A/N: Couple of weeks ago I was writing a chapter of "To Sleep Perchance To Dream" when I came across this fic that I had started to write sometime last year and for some reason had forgotten about it. But once I've read what I already had it kinda came back to me, and so, I've decided to resume it. Which means I'll be posting two fics at once…I'll try to keep the updates coming but since my classes have just started again I'll apologise in advance for delays. I won't abandon any of them, though.
Once again, I huge thanks to my lovely friend and beta MagicallyChallenged You. Are. The. Best!
This fic was inspired by this post: post/74831690445/drhollystewart-officer-lunchbox-high-school
Let me know what you think :)
By the way, just in case: I don't won't Rookie Blue or any of it's characters
Chapter 1
"We were walking down the trail like we do every morning when my dog got crazy and ran out, I thought he'd seen a racoon or a squirrel but when he didn't come back I went after him and found him sitting at the bottom of the ravine barking at the..."
The man nervously pointed towards the crime scene before making a face.
Traci nodded her understanding and wrote down something before turning back to her partner standing beside her to see if there was something more the he'd like to add. She noticed that his attention was elsewhere though, and followed his gaze down to where the body lay, already surrounded by the forensic team.
She frowned before calling his attention back to her. "Steve, what's wrong?"
"Nothing just..." He narrowed his eyes, never taking his gaze from the scene below, before starting to make his way down the ravine. "Can you finish here for me?" He called back to her, not bothering to look back and see if she would answer.
"Sure." she said, going back to the witness; watching the Detective walk away from the corner of her eyes.
Steve passed beneath the bright yellow isolation tape, stopping close to the decomposed corpse found earlier. He wasn't particularly fond of this part of the job, and he didn't have a weak stomach, so he usually could bear the smelly and the slimy parts of being a Detective. On this particular morning, however, Steve was too focused on the person examining the smelly and slimy stuff to actually notice the smelly and slimy stuff.
He waited for a moment, trying to catch her face from a different angle, just to be certain, before finally taking a step forward.
"Holly?"
The woman lifted her head, giving him a puzzled look. The moment he saw her eyes Steve knew he was right.
"Holly Stewart?" His lips turned up slightly.
She stood up, removing her gloves before pushing her glasses up her nose. "Yes?"
Steve opened his arms and chuckled as he saw her mouth opening in shock when she finally recognized him.
"Pecker?"
Steve laughed at the nickname closing his arms around her. "Hey!"
"Oh my God!" Holly hugged him back, throwing both arms around his neck. "What are you doing here?"
"I work here. Detective in Guns and Gangs" He said jutting his chin out and up high while pulling the front of his suit, earning a big eyeroll and a playful scowl. "What are you doing here? I didn't even know you'd come back."
"I landed just a few weeks ago." Holly extended a hand towards him "Forensic Pathologist."
"Impressive." Steve said shaking her hand.
"Look who's speaking Detective Pecker."
Traci frowned when she heard the woman's voice. She had walked slowly towards the two, watching their interaction from afar not wanting to interfere but getting more and more curious by the minute.
Clearing her throat she stopped between the pair. "Sorry Steve but we should get the rest of the briefing."
"Yes, of course." He let go of Holly's hand and gestured from one woman to the other.
"Holls, this is Detective Traci Nash. Traci this is Dr. Holly Stewart, an old friend of mine."
Traci offered the brunette a polite smile that didn't reached her eyes. "Nice to meet you."
"Likewise."
Steve looked at the other Detective for a moment, noticing the sudden rigidity, before turning back to Holly. "So what you got for me Doc?"
She looked back at the body, sliding her gloves back on. "Male, Caucasian, I'd say about early thirties, cuts and bruises on both arms compatible with struggle. But the probable cause of death are the bullet wounds." Lowering herself she pointed at it's torso. "I was able to see four entrances but only three exit wounds so there's the chance I'll be able to retrieve a projectile for you."
Holly pulled the forensic kit closer to her, glancing up at the two detectives. "I'll have to take it to the lab to see if I can find anything else."
Steve wrote a few things down before looking back at Traci. "Great, I think the witnesses gave us enough to start. Let's get out of here Nash."
He ripped a piece of paper holding it out towards the doctor. "Here's my number, call me if you get that bullet or a possible ID."
Before she could go back to work, though, he turned to her once more. "Which reminds me, we never had that drink together did we? Call me so we can change that too, alright?"
She laughed but didn't look back at him. "Sure, we have a lot to catch up."
The detective looked at Traci, noticing she was a few steps ahead and wouldn't be able to hear them anymore, he took a small step towards Holly. "You...you haven't seen Gail yet have you?"
"What? ...no...I..." Holly cleared her throat, and adjusted her glasses, a nervous trick she carried since they had first placed the spectacles on her face when she was still a child. "That's not why I came back."
Steve nodded, not missing the fact she had been clearly disturbed by his sudden question. "I know, it's just that...well, she's working at 15th too."
"What?!" She snapped at him with wide eyes.
"Yeah, she's a police officer," He said, glancing to find Traci waiting for him at the top of the hill.
"...Look I have to go, but I just thought you should know, ok? I'll see you later Holls."
