Hey guys! I'm BAAACK! So this is my newest story, it's set after Alex relapse, just a quick little oneshot about her and Sean. There is some language closer to the end, you've been warned. ENJOY!

Sean sat on his couch at home flipping through the various TV channels. He looked around his mostly empty apartment and sighed. He really needed to get funiture in here, maybe a gaming system, and leather chairs. He was snapped out of his thoughts by his cell phone ringing. He fished it out of his pocket to see a name on the screen that he didn't think he'd ever see again. "Nikita?" he asked confused.

"Sean you have to get to Division." She said over the phone.

"Why?" He asked somewhat short tempered.

"Alex's gone." She said meekly.

"What do you mean she's gone?" Sean asked worried. He immideatly got his coat and shoes on.

"Look I didn't tell you but she headed down a really bad path, I'll explain it to you when you arrive." She said hanging up.

Sean closed his phone and instead of waiting for the elevator he ran down the 12 flights of stairs to the ground level. He got to his car and drove off.

Sean walked through the doors to Division and saw Birhoff, Ryan, Michael and Nikita standing around and talking. Birkhoff was the first to notice him and motioned for him to go over to them. "Hey Sean. Sorry you had to come back like this." Birkhoff said when he reached the group.

"Back like what? Nikita hasn't even told me what's going on. What happened? Is Alex okay?" He asked frantically.

Everyone looked at each other before Michael responded. "A couple of weeks ago after Alex got shot and after you left she started to act really strange. She was short tempered and angry a lot of the time. Just over a week ago she started being depressed as well. We then found out that there had been pain killers missing from medical. Alex is using again. We were going to help her but this morning she wasn't in her room and nobody here has seen her." Michael said, as he explained the past month to Sean.

Sean stood there completely shocked into silence. He slowly went through all the events in his head. He had told Alex he loved her and than gotten up and left. She had called him multiple times a day for weeks until the calls just stopped. He thought she had moved on. He knew he was selfish to leave but he couldn't stand by and watch her get hurt.

"It's all my fault." He said, barely above a whisper.

"What are you talking about Sean?" Nikita asked him.

"I walked out on her. I told her I loved her and than walked out." he said his voice quiet and hoarse.

Nikita looked at him for a minute before she hit him in the face. "Nikita!" Michael yelled as he pulled her back.

"You walked out on her!? She had just gotten shot and you walked out on her!?" Nikita screamed, gathering the attention of everyone in the room. "How could you!"

"Nikita calm down!" Michael told her.

Sean looked down at his hands that were now covered in blood. "It's okay Michael. I deserve it." He said taking the wodge of tissues that Birkhoff handed him. "Do you have any idea where she could be?" Sean asked.

"No, I've checked everywhere. I even called her mother to see if she was with her but Katya says she hasn't seen Alex since you guys went to visit her a few months ago. Do you know where she might go?" Birkoff asked.

"No. Try checking for houses or apartments under the name Lyndsy Casey. It's the name we booked our flights under when we were at Division last year. Her old cover was blown because of how she left last year." Sean told him. He knew he didn't have to explain to the group what he was talking about.

"Okay." Birkhoff said walking over to one of the computers. He typed and searched a few things before he double clicked something. "Got it. There are two apartments under that name, they're on the opposite side of town though."

"Nikita and I will take one, Sean you alright to take the other?" Michael asked.

"Yeah." He replied

The three if them headed their owen ways towards the cars. As he drove towards the address in his GPS Sean thought back to the last time he saw Alex.

Flashback

"I'm not going to stand by. And watch this place destroy another person I love." She said. He could see the shock flash across Alex's face.

"What?" She whispered.

Sean bent forward and kissed Alex with all the love he had for her. "I love you. But if that's not enough reason for you to leave than I've got no reason to stay." He told her. He didn't give her time to respond before walking out of Division medical and away from Alex.

End Flashback

Sean was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard the animated voice on the GPS alert him to arriving at his destination. He walked up to the apartment steps and went inside. He travelled up the stairs until he found Alex's apartment. He went in and walked though the kitchen and living room.

"Nikita she's not here." He said through his comm.

"We don't have her either." Michael replied. Sean looked around the room. The walls were bare of art and besides a small table, a chair, and a bed there wasn't any furniture. He turned around when a glimmer caught his eye. He turned towards the light and saw a small hand sticking out from the bedroom door. Sean ran over and pushed through the door. Alex was lying on the ground unconcious. Sean knelt down next to her and checked her pulse.

"I got her! Get medics here now!" He yelled.

"Alex?" He asked impatiently.

He looked around the room and saw the empty bottle of pills on the ground next to her. He got up and ran to the kitchen. He grabbed a glass and squirted dish soap inside before mixing it with water until it suds. He ran back over to her and tilted her head back before pouring the liquid down her throat. He held his breathe which he gratefully released as she began coughing and vomiting.

"Let go of me!" She yelled as she hit him.

"Alex its okay." He told her gently as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to his chest.

"Just let me die Sean! It doesn't matter anymore." She screamed at him.

"I can't let you die. I love you to much." He said holding her as she began to cry into his chest.

"Stop saying that! Jesus fucking christ Sean just go! Leave!" She said as she started to walk away from him.

Sean stood up and walked over to her. "Alex when are you going to get it through your head that I love you!? I'm not going to leave you, not like this! Why would you want to die!?" He yelled furiously.

"Because I have no reason to live anymore! Nikita and Michael will be perfectly happy together, after a few years they'll learn to except that I'm gone. I love Birkhoff like a brother but he'll get over it to!" All I have to look forward to is constantly being followed around by the media, and never being able to have a family because I have no way to explain to a guy that the reason I have scars from needles and gunshots is because I was sold into sex slavery when I was 13 after I watched my father get killed, than got addicted to drugs and later infiltrated a secret assassination unit of the United States government!" Alex screamed.

"What about me!?" Sean asked.

"What about you?" Alex said looking at him confused.

"You said that Nikita, Michael and Birkhoff would get over you dying but what about me? Did you ever stop to think how I would feel if I lost you?" He asked angry that she hadn't taken him into account.

"Sean you'd move on too. We both know that. After a while nobody would care that I was dead." She said a single tear slipping down her cheek.

"Alex why didn't you tell me?" Sean asked wondering why she hadn't told him she felt this way.

"I tried to. I called you everyday for almost three weeks Sean. I thought that if I could just talk to you about why I couldn't leave, because if I did I would have no one left that maybe you'd understand. After the first four days I knew you weren't coming back but I thought that there could be a small chance that you would." Alex said to him. She was crying now and the tears mixed with sweat caused her hair to stick to the side of her face and for her mascara to run around her eyes.

Sean walked over to her and, despite her protests, wrapped his arms around her. She cried into his shoulder as he gently rubbed calming circles on her back. "It's okay. You're okay." he said quietly.

After a few minutes as Alex continued to cry her legs gave out from under her. Sean quickly caught her and picked her up bringing her over and placed her gently down on the bed. His shirt was soaked though with her tears and she continued to hold onto his shirt when he lay next to her. He kissed her forehead and she buried her face into his chest.

"We're going to be okay. Alex, I promise." he said.

Slowly they both fell asleep next to each other. Michael and Nikita along with two Division paramedics walked though the door. Expecting to see Alex dead or dying they were thoughouly surprised to see Sean and Alex asleep on the bed with their arms wrapped around each other. Nikita let a small smile cross her lips.

"Come on. Let's go." She said as the four of them walked out the door.

Hope you guys liked. REVIEW!