PANCHITO

Season Two

(In order for this to make sense, please read Season One first)

"3 Good Friends: Part Two"

Chapter One: So, You Ran Over Jesus

We pulled up into Starbucks. "So," I said, looking at everyone, "what does everyone want?" I pulled out my phone, opened my Notepad app and took down orders:

Dodger: Nothing, doesn't drink coffee

Donald: Iced Cafe Americano

John: Iced Cafe Mocha

Jose: Strawberries and Crème Frappuccino

Launchpad: Black Shaken Iced Tea

Panchito: Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino

Slash: Vanilla Rooibos Tea Latte

Terry: Blueberry Muffin

Me: Carmel Frappuccino (my usual, no joke by the way)

So I walked in orders and money in hand into the Starbucks. The rest of them in good sport followed me. I turned to Jose.

Hey, Jose

"Si Senor?" The parrot said.

Write for me while I order.

"Sure." Jose said. He cleared his throat.

I'm not really sure how to do this but...Jose began. He pulled out his wallet and told the orders. The cashier woman, who was a fat, overworked, underpaid lady in her forties, who had nothing better to do with her time and only looked forward to sitting down at the end of the day looked at him as if he was crazy.

"That'll be $268.90." She said.

"What? That's crazy!" Nothing Really Specific said.

Jose rolled his eyes and tapped my shoulder. "Senor," he said, "I can't do this, do you have a nickname or something that I can call you by, anything?" I shook my head. "Alright, fine, I'll give you one."

"That's fine." I said.

Jose continued writing.

"What? That's crazy!" Perçage said. ("Boring" in French)

"I'm sorry sir," the cashier replied, "I don't make the prices."

Perçage nodded, turned away in defeat and looked at his friends.

"Sorry guys, I don't have the money."

Slash nodded, "Don't worry, I got this." He said walking towards the counter.

Perçage turned to Jose.

You can stop writing now.

"Thanks," Jose said. "I was starting to get fidgety."

Don't like writing?

"No." The parrot said. "It gives me anxiety."

Slash walked towards the counter with a little bit of a strut. The cashier noticed this and looked up. She was, fortunately for us, the biggest Guns n' Roses fan ever. She screamed with glee, like a thirteen year girl does when she sees her favorite artist in public, it was like Beatles mania or something. She smiled, waved, screamed her head off, ran in circles, and gazed very provocatively at him. Slash, who had his sunglasses on, put his arm on the counter, tilted his head, moved his sunglasses down on his nose and said. "So, what kind of music do you like?"

"All of your music!" The cashier screamed. Slash rolled his eyes, "Anything else." He said, not wanting to play any of his own songs. "Do you know any Bluegrass?" The cashier asked. Slash nodded, "Got a banjo?" The cashier nodded and pulled one out from underneath the desk, she grabbed a permanent marker, a black Sharpie as well. Slash took both, signed the banjo and began playing. Everything was fine until Jose looked over.

"What song are you playing?" Jose asked, his face turning to slight fear at the sight of the banjo. Slash turned towards the parrot, "No idea," he said turning back towards the cashier, "any requests?"

The cashier nodded. "O Brother."

"Gottcha," Slash said, "O Brother, coming up." He said.

He started playing the guitar, the opening chords, the sixteenth notes, and the old country feel began to fill the room. Everyone started to tap their right foot, Panchito, Donald, Launchpad, Terry, John, and me started to do a square dance variation as the song progressed. Dodger just waited outside by the door, which I opened so that way he could hear. He bobbed his head back and forth. Everyone was having a relatively good time. The kitchen detail was clapping along, the cashier stood batty eyed, Slash played flawlessly. The only one who was in complete hell was Jose. At about the two-minute mark, and old geezer in the back had a violin and knew the song well enough to play the violin part. He started playing. Jose looked around the room, the swirling mass of terror and confusion. His head started spinning, his eyes became enraged, he looked like he was about to explode. When the violin got to the really fast sixteenth notes, at the climax of the solo, Jose looked left and burst through the window. Everyone stopped dancing and enjoying themselves and turned, seeing the shattered glass and Jose, the deranged parrot, who was now bleeding, on the sidewalk outside.

Dodger looked over and rushed towards him, "Hey, you alright?" He asked. Jose, with pieces of glass lodged in his head and beak looked up at the dog and smiled. "Yeah, just peachy."

"Hold on alright." Dodger said. An ambulance wheeled by. Dodger barked in distress. The ambulance still drove off. Dodger huffed, not really wanting to chase an ambulance in Vegas but after looking at Jose again, he swallowed his pride and ran after it, barking all the way.

Panchito and Donald rushed out and helped their friend to his feet. The rest of us walked out a bit confused. "Where did Dodger go?" Launchpad asked. Terry, John, Launchpad, and Slash turned towards me.

What?

"Aren't you the author?" John said.

Yeah.

"Do you know what's going on?" Terry asked.

At this point, hell no.

