"I was sixteen back then. And I...Wanted you to touch me. I wanted to feel your hands on me. You had just returned from a one-week hunt and were taking a shower. The bathroom's door was ajar and I could see you there, the water running down your body...I lost it and I started jerking off while seeing you...with your name on my lips. But then...Then..." Sam's voice fainted and his shoulders started shaking once again; damn why, why was he such a crybaby? Why was he so overwhelmed by his memories and emotions? He cleared his throat and kept talking. "Then... dad came into the room all covered in dirt, sweat and blood from head to toe. But that didn't mean he couldn't see me, couldn't hear me." Dean's callused hands wanted nothing more but to tower over Sam's trembling frame, the older hunter though, understood that his brother needed space. "What did he do Sam?" Dean asked afraid of the answer. "For starters, he made me run seven rounds around the motel while it was raining. And when you got out of the shower you went straight to bed so...you didn't see me coming back in the room, all wet, or hear the things he said to me latter that night." This time,Deans hands grabbed Sam's still trembling shoulders, turning him around and pinning him on the window. "What did he say to you Sam? Tell me what did he say!" Dean said firmly, but Sam didn't answer, instead, kept talking. "After the talk, the very next day to be accurate, he found a hunt many states away, and insisted that you had to leave me behind again...I guess he wanted to put some distance between us. The hunt turned out to be a two-weeks hunt and-" " That hunt proved to be one of the most dangerous and you stayed with Sillas, I mentioned that hunt earlier, I told you that I wanted to talk to you about my feelings-"

"I wasn't with Sillas Dean. That is what dad told you." Sam cut him off, trying to break free from his brother's hold, but not succeeding to do so. "What? What do you... Where were you Sam?" Dean asked, his hold on Sam's shoulder tighten even more."In...a military camp...for young men." Sam saw green orbs widen, but he didn't let his brother speak, because if did stop...He wouldn't be able to start again. "An old friend of dad's was in charge and so i got to go just for two weeks. The training was almost cruel and by the end of the first week I..." Sam stopped talking and begged Dean with his puppy-bog eyes, to back off, to free him from his hold, for he couldn't face him now, not for that part of the story. Dean, as though as he could read his brother's mind, or maybe because this is what he would want as well in such a moment, let him turn his face towards the window, but kept a hand on his shoulder, wanting, needing the contact.

"Talk to me." Dean whispered and Sam had no choice but to obey. "By the end of the first week I got sick. The rounds around the motel in the rain, the training in the camp... I am so sorry, so s-" "You...Got sick and told me nothing about it? What the hell Sam I would have-" Dean said, rage building up in his voice, his hand on Sam's shoulder starting to shake. "You would have done what Dean? Huh? You would have to choose between dad and me, staying there with him and help him hunt, or come where I was. I couldn't put you through something like that. I couldn't make you choose, Dean, you have to understand, I just couldn't."

Sam's voice fainted, and his eyes stared at his bare feet. "Is that what your nightmare was about?" The older hunter asked voice tight, eyes fixed on Sam's back. The younger man, moved towards the other side of the room, back on the wall, facing his brother." If I told you 'yes' would we stop this conversation?" Sam asked pleading. "No, Sam, no, we wouldn't." Dean's voice echoed in the room instantly. "I got sick, but I kept up with the other guys of my squad. But two days later I actually fainted from the fever and that gay from my squad, Mark was his name, he... shoved me on the floor of an isolated room and...he...he...Touched me. Dean he...used me...That's what I dreamed about..."

Suddenly, Sam's knees betrayed him and he sat on the floor and burred his face in his hands, for he couldn't stand see his brother's reaction. Dean, on the other hand hadn't moved an inch, in fact he was sure his heart skipped a bit or two. No...This couldn't be true...Those words couldn't be referring to his baby brother..."Oh God, no..."

End of part1

Would you like to see the second part? Please coment and tell me what you think!