"I'll come back when you call me" That was what Castiel had said the last time when Dean had seen him.
"I'll come back when you call me" And Dean had thought about it, countless times every day and he had dreamed about it, too. Sometimes he even got as far as selecting Cas' name on his cell, with his thump hovering over the call button but he always gave up.
He needed to talk to Cas, because Cas would understand why it didn't matter how much Dean liked Lisa and loved Ben; he still hated his life, hated and missed and loved Sam for condemning him to this life.
He felt like he shouldn't be here, it should be him and Cas, fighting monsters, looking for God and beating the crap out of Heaven and Hell. He remembered the last time it had been like that and it had been a good time, probably the best time of his life.
/
But even if he would stay here in his perfect apple pie life he would like to see Cas again because Cas was his friend and Dean just...he just needed Cas in his life like he needed water and food and sleep.
But Cas was where he belonged, he was probably happy, back in Heaven with his family, so how could Dean call him back from it just because he missed him so much that it felt sometimes he would go crazy from missing him.
That would be unnecessarily selfish. Cas would probably resent him from ripping him from Heaven again and Dean couldn't lose Cas too after he had already lost Sam. When Cas had said "I'll come back when you call me" he hadn't meant "Call me whenever you feel like it", he had meant "If you manage to trigger another apocalypse then call me".
Dean couldn't blame him, he wouldn't want to hang out with himself either but other than Cas he didn't have a choice.
/
And then one day out of the blue Cas appeared in their garden. Dean had been helping Lisa with the dishes when she had looked out of the window and asked him:
"Dean, do you know that man?"
He had followed her eyes and there Castiel stood, crooked tie and trench coat and all. Very slowly Dean had put the dish towel down and walked out of the house. Cas had watched him with that enigmatic expression on his face that could almost but not completely be called a fond smile.
"Cas?" Dean asked, not unlike the moment when Cas had come back from the dead after the defeating Lucifer. Castiel tilted his head and without waiting for an answer Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and hugged him tightly.
"Are you really here, Cas?" Dean whispered in a rough voice into the soft skin of Cas' neck, while he felt Castiel wrapping his arms loosely, awkwardly around Dean.
"Yes," Castiel answered simply: "You should have called."
Dean let out a laugh that was half a sob and only held on tighter. He could feel tears on the corners of his eyes.
"Dean." Castiel said and his name held a thousand different meanings when Cas said it. He moved a bit to loosen Dean's grip on him.
"Dean." He said again. Dean looked at him.
"Stop being so stupidly self-sacrificing." It sounded harsh and angry, just as angry as Cas had been in that alley.
"Don't go," Dean whispered: "Just don't go."
"You should have called." Castiel repeated seriously and kissed him.