Terry walked over to the Hummer and opened the door to allow Panchito and Donald to set Jose down in the seat. The two birds started fanning him, giving him some air. Launchpad walked over, "Why the hell did you jump out of a window?" He asked as the rest of us walked over. Jose looked at me. "Why did you do that senor?" The parrot said looking at Slash.

"You gotta do it for the chicks man, you gotta do it for the chicks."

####

Dodger ran down the street. The ambulance was whizzing by like Speedy Gonzales. Dodger barked like a good dog. "Hey asshole!" He screamed at the ambulance, running beside it. The ambulance driver, who just so happened to be Bill Sikes, Dodger's archrival. They stopped at a red light. Dodger dodged a car that was pulling up. His tail wasn't so lucky though. It was stuck underneath the back right tire. His face was priceless. Dodger looked towards the driver seat window, trying to hide his pain to the best of his ability.

Sikes rolled the window down, he was smoking a big cigar that said, "I'm a drug lord douchebag turned ambulance driver who still can't kick the cigar smoking habit about thirty years, I have lung cancer, and I am the world's worst person ever sunglasses." Yes, he had sunglasses on. "So, if it isn't Dodger, my old friend." He said with a despicable laugh as he knocked cigar ashes onto the dog's nose. "What do you need?" He said. "For you to turn around and save my friend." Dodger said. "Sorry," Sikes said, "can't help ya, busy."

"Where are you headed?" Dodger asked, not believing a word he said.

"Starbucks." Sikes answered. Dodger sighed, "Starbucks is that-a way." He said pointing back the way he came. "It is?" Sikes said with a malicious smile. "Well, let me be on my way then." The green light. Painfully the car moved off Dodger's tail, and the dog quickly moved out of harm's way. Sikes drove the ambulance through the stoplight, only to turn around at the last minute, causing a wreck, and speed in the other direction, purposefully running Dodger over. Dodger screamed like hell and ran after the ambulance again.

In the back of the ambulance, Sikes' assistant, Br'er Rabbit, with his scrubs, was behaving like a legitimate very literal Mexican Jumping Bean. In other words, he was bouncin' all over the place. "Sikes!" Br'er said in his Southern drawn accent, "I'm bouncin' all over the place, stop fuckin' around and drive right before I have to beat you to a pulp again!"

"Shut up you idiot I'm driving!" Sikes replied. Br'er looked at Sikes, and although he was his partner, he wanted to kill him. "Would it kill you to," he said, looking through the windshield, "Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed.

"What!" Sikes said, confused as they were coming up in a man with a beard, who in truth, did look like the Western depiction of Jesus. If Jesus were homeless that is. In reality this man's name was Jesus, pronounced Hey-Zeus, and his last name was Chris. Jesus Chris, and Jesus wasn't anything special, just a recent casino worker, now unemployed, who just got kicked out of his house, trying to go get some coffee to lift his spirits. Sikes slammed the breaks and Jesus crossed the crosswalk, but it was too late because the ambulance hit him and stopped.

Br'er and Sikes looked at each other in regret and rushed out. Jesus was bleeding on the ground, his nose was bloody and his head hurt, he also lay flat on the ground, not really wanting to move. "Holy shit!" Br'er said, leaning over the poor man they just run over, he looked at Sikes. "You killed Jesus!"

"No correction, we killed Jesus." Sikes said.

Jesus sat up painfully and looked at both of them. "My name is Jesus."

"Yeah, we know." Br'er said, apparently missing the pronunciation. "You're the savior."

Jesus sighed, "It's pronounced Hey-Zeus."

"Hey!" Br'er yelled, getting a bit defensive. "Don't you dare go blasphemizing on me!"

"But that's my name!" Jesus insisted, standing up. "Woah, now," Br'er said, "don't you start walking on water now." He said. "What?" Jesus said, looking at the rabbit as if he were crazy. "Go, get away from me!" He walked towards the Starbucks.

Jesus passed the Hummer and saw me typing on my laptop. He walked over. "Are you the author of this story?" He asked. I looked up and nodded, "Yeah, why, something bothering you?"

"Yeah," Jesus pointed towards Br'er Rabbit, "that guy right there, I don't know what his problem is but he thinks I'm God." I rolled my eyes, closed my laptop, sat it down safely on the floor of the Hummer and walked over.

"Br'er," I said. "we need to have a talk."

"Sure." He said, and as we walked to the back of the ambulance, Dodger showed up, panting like crazy. "Did I miss anything?" He asked. "Yeah," I answered, "they just ran over Jesus."

"Jesus Christ?" He asked.

"No! Jesus Chris."

Dodger nodded, "Is that a cousin of his or something?"

I sighed, "Just get back to the Hummer." Dodger left. I turned towards Br'er Rabbit, "Look, I don't know if this is going to work."

"What do you mean if this ain't gonna work?" Br'er asked, a look of 'please keep me on' all over his face. "You're just so gullible." I said. "So you're fired."

"W-w-what?" Br'er said, a tear falling from his eye and going down one of his whiskers. "But I thought you liked me?"

I smiled. "Like I said, you're so gullible, get back in there."

Br'er just looked at me and flipped me off. "Asshole." He said and shut the ambulance door.