It was sudden.
How is all this possible: He (Jimmy Novak) was suddenly separate from Castiel; had his own body but Castiel still his mirror image—well, not completely a mirror image. Yes, they looked identical, of course, but Jimmy was himself before the possession: Pale (in comparison to the light tan that Castiel had given himself) and a bit thin compared to the angel's form.
What. How is this even—why?
Before he took opportunity to ask, Castiel raised a hand. "This is far more complex to explain than you could ever fathom. I need you to—"
Jimmy narrowed his eyes, his voice, angry "Where are we?" The room was dark, lit by few candles near what was a poor excuse for a bed (a couple blankets thrown to substitute a mattress, and a pillow). The candles surrounded symbols on the floor. It was dark outside; clearly, a very late hour.
Castiel replied, with a sigh "It's not important."
Jimmy shook his head in disbelief. "I didn't want to be conscious after my second possession, Castiel—I thought I made that clear? Why are you doing this?"
The angel looked to the floor, his shoulders drooping, head hanging, and he stood silently. He looked defeated—tired. Above all…hurt.
Concerned, Jimmy closed in and gently placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. The angel raised his eyes, blue in color, exactly like his own. The faint light flickered on them. It was a wounded stare.
A glint from a corner of the room caught Novak's attention. It occurred to him that they were somewhere familiar.
Did Cas frequent this place while Jimmy was playing vessel?
The reflection came from Castiel's dagger. Since it was thrown carelessly on the floor, he gathered that there was no immediate danger.
So, then…why?
A thump snapped Jimmy back into focus. Cas had planted himself on the floor. He raised his head to stare at Jimmy. "I—have betrayed the last friends I had on both heaven and earth. Tell me, Jimmy—where does a lone, wanted, fallen angel run—and to who?" Castiel stared blankly into the wall behind Jimmy. "I bet my father has forsaken me."
Novak sighed, staring at the symbols beside him. The symbols looked as if they were painted with blood. He shrugged, a little uneasy and shook his head. "I-I don't know," he replied.
"I was just trying to be of service. Father's will is for us to care for humans—Dean's will is the same, with the exception of holding his brother higher than the majority—even to that, I complied. Yet—how is it that when I needed the support and help…" Castiel narrowed his eyes, concentrating on the wall. "…that was my mistake." He closed his eyes, looking as though he were in pain. "I'm an angel," he sighed. "I was created to assist and aid; to serve, not be served. I assume father does not receive help from anyone, as well." He shook his head, not wanting to accept the words. "It's just how things are. Now that I've broken order by stopping the apocalypse, I'm left with the responsibility of creating my own destiny…this is a heavy burden—it's as if I carry the weight of not only the world, but heaven. Just so this newly attained freedom can strive."
At this point, Jimmy realized that both he and Castiel had sacrificed everything for what was said to be a higher cause. Both had lost friends and family, their identity, and their original beliefs (which left them without any ground to stand on). His sympathy for the angel deepened.
"Castiel," Jimmy called. The angel immediately looked to him, following his movements with a longing stare. A little surprised at the sudden reaction, he halted—but soon presumed to kneel between the angel's thighs. Castiel stared intensely, pleading for comfort.
"It seems we've both condemned ourselves to solitude."
The angel slowly averted his eyes, disappointed by the response.
"But…we can't lose faith. How is it that you could still have me, and look—"Jimmy cupped Castiel's cheek, "I'm tangible."
Castiel stared at him, and Jimmy continued. "You're not alone—not really; you weren't forsaken, Castiel," He said as he rested his forehead on the angel's. "You brought me out for company, right?" He laughed softly. "I hope I didn't disappoint."
Castiel just stared into his eyes. He lowered his gaze to Novak's lips. The warmth emitting seemed inviting, but he could only wonder why.
Jimmy flushed, realizing how close they were and though it had now become awkward for him, he couldn't break the moment of having finally eased the angel. He swallowed due to the tension. "Uh—"he choked.
The angel only held his stare.
Does he want a kiss? Should I…? I mean—who would know, right…? Jimmy couldn't deny that he was definitely feeling the need to seal this talk with a kiss.
He quickly put distance between them. The angel stared at him, looking him over, trying to find a reason for the sudden jerk.
After a moment of awkward silence (the awkward only being felt by Jimmy), he slowly raised both arms and inched closer to Castiel. His movement lagged, but eventually, he placed his hands at Castiel's shoulders. He hung his head in shame and looked to the ground, gulped again and tried to ease his grip.
Castiel sat in silence, still questioning Jimmy's actions with the tilt of his head and a confused stare.
The candle light burned in the darkness with an amber hue, creating a comforting, lazy ambience—it calmed Jimmy.
He raised his head, but kept his eyes lowered and slowly ran a hand up the angel's neck, brushing gingerly with his fingertips. His fingers made their way into Castiel's hair.
It was odd to think he was actually stroking himself—well, his physical self. It was also strange to be caressing his hair, because he had never focused on it. Surprisingly, the short tufts were still soft. He pulled lightly on them to arch Castiel's head towards the ceiling. Slowly, he raised his eyes, meeting Castiel (who hadn't stopped staring at Jimmy—regardless of the position his head had been pulled). Jimmy moved to stand on his knees.
Now hovering over Castiel's face, he cupped the angel's cheeks and tilted his own head slightly. Jimmy could feel the angel's light breathing. He closed his eyes and the space between their lips.
Castiel allowed himself to indulge in the gentle sensation.
Pulling slightly on the angel's lips, Jimmy released the kiss. The sound of releasing the gentle skin made him shudder. He stared at Castiel, desperately. He hadn't felt such intimate contact in so long…He wanted more.
The angel sat there. His body suspended, waiting to receive. He was dead weight beneath Jimmy, but his eyes revealed a hunger he wasn't aware of; their pale-blue color intensified by the candle's light.
Jimmy tilted his head to the opposite direction, running his lips over Castiel's as he did so, and he gently kissed him again.
Castiel parted his lips, his breathing growing harder. Jimmy's body now trembled with anticipation. He seized the opportunity to lightly run his tongue over the parted lips, lapping at the lower half, gently. He entered the gap to glide their tongues against each other.
Finally catching rhythm, Castiel kissed back. They nipped hungrily at each other's lips, slowly intensifying the contact: Jimmy's hand pulled lightly at Castiel's hair, tongues running against each other in between kisses, and their bodies rubbing together, creating warmth—Jimmy used his free hand to swoop Castiel into him, bringing their chests close.
Castiel gripped onto Novak's hips, sending a shock throughout his body. Jimmy gasped. Castiel, taking note of the sensitive area, dug his nails into him and thrust his lower half forward. Jimmy stifled a moan and responded by roughly kissing the angel, tugging at his hair to assume control.