Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me. They most likely belong to BioWare and its affiliates. I do this for free, fun entertainment and do not mean to offend anyone.
Spoilers: Mass Effect 1 and specifically the mission entitled Major Kyle.
A/N: So Rae intrigued me with all of her Mass Effect stories and I just couldn't resist picking up the first two games myself. I haven't finished the first game yet, but this story popped into my head and I wanted to write it, so I apologize if I don't have the characterizations down yet. And finally, I would like to thank Rae for betaing this story for me - I always appreciate the time you take to help me out.
Honor
Finally, after hours of distracted worrying, Liara was able to focus on her terminal instead of the mission that Wrex, Kaidan, and Shepard were on. The real translation of that statement was that the asari was worried that Commander Shepard wouldn't return, and that thought squeezed painfully at the usually stoic Dr. T'Soni's heart. With the number of missions that Shepard and her crew had been on in the short period of time since Liara had joined them – after Shepard had released her from the Prothean barrier field she'd trapped herself in on Therum and kept her from being taken by Saren's henchmen – it was statistically unlikely that Shepard would continue to come back completely unharmed.
The asari had been on several missions with the charismatic human and knew that Shepard could take care of herself, and always looked out for her crew, but such knowledge did little to comfort Liara when Shepard was gone. Earlier, when the Commander had called them all together to explain their next assignment – the practice of full disclosure a refreshing occurrence and something that Liara had never seen in someone with as much power as Shepard and that only made her respect their leader more – it was explained as a peacekeeping mission. But even with Shepard's undeniable charms, cultists were notoriously unpredictable and these ones had already proven that they weren't averse to killing Alliance emissaries if they felt threatened.
With her natural biotic abilities, Liara had thought that Shepard would choose her as part of the ground team to match up against the cult of human biotics, but she'd chosen Kaidan and Wrex to accompany her, the other two crewmembers who had some biotic abilities. Liara had been surprised by the decision, but did not challenge Shepard's choice – certainly not in front of the rest of the crew, and probably not even if they were alone. Ultimately, Liara trusted Shepard with her life, and a few things that were a great deal more important.
She had accepted Shepard's decision and returned to her laboratory – back to her work –to study the long extinct race that she found so fascinating. It wasn't easy to ignore the niggling fears in the back of her mind, but there was nothing she could do for them from the Normandy. But perhaps her research on the Protheans could eventually be of help, since it was their amazing technology that Saren seemed to be after.
Liara was engrossed in her research, the data she'd collected at her latest dig site on Therum before the place had come falling down around her, when she heard a loud crash. Startled, and worried that perhaps the Normandy was under attack, Liara ran through the infirmary and out into the main room, planning on making her way up to the main deck where she could figure out what was going on. She was stopped short as she realized that much of the crew was right in front of her, which was odd in itself.
The first thing that surprised her was that even Tali had come up from her precious engine room – an act that was unprecedented unless Shepard asked for the quarian's assistance with an off-ship mission. Liara knew that Shepard had a soft spot for the young quarian – almost thought of her as a younger sister – and that caused Liara to like Tali even more. The asari had respected Tali's natural talents since they'd first become apparent, but now she genuinely enjoyed the suited woman's company.
Liara would have asked Tali what was going on, but she saw Wrex standing just beyond the quarian. If the large krogan was back, then Shepard was back. Liara felt a stifling weight lift off her chest, but she also experienced a slight pang of unease because Wrex was on an upper deck when he usually stayed down in the hold. He had no reason for coming to the upper levels and rarely did so; just waited for the next mission, the next fight.
Another crash and a low grunt of pain sent another shot of fear through the scientist. She quickly walked around Wrex and was finally able to see why the entire crew – Garrus and Ashley had also found their way up from the hold – was standing around outside of her laboratory. Liara rounded the massive krogan battlemaster's body just in time to see Shepard pick herself up off the deck and swipe at a trickle of blood that slid from a cut at the corner of her eye.
Looking around for any hostile forces, Liara only saw four crew members standing around, not particularly concerned with the fact that their leader was bleeding, and Kaidan standing off to one side, looking angry and as though he was in pain. It was only when Kaidan produced a shot of biotic energy throwing Shepard into the metal hull, that Liara finally understood what was going on.
