Disclaimer: - I own nothing – If I owned Glee I wouldn't be writing fan fiction about it – all I own are the DVD's and also Miranda Lambert's CD Revolution which gave me the idea for this fic when I heard 'Love Song'
Love Song
It's the first anniversary of my Daddy's death; I'd spent last night crying myself to sleep my husband still at work. I got quietly out of bed and grabbed my robe off the arm chair and I wrapped myself in the white fluffy housecoat as I looked back at the sleeping man beneath the sheets who had come in so late last night I didn't hear him. I head out of the bedroom, down the hall and into the kitchen turning the coffee pot on, reaching in to the cupboard I pull out two mugs but before I could place them on the counter one slipped from my hand crashed onto the floor in pieces. I placed the unbroken mug on the counter and swept the broken pieces into the trash. I stood staring out the kitchen window tears rolls down my face – great it was going to be one of those days I thought as two arms suddenly wrapped themselves around me and someone kisses my shoulder. I turn in my husband's arms and as he hugs me tightly to his chest I realise that he is all I've ever needed. We get dressed for the day and he heads off to work while I sit and contemplate our lives and how far we have come.
They say life never turns out the way to thought it would and that's something I can account for – Broadway was always my dream – I always loved singing and that's where I knew I would end up. Well I got the singing part right at least, I'm just not on Broadway.
And my husband well nobody saw that coming (although Quinn swears she did). He is amazing though, He followed me to New York to convince me that what we had was real and I guess he was always right about that because no matter what happened he stuck by me through everything even when I put a hole in the wall after throwing a frying pan at him.
I've heard it said that relationships should be easy you should want to just always be around that person and it should be happy, but to me whoever said that had never been in a relationship. Because they are hard, you will laugh, cry, fight and make-up and that could all be in the one day. I think that at least if you are fighting it shows are passionate you are about the relationship and that you care enough to have something worth fighting for – but that's just my opinion.
So back to Broadway or lack thereof, I guess in collage I found I had a knack for writing songs I don't even know where it came from it just kind of happen Finn swears it because I'm so emotional that it has to come out somewhere. So I wrote songs and recorded some and then without knowing Quinn sent a demo off to a recording company and well two albums later here we are. I guess that's what I'm struggling with more than anything these days the record label wants a new album out of me but since Daddy died I haven't been able to write I guess I'm just depressed, he was the only family I had left since Dad died in my second year at collage. It's been a year and a half since my last album and I know I really should be getting something out but I'm lacking in inspiration.
Everybody loves a good 'love song' the record label tells me but I'm just not up for it, so instead I head out of the house into the city to meet Quinn for lunch.
I guess that's another thing no one saw coming, my friendship with Quinn, it happened in our last year of high school and we have remained close ever since. I know that's why she invited me out today, she remembers the important dates in our lives and when she pulls me into a hug outside the café we meet at and whispers how she will always be here for me it makes me feel just that tiny bit better.
We talk about our lives, our husbands and my writing "How are you really doing?" she asks
"I'm getting there"
"And what about…"
"He is great, really supportive. I just don't know how he stays with me when I'm like this"
"He loves you Rach, and he just wants to know you are ok and that you will get better"
"The doctor did say it could take a while for me to be happy again, but he also said I could just wake up one day and be better"
"You know that's all he wants from you"
"I know and he has been amazing, who knows where I would be if it wasn't for him"
We finish up lunch and I head home wondering if this pain will ever go away. Once home I head to the lounge and curl up on the sofa trying to remind myself that even leaving the house today was part of my healing process. Life after Daddy past seemed too hard and it took me months to even leave the house, Quinn and Kurt would come around during the day and bring me food and some days try and get me to go out but I flat out refused it took me four months to walk out the front door again. I pick up my guitar (which Noah had taught me to play while we were in glee together) from the place where it had been resting against the sofa and quietly strum it, humming to myself hoping something will pop into my head but nothing comes. I place the guitar back on the ground and lie down and before I know it I'm waking up to noise coming from the kitchen I glance at the time and know he is home. I enter the kitchen to find him cooking dinner.
He turns and sees me and smiles, coming over he places a kiss on my forehead, "How was your day?" he asks
"Ok I guess, had lunch with Quinn, and chatted for a bit, still can't write a new song but tomorrow is another day"
He smiles widely at me and I know it's because I've mentioned the future, sure it's just tomorrow but I rarely talk about it anymore.
"Tomorrow could be your day" he says and he hands me a bowl of stir-fry he has become a great cook, I guess that's because he had to.