She absently nodded back at him, her mind filled with the distant memory of bright blue eyes.
...
"So Harvard hum? That's...wow."
Holly nervously crossed her arms and waited for Gail to look back up at her, when she simply proceeded to stare at the letter in her hands the brunette took a step forward. "Yeah I know. I never thought I'd get in."
She hears the snort before sees the stern look in Gail's blue eyes. "Why did you apply then?"
The icy tone of Gail's voice fell upon her with the force of a thousand daggers and suddenly she backed up again, lowering her gaze to the floor. When she had come home, a couple of hours earlier to find the letter sitting at her desk, it's size and weight a clear indication of acceptance she had been caught between a mixture of feeling ecstatic to have gotten in, and terrified…of, well...of this.
Holly knew Gail wasn't going to take this very well, still, she had hoped. Feeling her back hit the wood of her wardrobe, she remained in silent.
A few moments passed before bed shuffled, the girl waited for the noise of a door being slammed but instead she heard the muffled sound of footsteps and then Gail's socks came into view. She felt a gentle hand pulling her chin up before feeling her body being pull into a hug.
"I'm sorry Holls." Wrapping her arms around the blonde's neck she buried her face in the soft fabric of her shirt, feeling the warmth of Gail's body against her own.
"This is amazing!" Gail whispered close to her ear. "You. Are. Amazing." She punctuated every word with a kiss to her neck. "I'm really proud of you." The girl pulled away, running a hand across Holly's cheek with a small honest smile on her face. "I mean, it's Harvard!"
The fingers brushed her jaw and slid over her arms before wrapping around hers. "United States, Harvard." Gail took a deep breath looking down at their joined hands.
Holly raised their arms, their hands pressing against each other's, her palm against Gail's. As much as she wanted the girl to be happy for her she couldn't blame her for being upset, despite the satisfaction of reading those words for the first time, Holly still wasn't sure how she truly felt about all this.
"Look I'm not even sure I'm going yet. There's a lot of things I need to consider first and I'm still waiting to hear from other colleges, here." She shook her head slightly to clear her mind "I don't even know if it's a real option for me."
"What are you talking about?" Gail frowned at her words before chuckling. "Of course it's a real option for you. It's Nerd's paradise."
Holly smirked at her attempt to lighten the mood. "Maybe not for this Nerd."
Gail look at her for a moment before leaning forward and kiss her cheek "Just stop ok?" She felt Gail's body pressing against hers once more, one hand burying itself in her locks as another one clung to her shirt. "Let's do this my way."
"Which is...?" Her words collided with the side of Gail's neck, the warm breath sending shivers running down the other girl's spine.
"I'll say, that I couldn't be prouder of my nerd, I'll say, that they would be lucky to have you. We'll forget that this is about you moving to a whole different country, enjoy our summer and deal with it when we absolutely have to deal with it."
Gail rested their foreheads together placing a peck on her lips. "Sounds good?"
Holly nodded with eyes still closed, before soft lips found hers once more. When her lungs started to burn for air she pulled away, remaining close enough to see the dilated pupils. "Can I just say something first?"
She took the letter from Gail's back pocket, always looking at the blue eyes she adored so much.
"This? I like it." Holly gently brushed their noses together before whispering against the girl's lips "You... I love."
Gail gave her a big smile "Come on Lunckbox" She took the piece of paper from her hands, and dropped it on the desk. "Let's get some ice cream and start our denial."
...
Gail banged the door of her locker close. She was tired. No, not tired, she was exhausted. Her shoulders hurt from the weight of the Kevlar vest, her feet burned from the long hours buried inside her boots and there was a headache waiting to explode from the throbbing pain behind her eyes.
Her stomach grumbled and she groaned in response, resting her forehead against the cool metal as she allowed herself to close her eyes for a moment.
After a 30 hours shift she was more than ready to go home and enter a comatose-like state for the next two days. With breaks for junk food, of course.
Her mind was fogged and she was too drained to try and change that.
"Hey Gail? Do you have a minute?"
Gail scowled at the voice, keeping her back to the newcomer and taking her time as she grabbed her sweater.
"Not really." She held her duffel bag over her shoulder and started heading for the door. "I'm not even here anymore, brother."
Steve waited for her to pass by him before reaching out and grasping her wrist. "It's...important."
Gail threw her head backwards and put the duffel bag back down with a groan. "You're keeping me from my bed and my pizza. It's better be a Godzilla moving towards Canada sort of thing."
Steve responded with a heavy sigh. "Holly is here."
In all her short years as a police officer Gail had been fortunate enough not to have ever been shot at, she suspected though, that taking a bullet to the chest while wearing a Kevlar vest would be very similar to what she was felling right now. Pain irradiating from the middle of her chest, her abdomen clenching at the impact, limbs heavy, short of breath, dizziness, weakened legs, heart pounding in her ears.
But despite the pain there was no bleeding and there would be no bruise.
At least that part was good.
Swallowing the lump in her throat, Gail leaned against the lockers trying to regain her balance.