Liara's first instinct was to put up a barrier to protect the commander, but by the time she processed what was going on and that the threat lie with Kaidan, Shepard was already crumpled on the floor again. The asari started to rush forward, intent on making her way to Shepard's side – her first instinct to protect the human if she could. She was not comfortable with just standing by and doing nothing while the commander was hurt and in pain. But as she pushed through the gathered crewmembers, Garrus caught her before she could enter the unofficial ring the two combatants had mapped out.
"Let go, Garrus. I cannot stand by and watch Shepard get killed," the asari said, surprised but pleased that her tone held little of the pleading note she felt as the emotion washed through her. Shepard didn't even have her armor on to offer any additional protection from the impact, just her form-fitting Alliance issue suit that Liara thought looked so good on her whenever the commander came to talk to her on the ship.
"Just watch. Shepard knows what she's doing," Garrus said, releasing Liara but making it clear that she should listen to his suggestion.
Shepard was the glue that held them all together. Her magnetism got to all of them in one way or another, whether each member would admit to it or not. Liara knew that everyone on the crew respected the commander's fighting prowess and her amazing ability to keep them all alive through seemingly impossible odds, but it was the honor that Shepard had while doing it all that touched them the deepest – and had the most important, if unseen, effects. And it was only knowing how much Garrus respected and liked Shepard that made Liara do as the turian asked.
Liara focused on Shepard and ignored her instant desire to rush over to the bleeding commander. Besides the few cuts on her face, Shepard looked as solid as ever and Liara couldn't detect that the human was favoring any particular body part, so she seemed to be functioning properly. But a quick look at Kaidan was all it took to register how much his power was waning and that the pain from the exertion was definitely getting to him. It was then that Liara thought she understood what Shepard was doing.
"She's wearing him out on purpose," she said softly and saw Garrus nod his head in agreement. Liara shook her own head at Shepard's approach. Shepard's locker was only a couple of feet from the commander and it would have been easy enough for her to grab one of her guns, or even order some of the other crew members to restrain Kaidan for his insubordination. But that was not the approach that Shepard took, and Liara was sure it had to be because she didn't really wish to hurt Kaidan, so the commander continued to take whatever punishment the biotic dished out until she saw her opening.
It wasn't long before Kaidan's attacks were so weak that Shepard easily avoided them or was able to recover nearly as soon as it was over. As the crew looked on with interest, Shepard rushed Kaidan and took him down, his head hitting the deck with a loud crack. Shepard straddled his chest, keeping him pinned to the ground with her weight, bunched his shirtfront in her left hand, and cocked the right back in preparation to deliver a knockout punch.
She must have recognized that the fight had completely left Kaidan, because Shepard never threw that punch. Instead, she let him go, his head lolling back onto the floor in a semi-conscious state, and pushed herself to her feet. Shepard looked around at her gathered crew and gruffly told Ashley and Garrus to bring Kaidan to Dr. Chakwas before shouldering her way past the spectators, probably on her way to her room, and hopefully going to take care of her own first aid needs.
Liara wanted to go after Shepard, but needed a little time to formulate what to say; she was always misspeaking or giving the wrong signals whenever she spoke with the commander. It was partly because she wasn't particularly well socialized, spending most of her time at remote dig sites studying inanimate artifacts, and partly because Shepard made her feel things that no other being had ever come close to making her feel.
The crew had disbanded by the time Liara was mentally prepared to go find Shepard. Wrex had only stuck around long enough to watch the fight, even though he'd rather have been participating in the fight instead of just being a sideline spectator. Tali had gone back down to her engine room, her safe haven where she could study the Normandy's zero core to her heart's content. After Garrus had helped transport a disoriented Kaidan to the infirmary, he'd headed back down to the hold as well.
It was just Liara's luck that she ran into Ashley as the soldier was making her way out of the medical bay after sticking around for Dr. Chakwas' preliminary report on Kaidan's condition. Ashley had made no secret of the fact that she greatly distrusted Liara and wasn't exactly the poster child for embracing other species. The only thing that made Ashley's xenophobia even slightly tolerable was that Liara knew it was bred out of protectiveness towards her own species and not just an irrational hatred of aliens – something that Liara suspected Ashley's military upbringing only made all the more prevalent.
