Disclaimer: Any recognizable characters, dialogue, or plotlines or not my property. They belong the Shonda Rhimes and the Grey's Anatomy team at ABC. This is not for profit, just something fun for me to write.
A/N: My first thought as soon as the episode "The Sound of Silence" ended was "somebody has to write a fanfic about this with Derek alive" well a week went by and nobody did so I sacrificed myself for the good of fanfiction and wrote it myself. If you enjoy this, please review!
The car hadn't moved in at least ten minutes. If they had known the drive was going to take so long they probably would have left the house thirty minutes earlier to get to the hospital. Instead, Meredith and Derek were stuck in bumper to bumper traffic with three antsy children in the back seat.
"Are we there yet," Zola asked her parents for the third time.
Derek sighed and leaned his forehead against the steering wheel, "The car hasn't moved Zola, how could we be there?"
Kicking her legs Zola started struggling in her seat, "But I want to be there now! Sofia is waiting for me!"
"Lovebug," Meredith chided as she turned to look at her daughter, "Daddy can't control the traffic. We'll get there when we get there."
"If somebody hadn't overslept-" Derek started to complain.
Smiling, his wife cut him off, "If somebody hadn't kept me up all night…"
As they were speaking, emergency vehicles started zooming through the traffic. Both Meredith and Derek turned to look out the window. Two firetrucks sped past their unmoving car quickly followed by three ambulances. In the back seat their youngest daughter started clapping her hands, delighted by the sounds of the sirens which she was so accustomed to.
"There's gotta be a four or five car pile-up with that type of response," Derek said, looking through the windshield trying to catch a glimpse of the accident that was causing the traffic.
Rolling down her window, Meredith stuck her head out to try to get a better view, "I wonder if there's a big-rig involved."
An idea washed over her and her eyes lit up. Glancing over at her husband, Meredith slowly adjusted in her seat and moved her hand toward her buckle. Derek saw the gleam in her eyes and knew exactly what she was thinking.
"Mer," Derek warned, "Don't you dare."
Flashing him a large smile Meredith said, "I'll see you at work!" It a fluid motion she unbuckled and swung her door open. As she climbed out of the car, Meredith blew a kiss to each of her children and told them to be good for their father. Then she was off racing through the standstill traffic to the site of the accident. Watching his wife run off, Derek slammed his hand against the steering wheel, jealous of her getting to chase after a surgery and escape the traffic. This was his fault for always insisting he drive though, she was able to sprint to the scene of the accident and he was stuck with the car and the kids. Not that he didn't like to be with the kids, Derek loved being with the kids, but he also loved spontaneous surgeries that come out of being at the scene of an accident.
After Meredith was gone down the street, Zola asked her father, "Where's Mommy going?"
"Mommy's going into work, lovebug," Derek replied.
"Oh," Zola processed what he told her before repeating her question from earlier, "So are we there yet?"
Derek sighed. He was going to get back at Meredith for this.
The back of rig Meredith was in swung open and she leapt out as she told the details of her patient. Being on the scene of an accident was always exciting and Meredith was thrilled for the opportunity to see her patient from the beginning to the end. Days like this were one of the reasons she loved being a surgeon.
"We got a 45-year-old male with a head lac, positive LOC on the scene," Meredith told Warren as he joined her with her patient, "Also has an abdominal contusion."
Despite his condition, the patient was trying to pass jokes and said, "I'd like to say it's not as bad as it looks, but…"
Smiling at him, Meredith replied, "Well there's one way to find out." With the assistance of the EMTs and the other surgeons, Meredith moved her patient's gurney into the E.R. and towards a trauma room. The E.R. was alive with action as it always was after a large scale accident. Anybody who wasn't a doctor would be overwhelmed by the chaos of the E.R. but to Meredith it hummed with life. Every person moving around had a sort of exhilaration that swept through the entire section of the hospital. On days where nothing happened, the pit was a punishment, but on days like this the pit was an adventure.