"What do you…" Her voice cracked. This was…this was impossible. "What do you mean 'Holly's here'?" Gail shook her head and crossed her arms to keep herself together, clearing her throat. "Here, where?"
"15th" If Steve noticed the faltering in her words he didn't mention it and Gail made a mental note to buy him a drink for that later. Mimicking her position, he turned his back to the lockers to stare at the empty wall, leaving her to stare at his profile. "She's working down at the morgue as a forensic patho…"
"Why are you telling me this?" She cut him off harshly.
Shrugging he looked at her. "Just thought you should know."
Gail pushed herself from the metal doors, leaning to retrieve her duffel bag and jacket. "I don't care."
"Gail…"
"Steve!" The sigh resembled a plea, but Gail didn't care, it was her exhaustion speaking for her now. Or at least that was what she tried to believe at that moment. "Thanks for the heads up but I'm heading home now."
She waited for the come back. Gail knew her brother, she was sure there was more he wanted to say to her, and for a moment she was sure she wasn't going to leave that room with her dignity intact.
She would either fight her way out, giving him a black eye in the process, or be dragged out crying like a baby.
Neither of them would be good.
The second would probably be worst.
Instead of pushing her, though, Steve nodded. "Ok, go get some sleep sis." He made a face eyeing her from head to toe. "You look horrible."
Gail silently thanked him. "Yeah, yeah." She snorted while pulling the bag up her left shoulder and heading for the door.
The hour that followed, passed in a blur.
In the back of her mind she registered Dov's voice shouting an invitation for drinks from across the street. The wind blew against cheeks. Her knuckles burned under the duffel bag straps. Her hands getting even colder. The sore on her calves getting worse.
Gail could hear the sounds of the city around her, the cars passing, people talking, workers getting back home, couples heading back out. She could see the stoplights, the soft glow inside the buildings, headlights, moonlight.
Everything was there. She knew it. She tried to focus on it, but to no avail.
She could only feel the tight grip on her chest, the heaviness on her shoulders, the burn in her eyes.
But if there was something her tentative teen years had shown her, it was how to run away from all that, and so she did.
Gail shifted her attention to focus on something else: her feet.
Just keep walking, step after step, don't break, don't, just keep breathing and don't you dare let those fucking tears fall, don't let the images of her invade your mind. Don't you dare remember that day.
Gail managed to keep it all at bay, she had become quite good at it. But when she got to the front porch of her house her feet causing her to stop abruptly and the memories caught up to her, making her stumble on the last step and place her forehead against the wooden door as she choked on a sob.
She shut her eyes and felt the first tears rolling over her cheeks, Gail tightened them in a failed attempt to blind herself against the face that lived in her dreams and the night that still haunted her nightmares.
…
"Tell me to stay Gail."
Holly's hair cascaded down over her shoulders, small drops of water still falling over the dark wooden floor of the Peck's house. The same floor she had spent countless evenings sitting on with her back resting against the bed as they played video games or studied before tests. The floor that had received their clothes on the nights she would stay over in the absence of Gail's parents.
The dark brown color of the wooden boards had always soothed her eyes from the whiteness of the walls and if this was any other night, she wouldn't have allowed herself to stain the always immaculate floor of the room that was so familiar to her. Right now, though, she couldn't care less about damaging it.
All she could think about was fixing this, fixing herself.
Gail stared at her for what seemed to be hours. Taking in the soaked figure standing in front of her. Holly had never looked so small, so fragile, so sad or…defeated. Her eyes didn't sparkle like they used to and there was no smile to light up the night, there was only the trembling chin and the redness of her eyes.
She was soaked to the bones, Gail could see the goosebumps on her arms and her shirt left little to the imagination. If this was any other night she would not have closed a fist inside her own pockets to keep herself from closing the gap between them. To keep herself from crossing the room and heading towards the other girl to just hold her. Right now, though, she couldn't allow herself to act on that longing.
All she could think about was how she had been responsible for all the hurt, for hurting Holly, hurting herself...and she wasn't done yet.
Gail swallowed the lump in her throat and stared at Holly's eyes, feeling a heaviness in her chest and a tremble in her legs. She was crumbling inside. On the outside, however, she made sure to keep her face impassive and her head up high. She had to finish this.
"I can't." despite everything she congratulated herself for the even tone and the detachment in her voice.
Holly gulped and let out a shaky breath "Why?" it was barely a whisper, if Gail hadn't been looking at her she would have missed the words, strangled by sorrow and muffled by the thunder.
Gail tightened her fist, feeling her short nails digging in the skin of her palm as her knuckles whitened and her fingers went numb. She knew it wouldn't be enough to cause the skin to rip, she wouldn't bleed. She wished she would, though, only to prove she would still be able to feel something – anything – other than this tightness inside her chest.
She took a deep breath and got ready for the final blow.
"Holly We've talked about this..."
"Gail…" Holly interrupted with a shake of her head.
"I don't want you to stay."
Her words still echoed in her ears for hours after Holly had turned to leave.
If someone had asked, Holly wouldn't be able to say how she got home. All she would be able to remember for years to come was the lightning scarring the sky and the lack of air in her lungs, as if she was drowning in tears she had no strength to shed.