It was a trip just for the boys. Derek and his dad would go to the circus, eat too much popcorn, and go home promising themselves that this'll be the year when they learnt to juggle. After his dad died Derek didn't want to go, he couldn't go without his dad.
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By the time he was nineteen Derek was tired. He had just been told his knee meant there no way he could play again. He could no longer meet the conditions of his scholarship. Derek had no way of paying for college. He life was effectively over. There was so much he wanted to do but he'd never be able. This was just another life lesson teaching him not to bother as you'd only lose or be betrayed. He was ready to give up, no college, no football, no future. He'd worked so hard and now he had three months before the start of the next semester to raise $20,000 dollars.
Yearning for a sense of comfort and wanting to re-catch something Derek found himself at the circus. It had been years and yet it was all the same. The laughing children, the clowns, the smells. The show ended and Derek wasn't ready to go back to harsh reality just yet.
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"Why are you hiding in my toilet?" And holy shit, startled awake and a little confused Derek stumbled back and smacked his head against a shower cubicle. Wincing in sympathy a short brown haired boy hauled Derek off the floor and led him to his bed. He didn't question Derek again which gave him time to study the other teenager. Maybe a couple years younger than himself and unsurprised to find someone in his restroom. He was confident and skilled at first aid.
A man came into the trailer "hello son, what have you here?"
"He came looking for a job and got lost." Derek watched the pair and the man turned to him and offered his hand, they shook. "I'm Mr Collins, follow me. Spencer we need to talk later."
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Mr Collins had his own trailer, it was parked in the middle of a maze of other trailers, some were newer, others bigger, but they were all clean and well kept. The boy's trailer was on the outside of the maze, hence why Derek had hidden in that one. In the dark he hadn't realised it was a home he had thought it for storage. As Derek was led through he was a little disappointed to find that everyone looked normal. He winched internally but that really was the best way to put it. They weren't dressed up and nobody was juggling or backflipping.
Mr Collins showed him into his home. They sat down with some tea and talked. "You have to excuse Spencer, he thinks every kid wants to join the circus. We'll call your parents, let them know you're safe and you can head home."
"No, Spencer's right I want to work. Please?"
Mr Collins stared at him, "alright my boy, you can move your stuff into Spencer trailer, he's the only one who's got the room. Put your stuff in there, then Jeff'll find you something to do. I'm the ringmaster and so I'm in charge. You fuck up in anyway and you're out. This isn't an easy life and you won't have a gal in every town. Do what you're told and we'll get along just fine."
Marvelling at his change of circumstance Derek raced to his room in the frat house, packed a bag and found himself meeting Jeff, the strongman, an hour later.
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Had Fran met Spencer she would no doubt find him adorable. Spencer worked as a magician during show hours while Derek worked on the duck booth. Nick names based on these soon followed. Before his act Spencer would spend his time trying to hook a duck, each time managing to get the duck with a golden bottom, earning himself the main prize. And each time Spencer would flirt claiming a kiss from Derek, at first they were chaste but they got dirtier and dirtier until Mr Collins found out and told them off, time was money.
During the rest of the day Derek would work as a handy man. He learnt how to change a fuse, how to fix a car, and how to built a set.
He enjoyed all the travelling they did, sitting behind of the wheel of a car singing along to 60's pop songs, it being the only tape the car had. Spencer taught him a couple small magic tricks, and Mr Bobo the clown taught him how to breathe fire. Jeff allowed Derek to join in with his morning fitness regime and Mr Collins seemed to adopt him.
The real world just faded away, he'd send postcards to family and call them each week but other than that there was nothing outside the circus for him.
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Derek was lying out in the sun with Spencer, they had spent the afternoon lazily making out, there'd be no show tonight and everything was all set up, it was a small vacation for them all. Nobody had missed the two teenagers who had been able to relax and enjoy each other. "Hey Ducky?"
"Yeah, Magic fingers?"
"Did you know that if you joined a police department then they'd pay for you to finish your degree, and any extra training you might want." Derek froze, was this Spencer's way of trying to get rid of him? Spencer, ever the mind reader cuddled up to Derek, "I don't want to you to go but I don't want you to be unhappy. You've enjoyed the past month but really you want more than this. I know life has been shit for you but please don't give up." Derek stood up, he was angry and pushed Spencer off him. Feeling rage build up Derek stormed off before he took it out on him. He understood that he was trying to help but while Spencer's life had been all magic and ease in the circus Derek's had been anything but.
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It took two days before Derek was able to speak to Spencer again, by which time Spencer himself was pissed. They had a loud shouting match where Derek told Spencer to butt out and that he didn't understand and Spencer pleaded for Derek not to give up.
It took Jeff to separate them, Mr Collins walked off with Derek and Spencer ran off on his own. Mr Collins knew how to deal with people, he knew that Derek needed someone unbiased to vent to and that he'd do so in his own time. So he took him off to his trailer and it was only ten minutes of silent tea drinking before Derek was off.