Once in the trauma room everybody got to work on the patient. As Ben Warren conducted an abdominal ultrasound Meredith gave a preliminary neuro-check and evaluated the patient's head injuries. With the combination of his injuries, a bony deformity, a head lac, and noticeable pupillary asymmetry, Meredith decided they needed a head C.T.
"Let's page Neuro," She instructed.
Adjusting the gurney so the patient was sitting up more, Meredith listened to him as she spoke about regretting going out that day.
"Well, you did hit your head pretty good, Lou," She told him as she checked his abdominal region for tenderness, "but we're gonna get you fixed up."
Warren came back over to the patient and Meredith asked where Neuro was. While Lou wasn't critical, Meredith wanted the Neuro consult and C.T. sooner rather than later. They received no response from the Neuro page and Meredith sighed. Instead of sending out another page, Meredith sent Ben to go find Neuro.
Outside of the trauma rooms, Derek was going over patient discharges and what still needed to be done with Stephanie Edwards. Usually he loved the atmosphere of the E.R. on a busy day but after spending forty-five minutes stuck in traffic with three stir-crazy children he had been hoping for a quieter day. His conversation with Edwards cut off when he pager went off.
"Trauma 1," Warren breathlessly informed Derek, "Dr. Grey."
Edwards glanced at Warren before adding, "And Trauma 3, Dr. Hunt. Both urgent, not critical. Do you want Hunt or Grey first?"
"Dr. Grey told me to come find you," Warren insisted.
Derek chuckled, "Dr. Grey can wait seeing as she couldn't this morning when we were in traffic," Smiling at Edwards he continued, "I knew I was going to get Meredith back for leaving me this morning. Trauma 3 first." As Derek started walking away, Edwards assured Warren that they would be with his patient quickly. She then hurried after her attending.
Still waiting for Neuro, Meredith made friendly small talk with her patient. He was just telling about his children when he started to seize. It was a tonic clonic seizure and more often than not they pass with ease but that didn't seem to be the case with Lou. As Meredith held the patient steady she sent Dr. Blake to fetch medicine to stop the seizure. Seconds after she left the spasms stopped. Delicately, Meredith laid her patient back down and cleaned off his face. An intern in the room left to go find an orderly while the nurse who was working with her left to fetch Neuro. After a seizure that size and length they really needed that consult for Lou.
Once alone Meredith checked for abdominal tenderness again and listened to his heart rate. After a moment she turned around and ripped off her gloves so she could input his stats into the chart. With her back to Lou, Meredith didn't notice as he started to wake up. When she heard sounds of him moving around she turned around to find him standing up.
"Lou," Meredith said as she took his arm, "Lou, you need to lay down. You shouldn't be up. Lou."
He was protesting as Meredith tried to lead him to lay down. As Meredith attempted to settle him down he started grunting and pushing against her arms. It seemed to happen in an instant, Meredith went from calmly holding his forearm to being slammed against the glass window of the trauma room. She struggled to stand up but before she could regain her balance, Lou grabbed her and swung her across the room. Meredith screamed as she fought against her patient. He was much stronger than her and easily knocked her onto the gurney before tossing her against the medicine cabinet. Glass shattered from the impact and surrounded Meredith. Lou's hands went to her throat and Meredith frantically scratched at him, trying to free herself. Once again he lifted her up before slamming her against the windows of the trauma room. He repeatedly smacked Meredith against the windows as she helplessly screamed. He dropped her on the floor and knocked her head against the hard ground multiple times. Meredith's screams and grunts stopped and both her and Lou were on the ground. She helplessly twitched and moaned staring at the bottom of the door praying for it to open.
Meredith Grey had been through a bombing, a shooting, a drowning, and a plane crash. She should have been dead a thousand times over. She had spent years isolated. But as she lay on the ground, attacked by a patient, with the only sound she could her an empty buzzing, Meredith had never felt so alone.
