Authors Notes: Written for the SJFic Word of the Week challenge, 'Nervous'. Thanks to the girls over at SG1 Transcripts for the correct dialogue from New Order, Pt II. Couldn't have written it without you!
Jack O'Neill didn't get nervous.
Except when he did.
And he'd sure as hell never had a bad case of nerves in his entire life.
Uh-huh, and Anubis was really the tooth fairy in disguise.
Yeah, Jack didn't think it was likely either.
Even so, you wouldn't catch him admitting to being nervous. Not to anyone.
But as he stood outside the Gateroom door, listening to Dr Weir give her speech and waiting for his cue to enter, he was hard pressed to keep his hands from shaking.
Which, considering he'd faced down a whole goddamn army of Jaffa without blinking whilst in command of SG-1, was verging on the pathetic.
And it was kinda pissing him off.
How the hell could standing up in front of a bunch of people and rambling on for a coupla minutes, make him sweat more than high-tailing it back to the Gate in fear for his life?
It was freakin' ridiculous!
Yet, at that precise moment, as he heard his name follow the announcement of his new rank and didn't that feel weird, he'd rather take on Ba'al, Anubis, - he still wasn't convinced the son of a bitch was actually dead, gone, vanished, whatever - and all the remaining system lords, armed with nothing but a zat and his boot knife.
Nodding at the SF guarding the door, in a gesture to indicate he should run his card through the reader and open it, Jack forcibly clamped down on the desire to run in the opposite direction, as the heavy door released with a solid click and slowly began to open.
For Chrissakes O'Neill, get a damn grip! He berated himself.
Last time he'd had this bad a case of jitters he'd been preparing to give a speech, as Carter's CO, at her promotion to Major.
Of course back then, his good buddy Thor had got him out of it.
Jack had the feeling he wouldn't be so lucky this time.
But a guy could always hope…
Right?
Okay yeah, so when he'd had five seconds to stop and consider it, part of him had been pissed at being so unceremoniously interrupted. After all, he'd spent hours figuring out what he was going to say, then practising to get it right…and it ended up being all for nothing. Plus he really, really had wanted Carter to know exactly how damn proud he was of her…and give her the kind of public recognition she deserved.
But his overall feeling, once the shock of being 'beamed up' had worn off and he'd torn his eyes away from the awe-inspiring sight of Earth laid out below him?
Yeah, it had been relief.
This time though, he hadn't bothered preparing anything. Maybe it was burying his head in the sand, but the fact remained that he had a vague idea of stuff he wanted to cover in his hopefully – definitely - brief speech…and that was it.
He figured that if he was a General now - which he was, god help 'em all - he ought to know the right words to give to his people…without having to practise them in front of the mirror fifty times beforehand.
He just hoped they'd pop into his head in time to stop him looking like an idiot in front of the entire base.
Oh sure, he had a fair idea of what he wanted to say. How he was going to say it, though?
Not a damn clue.
He guessed he'd wing it.
Jack took a deep breath and strode into the Gateroom, looking neither left nor right and refusing to let anyone – especially not Daniel, Carter or T – catch his eye, as they all stood to attention.
If they got even a hint of how nervous he was…Daniel would never let him live it down. Neither would Carter but she'd at least make the effort to be slightly more subtle about it. And as for T…well, he'd smirk at him in a condescending manner, but eight years down the line Jack was pretty used to that.
He made his way briskly up the ramp to the podium in front of the gate and pondered briefly, not for the first time, on how screwed he'd be if someone dialled in whilst he was stood there.
He'd probably set the world record for a 50m sprint despite his dodgy knee.
He placed his hands on either side of the podium and forced his grip to relax from white-knuckled to lightly touching. He was quite proud of the fact that his arms weren't shaking. Leaning in towards the microphone he looked up and almost choked.
Holy shit! There were a helluva lot of people assigned to the SGC!
Had he always known there were this many?
Probably. He just tried to ignore it most of the time.
And they were all waiting for him to say something profound.
Oy.
Why had he wanted this job again?
Oh, that was right…he hadn't, but as Carter had so succinctly put it;
"If you don't take the job, we could end up with someone much worse."
He still hadn't forgiven her for that one, even if he did know what she'd actually meant by it.
At least he'd get the chance to pay her back for it today, with a bit of public embarrassment. Good job really, since the thought of what he was going to do was pretty much the only thing keeping him standing up here.
He took a breath, trying not to look like he was gasping for air.
Okay, just start as you mean to go on, Jack. It's a piece of cake, walk in the park, day at the beach…
Yeah, right. Sure, it was…
"At ease."
He didn't even make the microphone squeal.
Heh. Good start, Jack.
He gained a moment to gather his thoughts as the ranks of assembled personnel relaxed.
Okay, here we go…
"You all know how much I love speeches, so I'll make this short. I wish I could say I didn't owe anything to anyone, but the truth is I wouldn't be standing here, if it wasn't for the courage and support of each and every one of you. I hope I can be as good a leader as we've had in the past, and as good as you deserve."
He paused, running the words over again in his head. There, that didn't sound too bad…even if he had managed to confuse himself.
"Hear, hear!" He heard Daniel say.
Then he found himself struggling to keep from flushing as Daniel started to applaud and everyone else joined in.
Oy. As if he wasn't embarrassed enough just being up here!
He knew damn well he didn't deserve this appointment, but the fact that the folk he would be commanding, thought that he did? It made him all the more determined to do as good a job, as he was able to do.
And whilst he couldn't do anything to acknowledge Daniel and Teal'c for playing their part in saving the world and getting him here, he could at least do something for Carter.
Something he'd been wanting to do for her, for a couple of years now. Okay, so not what he really wanted to do, but there was no way he would do that in front of room full of people. Not when there would be consequences this time around. There was something to be said for having time reset itself.
