" so let mercy come and wash away
what I've done."
she was so angry at herself.
yes, angry, an emotion.
she could feel, dammit. no matter what he said, she could feel.
she was breathing. she was alive.
she didn't have a heart, but she was alive.
(god help me. I'm alive.)
she wanted it all to go away.
far, far away, to the point where she could reach out and only feel the cold emptiness it left behind.
was she afraid? is that why she betrayed the only person who would ever help her?
(fear?)
maybe so. and that was one of the many reasons she just hated herself.
she couldn't (wouldn't, she soon realized) erase what she'd done. she could only wait for mercy, bone-crushing mercy that would never come.
and you know the funniest part of all of this?
these emotions that she apparently couldn't feel, all this hate, anger, sadness, suffering…
all of that was better than feeling nothing at all.
"I'll face myself to cross out what I've become."