The entire E.R. sprang into action after Penny found Meredith. Everybody moved to tend to their own. Meredith was fading in and out of consciousness as they worked. She didn't know what was happening. For a few moments she had thought she was dead.
Derek was just in the room over, Trauma 3, treating Lou when Alex burst in. Nobody had told him why his patient was restrained; he was just treating the injured man. Looking up, Derek saw a look of panic on Alex's face.
"What's wrong," Derek asked, a feeling forming in the pit of his stomach.
"It's Meredith," Alex choked.
Without warning Derek was sprinting out of the room leaving Edwards alone with the patient as she cried out asking what happened. The door to Meredith's trauma room smacked open. Derek had been right next door, treating the man who had attacked his wife and he didn't even know. Richard looked up from Meredith and sighed when he saw the pain on Derek's face. Derek moved through the room as if in a daze. He pushed past everybody until he was beside Meredith's head. He reached out a hand and stroked her cheek delicately. Alex followed him in and began treating Meredith but all Derek did was touch her, trying to let her know he was there, that she would be alright.
As Derek stood over her his heart felt like it leapt out of his chest when her eyes snapped open. She looked terrified and her eyes were darting around the room in a frenzy, trying to make sense of what was happening.
"She's awake," Derek called out.
Meredith watched his lips move but she hear nothing. Suddenly everybody was in her vision. Derek was in the center looking relieved and terrified at the same time. Hunt pushed through then Alex and April. Everybody was there talking saying things but Meredith couldn't understand. She couldn't hear. Moments later Maggie was by her side, pushed up against Derek. She was also talking but just like everybody else, Meredith couldn't understand.
So much was happening. She was in intense pain. Everybody was everywhere drawing blood or checking for a pulse or absolutely anything they could do. Her eyes were forced to look directly up, her neck brace not allowing her to look anywhere else. Meredith was terrified. Nothing was making sense. The only thing anchoring her down was the pressure and comfort of Derek's thumb as he rubs circles on her temple and down her cheeks. Helplessly, Meredith stared into his eyes, begging for answers.
"I know you're scared," Derek was whispering, "I know. But it's going to be okay. I promise Mer, it's going to be okay." She didn't know what he was saying. She couldn't hear. But the fact that he was there helped. He was her calm in the chaos.
Derek Shepherd had been through a lot. His wife and been through a lot. But her cries and moans of pain as they rolled her onto her side might have been the worst thing he ever experienced. And it was all his fault. If he had gone to her trauma room first this wouldn't have happened. Derek started to cry when Meredith bellowed in pain again. It was all his fault.
"What do you mean she's not responding?" Derek gasped at Edwards.
"I don't know what's wrong!" Edwards replied, "She should be able to-"
Derek didn't hear the rest of what Edwards was saying. He was looking down at Meredith trying to figure out what was wrong. Her eyes were wide, panicked, and searching. He tried to comfort her, talking to her, but she didn't react. The thought sent chills down his spine but he had to make sure. He snapped his fingers next to both ears. No response.
"She can't hear," Derek called out. He wasn't sure if he was relieved for terrified. At the very least it meant that she wasn't showing signs of Neuro deficits.
The next thought Derek had was that she couldn't breathe. He insisted that they don't trache her. She was gasping for air. Her jaw was locked and she couldn't open her mouth. When Jackson said that what he was about to do would hurt her like hell, Derek wished it was him on the table instead of his wife.
Everything was a blur as Meredith's eyes fluttered open. There was a constant buzzing in her ears and nothing else. She could vaguely make out the blobs she saw to be doctors, her friends most likely. Her eyes struggled to focus on the people standing at the foot of her bed before she felt a hand in hers. Looking to her side, everything quickly snapped into focus when she saw a ragged but relieved Derek grasping her hand and smiling. Looking back to everyone else then next she noticed was Alex, who looked just as relieved as Derek. Her eyes then moved to Richard and Maggie, both kindly smiling at her. She breathed for a moment, trying to process everything. Then it all went black again.
