Severus was not often picked for didactic lectures, given that his past was shady at best.
He had murdered, raped, and tortured. Not to mention that he was a vindictive, sarcastic man. No one came to him with the plea, "You have to tell them why this is morally wrong!"
Most people said he didn't have any morals anyway.
So, of course, the current situation was ridiculous.
Harry had smiled sweetly and said, "Oh, Severus, would you do me a little favor? I need you to give Nora the Speech."
So now he was condemned to explaining to a twelve-year-old girl anatomy and sexuality. Just what he always wanted to do. Never mind that his experience was exclusively homosexual.
Nope. It was apparently his job.
"Nora," Severus started. "We should talk."
"Okay, Daddy Sevvy. What do you want to talk about?"
"Well… do you know what sex is?"
Nora frowned, puzzled. "Nope. Is it dangerous?"
"No," Severus answered. "Uh… You know that boys' bodies are different from yours, yes?"
Nora nodded. "Is that important in this sex thing?"
"Uh, yes. Um… when you get a little older, you'll find that boys – or maybe girls, or both – make you feel kinda funny inside. You'll be attracted to them."
"Like I'll be friends with them?"
"Uh, no, more than that. You'll want to kiss them, for example."
Nora wrinkled her nose. "Kiss boys? Ick."
Severus repressed the urge to chuckle. "I didn't mean now. You might even become aroused – you'll want to have sex with them."
"What's sex?"
Oh, right, he hadn't told her yet. "Well, when two people really love each other, sometimes they want to, uh, show it. Uh… when people want to have sex… well, if a woman has sex with a man, then the man usually puts his penis in her vagina."
"What's that good for?"
"That's how babies are made."
Nora frowned. "You and Daddy Harry are men! Am I a freak then?"
"No! There are potions that make a man's body kinda like a woman's so that men can have babies too."
"So men can have sex with men?"
"Yes."
"But men don't have vaginas."
Oh no.
"Right."
"So how do they have sex?"
"Well, anal sex is popular – one man puts his penis in the other man's butt."
"And women can have sex with women?"
"Yes."
"But they don't have penises."
"Right."
"So how do they have sex?"
Severus shrugged. "I don't know."
"Did you and Daddy Harry… have sex?"
Severus nodded. "Of course."
Nora blinked. "Daddy Sevvy, why did you wanna talk about this?"
"Because you're growing up and it's important."
"Why?"
"Because I want you to learn about it from me, not from your classmates. If you have any questions, you can always ask me or Daddy Harry."
"Can I go think about this a bit?"
Severus nodded gratefully, and Nora left.
Harry entered a few minutes later. "So, how'd it go?"
Severus glared at him. "Next time, you give the didactic speeches!"
Didactic – adjective. 1. Fitted or intended to teach; conveying instruction; instructive; teaching some moral lesson; as, "didactic essays." 2. Inclined to teach or moralize excessively; moralistic. Word of the Day, October 5, 2004)