Disclaimer: I don't own any of them…sigh…
Summary: This oneshot is based after "Loss" but before "Ghost" so basically it's Alex when she was Emily.
Alone.
I'm so lost… so alone…
I don't know who I am anymore.
Emily is surrounded by people.
She has colleagues, friends, a boyfriend…
But none of it's real.
It's all a lie.
Emily's whole life is a lie, a lie built on nothing but death, tears and goodbyes…
Of course Emily would never reveal any of this.
That's what makes this so false.
Really Emily doesn't exist at all.
I exist…
Or at least I did until I was "murdered".
I had everything Emily has only more and I wouldn't have traded it for a second.
Only I did…
I let it get too far.
I put everything I'd ever had on the line and I lost it all.
I was Alex Cabot.
I had colleagues, friends and a beautiful girlfriend.
I lost it all because I couldn't put down my pride.
Olivia always said that I was doing it to make a difference.
This is only half true…
Really Alex Cabot can't handle losing.
That's why I can't handle this…
I lost everything I ever had for this!
This…this lie!
Emily rolls out of bed in the morning and go's to work in an accounting firm.
I got up at 6am and headed to the court every morning.
Emily has a boyfriend that grunts her name when they have sex.
I had a girlfriend that whispered my name as we held each other close in the night.
Emily is just another clone living out her life as normally as possible.
I scream to get out of her, to be my own true self, to be that one in a million Olivia always told me I was…
But Alex Cabot doesn't exist anymore.
I am Emily.