The next time Meredith woke up most of the bandages on her face were gone. The tube was out of her nose. She couldn't open her mouth though and her eyelids felt heavy.
Confused she looked around and saw Callie and Penny working on her. Meredith was in such a daze she had no idea what they were doing. She watched as Penny smiled, said something and left the room. She then looked back to Callie who was animatedly talking and smiling. Meredith still couldn't hear. It hurt. Not just her body but the situation. It felt too heavy, too intense. Instead of dealing with it Meredith pressed the morphine drip button. Moments later she was drifting into a painless and dreamless sleep.
Callie's smile slipped away as she watched Meredith's eyes flutter shut. Only moments later Derek was at the door, breathless, having run from the daycare where he had been with the kids. Penny had gone to get him so he could be with Meredith. He looked delighted at the idea of Meredith being awake. Callie slowly shook her head, letting him know she was asleep once more. Sighing, Derek walked across the room and sat down in the chair that was pulled flush to Meredith's bed side. It had become his spot since she was admitted into the hospital. Every night he sat vigil there and nearly every day as well. He was disappointed that one of the few times Meredith had woken up was one of the spare moments that he was out of the room.
When she woke up from the motion of her hospital bed, Meredith was terrified. She was prepped for surgery but she didn't know what the surgery was for. Everybody was surrounding her, just like every other time she had opened her eyes. Hunt and Torres were on either side of the gurney, when she glanced at them she saw that they were speaking but she had no grasp of what they were trying to say. The only calming presence was Derek. He was walking alongside her with his favorite ferry boat scrub cap on and his hand within her own. He tried speaking to her like everybody else but the difference was that where their attempts annoyed her, his comforted her.
The bed stopped moving when they reached the door to the O.R. Meredith couldn't tell what exactly was happening because she couldn't hear the conversation but Derek was arguing with Hunt.
"I'm going in there," Derek insisted, tightening his grip on Meredith's hand.
Hunt replied, "We can't have you there hovering over us worrying about her. You're going to be in the waiting room like any other husband."
"Screw that," Derek snapped, "I'm not any other husband and she isn't any other patient, you know that."
"Derek," Callie pleaded, trying to get him to understand why he shouldn't be in the operating room.
"No," Derek argued, "I'm going to be in there," He softened his tone as he looked down at Meredith's scared expression, he lovingly stroked his thumb across her hand as she clung to him desperately, "I'll do what I did when she donated her liver. I'll sit by her head. I won't say a word. But no matter what, I'm going to be in there."
Owen and Callie looked at each other before sighing. A small smile formed on Derek's lips as he watched the interaction. Agreeing to Derek's demands, Owen nodded his head and led Meredith's bed into the O.R.
The last clear thought Meredith had before she went under for the surgery was the comforting presence of Derek by her head and the feeling of his hands caressing her cheeks. As she drifted off her lips twitched up in a small smile, thanking Derek for being there with her.
As she came out of the anesthetic the first thing Meredith realized was that she couldn't open her mouth. She cautiously lifted a hand toward her lips and felt metal wires everywhere. Her blood seemed to turn to ice when she realized what had happened. Her jaw was wired shut. For a moment she closed her eyes and pressed her head into the pillow, wanting it all to end and just give up. After a moment of wallowing in her situation, Meredith glanced around the room.
Past the foot of her bed she saw Callie, Bailey, and Jackson arguing with Derek over her scans. She blinked a couple of times as everything was still blurred around the edges. While everyone else was in their scrubs and lab coats, Derek was in street clothes that looked slept in and halfway dirty. He looked exhausted.
Meredith's attention was pulled away from her husband and doctors, because in her condition they were her doctors and not her friends, when Penny came to check her jaw. As she swabbed Meredith's mouth, adjusting her lips and pressing against the wires, Meredith stared at Penny. Meredith was jealous of everybody else. Meredith was hating herself. When Penny gestured to her ears, Meredith slowly shook her head no.