Not that it mattered anyway, since it was increasingly looking like he'd never get that sort of a chance with Carter ever again, but he wasn't going to dwell.
Life was too short.
Besides, if this was all they were ever going to have…if the only way he'd ever be able to show her how much she meant to him, was by acknowledging her as the brilliant officer she was…
It was enough.
It had to be.
He struggled to keep the smirk off his face as he considered his next words. She had no idea what was coming next…and that was just the way he wanted it.
"The other reason I took this job was so I could do really cool stuff like this…"
He figured he might as well be honest. Forget the promotion, which gave him the opportunity to flip an obscene gesture – figuratively speaking, at least – at all the nay-sayers, who had told him the many black marks on his record would prevent his career from ever progressing past Colonel.
Forget the fact that even if he had been able to turn it down, his career would effectively have been over – you didn't say no to the Commander in Chief, after all. At which point, he'd have been stuck buying that boat he'd always claimed he wanted and fishing for the next thirty years. A prospect that didn't sound half as much fun without someone to share it with him.
Forget the pay cheque which gave him the opportunity to buy that new Honda Superbike he'd had his eye on, since he'd first seen it parked outside the garage on his way home, several months back. Forget the goddamn parking space, although it did come in handy when you drove a huge honkin' truck.
Heck, forget the determination not to let down the folk who'd had enough confidence in him to offer him the job in the first place! However much of it was due to political manoeuvring, it was still a big deal. Forget all that though, because this was the best damn reason of the lot to take the job.
The chance to make the decisions, instead of having them made for him and more importantly, the power to reward the people who deserved it the most.
Or, in this case, the person.
He paused, fighting not only the grin which so desperately wanted to spread cross his face, but also the desire to look up at her and give the game away.
"…it is with great pride that my first order of business as commander of this base, is the announcement of the promotion of Major Samantha Carter, to Lieutenant Colonel."
Wait for it…
He held his breath for a long second and was rewarded when Carter's head instantly shot up and her gaze connected with his own.
The look of complete and utter shock and disbelief in her eyes as his words registered, caused him to lose the battle with the grin which now sprang free.
'…who…me?' Her eyes asked silently.
'Of course you!'
The shock and disbelief faded as the news sunk in, to be replaced by a look of delight which he swore he would never get tired of seeing on her face. It was quickly followed by embarrassment as the assembled personnel began to applaud.
To take her mind off all the attention, Jack jerked his head at her in a motion to step forward and mouthed at her to c'mere.
Carter walked towards him up the ramp and came to halt, standing crisply at attention in front of him. Her obvious excitement at the unexpected promotion, only helped to feed his current feeling of glee at surprising her like this. And as he watched her approach, a sudden thought hit Jack with all the force of a speeding Mack truck. He really, really, wouldn't mind seeing her walk up to where he stood waiting and stand at his side like this, in an entirely different sort of situation.
His breath left him in a rush, leaving him feeling light-headed. He swallowed hard and hurriedly reached out to remove the (maple leaves?) from her shoulders in an effort to cover up his discomfort.
He only hoped the slight shaking of his hands didn't give him away.
Carter's eyes left his and flicked quickly down to the freshly-polished insignia he was now pinning to her shoulders and when she next caught his eyes with her own, there was a question in them, alongside the heartfelt gratitude already present.
'Yours, sir?'
'Yep. You mind?'
The look she gave him told Jack that whatever she thought of his gesture, she sure as hell didn't mind. Vaguely, Jack could hear Davis (Harriman?) reading out the commendation at the podium behind him, but he couldn't bring himself to pay attention.
"The President of the United States has placed special trust and confidence in the patriotism, integrity and abilities of Major Samantha Carter…"
The words faded out as Jack finished pinning the insignia denoting her new rank and they sharply saluted each other. A sense of satisfaction flowed through him as he realised that no matter what else happened – or didn't happen – between them, they'd always have this.
Even Daniel didn't understand – not truly – precisely what this meant to the people taking part.
Pete had no chance. Sure, he was a cop, with uniforms, ranks and traditions of his own, to honour…but he wasn't Air Force and never would be. This was something he could not share with Carter. Not like Jack did.
Unfair though it was to the man, the thought made Jack feel a whole lot better.
Jack lowered his hand and realised that Davis had come to the end of his speech. Meeting Carter's eyes again, he formally repeated her new rank. Just because he could.
And because he really wanted to see the look on her face when he did.
"Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter."
The crowd applauded once again and Carter flushed slightly. Whether it was from all the attention, or the note of pride which he'd been unable to keep out of his voice, he wasn't sure.
But then he didn't really care, because Carter was staring at him with a disconcerting mix of pride and deep affection and for a long moment he honestly that this was it. That one, or even both of them, were going to break and bring this whole thing between them crashing down around their ears.
Except Carter was far too good an officer to allow that to happen. And if he was still being honest, so was he. Even more so with the words of her commendation still fresh in their minds. Neither of them would disgrace the uniform in such a fashion. They knew the honour – and the price – which came with wearing it and they took pride in doing so.
Keeping his eyes on Carter, he saw that she had realised it too - not that he'd ever doubted that she had, she always was the smart one - and gave her a small smile as he spoke.
"Now raise your right hand…"
As she did so, Jack made a snap decision not to let their slight moment of melancholy mar this for her.
"I – " He paused slightly, " – insert name…"
He was instantly rewarded as a smile appeared and he could hear the laughter in her voice as she replied.
"I, Samantha Carter…"
And as they continued with the reaffirmation of her oath, Jack reflected that maybe being a General wasn't so bad. Whatever it might throw at him in the days to come.
Because really…
For the chance to put that look on Sam Carter's face?
Yeah, so worth it.
-fini-