Do you Think About Me?
Lexie Grey was charting in an On-Call room. The silence was a welcome break from her chaotic day, but it allowed her thoughts to drift. Of course they drifted to Mark Sloan. In spite of the hurt he'd put her through she missed him with such an intensity that heart ached, and no matter what she did she could not stop thinking about him! He was there in every moment, and right now was no exception. She smiled to herself as she thought about the electrically charged surgeries before their relationship began; or how she thought her heart was gonna burst out of her chest that night when she asked him to teach her. It was more than worth the embarrassment. Mark really was THAT good in bed, but it was so beyond the sex. They connected in a way she never thought possible. She loved when he held her close, whether it was in the moments after or just because. Sometimes they would talk about anything and everything, others they would just listen to each other breathe. Either way Lexie felt safe and content in thoae moments. It didn't matter where they were, at the Archfield or in Mer's attic listening to the rain beat like a drum outside the windows; or in an On-Call room with iurgent crazyness or peaceful stillness in the background depending on the time of day or night. What mattered was that they were together. She wanted that back.
Logically she knew Jackson Avery was the better choice for her. He was gorgeous. They were at the same point in their careers. He didn't have any kids, and he liked her. He really liked her On some level he did make her happy, but she never felt for him what she felt for Mark. There were no butterflies when he walked into a room. She wouldn't give anything just to be near him, and she didn't fantasize about having sex with him in inappropriate places. In that moment she decided she had to know if Mark still cared about her.
She found him just outside the hospital. First they exchanged some pleasantries about their time together in the O.R. earlier and then the words just started coming before she had a chance to really think about what she was saying.
"I love you. Oh... oh, my God. That just came... fly-flying out of my face, like it was s-s-some kind of... I-I l... I love you. I just... Did it again! I... I-I-I-I love you. I-I do. I just... I-I love you. And I have been trying not to say it. I have been trying so hard to just mash it down and ignore it and not say it. And Jackson is a great guy. He-he is, and he... he's gorgeous, and-and he's younger than you, and he doesn't have any grandkids or-or babies with his lesbian BFFs and he's an Avery, and-and he liked me, you know? He... he really liked me. But it was never gonna work out because I-I love you. I am so in love with you. And you're-you're... you're in me. It's... you're like... it's... it's like you're a disease. It's like I am infected by Mark Sloan. And I just can't... I can't think about anything or anybody, and I can't sleep. I can't breathe. I can't eat. And I love you. I just... I love you all the time, just every minute of every day. And I-I-I... I-I... love you. God, that feels good, just to-to say that... to... I am... I feel so much better. Just... I love you."
When she was finished speaking Lexie stared into his blue-green eyes willing him to say something, but he just looked kind of pained and remained silent for what seemed like an eternity. Eventually Julia walked up to him and asked if he was ready to leave.
He turned to her and said "I'm sorry I can't. I'm in love with Lexie Grey. I tried to fight it and move on but I couldn't, and today I found out she still loves me!
Lexie was stunned by his words. She couldn't move or speak. She knew Mark said more but it was lost on her. She was too busy tryng to process the fact that she just got everything she wanted. Before she knew it Mark was pushing her against the wall kissing her passionately. She responded with equal force and desire.
When they broke apart he said "I love you. I've always been in love with you. I'll always be in love with you."
They were the most beautiful words she ever heard.