I do not own Star Trek or any of the characters—shocking, I know! However, I don't think I have the attention span to deal with the inherent responsibilities of such ownership, so it's all good.
Star Trek: 2009 is the inspiration for the story, but the goal isn't to strictly follow any timelines or fit within any assumptions that can be gleaned from the movie. While I LOVE to read my share of angst, it's much easier for me to write lighthearted fare. In other words, Spock and Nyota won't be expending energy worrying about getting caught in this tiny bit of fluff.
I'd like to give special thanks to januaryfreeze92 for an absolutely wonderful beta of this story. Thank you so much for adding just the right finishing touches. And don't worry—the machines will never win!
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Muffin Man
"Did you just call me 'stud muffin'?" Spock inquired, nearly choking on the bite of food he had just consumed.
Nyota lifted her eyes from her plate before responding factually, "Yeah…stud muffin."
"I am confused, Nyota," he admitted after a moment of contemplation, "Are you implying that I am a sweetened quick-bread that has been acquired by an equine employed in the breeding of thoroughbreds? Or are you even more illogically suggesting that I am the aforementioned quick-bread whose ingredients include said equine?"
"Sweetie, I love the way your mind works, I really do. But sometimes I wish you didn't take things so literally," she said with a soft chuckle.
"Perhaps as a linguist you should refrain from using euphemisms."
Nyota shot him an icy glare that quickly melted when Spock realized his mistake and added, "Using them so often, at least."
Nyota smiled sweetly, rising from her seat and moving to stand behind where he was seated at the dinner table. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, resting the palms of her hands on his perfectly toned pectorals, and pressed her cheek against his.
"But Spockie Wockie, pet names are so much fun," she teased in a child-like voice, grazing her nose against his pointed ear affectionately.
"Nyota, 'Wockie' is not a word in any language I am familiar with. And 'Spockie' is not an acceptable variation of my name. In fact, there is no variation of my name. It is simply Spock."
She removed her cheek from his, only to allow herself room to plant a trail of soft kisses leading from the tip of his ear down along the well-defined line of his jaw.
"But I want to call you something no one else does," the amorous Lieutenant retorted in a silky, soothing tone, "Something you won't hear as you're teaching class, or taking part in training exercises, or while you're in the field on a mission. Something you won't hear from anyone but
me."
As she admitted this she slowly walked around the chair that separated him and carefully crawled onto his lap before taking his face into her hands.
"And if you do hear it from someone else," she continued, pausing briefly to place a light peck on his inviting lips, "then that person will have an extremely..." she paused again, repeating the affectionate gesture, "…perturbed…" another pause, two more kisses pressed to his soft lips,
"…Lieutenant Nyota Uhura to answer to."
Spock cleared his throat and Nyota could sense that she had successfully created a slight chink in that protective wall known as his logic. She wondered vaguely if he could be coming around to her way of thinking.
"Are you ready to acknowledge the merits, albeit human and emotional, of using pet names with one's beloved?"
"Beloved is quite acceptable. Can we not simply refer to one another as beloved?"
"No! It feels too formal, too stuffy, too… Elizabethan Age."
In a testament to his improved skill of infusing humor into his social interactions with Nyota, Spock asked her, sounding quite serious, "So if Nurse Chapel were to refer to me as beloved, you would not take issue with her use of that moniker?"
Nyota's expression turned suddenly serious. "I didn't say that! And stop trying to change the subject!" she replied, lightly jabbing at his chest.
She playfully bit her bottom lip and leaned in to brush her nose against his before he responded in kind with his lips ever so slightly connecting with hers.
"So Spockie, can I call you stud muffin without you having an aneurysm? Hmm?"
His voice descended into a lower register as he replied with feigned exasperation. "Very well. As long as you promise not to call me Spockie again… my lovable stud muffin," he said while flicking the tip of her nose with his forefinger—something his mother would often do to him when he was a child.
