A/N: Companion piece to Shopping with Bobby . Ages: same as in the movie. Enjoyed it? Review it!
"Alright, I'll be Cinderella and you just wave that spatula around and act like a fairy…godmother." Bobby dumped the groceries on the counter with a grunt and sent a sly glance at Jack's profile. "You'll be good at that." Bobby ignored Jack's pointed look as he gamely donned a flowered apron and elbowed Jack in the ribs.
"You are a mess, Bobby," Jack chuckled under his breath, pulling out the milk and eggs and setting them on the counter.
"Yeah, tell me about it, kid. I'm only wearing this apron to make you feel better about your struggling masculinity. Last thing I need to finally ruin my reputation is to be caught in this kitchen with Mr. Godmother here, whipping up a cake." Bobby ripped open the cake box and pulled out the packages inside with confusion. "Shouldn't even be doing this," he mumbled to no one in particular.
"Bobby," Jack leaned against the counter with an eyebrow raised, "I'll do it. Okay? Go find Angel or something, I'll bake the cake."
Bobby let out a bark of laughter. "Yeah, you'll bake something alright, you little fairy." Jack abruptly made a grab for the cake box but after a short scuffle Bobby still had it and was tapping Jack on the chest with his spatula. "Hey, hey! I'm making this manly, see? This cake box is a challenge and I'm not going to have some fairy in here telling me how it's done, alright? I'm going to figure this out."
However, after five minutes of Bobby squinting at the box and Jack wandering around the kitchen, humming three of his favorite songs, there was still no progress. Worse, Evelyn came in, was shocked to see Bobby in her best flowered apron and Jack groaning in frustration as Bobby tried unsuccessfully to decipher the box's instructions, and promptly left, saying something about keeping the fire department on the phone in case the oven erupted in flames. Jack's frustration mounted. The directions on the back of the box were like a foreign language to Bobby, despite the illustrative pictures, and it was another ten minutes before Jack convinced Bobby to just trust him when he poured the milk with the contents of one package and beat the egg before adding it to the goop.
"Now what?" Bobby asked, taking off the apron and watching Jack slide the dish into the oven.
The look on Jack's face was priceless—Bobby had never seen that muscle twitch in Jack's jaw before.
"Now we wait."
"For what?"
"For the cake to bake, Bobby!"
Jack was bent over, rattling around in the cupboards for some sort of roaster, when Evelyn came in with a hesitant smile and asked, "How are things, boys?"
"Just fine, Ma." Bobby grinned. Jack just grunted.
"I was wondering what you wanted for dinner," she began hesitantly, her words drying up as Jack's eyes flashed dangerously, his jaw set uncompromisingly as he reappeared from the cupboard.
"We're having turkey," he stated briefly.
"Oh, Jackie, I appreciate that you and Bobby went to the store, but with you both baking the cake and all…" Her words trailed off. Jack crossed his arms. "Well, I'm just not sure that you'll be up for… It's Christmas, Jack, honey, and I don't want you overworking yourself when I have arms the same as you. And if we're going to have a turkey then I need to get in here to roast it."
"Already done, Ma." Bobby gestured to the roaster Jack had discovered under the counter. "Jackie Boy's going to cook that bird and I'm going to watch the cake."
"Burn the cake," Jack corrected under his breath.
"Bake the cake," Bobby returned, grinning stupidly (in Jack's mind) over their sparring.
Jack hated it when Bobby meddled in things that weren't his, and he prided himself on having enough sense in the kitchen to know how not to burn down the house when he wanted something more than cold cereal to eat. And then in came loud, commanding, Bobby I'm-the-oldest-brother Mercer, with his snide remarks and funny looks that made Jack feel so inadequate no matter what he did. There was no way around it—he would always be the baby of the family. And yet he wasn't allowed to throw a temper tantrum without Bobby slapping him upside the head. Well, he may not have the tantrum, but he still had the temper.
"Move, Bobby."
Bobby stopped grinning mischievously at Evelyn's retreating figure and turned to Jack with a confused look on his face. "Man, what's your prob—"
"You are my problem! Now move!" Jack shouldered Bobby out of the way and Bobby let him slide the bird in the oven, surprised to see Jack in such a touchy mood. Generally he was quiet, somber, moody about his music. This, this fire, was something that Bobby had rarely seen. It was something he thought had pertained only to him as the eldest brother, but apparently some of it had rubbed off on Jack, or Jack was just discovering his own volcanic tendencies.
