Author's Note: This story is set in the Legendverse, which means it will reference other stories from the past by both myself and Legend Maker, starting with her story Danny's Inferno and my story To Charm a Ghost. However reading those is not essential to understanding this one—the references are simply Easter Eggs to establish continuity.

Noel, Noel
Chapter One: Of Christmas Here and Now

Sam grimaced the whole time Paulina was stringing up the banner over the gym entrance. Friday afternoon on the last day of school of the semester saw many preparations for the Holiday-themed dance the following Saturday.

"Of Christmas Here and Now?" Sam mocked. "Come on, Paulina, I don't even celebrate Christmas and I know that's not how it goes."

Paulina, in unusually good spirits, stepped down from her stepladder and explained, "I know that, but people kept getting confused and thinking 'Of Christmas Present' meant gift instead of 'the Christmas that is not the one before this one or the one after this one.' That's why we changed it."

"People got confused," Sam repeated.

"Yes."

"Including you?"

Paulina nodded. "Including me… Hey! That was so mean of you."

Sam turned and walked away. "I'd never miss an opportunity to prove your inferiority, Paulina."

She joined Tucker as they left the gym and headed toward the office of The Enemy. "I still can't believe what Danny did," Tucker said.

"Unless Lancer's in the holiday spirit," Sam agreed, "his Christmas goose is cooked.

Danny Phantom Theme Goes Here

The chill in Assistant Principal Lancer's office vaguely reminded the young man of his therapy sessions with the ex-school therapist Penelope Spectra, though this chill was for an entirely different reason, as was this visit to the office of his most hated human enemy.

"Daniel Fenton." Lancer spoke as if they'd never met before. Sure, this was the first time he'd been in trouble with Lancer this semester, but whatever happened to the Lancer that knew Danny could pass that blasted poetry class and then made it a reality?

"Yes, Mr. Lancer?" Danny said, hanging his head. He knew the act that had him brought here was his own fault and nobody else's. He hadn't even used his ghost powers to conceal it this time.

Lancer sipped his hot tea and pulled his coat more tightly around his body. The electric heat was still out at Casper High, and the thermometer outside was reading 20 Fahrenheit. The schools ancient coal heat system left much to be desired too.

Finally, Lancer's voice made Danny snap back to reality. "Will you please explain to me, why you, of all students, elected to punch-out Nathan Michaels during PE this afternoon?"

Danny looked away. "He was annoying me with Christmas carols. He knows I don't like Christmas and was singing them just to get on my nerves. I know what I did was wrong; I just lost control of my temper."

Lancer grimaced. "Well, seeing that it's the last day of school this semester, I don't suppose I can ask you to show up for Saturday school, and detention isn't severe enough for this kind of behavior. So you're getting off free. For now." Lancer turned, but Danny saw his reflection in the window begin to smirk. "I'll decide your final punishment when you return from Christmas break, but in the interim, I want you to write a thirteen-hundred word essay on anger management. I'm sure your brilliant sister can help you with that."

"That's it?" Danny asked, raising a cautious eyebrow.

"I could make it two thousand words if you wish," Lancer said gravely.

Danny's eyes widened and he wildly shook his head no. "No thank you, sir, 1300 is plenty. I'll see you in January!"

Danny vanished out the door, leaving Lancer alone with his thoughts

Outside Lancer's office, Danny found Sam and Tucker waiting for him, and they matched his stride as he tried to get out of the school building as quickly as possible.

"So, how many years in purgatory did Lancer sentence you to?" Sam asked him as the exited the building.

"I don't know yet," Danny said. "But I gotta write an essay over the break."

Tucker winced. "Ouch. Thirteen hundred words?"

"Yup. I take it you've had some experience in the matter?"

"Oh no, not me," Tucker said. "But the legends spread. They say Lancer gives the unlucky number thirteen (times a hundred) words to the students he really doesn't like hoping something horrible will befall them over the break."

"Befall?" Sam said with a chuckle. "Since when do you major in melodrama, Tucker?"

"We're sophomores, Sam," Tucker replied. "Little too early to be thinking of college majors, don'tcha think?"

Sam sighed. "It was a metaphor. Anyway, Danny, I think Lancer's right to be harsh. There was no point in punching out Nathan. He can get creepy, but you need to chill out."

"Yeah." Tucker agreed. "I thought you decided to go easier on those of us who actually like the holidays last year."

"I know, I know," Danny said. "It's just, well, that time of year again. You know. I already think I heard my parents gearing up for the argument this morning."

Sam shook her head. "You mean they still go on about that? Why is it that people in their forties insist on acting like they're four?"

Danny turned as the trio passed by his house and walked up the stairs. "Well guys, I'll see you around," he said. "Jazz insists that me and her go through and start classifying my enemies by level of power."

