AN: I absolutely adore Malec, but I'm going to try to fight my way into the Clary/Jace pairing. Review if it's awful; review if I got it right. I really need feedback on this.
I can't sit back and just be her brother.
Brothers don't look at their sisters like I look at her. They want to protect her from guys thinking the way I do. When little sisters get boyfriends, brothers are supposed to be protective, not jealous and brooding. They love their sisters. Just not like I love my sister.
She's so innocent. That night at the Pandemonium, she just burst into the room. She could see us. She was worried about us killing a demon. Given, at the time, she didn't know what it was. But, still. I can't even remember a time when I wasn't killing demons. Alec, Izzy, and I have been doing this as far back as I can think. The only person I can even think of that comes close to her is Max. The little kid is so much like her in that way. They haven't seen what we do every day. So much evil is around them, and they don't even know it. Maybe it's my hero complex; that's why I want to protect the two of them. Maybe it's just because the sweet naivety they have is so rare.
Everything we do is exotic and new and exciting to her. Her mother- our mother- ensured that. She kept her out of her culture. We Nephilim are her people, not that mundie she's so fond of. She should be one of us; being a Shadowhunter is her birthright. But do I really want that? Do I really want her in danger, every second of every day? Could I Mark her? Could I watch her face as I knew the Runes were burning her? I don't think I could. I guess her- our- mom made the right choice on that one. I couldn't stand to hurt her. To see her come back from a hunt bloodied and bruised would be too much for me.
She's stubborn, a true Morgenstern. But I guess it's just encoded in our DNA. Because we share DNA. As awful and wrong as that sentence is, I can't help it. I'm in love with my sister. I'm in love with my own fucking flesh and blood. My life is like a bad soap opera. My dad's an evil villain, who's still desperately in love with my comatose mother. To make matters worse, I have a thing for my sister. Soon, the entire Institute will be deadpanning to the camera.
Maybe my sister is just lovable. Even notoriously cold Izzy loves her. Mom loved her enough to keep. I love her more than anything else in the world. The mundie loves her like I do. Too much. I might not be the problem. I might not be the disgusting monster I think I am. Maybe people can't help but love her. But it's not true. Rational, stoic Alec doesn't like her. He might even hate her.
So I am a monster. I've chosen to be like this. I've chosen to be no better than the demons we slay. I am on their slimy, impure level. Because I love my own sister in the all-encompasing, can't even breathe when she walks in the room kind of way.
I want to protect her like a brother should. I want to protect her from danger, so I can keep her safe. I just want her safe for me, not from me. If I were a good brother- hell, a normal brother- I wouldn't crave her touch or pine for her attention. But I can't sit back and just be her brother.
AN: I don't think I got Jace quite right. I tried making him anguished, but I don't think he's snarky enough. There's a bit in there where I tried to show his bitterness with Jocelyn, but it doesn't fit quite right. Oh well! R&R!