"Hey, what's all the fuss about? We had a good time at the store, now what? You angry because I couldn't make that cake?" Bobby threw his hands up as Jack sighed and leaned on the counter away from Bobby. "Well, I'm sorry! I'm not perfect, Jack! I try real hard to be an example for you, but I can't make it one hundred percent all the time. I came back here for family, because Jerry said Christmas was a time for family, and look what I get. Fairy brother gets all huffy at me…" He ripped off the apron and threw it on the counter, stalking out and leaving Jack alone in the kitchen.
Jack shook his head and then looked up at the ceiling, blowing the air out of his mouth. He wanted a cigarette. He wanted Bobby back in here. He wanted to be able to suck back words or rewind life. He wanted to…
What was that smell?
It wasn't the cake. It was… There was no way that turkey could erupt in flames so fast. Jack grabbed an oven mitt and wrenched the oven door open, coughing as smoke came billowing out of it.
"Whoa, what's happening?"
Jack ignored Bobby's question and reached to grab the turkey. The kitchen was filled with smoke. If their fire alarm had actually worked properly it would probably have gone off by now. Bobby moved forward and jammed into the corner of the counter with a grunt. Pushing away from that, he held his arms out in front of him and kept moving forward.
"Jack, move, I'll get it."
"Bobby, stop," came Jack's voice through the haze. He was coughing but he had the roaster in one hand. "Hand me another oven mitt."
"Jack, get up, I'll do it."
"No! Just move out of the way!"
Bobby moved forward to pull Jack away from the flaming oven, stumbled over Jack's feet, and instantly knew something bad was going to happen. Jack's yell brought Evelyn to the kitchen.
"It's just a burn, Jack, move so I can get the turkey," Bobby said, his voice tinged with nervousness. He hadn't meant…
"Are you trying to kill me!"
Needless to say, Evelyn soon had Angel on the phone with the fire department and Jerry telling Angel what to say in coherent sentences.
"Just move, Jack!" Bobby grabbed the tipping roaster with his bare hand and let out a howl of his own.
He got to his feet and pulled Jack with him until everybody was out of the kitchen, shouting several colorful words in between Jack's suppressed groans. It was chaos. Evelyn was answering the door for the fire department and Angel was checking out both burns while Jerry ran upstairs for some ointment.
Jack hissed between clenched teeth, "And this is how Christmas dinner is made at the Mercers'."
It was an hour and a half later before the flames had been calmed, the fire department had left, and Evelyn had been convinced that they didn't need to go to the hospital, that Bobby finally realized his arm didn't hurt so much and Jack could talk in whole sentences without trying to strangle anybody with his uninjured hand.
"Your burn's bigger than mine."
"So that's something I can do better? My burn looks cooler?" Bobby raised his arm above his head. "Hey, guys, look! I've got a better burn than Jackie-Boy!"
Angel and Jeremiah raised their eyebrows and chuckled a little, glad their family had begun getting its gears in order. After the excitement had been subdued they had taken up their respective positions on the couch and were watching the TV with interest.
"Well, the point is to not get burned at all, so if we look at it that way, my burn is better," Jack commented idly, shooting Bobby a daring glance.
Instead of arguing with him, Bobby pulled him into an affectionate headlock and ruffled his hair. "Sure, Jackie. You can be better than me—just as long as I get to be best."
"Bobby, that doesn't make sense," came Jack's muffled voice as he tried unsuccessfully to pull out of the headlock.
"Sometimes life doesn't make sense, princess," Bobby called down at him. Jack's head, hair crazier than usual, appeared, complete with incredulous face. Bobby kept a hand on his shoulder and said quietly, "I love ya, man."
"Thanks, Bobby," Jack returned softly.
The two of them suddenly jumped when the fire alarm went off and they saw smoke billowing out of the oven.
"You said you were watching the cake!" Jack practically shrieked.
"I was bonding with you, manly bonding!" Bobby yelled back.
"You said making the cake was manly!" Jack sprinted to the kitchen, leaving Bobby in the hallway.
Bobby groaned, raising his fists to the ceiling. "A guy can't win around here!"
"Get in here and help me, you testosterone freak!"
Hours later, after the fire department left and the flames were extinguished for the second time, they sat on the front steps, Jack smoking and Bobby pretending he didn't care. After the third pull, Jack smashed the tip of his cigarette on the step, ignoring Bobby's surprised but pleased expression, and leaned back, propping himself up with his elbows. Not every moment could fit into the MasterCard motto, but he liked to try anyways. Second-hand smoking from the flaming oven. Some ointment for their burns. A ruined cake and a burned turkey in the end. But it was all worth it, when it came right down to it. Because anything with Bobby was…
Jack grinned. "Priceless…"