Despair was something Owen had grown used to in life, sad as that fact was. His childhood home had been unhappy, chaotic. His mother expecting perfection from him and he was constantly falling short. He was the eldest child and his mother had expected him to look after his siblings as well as study hard, go to church whenever asked and generally be the perfect child. With all that pressure put on him he had cracjed and started to rebel. He didn't want to be the perfect son; he just wanted to be Owen. He had done the exact opposite of what his mother had wanted from him. Drugs, cigarettes, parties, alcohol, sex. Everything that he had ever heard condemned by his mother's friends had drawn his like a moth to a flame.
And then his mum had kicked him out of the house. It was just in time. Away from his family he stopped doing everything to the extreme and learnt moderation. He had used it to pass his A levels and ever got a scholarship to medical school from a mysterious benefactor he had now started to believe could be a certain captain.
After leaving medical school he was fortunate enough to get a job in one of the better accident and emergency departments in the country, working under a man renowned in the field for training the best doctors. He had fallen in love with a nurse, proposed to her and they were about to be married when he lost everything. His fiancée killed by aliens he hadn't even believed in before that time, his co-workers thinking that he had had a breakdown, he had no other choice but to join Torchwood, swearing that he wouldn't put himself in the position to lose anything else again.
Although Owen's slight cynicism and defensive shields had often been blamed for him missing the best things in life, Owen knew that the opposite was true, the kept him safe from the worst things. His experiences with his mother and Diane had taught him that much.
Now he was dead but he was still around. Brought back by that bloody glove and caught in this strange limbo. A limbo between wanting to be alive again and wanting to die again. He knew that if he were to live again and wanting to die again. He knew that if he were to live again he would have to live life to the full, risk whatever was necessary, and that thought terrified him. He had already spent enough time feeling nothing to go back to life and continue doing so. Secretly he had promised himself that if he ever got to live again he would take Tosh out on that date and do everything he could to make up for being such an insufferable bastard before. Chances were, he wouldn't get to make good on that promise. His life was over and there wouldn't be any coming back this time.