Before Penny could leave, Meredith started frantically gesturing. Because she couldn't hear, Meredith still wasn't sure what was happening. She didn't even know her condition. It took a little silent arguing, but Penny eventually agreed to bring Meredith her charts, despite it being against hospital protocol.
Looking at the x-ray of her heavily wired-shut mouth, Meredith felt nauseous. Everything happening to her felt surreal. She had been attacked in her own hospital, by her own patient. The world seemed to be upside down. By the time Penny reached the head C.T. Meredith had had enough. It was all too much. She quickly gestured for the charts to be taken away. When Derek heard Penny agree he spun around.
"Meredith," he gasped, thrilled to see her awake. Then he saw the anger that painted her face. Leaving his argument behind, Derek hurried to Meredith's bedside. He kneeled next to her as she stared out the window, "It's going to be okay," he assured her. Pulling her hand through the bars on the bed, Derek pressed a kiss to the back of her hand and then in her palm. He kept murmuring that it was going to be okay. As Derek spoke, Meredith's eyes fluttered closed again.
Never in her life had Meredith felt so alone. She was as isolated as possible. She couldn't talk. She couldn't hear. The edges of her vision were still blurry. For over two weeks she had been confined to a hospital bed. It was all too much. As the thoughts rushed through her mind, Meredith was flooded with emotions. She couldn't stop herself as she started to sob. Meredith's entire body was shaking from the force of her sobs. She felt like she was trapped. She felt like she was broken. On top of it all, for the first time in days Meredith had woken up alone. Her entire world felt unhinged.
Derek was exhausted. Despite being on indefinite leave until Meredith's recovery, he had been called into a consult. Additionally, Ellis was going through teething and was up wailing all night long. He did his best to comfort her but when her screams woke both Zola and Bailey, leading his son to also start crying, Derek felt helpless. As he struggled to comfort all three of his children and get at least one person to sleep, Derek wondered how Meredith did it all while he was gone for months on end in D.C. Thinking about Meredith, confined to a hospital bed, Derek couldn't think of enough words in the English language to describe how thankful he was that he had given up his Brain Mapping job and was in Seattle as all of this was happening. He couldn't imagine Meredith going through this without him.
Having sent his kids home with Alex, who was watching them for the night, Derek made his way to Meredith's room. His schedule since Meredith's attack had been on an every other night basis. He was either at home with the kids or in a chair beside Meredith. The nights he spent in the hospital one of their friends would spend the night at the dream house with their kids. With Meredith's situation, Derek found it important to be by her side as often as possible, even if it meant sleeping in an uncomfortable visitors chair every other night. As he swung into the room, Derek stopped short.
His eyes fell on Meredith in tears, laying in her side as sobs wracked her entire body. Ripping off his jacket, Derek flung it across the room as he hurried to Meredith's side. He kicked off his shoes before pulled himself up onto the side of her hospital bed. They had been in that exact position before, one of them a patient and the other curled up at their side supporting them. Like always, the hospital bed was a tight squeeze but Derek needed to hold Meredith. He needed her to know he was there.
"Meredith," he breathed as he pulled her against him, "Meredith." He pressed a kiss to her cheek and he started idly speaking. Derek kept his mouth trained close to her ear, even though he knew she still couldn't hear him, he hoped the warmth of his breath would reassure her. Leaning one arm against the pillow so he essentially surrounded Meredith, Derek tried to comfort her. "Let it all out," he told her, "It'll be okay. I'm here."
Her breathing started evening out and her sobs slowed down. Sighing away another sob, Meredith looked up at her husband. Derek looked down at her, smiling a little.
"You know," Derek joked, "You might just be the snottiest patient I have ever seen," He reached across her for a tissue box, "I mean look at you. Snot everywhere," Derek continued, "Definitely the most beautiful patient as well. The snottiest beauty out there."