Nyota tried her best to stifle the laugh that welled in her chest, but it eventually forced its way out of her pursed lips and produced a raspberry that deposited tiny droplets on Spock's face.
"Oh, baby, I'm sorry," she continued to giggle as she picked up a napkin from the table and lovingly wiped his face.
"What is so funny, stud muffin?" was Spock's only reply.
"Please stop saying that," she said as his second use of the term caused her laughter to grow more in its intensity.
"You confuse me at times, Nyota. We agreed on a pet name, and when I use it, you laugh."
"That's because it's YOUR pet name, not mine! Stud muffin isn't intended for use with the fairer sex. What you now have to do is decide on a pet name for me."
For a fleeting moment, a look of horror shot through Spock's eyes before his trusty emotion suppressors could kick into high gear.
Nyota could gauge by the subtle change in his expression that he had come to a decision for her pet name rather quickly—too quickly, in fact. He sucked in a gulp of air and opened his mouth to ready his response just as she lifted a finger to his lips and declared, "And don't say beloved."
Spock was crestfallen.
"Nyota, I am tired."
"Nonsense. You don't tire that easily and you had a full night's sleep."
"But…"
"No excuses… my cuddly stud muffin." Nyota reveled in the fact that she was all squared away in the pet name department.
Nyota loved seeing Spock squirm like this. She was having a bit of sport with him, but he secretly enjoyed their "playtime" as much as she did—simply because of the enjoyment she derived from such folly. The intoxicating smiles that would beam from her lovely face as she teased him made it all worthwhile. It would be foolish to squelch moments like this. Indeed, it would be highly
illogical.
"Ah, I've got it! Unicorn scone," Spock proudly declared.
"What?!" Nyota exclaimed, simultaneously confused and amused.
"Is it not logical as a pet name?"
"No, it isn't. But humor me. Explain."
"When I visited your parents home, did you not show me your… what did you call it? Your scrapbook? Yes, your scrapbook from childhood."
"Um, yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?"
"I distinctly recall a multitude of unicorn stickers affixed throughout the book. Unicorns in green fields, unicorns depicted with rainbows, unicorns flying through a shower of anatomically incorrect heart shapes in outer space. Unicorns are most effeminate, are they not? And also equine-like."
"Well, you got me there. But please continue."
"Continue?" he asked.
"The scone. Your logic behind the scone?"
"Oh, yes. Well to complete the symmetry I was attempting with the pet name you selected for me, I decided upon a scone. Also a quick-bread… like the muffin."
Nyota stared at his head blankly for effect, but she really wished she could laugh until she was light-headed from the lack of oxygen reaching her brain.
Spock lowered his voice to barely a whisper before replying, "And because… I like scones."
"You and your bloody logic are going to be the death of me."
"I have failed?"
"No, no. Not failed… pumpkin. You're just a tad off target, that's all."
"Nyota?"
"Yes, Spock?"
"I have noticed that in addition to stud muffin, you have also addressed me as sweetie, baby, and pumpkin. Will you require that I also come up with three additional pet names for you?"
"Ha-ha! No… those are freebies. Don't worry. I won't torture you anymore than is necessary tonight."
"Good," Spock said through a sigh of relief.
"Stop doing that!" she chided while slapping his shoulder.
"What?"
"Sending me off on a tangent. We were talking about unicorn scone."
"Oh yes. Please explain why this isn't logically acceptable to you."
"That's just it—you relied on your logic. Dig deep into your emotions, sweetie. I'm not saying you have to swim laps in them, but you could at least dip you toe in for a bit. We both know you're not devoid of feeling. How do I make you feeeel?" she asked, seductively dragging out the last
word.
Nyota wrapped her arms around his neck and looked deep into his eyes before beginning her dissertation on the shortcomings of unicorn scone.
"First of all, unicorns are fictitious characters. A bit too fantastical and, quite honestly, too child-like for my taste now that I'm a fully grown woman."
