We had met out by the picnic tables on several different occasions since I started my internship at Quantico. On this particular night, I was feeling rather deflated and annoyed. Aunt Kay and Benton Wesley had made a surprise visit at ERF earlier in the afternoon and I wasn't too thrilled by their decision to just drop in. I was busy and didn't particularly have the time to give Aunt Kay the ERF tour. What bothered me the most was Aunt Kay, once again, trying to pry into my business and my personal life. She'd always been concerned about me having friends. I always told her I don't need friends, but she never believed that. And, truthfully, she didn't have friends either.

I sat on top of the picnic table gazing up at the Giant Dipper. The sound of gunfire rang in the distance and I found it soothing and calm. This particular October night was cool and I was wearing FBI fatigues and a sweatshirt, waiting patiently for her to arrive. She said she would be here and, glancing at my watch, I noted she was twenty minutes late. I imagined her mingling with co-workers in the Boardroom, drinking a beer, flirting with other women. Maybe men too. I felt a tinge of jealously jolt through my body and I couldn't shake the feeling. I looked at my watch again, trying to get certain images out of my head. I wanted her all to myself. I didn't want to share her. I was frustrated by my own fear of rejection. She had a confidence I did not have and perhaps that came from her being a bit older, more experienced. Regardless, I knew I had to work past these feelings, but I didn't know how. Everyone I've ever loved has left me. I have a horrible fear of abandonment and I acknowledge that feeling. I just never expected to fall so hard, so fast.

We had met through a Prodigy bulletin board for computer programmers months before. We exchanged emails and discovered that we had more in common than most. She told me she was just getting hired by the FBI and would be working on a top secret project. She told me they were taking internship applications and that I should apply. I never thought I would actually get the internship, but I did, and the next thing I know we're meeting in person. This amazing, beautiful and brilliant woman who once only existed in cyberspace was now real and before my eyes. It was the first time in my entire 21 years that I literally felt weak in the knees.

I tried to take the relationship slow, but I was unable to resist her open invitation. The feelings were new and overwhelming as I memorized everything about her in my sleep. When I closed my eyes, hers was the only face that I would see and I would count the moments until we were together again. Our relationship had to remain a secret, for many different reasons. We were working together on a secret project, CAIN, and of course, we were two women. There was no doubt the Bureau would frown upon what we were doing and there was the possibility of her being fired. When we met at the picnic table, it was always in private and in secret, for the area was secluded but not too far from the Jefferson Building. As memories replayed in my head, I heard light footsteps across leaves. She came over and sat down on the bench below me as I remained perched on the table.

"You're late." I said trying to keep any accusations out of my voice.

"I'm sorry. The boys in the Boardroom were trying to get some information about what we're doing at ERF. They wouldn't let me leave."

I smelled alcohol on her breath. Scotch.

"What did they do? Tie you down? Or just keep buying you Scotch?"

"Lucy." And I loved the way she said my name. I loved her voice. "Why do you say it like that? I was just being friendly, social. You could have come with me, you know that."

"I wasn't in the mood."

"And what are you insinuating anyway? That I'm flirting?"

"Well, that's because you always do that."

"No, it's because you always assume I'm doing that."

"Well, then, don't give me cause."

"Lucy, can't we get past this? Please?"

"Let me have one of those." I said, referring to her cigarettes.

"I really wish you wouldn't start."

"I'm not starting. I just want a puff."

She lit the cigarette and cupped my face with her hand. Our faces were so close that I could feel her breath on my skin. When I thought I heard footsteps behind us, I ignore them, lost in the trance of her eyes in the darkness. I puffed the cigarette a few times then threw it on the ground. She stomped it out with her foot.

"Better?" She asked.

"Not really." I heard my voice and the way I sounded. I felt like a twelve year old getting rejected by my first crush. She lifted my face to hers until our eyes locked. Then she kissed me. She kissed me long, hard, passionately, her hands going feverishly to my hair. I reciprocated her actions as I vaguely acknowledged the sound of footsteps now going the other direction. I wondered briefly if someone had seen us, but I didn't care.

"I hope you weren't planning on going back to your dorm room tonight." She said in a low, seductive voice. I smiled at her in the dark.

"You really want to be with me?" I asked for the twentieth time since we met. "Just tell me the truth. Please."

"Yes. Lucy Boo. I really want to be with you. Next time, come to the Boardroom with me. You'll see it's not what you think. I'm not flirting, I'm not trying to bring someone else home. You're the only one I want to share my bed with."

Her words sounded in my ears like heaven as I kissed her again, my hands tracing her neck, her jaw line, her lips.

"Come on." She said taking my hand and pulling me down off of the picnic table. We stood together in the night, emotion flickering in our eyes. She pulled me close to her and hugged me and I felt a cling of desperation in her embrace.

When we arrived back at her room, there were no words. We tore off each other's clothes and threw them wherever they landed, both desperate for skin and each other's touch. Before we fell asleep, she spooned me like the Giant Dipper in the sky. "Whatever happens, Lucy. Don't ever forget this moment. These feelings. Don't doubt that I love you."

My eyes stung as she said those words and I whispered back to her in a quaky voice, "I love you Carrie Grethen."