Meredith laughed a little as Derek continued, "I mean you might have a condition. You're a general surgeon," He said as he handed her a tissue, "You would know if there's a condition that makes you snotty but beautiful. We should look into that."
Taking the tissue, Meredith laughed a little more. She wiped at the corners of her eyes. When Derek jokingly told her to blow her nose, she did just that.
"Hang on," Derek sat up a little more, "Mer," he asked, "Can you hear me?"
Meredith pulled her face back a little, surprised as he snapped. Despite that, she nodded. She murmured slightly in confirmation.
Grinning Derek asked again, only louder, "You can hear me?" Meredith made the same murmur sound and nodded again.
Derek laughed, "You can hear me!" Meredith started laughing with him as she realized what was happening. She could hear again. They must have been quite a sight. Derek in rumpled clothing badly needing a shave and Meredith still bruised and bandaged in her hospital gown laughing hysterically together. Derek pulled her close to him and pressed multiple kisses to her forehead as they continued to laugh. For the first time since the attack, Meredith widely grinned around the metal in her mouth. She pushed lightly against his chest as they continued laughing. Beaming, Derek captured Meredith's lips in a quick kiss. Their eyes met and the laughter stopped for a moment. They both breathed, taking in what had just happened. It seemed like everything was finally getting better. Derek leaned in and kissed her again. She started laughing against his lips. When he pulled away he broke out into laughter with her. It was going to get better.
That night, he fell asleep in the hospital bed holding her after talking to her, telling her everything about the kids and the past two weeks and any topic he could think of, until his throat was sore and they were both exhausted. It was a much better exhaustion than the one Derek had when he first entered her room that night.
"She's kicking us out," Alex said after Meredith gestured for them to stop, "Let's go." The other doctors followed Karev's lead and left Meredith alone with Derek. Meredith sighed and went to clear the whiteboard.
Moving from where he had been across the room to Meredith's bedside, Derek told her, "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."
Meredith nodded, letting him know she understood. Then, despite the casts and pillows in her way, Meredith moved to the other side of the bed. She patted the now open space on the edge for Derek to join her. Grinning, Derek lowered the bar on the side of the patient bed and settled beside his wife, wrapping an arm around her.
"Oh," Derek exclaimed, "I almost forgot." Reaching into his back pocket he pulled out two handmade cards. One of them was covered in glitter and said 'get well soon mommy' written in messy letters, followed by Zola's name, while the other was a bunch of scribbles followed by what appeared to be a large B and more squiggles, which Meredith could only assume was Bailey's attempt at writing his name. "From the kids," Derek explained as he handed her the cards, "I didn't think Ellie was really capable of making any masterpieces like this." Taking the cards from Derek, Meredith seemed to light up. Her eyes hungrily scanned over them. Over the past month in the hospital, Meredith hadn't been able to see her kids at all. She missed the desperately. Thankful for the letters, Meredith pressed a lingering kiss to Derek's cheek before settling comfortably by his side. Adjusting against the pillows to get more comfortable, Derek and Meredith snuggled together as he told her how much their kids missed her.
Despite the fact that Arizona told her not to smile with her teeth, Meredith couldn't help but beam when she saw Derek walk through the door with Ellie in his arms and Zola's hand in his. It was the first time in nearly two months that she was seeing her kids and Meredith couldn't have been happier.
"Now remember what I told you," Derek told Zola and Bailey, "Mommy is still in a lot of pain so be delicate."
Zola nodded before tugging on her dad's arm and asking, "Can I go to her now?"
Glancing up at Meredith, Derek beamed, "Yes."
"Mommy!" Zola yelled as she dropped Derek's hand and sprinted across the room. Bailey followed his sister in quick succession. The two children climbed onto their mother's lap in a mess of limbs and giggles. They were just as thrilled as their mother to be with her again.
