The Curse of the Ducky Trunks
Maybe it was just her maternal instincts talking, but Eva couldn't help but think that her two five-year-olds were the cutest things this side of the Hell Gate. It was cramping her style; just yesterday, Vergil had emptied all of her spare holy water into the blender with a family of field mice and made himself a highly dangerous smoothie that somehow got smeared all over the walls of the house in a childish parody of her warding symbols. Eva had only managed to shout at him for thirty minutes before she relented in the face of his cuteness.
Now, though, she had discovered a way to punish him without feeling incredibly guilty. Vergil was probably going to hate her when he got to high school. Actually, it looked like he hated her right now, if the way he was looking at her clothing selection was any indication.
"This," Vergil pronounced, "isn't very dignified, Mother." He picked up the swimming trunks and looked very disapproving. Eva was charmed.
Dante looked at Vergil's trunks and then at his own. "Mom, I want some like Vergil's!" he whined.
Vergil gave Dante a freezing look. "That's because you're stupid," he said. "These aren't cool."
Dante shot him an incredulous stare. "But they're ducks, Vergil," he pointed out. "They can fly and stuff. You can't get cooler than that."
"When I grow up," Vergil said slowly, "I am going to remind you that you wanted ducky trunks and then your girlfriend will laugh at you." Both of them paused and tried to figure out how this was supposed to be embarrassing, since girls had cooties and last week, both of them had vowed to avoid those of the female persuasion no matter what.
"Fine," said Dante. "I don't want your stupid trunks. Have fun with your duckyshorts, Vergil!" He laughed and ran off to his room, waving his red trunks (covered in bullseyes) over his head. Vergil watched him go with a frown on his chubby little face. Then he glared at Eva reproachfully, as if to say, "You made him laugh at me! How could you!"
Eva smiled sweetly back and remarked, "You know, only a girl would make this much fuss over what to wear to a public swimming pool."
Vergil looked outraged. "I'm not a girl!" he declared and disappeared down the hallway, adorable duck-covered trunks in hand.
When she heard the boys squabbling down the hall, Eva stealthily tucked a camera into her duffel bag and zipped it up. After all, why make the effort if she couldn't have physical evidence afterward?
Several years later, Vergil found himself buying swimming trunks with ducks all over them without quite knowing the reason why. Not only did he not swim for pleasure, ducks just weren't a very dignified image to have printed all over his ass. He eventually dismissed it as something only a female would worry over, and the trunks went into his closet, never to be seen again—until he was suddenly seized with the urge to wear them the night he revived the Temen-ni-Gru.
"I can't believe you made me come with you," muttered Nero as he skulked behind Kyrie in the baby department of the store. Kyrie just giggled as she sifted through all the annoyingly cute baby outfits on the rack. In an effort to remain cool, Nero shoved his hands in his pockets and was about to stroll off when something…intriguing caught his eye. He stared at it for a good twenty seconds before he shook his head violently and avoided looking in its direction.
"I did not just have the urge to buy ducky shorts," he hissed at himself under his breath. "I refuse to lower myself to that level. No duckies. It's not manly. Everyone will laugh at me." He followed Kyrie out of the section and didn't look back.
His Devil Bringer twitched sadly.