We eat mostly in silence and then he does the dishes as I sit on the sofa staring at nothing, the phone rings and I can hear him talking to who I guess is his mom about what's going on in Lima, she must ask about me because he tells her I'm doing better and that's when I decide to head to bed.
I'm changed and lying on my side facing away from him but still awake when he comes in, I hear him moving around and then the bed dips as he climbs in. He is bold tonight as he gets close and pulls me against him something he hasn't done in a while.
"My mom says she love you" he whispers into my hair "and so do I" he adds as he then kisses my temple, I close my eye and let a few tears escape
"I know" I tell him before he rolls back to his side.
2 Months Later
Slowly and surely I was becoming more me again I even yelled at Kurt one day when Quinn and him were over for lunch – funny thing is he was so happy I sounded like the old me he cried tears of joy.
I'd been able to write a couple of songs nothing I could see as being a top ten hit but they were songs none the less – I knew I need something that would speak to people or something that even just meant something to me – something personal I just wondered when that would come.
Dinner was a little more vocal now too we actually talked proper conversations about all sorts of things and sometimes I even cooked.
"How are the songs coming along?" He asked one night
"Ok I guess, still nothing great"
"How does the label feel about it all?"
"They still want some soppy love song"
"And?"
"I just can't write one, I've tired but love is just not what comes out on paper right now. I mean everyone writes long songs and talks about how perfect everything is but life isn't perfect and love shouldn't be perfect – you know how I feel about this it's hard and trying but it's about being there through everything – I want to write about what I know"
"Seems fair" he says smiling but I wonder whether his smile is to cover up the possible pain I just caused by telling him I couldn't find love to write about
1 Month Later
I feel very much like the old me – my days are spent in the recording studio that we built into the house and recording anything I can, even covers that once made me happy.
When I'm not in there I'm out and about shopping, grabbing lunch catching up with friends and mostly gossiping with Kurt and Quinn at Kurt's fashion label.
"So Mercedes and Matt are coming from LA next month" I say to Kurt "She rung this morning"
"You should totally record and song with her when she is here Rach" Kurt tells me all excited
"I can't believe I'd never thought of that myself" I respond "I don't know why we haven't thought about it before?"
"It's because you are not as brilliant as me, let's face it the depression took a lot out of you and now you are just not as awesome" he tells me as I punch him in the arm
"Gee thanks friend"
"No worries Rach" he says smiling "we are all very happy you are back to 'somewhat' normal, We missed you and love you so much, I know Quinn is happy to see you happy again, she is sorry she couldn't hang out today."
"Stop Kurt you will make me cry and I know why she could be here, we will see her tomorrow"
"So on to other things, how's the boy?"
"He is doing well, we both are – things are better you know"
"Ok and by that you mean the sex is great"
"KURT! Well yes but things are just good you know but I need to get home and start dinner. You know what today is and I'm sure it's going to be a hard one"
"For sure Hun, you let me know if you need anything"
"Thanks" I say hugging him tightly before I rush out and head for home.
I couldn't wait for him to get home I had so much to tell him although sometimes live has other plans. I was in the kitchen when he stormed into the house slamming the door behind him and made his way through the house pass me and out the back door to sit on the deck. I looked out the window to see him on one of the chairs rubbed his hands over his face. Today would always be a hard day for the four of us, I think he tends to take it the hardest and she would be ten today. Grabbing a beer I pop the top take it outside placing my hand on his shoulder and setting the beer on the table in front of him. I linger just long enough to kiss his head and then I turn and head back inside knowing he needs this time.
I found myself on the sofa with my guitar, giving him the place he needs I find my notebook where I've written everything from the last 2 years and as I read some old words and think about today it hits me the song I've been needing to write, I strum softly and put lyrics and music to the page. The song is finished in twenty minutes, it's the quickest I've ever written a song and I know that the reason it's so quick is because it's come straight from my heart it's true to everything that I feel right now.
1 Month Later
We were all gathered in a local club it was small and for reason there didn't seem to be a lot of people in tonight. Our group was sitting in the right corner at the front chatting about whatever was on our minds, I was so happy to finally have everyone out together again.
"So you ready for this?" Quinn whispered
"Not even close"
"Does he know yet, about the song I mean?"
"No but he will in like" I notice the MC get up on stage "umm now"
Quinn turned back to look at the stage and squeezed my hand for support as the MC started to talk
"Tonight we have a very special treat for you, one because she doesn't play clubs like this anymore and two because this is going to be her first single off her new up-coming album – Ladies and Gentlemen – Rachel Berry"
I stood and walked to the stage looking back I saw our group all clapping wildly except him his eye wide with shock.