Watching his kids reunite with Meredith, Derek was glad he warned them about her condition as best as he could. He told them about the wires on her mouth and about the casts and bruising that wouldn't necessarily be covered up by the makeup. He didn't want them to be scared of seeing her in such a state but he knew it was time to for them to see her. Everyday Zola had been asking when she could see mommy. As they got closer and closer to when she could actually see her mother, Derek made up a story about criminal teeth and how Meredith's smile was so beautiful that her teeth needed to be in jail for a while, to explain her jaw-wiring. The children ate up the story and were immediately excited to see the contraption. Walking across the room with Ellie in his arms, Derek was proud of himself for making up the story. Instead of being scared of their mother, Zola and Bailey asked her to smile for them so they could see the wires. Both of their kids thought it was incredible that their mother was so beautiful she needed mouth prison.
For the entire forty-five minutes that Meredith was with her children she couldn't stop smiling. Zola and Bailey wouldn't stop babbling to her about how exciting their lives were and how much they loved her. When she held Ellis the baby clung to her desperately. Derek had pulled up a chair beside the one Meredith was in. For the first time in too long the entire Grey-Shepherd family was together and everything seemed to fall into place.
"Cross," Derek said as he entered Meredith's room, "Go get Meredith a wheelchair." At Derek's words, Meredith looked at him as if he was insane.
Despite her protests and angry words written on her whiteboard, the next thing she knew Meredith was being rolled down the hallway as Derek sang 'My Girl' to her.
Angrily, Meredith scribbled down 'this is kidnapping'.
"No it's not," Derek laughed, "We're married. This," He declared, "Is an adventure."
In response Meredith underlined the word kidnapping, to emphasize her point.
Through the entire process of Derek wheeling Meredith through the hospital and up the hill to the overlook she continuously wrote complaints on the whiteboard. When they reached the top of the hill, Derek parked her wheelchair beside the bench as he sat down.
"Why are you complaining so much about this," Derek wondered, "You've been going stir-crazy. This," He said as he wrapped an arm around the back of the wheelchair, pulling her closer to him, "Is a temporary jail break."
Meredith sighed and finally gave into Derek's infectious happiness. She had to admit, after over two months trapped inside the hospital, being outside felt incredible. They spent a while outside, enjoying a rare sunny day in Seattle. They laughed a lot and Meredith felt a lot lighter. Derek watched her as he giggled. She still looked injured, she still looked sick.
"Mer," He said before he could stop himself, "I'm sorry."
She looked at him as if was insane. She couldn't think of anything he had done wrong.
He confessed, "The day of the attack, you paged me. I… I had the choice between going to your trauma room or Hunt's and I chose Hunt's because of that silly stunt that morning. It seemed like nothing but...but I could have been there. I could have stopped this. I let you down. I'm so sorry."
He was going to continue apologizing when Meredith placed a hand on his thigh. Their eyes met, both pairs shining with tears. Slowly, Meredith moved her hand away from him and wrote on her whiteboard, 'there's nothing to forgive.'
Seeing Meredith's acceptance written down felt like Derek was coming up for air after drowning. He was washed over with intense relief. Pulling her as close as possible with the wheelchair and bench in the way, Derek pressed his face into her shoulder and repeated again and again, "I love you." She wrote the same three words down on her whiteboard.
Nervously, Meredith adjusted her leg brace. She was about to meet Lou, to see the man who attacked her. She was terrified. Some of her fear and tension ebbed away when Derek's body filled the doorway, "You ready?" He checked.
When she nodded, he pulled up the wheelchair to her bed. Meredith wrapped her uninjured arm around his shoulders as he lifted her out of the hospital bed and into the wheelchair, "I'm going to be there with you the entire time," He promised. She nodded again. Smiling a little Derek said, "Then let's do this."
As he pushed her into the hospital cafeteria, Meredith lifted her hand past her shoulder to wrap it around Derek's that was propelling her forward. Lou stood up as Meredith and Derek rolled in. She pressed her lips together in worry, not sure what to expect.