"That you are," he interjected, suggestively raising one eyebrow.
"Therefore, a unicorn would not be my first choice as part of a pet name. Now onto scone."
"I am anxious to hear your displeasure with scone, because I love scones, and I love you. Therefore, is it not logical to include as part of your pet name?"
"What did I say about logic?"
"Oh yes. My apologies for interrupting."
"Scones just aren't… sweet enough. I mean, I'm as sweet as can be, right?"
"You are correct… sweetie."
"Very nice use of a term of endearment, Spock!" Nyota beamed.
"Thank you."
"Where was I? Oh, yeah. And the word itself—scone just sounds so harsh and abrupt. Not like me at all!" she playfully explained.
Spock nodded his head as he allowed Nyota's argument to roll around in his head.
She continued. "Now let's examine your pet name. First we have stud. A virile, powerful animal. Regal, commanding, self confident. A shining example of excellence—a steed who wouldn't be caught dead with just any two bit filly. And the muffin. You know, the best muffins are those that are just a little bit crunchy on top. The muffin top tries it's best to act as a protective barrier for what lies beneath, but as soon as the outer shell is breached, you get to the best part. The soft, vulnerable, comforting inside. So inviting that, no mater where in the universe you may be at that moment, you feel you are home."
Nyota closed her eyes and inhaled deeply as she completed the defense of Spock's new pet name. She opened her eyes to see that he was staring lovingly at her as one of his rare, full smiles spread across his face.
The suggestive tone of her voice belied the formality of the statement that followed. "I ask you, Commander, do either of these descriptions fall short of capturing the essence of who you are? I can assure you, they fully capture who you are to me."
"I am beginning to comprehend your reasoning. Although, it is fascinating how much logic went into your explanation of something that was to be purely based on emotion."
"Don't toy with me. You are treading on shaky ground." Although the way she played with his ear indicated otherwise.
Spock encircled her waist with his arms and drew her closer to him.
"Shall I make another attempt at determining a suitable pet name?"
"Sure, why not? I'd love to see if my tutelage pays off."
Spock stayed silent for a few moments as he replayed Nyota's rationale in his head. She softly hummed a tune while studying the face of the one who still caused butterflies to stir in the pit of her stomach whenever he walked into the room. Especially when he reported for duty on the bridge and sat next to her, quietly bowing his head in acknowledgement of her presence and lifting one corner of his mouth to form the smile that belonged only to her.
She smoothed his eyebrows with her thumbs and followed the shape of his lips with her eyes. She then slowly dragged a forefinger down the length of his nose and continued its course past his mouth until it had reached its final destination in the subtle cleft of his chin. It was the end of the day and Nyota was finding his 5 o'clock shadow most alluring. She lowered her mouth
to his neck and began to massage a small area of flesh between her supple lips.
"Nyota?"
"Um hm?"
"Are you not concerned that you will leave a mark?"
"That's what turtle necks are for, babe."
"This could also be distracting in my current endeavor to provide you with the pet name you so desire."
"Just trying to provide a bit of inspiration, dear," she supplied, smiling against his skin.
Spock raised her chin so he could kiss the lips that he noticed for the first time 3 years ago, the lips he longed to touch 2 years and 6 months ago, and the lips he had successfully engaged in the act of kissing 1 year and eight months ago.
Without forewarning, he abruptly shook himself from his reverie and gave Nyota a look that said 'Eureka!'
"Filly pancakes!"
Nyota sat stunned with her mouth slightly open.
"With syrup?" he tentatively added.
She let out a chuckle that caused her belly to shake and lowered her face so their foreheads gently collided.
"Ohhh..." she giggled while caressing his cheek.
A slightly deflated Spock asked her, "Needs more work?"
Nyota nodded her head and encouragingly responded, "Needs more work."
FINITO
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Well, there it is—my first attempt at fan fiction. Hopefully it brightened someone's day. I'd love to know what you think!