Liara nodded a greeting towards the soldier, but thought it was a good idea not to speak – Ashley only seemed to take more of an offense to her presence every time the asari had any kind of verbal input. And, of course, the human would also take offense if Liara completely ignored her. Such complicated creatures these humans were, with their desire to be important without being challenged for that privilege.
"You should just leave the commander alone," Ashley said coldly as Liara passed by, guessing where the asari was heading since it wasn't in the direction of her own quarters. "She shouldn't be fighting with her crew over things that have nothing to do with the mission at hand. The commander has too many other important things to worry about."
Liara slowed down and looked quizzically at the angry but concerned soldier. "I do not understand. How does it impact Shepard's standing with the crew if I go see to her well being?"
"They were fighting about you, T'Soni. The commander doesn't have the time to track down Saren and stop whatever he has planned while she's getting involved with a crewmember." Such words would never have been spoken if Ashley were having this conversation with Shepard – she was too devoted to the respect for rank that the military had drummed into her, and she really did respect the commander. So the only way Ashley could potentially stop the distraction that Liara was already showing signs of becoming, was to make the asari see the difficulties such a relationship would cause for Shepard.
Liara did not fully comprehend, but she knew that Shepard fighting with a crewmember was less than ideal, and it was even worse if it was because of another member of the crew – namely, her. But even though she read the message that Ashley was blatantly sending her, Liara could not bring herself to ignore the injuries that Shepard had obviously sustained during the fight. So Liara walked away to find Shepard, hoping to be able to gauge the extent of her injuries as well as get her to answer some questions; Shepard was the one person aboard the Normandy that she didn't feel too uncomfortable around. Hopefully, the human would be able to satisfy her curiosity.
Shepard was already mentally berating herself before she'd even left Kaidan in the hands of Ashley and Garrus. There was no excuse for her behavior, it didn't matter that she had finally been fed up with Kaidan's snide comments, especially when they were directed towards Liara. She was the leader of this amazing intergalactic crew, and she should always act like she deserved that responsibility.
Everything had been fine during the mission. Kaidan had been the ideal soldier while they were on Presrop, following Shepard's orders quickly, efficiently, and without question. Things had gone smoothly – the cult members were a little jumpy, but none of them had acted violently, and although Major Kyle had been resistant at first, she'd eventually talked him into surrendering peacefully.
It was only as they were waiting to be picked back up by Joker and the Normandy that Kaidan started making unnecessary and inappropriate comments. At first it was just grumbling that Shepard wasn't even paying attention to, assuming that Kaidan was just talking to himself. But then she distinctly heard him say Liara's name. Like everything else involving the intriguing asari, Shepard couldn't help but pay closer attention.
Kaidan had been obvious – and a bit pushy – in his interest in her, but Shepard thought she'd made it clear that she wasn't interested. And when Kaidan had expressed an interest in Liara after the asari had joined the crew, Shepard couldn't help but warn him off after Liara had reciprocated her own interest. Shepard was not the type of woman to take for granted another woman's affections, so she'd waited until Liara had explicitly told her that she returned her feelings before staking a claim to their newest crewmember. After she knew that her interest was reciprocated, Shepard was more than comfortable defending her connection with Liara.
When Shepard had told Kaidan that she'd seen Liara first, only joking fractionally as she warned her crew member away, he had seemed to take it in stride. They'd had a couple of amiable conversations since then and he'd always been civil towards her, but apparently she hadn't noticed his underlying hostility.
Not wanting to ream Kaidan out in front of Wrex – it wasn't her style to embarrass or make an example of anyone in public – she'd only made a soft but commanding request that he shut up. The fact that it was an order was not lost on Kaidan and he'd curbed his grumbling for a while, although Shepard could see him seethe even from behind his visor. She had hoped that he would hold it together long enough that they'd part ways and he'd get over it on his own; she'd hoped that it was just a passing irritation and blemish on his otherwise excellent service through the start of their chase after Saren.