"Hi Dr. Grey," He introduced himself to her, as if she could ever forget him, "Lou...um...Thank you for meeting me." In his hands was a pot of purple flowers. They weren't lavenders but they were the same shade. If it were any other situation, Meredith might have found the coincidence between her favorite flower and the potted plant a little funny. He reached out and handed her the pot. Meredith accepted it but drew her hand away from his as quickly as possible. She glanced between the flowers in her lap and him before nodding.
Unsure of what to say next, Lou introduced his family. His younger daughter looked to be just a little older than Zola. She looked up at her father proudly with the same look Zola would give to Derek or Meredith whenever they were in their scrubs. He couldn't be all bad, Meredith decided, as she saw the way he held his daughter's hand.
"You got kids?" He asked as he sat down. Meredith lifted up three fingers as Derek said the number aloud. Then Lou remembered her jaw was wired shut because of him, "Right. Forgot you can't talk. The...uh...jaw."
Meredith listened as Lou struggled with his words. She felt Derek rub small circles on her shoulder and she was so thankful that he was there with her. There was so much sincerity in Lou's eyes as he apologized that Meredith felt her anger slipping away. It wasn't his fault. It happens. She was just the unfortunate doctor to whom it happened. Slowly, Meredith gestured for Derek to roll her forward. Tears were forming in her eyes but Meredith still reached out her hand to Lou and grabbed his arm. She was letting him know he was forgiven. They stayed with Lou and his family for a few more minutes. Meredith didn't write anything down, any questions directed at her were answered by Derek. She remained calm up until her back was to Lou. Then, still in the cafeteria and still in her wheelchair, Meredith began crying.
After three months, Meredith was finally being released. The wires from her jaw had been removed the week before. Her leg cast had finally been removed two days before. She was able to walk, albeit with a cane. She was finally going home.
As Derek went to get the car, Meredith slowly made her way to the pit. She didn't know what was possessing her to do so but she found herself standing in the doorway to the trauma room where her own trauma occurred. She was breathing heavily as she looked around. When she flicked on the light, memories of the attack came flooding back. Meredith sighed. She wasn't scared. Despite it all, she had been strong. She powered through. She was surviving her own trauma and she was going home.
A moment into her meditation, Derek opened the door. She wasn't surprised that he knew to find her there. It was the only place she would wander to after spending three never ending months in the hospital. She had to see where it all happened. Derek sighed and looked at her for a moment. He wanted to know everything that was running through her brain. He just wanted everything to be alright.
"Mer," He whispered.
Smiling a little, Meredith turned to look at him and said, "Let's go home."
Meredith stood on the deck of the ferryboat feeling incredibly free. The wind caused her hair to dance around and she closed her eyes, embracing the moment of serenity. Derek stood beside her, leaning against the rail. He watched her as she enjoyed her release from the hospital. When the boat slowed as it came toward the island Meredith grabbed Derek's hand. They walked back to the car slowly, but together.
Pulling up to the house filled Meredith's heart with joy. It really was her dream home and she couldn't think of anything better than being back. She grinned at Derek as he helped her out of the car. He promised to come back out to get her things, saying he wanted to get her settled first. The front steps were a slow process but once they were inside, Meredith let out a sigh of relief and joy. She was home. Derek led her over to the couch settling her in and wrapping her in a blanket. He promised that he would be back in a moment but he asked her if she needed anything three times before actually going to the car.
"I'm fine," She insisted. When Derek gave her a look she added, "And not just Meredith fine. I'm real person fine. Really," Accepting her words, Derek sat down next to her and placed an arm around her shoulders, "I'm just happy to be home," Meredith finished.
That night, when the kids came home, dropped off by Maggie, Meredith couldn't think of a time she felt happier. The entire family gathered on the couch. Bailey snuggled underneath Meredith's raised leg. Ellie was perched in Meredith's lap. Zola held open a book that Meredith was reading. Derek sat on the ground, leaning against the couch directly below Meredith. As she read, he pressed a tender kiss to her knee. She was home and the deafening silence was finally gone.