Once Derek had finished explaining Mr Collins thought, he wanted to give the young man the right advice and that meant taking a moment to think. "When Spencer first got here he took over accounting from Gabe, Gabe was heart-broken he was a pile of horseshit at numbers but he loved the circus. He had been our lion-tamer, this had been years ago before having animals went out of fashion. He didn't know what to do when the lions went and now he was an old man and once again he was ousted. He didn't know what to do with himself, everything he had ever thought he wanted was gone. It was hard at first but the time allowed Gabe to think, he's got a parakeet and boat now, never been happier. What I'm telling you Derek is yeah life is a fucking pile of fuckity fuck, and it will take every chance to fuck you over like a fuck. But you've got to pick yourself back up or lie down and be fucked. You're young Derek and what's gone before may not be the worse that's ever going to happen to you. Life will always having the shitty fucked bits. But if you have people who care enough to try to help you then you hold on to them as most couldn't give a fuck." Derek sat there letting it all sink in, somewhere there had been advice in that speech.
Throughout his life Derek had seen people who had given up, and while he wasn't a bad person sometimes Derek found he didn't care. It's not possible for a person to care all the time, sometimes it's just not worth caring. Maybe a synclinal view for someone as young as he but he held it none the less. Derek didn't want to give up, he wanted to live, he wanted to make his Mama proud and protect his sisters. Shit had spent far too much time controlling his life, now he was going to do what he wanted.
He never paused to say goodbye to the circus, they were used to it and the emotional turmoil of saying farewells would have been too much. So he quietly packed his bag and hopped in Mr Collins' truck, who drove him to the train station. They didn't talk much just a brief mention of Chicago and joining the police there.
It was once they were parked up front of the train station that something clicked for Derek, "you said 'when Spencer first came' he's not your son?" The ringmaster laughed, "I wish, he just turned up a day out from Las Vegas, he was too skinny and beaten black and blue, we might not be no child services but that kid needed help, and to escape. You know we're doing an Ivy League tour for that kid, so he can decided where he wants to be doing a doctorate come September." Derek just sat there mind boggled, "that boys needs some love, and we try our best but it's been good for him to have you, I hope there weren't too many tears when you left." The teenager sat there in silence, sure that Spencer would understand.
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Police training was hard, and that month spent with the circus settled into some sort of dream. He lost Spencer's face and the regrets of leaving him faded. Spencer became a summer fling, and his first love. Derek enjoyed college life when he got back to it and further enjoyed bomb squad, and the FBI academy. When he was introduced to a Dr. Spencer Reid, Derek had lived such a full and good life that he never connected the shy young doctor to the bright boy from a bitter time of his life.
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The team, sans JJ were out celebrating JJ's birthday. The guest of honour had left early to be with Will and Henry although she had made them promise to come into work tomorrow with terrible hangovers.
True to their word they were all well on their way to drunk, or 'gazeboed' as Prentiss kept calling it- sadly she was the only one who enjoyed British stand up comedians and so was the only one who found her hilarious.
Morgan had been pestered by a young lady who although legal looked very young. Joking about cradle robbing eventually led to discussions about losing their virginity. Prentiss had been young and in love, Garcia had been young and horny, while Hotch had a sweet story about him and Haley. Rossi stole the night with his story about the back of his dad's beloved car and being caught, he had been made to clean the car, then his grandmother marched him along to confession. When he got back his grandfather had thrown him a congratulation party and told him how at seventeen he was a late bloomer and the family had begun to worry.
Morgan returned before Spencer could start his story, the return of the older man dampened Reid's mood and the team could visibly see him change what he was about to say. "Well I know who I wanted to lose my virginity too, never happened. Although now I think about it maybe that was for the best. We were too young, if I find him now, we'll both be better skilled and so the sex will be a lot better than it would have been. What do ya say Derek?" Reid looked across to him while Hotch spit out his drink, Morgan rolled his eyes, Reid just didn't get social situations. While everybody would think Reid meant it as a proposition, Morgan himself knew that Reid was asking for help finding a himself a lady.
Taking up the challenge Derek went off on the prowl only to notice an half hour later that Reid was gone.
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"He's been staring at the same page for over an hour, I'm going to go over and talk to him." Prentiss got up and moved all of three seats and sat down next to Reid. The benefit of having a heart to heart with someone on the jet is that everybody else can hear it too, they'd subconsciously all stopped whispering, there was no point.
"Hey Reid, what you reading?" Prentiss' tone was one of mild curiosity and friendly. He passed over the book to her and she grinned flicking through it "a book of famous circus magicians" she stopped suddenly and looked at Reid, he grabbed the book off her and whispered, "well discuss this later, come to mine tonight."
