title : Kimono
fandom : Peace Maker Kurogane
challenge : Never Judge a Book By Its Cover at spankpalace
characters/pairing : unrequited Yamazaki Susumu/Okita Souji, mentioned Hijikata/Okita
medium : fic
Warnings: Angst, cross-dressing. Kimono is a non-fiction book by Liza Dalby, who worked as a geisha in the 1970s in Kyoto, the only Westerner to ever have done so.
O.O.O.O
"Yamazaki-san ? May I come in ?"
Okita-san took the habit of knocking after he inadvertently walked in on Susumu dressing up for a mission. Susumu remembers that time only too well. Especially the moment of frozen silence when Okita-san had realized that Susumu was wearing an untied woman's kimono and putting make-up on his face. In that suspended second, Susumu had wished that the earth would open and swallow him.
Now that he thinks back on it, he knows that he should have expected the first unit captain to take it all in stride. Okita-san had just closed the door behind him and come to kneel next to Susumu with a smile. Susumu had stared at him, unable to make a single move, barely breathing. And then, Okita-san had gently pried the small brush from Susumu's almost lifeless fingers, lifted Susumu's chin with his other hand, and finished applying the blood red lipstick to the young man's bottom lip, while chattering away about whatever he had been talking about when he had first opened the door.
To this day, Susumu cannot remember what Okita-san said on that occasion, but he remembers that the captain's hand left invisible, burning marks on his face, and that he thought he could feel them for several days afterward.
It is not the fact that Okita-san saw him dressed as a woman that bothered him. Most of the Shinsengumi saw him dressed as one at one point, although Okita-san is the only one who always recognizes him no matter what he wears. But the transformation was something that he kept private, a moment to center himself and focus on the mission. And Okita-san turned the whole process upside down in a second, just by being there.
Even now, Susumu cannot help but dread that soft knock on his door. His heart will stop for a second when it comes, and he will feel a fleeting disappointment if it doesn't, something that he is not quite ready to acknowledge. All that he knows is that if Okita-san knocks, he will let him in. And today is not different.
"It's open, Okita-san," he says.
He is already done with his make-up, and his breath catches in his throat when he realizes that it means the gentle fingers won't brush his face butterfly-like, smoothing the powder on his cheek or tracing the line of his eyebrow. Okita-san doesn't seem to notice as he holds his hand out to Susumu to help him up.
"I'll help you tie your obi, Yamazaki-san."
"I can do it myself," Susumu protests softly.
Okita-san bats his hand away before he can pick up the obi and makes him turn around so that he faces the mirror.
"It"ll go faster if I do it. You won't have to make sure that your kimono isn't all bunched up that way, right ?"
Okita-san's movements are fast and precise. He knows what he is doing. At first, Susumu wondered about it, and eventually gathered enough courage to ask. Okita-san then spent some time chatting about his sisters, and how they sometimes let him help when they were dressing.
"There you go."
The knot is perfect, as always. Not too elaborate, but admirably suited to the modest style of the kimono that Susumu selected today. Okita-san looks at his handiwork with a satisfied smile. Then, he winks, and says what he always says and makes Susumu shiver, with fear or disappointment, he is not sure.
"Don't worry, Yamazaki-san. I won't tell Hijikata-san."