This is a non-cannon pairing story.

Edward x Jasper

Please don't read if you have an issue with this pairing.

I'm actually in the process of writing another story, Regaining Trust. It's an Edward x Bella pairing. Feel free to read that if you'd like.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns all things Twilight.

Chapter 1: Goodbye Phoenix

"Bella, please. You two don't need to leave." Renee Dwyer had been pleading with her daughter, Bella Swan, for the last hour while I listened from the hallway.

"Mom, you and Phil need some time together. And you know I miss Charlie. I'll email everyday and make sure that Jazz calls you every once in a while."

There was a sniffling noise. "He won't want to call me."

"Why wouldn't I want to call you?" I asked as I finally stepped into the living room. I could feel the concern pouring off Bella as she stared at her mother. Renee glanced at me and I was slammed with pain and guilt. I walked towards her and crouched down so I was eye level with her. She stared at me with bloodshot eyes and threw her arms around my neck.

"Oh, Jasper!" she sobbed. "I'm so sorry. I don't mean it. Please! You and Bella can stay. I'll start to feel better. I'll go to a psychiatrist."

I remained silent as I continued to hold her. I focused on her erratic breathing and rubbed soothing patterns on her back.

Renee let out a shaky laugh as she pulled back. "Sometimes I wish I could carry you around in my pocket. You're like a tranquilizer."

"Why wouldn't I want to call you?" I repeated.

"Because I know that I've hurt you." She stared over my shoulder. She rarely made eye contact with me anymore.

I took her hand in both of mine. "I'm only hurt because you are. I can't stay here knowing I cause you this much pain."

She looked at my face and I felt her agony as she met my dark blue eyes. "You are so much like her," she whispered. I knew, without asking, that she was talking about Carol. Her sister. My mother.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"No!" Renee's eyes widened. "Don't ever apologize for that. My sister was the most beautiful, caring person in the world and you are exactly like her. You have her eyes, her smile and even the same dimple in your right cheek. But it's more than that. You have her kind heart, her need to help people and her tendency to put others before herself."

"But it hurts you because I remind you so much of her."

"I'm sorry. I just miss her so much. It's only been a year since she passed and the hurt is still fresh."

"I know," I murmured. "You need to grieve without me around reminding you of her." I hugged her again and smiled when I felt her acceptance. I gave Bella a brief smile and excused myself from the room.

A few hours later, I decided to see if Bella needed any help packing.

"Knock, knock." I stood in Bella's open doorway as she folded a shirt.

"Come on in, Jazz."

I tried to get a handle on how she felt. Sadness, excitement, worry, nervousness.

I settled into her desk chair. "You okay?" She watched me for a moment. I could tell she wanted to say 'I'm fine' but she knew that I would always be able to tell whether she was being honest or not.

"I'm just worried about her."

"Me too. You know you don't have to come to Forks with me. Phil and Renee would love for you to stay here in Phoenix with them."

I felt her irritation spike. "Jazz, I wish you would stop saying that! You're not just my cousin, you're my best friend. There's no way I would let you go without me. Plus, I really do miss Charlie."

We were quiet while she continued packing. She started putting some framed photographs together when she paused. "You really are exactly like Carol."

I felt her longing as she stared at my mother's picture. "I miss her."

"Yeah," I whispered.

"I wish she were still here."

I shook my head immediately. "No, you don't."

Bella glanced at me curiously. "Why?"

"Bella, you don't understand. She wasn't herself. She was in so much pain." I felt my voice distort around the word.

"Jazz-"

"The cancer took her over completely. Every time she took a breath it was agony. I'm glad she's not here anymore."

Bella didn't say anything as she crossed the room and gathered me in her arms. I shook with the restraint of holding my tears.

"Am I a bad person? I'm glad she's not here! I know you and Renee want her back but I don't. Not like that. Am I horrible?"

"No, Jasper." Bella squeezed me tighter and started humming, knowing music calmed me. When I regained composure, we finally parted.

"Thanks, Bella," I said hoarsely. She reached and gave me a peck on the cheek before returning to her things.

The next day at the airport was filled with plenty of tears and hugs from Renee. Phil stood by her side with an arm around her waist. He gave Bella a warm embrace and clapped me on the back in a one arm hug. I knew we were leaving Renee in good hands.

Bella and I boarded the plane. Soon we were in the air and Bella pulled out her old, battered copy of Wuthering Heights. I yawned exaggeratedly as I stared at her book.

She didn't even glance at me. "Don't hate on the classics, Jazz."

I closed my eyes and tried to relax. Unsurprisingly, I couldn't relax and stared clenching my fists. Being around a lot of people had never been an easy task for me. Being around a lot of people in a small space was a different kind of hell. Everyone's emotions felt more concentrated. Anxiety, fear, nausea, excitement, boredom. The emotions never stopped.

Bella handed me one of her earbuds and scrolled to her lists of classical music that put together especially for me. I calmed immediately. "Thank you, Bella."

She nodded as she turned a page. "Why do you like instrumental classical music so much?"

I opened one eye and looked down into her clear, brown eyes. "It's interesting to me. I get to interpret their emotions instead of having them thrown at me."

We were quiet for a few moments. Bella rested her head on my shoulder. "What's it like to be you?"

She always asked me this question and I always answered the same way.

"It's not easy."

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed the chapter.

As always, I'd love to know what you think.