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Neither Prentiss nor Reid brought up the incident again but a month later she assembled the whole team into Garcia's office. "Tonight, I have tickets to a show and you're all coming." She passed the tickets around, giving three to both JJ and Hotch. Derek smiled down at the ticket, it was for a travelling circus, he hadn't been to one since that summer.
At seven o'clock that evening everybody but Prentiss and Reid were in their seats, Derek was sharing how he had once worked for a circus, Garcia was thrilled and the two were flirting by the time Prentiss sat down. She glared at Derek, "Spencer was just here but he had to leave." the others concerned wanted to know more but she brushed them off.
The lights dimmed and in walked the ringmaster. He did his bit and then the clowns came tumbling on. The rest of the evening was spent in awe of the acrobats, and in tears of laughter due to clowns. Henry and Jack were both demanding their dads teach them how to juggle. As they were leaving a popcorn seller came up to Derek and asked him to come. Waving to the team Derek followed the other man to the changing area where Mr Collins, no longer a ringmaster, greeted Derek. "You young man are a shitty piece of fuckscum. But I'm still going to hug you." Confused but happy to see the older man Derek hugged him. "So I hear you're in the FBI, reached for your dreams and caught them eh? Good for you lad. But I always swore if I ever saw you again I punch you so hard that fuck would come flying out of your ears." Not wanting to make a scene Mr Collins led Derek out to his trailer, and intrigued as to why he had seemed to anger him Derek followed.
They once again sat down with some tea, "when you left you broke him. To him you were just another person validating why he wasn't worth love. It's taken him years to build his confidence back up, and he was so happy when he found out you were working together again. But I can not let you break his heart any more. Derek either fuck him or fuck off."
"Wait, what?"
"Spencer."
"Spencer? My Spencer or your Spencer?"
"Our Spencer. Our Spencer who fell in love with you. Our Spencer who gave you your life back. Our Spencer who you left. Our Spencer who pines after you day after day sure that you've forgotten him and not daring to say something in case he loses you again." Derek stared, his brain finally connecting the dots. "Shit, Spencer's Reid."
"Fix this my boy, I never thought it before but you don't deserve him." Derek nodded numbly and left for his car.
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On the drive back home all Derek could think about was Spencer and Reid, and as they joined together in his head Derek was astounded he had never realised before. The more he thought on Spencer Reid the more he thought he loved him. The feelings of that summer and lazily kissing and the feelings of friendship and the quiet undertone of love that ran through their relationship mixing together. It all formed into a blazing ball of desire and need to see Spencer right now.
Driving at full speed and pausing only to get a ticket Derek pulled up to Prentiss' apartment. She didn't look impressed when she opened the door and he blurted out "I'm in love with Reid."
"Yeah well tough shit. He's already in a perfectly happy relationship with Sergio and is over pining for you. Too little too late, and why are you telling me?"
"I, because, what?" Derek was stunned, he had come to Prentiss because he knew she and Reid were friends. And it seemed likely she knew about the circus thing. Hoping that she would help him Derek had come to her, but it appeared she was against him. Maybe that was unfair, she wasn't against Morgan she was for Reid's happiness.
Leaning against the door frame Derek explained, how he was stupid and young and lost and scared and he'd never really thought but oh god now that he did he couldn't imagine that life would be so cruel as to keep them apart. Once he was done Derek was emotionally drained, Prentiss smirked at him let him in. There sitting on her couch was a cat and Spencer who smiled up at Derek and motioned for him to sit down.
Prentiss left them to it with a fond farewell and a stern "do not have sex on my couch."
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That night they talked, about their jobs, and their hopes and fears. Spencer introduced Derek to Sergio and discussed kidnapping him so that Clooney could have a friend.
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Spencer had a ticket to the Russian ballet and as he didn't want to go without Derek he gave the ticket to Emily. Happy with their genius plan the two men broke into her apartment. "Why are you so desperate to have sex on Em's couch?"
"Because she told us not to, we weren't ready then but now we are, so hurry up and get naked." Spencer did as he was told. As the couch was a two seater the couple weren't able to lie down so Derek took great pleasure sitting on Spencer's lap rubbing their hardening cocks together. Derek was enjoying the sensations so much that when Spencer inserted his first lubed finger his hips bucked. He had to stop, it was too soon to come, leaning back on the other man's finger, pushing it in deeper Derek rolled a condom on to each of them. Satisfied by both safety and Magic Fingers Derek slowly began to move his hips more. When he was stretched enough and starting to beg for more Spencer took hold of Derek's hips and guided him down, groaning at the sight of his cock disappearing into the other man.
Back arching Derek began to move, slowly building up pace, hitting his prostate and giving Spencer a show by pleasuring himself and begging for more. It was the feel of Spencer coming inside him that caused Derek to climax.
"You know if Spence takes up yoga he'll be able to do that and give you a blowjob at the same time." The two men looked towards the door and found Emily standing there, with an evil glint in her eye she asked, "now what did I say about sex and my couch?"