Sam gave him a knowing smirk. "Have fun, Danny. And for what it's worth, Merry Christmas."

"Yeah," Danny said, his voice low and unenthusiastic. "Happy Hanukkah. See you around.

Days passed and Christmas Eve arrived, but Maddie and Jack still refused to learn their lesson. Every morning they got into it again. Danny thought for a moment that he'd rather them argue in rhyme like last year.

I've said it before, I'll say it again: a sleigh cannot travel the globe at Mach Ten. At least that had a catchy rhythm to it.

He promptly began to doubt his sanity.

In Danny's room, he and Jazz poured over the computer files of his enemies.

"Okay," Jazz said. "We've classified you as a Delta-Class ghost." Most of your enemies are Epsilon or Delta class, but with exceptions. Skulker…"

"Definitely Gamma-class," Danny said with a nod. "And Vlad…?"

"He's more powerful than Skulker." Jazz typed the word Beta into his entry.

"Then who classifies as Alpha?" Danny wondered out loud.

Jazz looked at him knowingly and opened another file, and Danny's fiery-haired doppelganger appeared on the screen. "Your other self from the future."

Danny groaned. He didn't really care to be reminded of Dark Danny or Dan or Phantom or whatever they were supposed to call him. "Right. And I can think of two Omegas right off the bat. Flammadea…"

"And Pariah Dark," Jazz finished. She updated both files accordingly.

"I think Clockwork also counts as an Omega," Danny said. "Even though he's not really an enemy."

"Updated," Jazz said. "That's nearly everyone you've faced so far. I'm still not sure what to classify Anubis as since he was…"

The look on Danny's face made Jazz pause.

"Yeah," she said contritely. "Better not bring that up."

Jazz left him and went to her own room, and Danny collapsed and fell back on the bed. He almost drifted off to sleep, when he was suddenly awakened by the sound of something crashing into his window. Danny opened it and looked out to see Dash Baxter and several other kids that either were in the popular crowd or followed it like sheep standing there with rocks and snowballs in hand.

"What's going on!?" Danny shouted out at them.

"Your stupid parents, Fen-Turd!" Dash hollered up at him. "They're at the mall again, arguing about whether Santa Claus is real again. And our parents refuse to take us to the mall for last minute shopping because they can't put up with the constant arguing with megaphones. So we're gonna take it out on your hide by wailing on… your hide!"

"Ever consider having Paulina take you?" Danny shot back, bitter. "Oh, that's right, she can't because she's so stupid and shallow she failed her driver's test because she didn't know the difference between a yield sign and a stop sign!"

Danny turned from his window and shot one of his model space shuttles with an ectoplasmic energy beam to take out some frustration.

"You come down here and say that!" Dash yelled from out front.

Danny looked back out the window and shook his head. "I think I'll have the police say it for me." He waved the phone at them, though he expected them to break up before he had to use it.

"The cops are all at the mall trying to break up your parents' fight!" Dash shouted back. Though from his tone of voice it was clear he wasn't totally certain about it.

"Well I guess I'll have to send them the recordings on my dad's security cameras," Danny said. "I'm sure they'll get around to arresting you eventually."

Dash looked uncertain and the threat of such measures caused the crowd to thin considerably. Still, Danny got the sense they weren't going to let up before the night was over, even if they'd have to find other methods of harassing him.

Danny decided he'd never be more grateful for a ghost attack—but since it was Christmas Eve, the Ghost Truce was in effect and he was out of luck. Danny looked across his room to the lock box lying on his dresser, and phased his hand through it. Inside was the Titan Com he'd been given after his battle with Jinx last November. He clasped in his hand around the device for a moment before deciding what to do.

Danny Fenton transformed into Danny Phantom and phased into Jazz's room.

"Danny, what are you doing? There's not a ghost breaking the Truce is there?"

"No," he said. "There's a mob of angry fifteen-year-olds outside that wants to wail on my hide for what our parents are currently doing at the mall."

"Danny you wouldn't think of attacking them…" Jazz said, putting her psychology book down and standing up to look her hovering brother in the eyes.

"Of course not. I just came in here to tell you to I'll be spending the night out of town. I'm sick of Christmas—even if I learn to like the holiday itself nobody will ever teach our parents to stop arguing about it."

"This is a bit rash," Jazz said. "You want me to talk to Dash?"

"I didn't say it was Dash." Danny blinked.

Jazz smiled. "You didn't say it wasn't."

Danny nodded, but continued to scowl. "You can do what you want. I'm leaving."

The troubled hero phased through the floor and into the basement where the Specter Speeder rested. Danny extended his intangibility and invisibility fields to encompass the whole Speeder and then took off through the side of the house.

Destination: Jump City, Florida.