Unfortunately, when they'd gotten back on the Normandy, Shepard had been unable to make a quick escape while Kaidan was stowing his gear since Ashley had asked for a moment of her time. As she finally called the elevator that would take her up to the middle deck, where her locker was located, so she could unload her gear, Kaidan walked up just as the elevator door opened. She doubted that it was a coincidence and anxiously waited for whatever Kaidan would say, wondering if he'd admit that he was out of line with his earlier comments.
To her surprise, the ride up had been silent, and while she would have liked an acknowledgement of his inappropriate behavior earlier, no further comments was second on her list of best possible outcomes. She should have known that the storm had not passed, and had only calmed for a few minutes while it gathered more fury. Shepard was experienced enough to know not to just hope for the best outcome, but to employ action to make it happen.
The commander began putting her armor away, thinking that when they were finally done dealing with Saren, she wanted to take a short leave without the need for her protective suit. She heard Kaidan approach behind her and her instincts, honed from years of service and many a life or death situation, tracked his every move even though she looked relaxed and remained facing away from him.
"You have something to say, Lieutenant?" Shepard asked nonchalantly, not giving any indication that she was on high alert and sensed the dangerous electricity that fairly crackled through the air. She closed her locker and walked the few yards to the medical bay doors, wanting to check in with Liara now that she was back on board the ship.
"You should be focusing on the mission, commander," Kaidan said with just a hint of disrespect for her leadership abilities in his voice. "Instead, you're rushing off to rendezvous with your alien girlfriend. I know her kind are easy, but you shouldn't be distracted by a quick fuck right now."
Shepard spun around on him so fast that he took a step back in surprise. She saw the look of fear pass over his face and knew that he had finally realized just how angry she really was. But in the moment when she got in his face and physically pushed him backwards, intent on telling him to watch his mouth, Shepard saw that fear become eclipsed by fury. In the next instant, she was thrown across the room by Kaidan's biotic powers and didn't stop until she crashed forcefully into the wall.
Looking back on it, Shepard knew that it was Kaidan's disrespect towards Liara that had finally pushed her towards that physical confrontation. If he'd only questioned her leadership skills without dragging Liara into it, then things never would have escalated as they did, but she couldn't change what was already in the past. And now she was paying for that huge lapse in judgment; the physical pain was nothing compared to the way that she'd compromised her own morals and leadership credo.
Shepard heard a knock on her door, but ignored it, knowing that whoever it was would contact her on the communications system if it was really important. She wasn't ready to stand before her crew and apologize yet, needing to come to terms with her own self-disappointment first. It wasn't that she was displeased with her decision to defend Liara's honor, just how she had chosen to do so; it should never have developed into a physical confrontation.
As she moved, Shepard winced at the twinge in her knee. She'd hit it against one of the sleeping pods when Kaidan had thrown her for the third time. There was a new pain in her opposite hip, and she was just lifting her shirt while pushing down the waistband of her pants to take a look at the newly forming bruise when her door whooshed open and Liara stepped inside.
At first, she was just surprised that anyone had entered her quarters without her permission, but then Shepard was struck by the fire that flared to life in Liara's beautiful eyes and froze in her exposed, unguarded pose. She couldn't control the immediate response of her body when Liara looked at her that way, and she had to consciously remind herself that the asari wasn't ready, even if the look in those eyes gave a different impression.
"I am sorry, Shepard," Liara finally stuttered out, trying to pull her eyes away from the expanse of firm flesh that was revealed by the hiked up shirt. She hadn't ever been in a position to see the commander unclothed. In fact, more often than not saw her in full combat armor rather than the skintight suit she was currently wearing. "I knocked, but you did not answer. I was worried," Liara finished softly, not for a second regretting her impulsive decision to enter Shepard's quarters uninvited.
Just as Liara was finally ready to tear her gaze away, she spotted the darkening bruise on Shepard's hip and couldn't stop herself from moving forward. She gently brushed her fingers over the discolored flesh, wishing that it had never happened, or that at the very least she could take the pain away. Liara had to focus on not losing herself to the warmth and softness of Shepard's skin, which she was only able to do when she heard the commander's quickly indrawn breath. She winced in sympathy at the pain the human must be feeling.