"Hi everyone, thanks so much – as Josh said this will be my new single and I'd like to dedicate this song to my husband" I look at him and smile as he smiles back
"I've been through a lot in the last couple of years some of you may know I lost my father and that hit me really hard but my friends have really helped me, I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for them" I pause and take a breath watching Quinn and Kurt tear up with Quinn nodding at me to keep going
"But really it's my husband who has had the hardest time, it's been a long road for both of us, I wasn't the easiest person to live with but he stayed with me and kept me going just by being there and I wouldn't be the person I am today without him in my life – The recording label wanted me to write a love song but sometimes love is more about what you don't say. Noah, I love you and I always will.
So this is 'Love Song' - Here we go" I say picking up my guitar from its case
"I was standing there cryin' in the kitchen
It's been one of those mornings that's gonna last all day
And he comes in, wraps his arms around me
And I don't even have to say a thing
That's what makes it love
That's what makes it a love song"
I look at our group smiling knowing that this how it has always been and will always be supporting each other through everything and I can see the rest of the original glee club smiling back at me. Quinn had called them all and told them I would be performing again for the first time and that they had to be here I was so thankful because this group by the end of school, these were real friends I thought as I started in on verse two
"He comes in, slams the door behind him
He can't hide the worry on his face
Even though I got a million things to tell him
I know right now he just needs some space"
I see Noah silently wipe a tear from his eye as Quinn moves next to him and rubs his back because they know exactly what I'm singing about.
"That's what makes it love
That's what makes it a love song
That's what makes it love
That's what makes it a love song
Everybody always sings about it
How they're never gonna live without it
We don't even have to talk about it
'Cause we're living it out"
As I was singing I couldn't help but think about the words I'd written in and how much I truly loved Noah with all my heart and I couldn't wait to spend the rest of my life with him knowing that no matter what happens we will always stick by other each
"That's what makes it love
That's what makes it a love song
That's what makes it love
That's what makes it a love song"
As I finished and the applause started I could believe how I got through it with no tears. I thanked the crowd and walked off the stage only to be met by Noah at the bottom of the stairs still with tears in his eyes
"The tears aren't very 'badass' Noah" I tell him smiling wiping them away with my thumbs
"I don't even care right now, that second verse that was about Beth right? Her 10th birthday?"
"Yeah, I wrote the song that day, it just came to me"
"I've been meaning to say something to you about that day because it meant the world to me that you just knew how I was feeling and no matter what your sometimes stupid opinions of love are, you and me we are perfect" he says as he leans down and pulls me into a kiss which I return throwing my arms around his neck "I love you Rach, so much" he says pulling out of the kiss and resting his forehead on mine
"I love you too" I say before Finn tells us to 'get a room' I laugh and look at them just as Quinn smacks her husband across the back of the head
"Let get my girl a drink" Noah say pulling me towards the bar
"Just water is fine" I tell him "for my voice"
"No way babe your voice is awesome whatever, I'm getting you a proper drink to celebrate your new album"
"No Noah really I'm fine" I plead
"What's wrong Rach? You always drink with us" Gosh sometimes I think hanging out with Finn rubbed off on him
"I didn't want to tell you this here" I say pulling him off back into the corner as he looks worried "I can't drink because I'm pregnant Noah"
"What?" he asks again as a smile creeps onto his face
"I'm pregnant, congratulations Daddy" I say grinning up at him as he lifts me off the ground and twirls me around "ok go and get a round of drinks for our friends and you can tell them the good news"
As he heads to the bar I take a seat with the group all of them telling me how good the song was "thank you guys for everything, I mean it you are such a support network I don't know how I would have got here without you" I share a smile across the circle with Santana who calls me weekly from Boston to check in "The calls, letter, emails and shopping trip have all been amazing"
"Well the shopping trips at least" Kurt says laughing at his own joke as Noah comes back with drinks
"Drinks for everyone" He exclaims
"You shouldn't have dude" Finn says as I wink at Quinn letting her know that Noah knows about the baby
"I know but I have some news, well actually we have some news" he says pulling me to him "Rachel's Pregnant"
More screams and congratulations and toast where made and as I sipped my sprite that Noah had brought back for me I looked around the group and realized that even though my parents were now both gone it didn't mean that I didn't have family. Then laughing to myself I leaned over to Noah, kissed him on the check and whispered "Oh and P.S you're calling your mother about this not me"
"Crap"
The End