Was it wrong that the first thought to go through Shepard's mind was that she would get her ass kicked every damn day if this was the result? Was it pathetic that she would do damn near anything to feel Liara's hands on her, even if it was only meant to be a comforting touch? And she already knew how inappropriate it was to feel this turned on when Liara wasn't offering her that kind of comfort. It was a little embarrassing that she couldn't control her body's response whenever she was around the asari scientist.
Shepard had to close her eyes and clench her teeth against the pleasure that fired through her nervous system as Liara's fingers gently stroked across the deep bruise. The hand holding her shirt up was bunched tightly in the fabric so she wouldn't follow through on her desire to crush Liara to her, which she didn't doubt would scare the asari away. It was too much to ask her body not to tremble as the sensations washed over her, but she did manage to lock her knees in place to keep from falling to the floor.
Still not entirely able to trust herself, but knowing the consequences of continuing to let Liara touch her were potentially even more dangerous, Shepard finally forced herself to lightly grasp the doctor's wrist and pull the hand away. She opened her eyes and looked into Liara's questioning gaze. "There's only so much temptation I can take," the commander finally said, hoping that Liara wouldn't need more of an explanation since just those few words were hard enough for her brain to think up at the moment.
Liara's gaze was questioning as she let Shepard hold onto her wrist, but she soon enough read the full extent of Shepard's meaning in the commander's completely open gaze. She quickly yanked her hand away and took a step back, her logical mind at war with her emotionally charged body. It was a new and foreign experience to feel desire for Shepard – for anyone – and she would not deny those feelings if asked, but that still did not mean she was ready for a physical relationship, or the incredible emotional depth that the meld would entail.
"I am sorry, Shepard," Liara found herself saying yet again. Before Shepard, Liara had never wanted to spend more time in society learning the social graces that would have helped her navigate these situations. "I always seem to be saying or doing the wrong thing around you, Shepard. Please, forgive me."
It endeared Liara to her heart even more when Shepard saw the asari struggle with what to do, what to say. She lifted her hand to a blue cheek, causing Liara to stop casting her gaze about the room and instead focus on the commander. Shepard smiled reassuringly before saying, "There's nothing to apologize for, Liara. I have more willpower than an adolescent boy, but I do have my limits." And around Liara, she found that she fast approached those limits, but it was nice to know that someone could make her brain forget about everything else, including the fact that the fate of the universe might very well rest in the hands of her choices and actions.
Shepard let her hand drop away before it could get too familiar with Liara's flesh. "Was there something that you needed?" she asked, her voice a mix between her usually confident 'Commander tone' and a softer tone that would only ever be heard by her lover. It was difficult for her to be just the Commander when they were on the ship, where she was safe to act as she truly desired.
Liara searched her mind for the reason that she'd sought Shepard out in the first place, but it eluded her. She remembered watching the fight and had felt compelled to make sure that Shepard was alright, but there was something more that just wouldn't break through the haziness that had settled over her mind. "I honestly cannot remember," Liara said with a shake of her head, as though that might dissipate the fog. Her unprecedented behavior around Shepard both intrigued and vexed her, but she doubted that it would change anytime soon, so she would just have to get used to it.
The commander smiled softly at Liara's seeming confusion and righted her clothes so that they looked as put together as they would get. "Then, if you'll excuse me, I need to check on Kaidan." Shepard saw Liara out of her quarters, not because she didn't trust the asari there without her being present, but because she knew that Liara wouldn't be comfortable invading her space that way.
Liara watched as Shepard tilted her head in acknowledgement before striding confidently away. The commander moved with such fluid grace, and while it was beautiful, Liara was much more deeply drawn to Shepard's unwavering sense of honor. Liara could not conceive of another being who had Shepard's perfect mix of intelligence, bravery, and fire; a combination that would never again be recreated in such perfect balance. It was amazing that she had held herself back for this long, and Liara had the feeling that she wouldn't be putting Shepard off for very much longer.
I hope you all enjoyed and would very much appreciate any feedback you'd like to leave me.