AN: This is another random idea. So basically, Sirius is a Slytherin and Snape is a Gryffindor. They've traded places in other words. They are probably around their 4th or 5th year in Hogwarts. Sirius send Remus a death threat and this is the result. I don't know if the whole fan fiction will be with letters, but I'm going to try and do it all with letters. Doe Eyes is Snape's Marauder name.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything!
Dear Remus Lupin,
If you and your friend wish to stay alive this year, I suggest you learn to control him. Don't be so surprise if he ends up in the hospital tomorrow.
-A pissed off Slytherin
Dear whomever this concerns,
I'm terribly sorry for whatever James did, however, I must point out some flaws in your threat here. Firstly, why would you kill both him and ME if I didn't do anything to you? Secondly, though you didn't leave a name, I could easily track your owl and report you for death threats. Thirdly, if you don't want us to know your name, which I can only assume you don't because you didn't sign your name, then the plan of personally attacking James tomorrow to put him in the hospital would be quite the dumb move since we would then know who you are despite your efforts to remind hidden. Also you told us you were in Slytherin, which narrows the search down a lot considering now I don't have to go through the other three houses to find you. Lastly, if you're so upset with James' action, why didn't you send a letter to him? Why did you send it to me? I don't have much control over what James does. I can try and talk to him, but I'm afraid without much of an explanation from you, I'm not sure what to even talk to him about…
-Remus Lupin
Dear asshole,
Thanks for the smart-ass note, I plan to kill you both now.
-Anonymous
Sirius Black,
Thank you for your letters. I plan to report you now. Hope detention is enjoyable. I'm sure it won't be your first time.
-Remus Lupin
Remus,
How the hell did you get my name?
-SB
Dear Sirius,
I told you I would track the owls. I just watched who my owl went to deliver the message I wrote. Plus, I've seen your owl around. I knew who's owl it was when the first letter arrived. Perhaps you should reconsider threatening a Marauder. Or at least use a school owl next time, and probably some new handwriting since we now know your handwriting.
-Remus Lupin
Remus,
Thanks for the tips. You and Potter will still die.
-SB
Dear Sirius,
Just out of curiosity, how do you plan to do this murder, considering you're under age, at a school, and the killing curse is illegal? I mean, wouldn't you have to draw us out in the woods or something first and then do a swift attack, assuming you can take the two of us down, and dispose of the bodies. Sounds a like too much work for someone of your status to consider doing. Unless you plan to hire a professional to do it. Even then, they couldn't kill us at a school without anyone noticing, so you'd have to wait until over the Summer where it would be more likely for accidents to happen and since we wouldn't be able to use magic to defend ourselves. But even if a professional managed to do it, we've got proof of your letters that we can show so they can still track it back to you. Overall, it looks like we'll be with you the reminder of the year and if you do kill us by the end of this year, then you'll be in Azkaban in no time, so I suggest calming the death threats down or we'll get you expelled, and then what would your parents do, I wonder?
-Remus Lupin
Remus,
What do you mean it sounds like too much work for someone of MY status?! And furthermore, I could take the both of you out with my eyes closed! You're of no threat to me! I wouldn't hire a professional, that's just lazy! You highly underestimate me and I will have my revenge!
-SB
Dear Sirius,
Well now I have your confession in writing. Thank you. You're making this case much too easy on me and James, you know, if you were going to actually do something. However, the way I see it is you're a bunch of talk without any real plan of action. We've written how many letters on this topic of revenge against us, and you've yet to do anything. Maybe this is the reason you weren't sorted into Gryffindor. You don't have the courage to put your words into actions.
-Remus Lupin
Moony,
That prick Sirius Black attacked me in the halls today! Told me to tell you that you were next. Sorry, mate, but they're not letting me leave the hospital wing. Knock him good for me!
-Prongs
Sirius,
Not funny, Sirius! I am reporting you immediately! Leave me and my friends alone or there will be hell to pay!
-Remus Lupin
Remus,
I thought you said you and James would be a challenge for me. James was too cocky in his battle and I was able to knock him in the hospital wing in under five minutes. Knowing that, I'm going to take a guess on under three minutes for you. Unless… you apologize to me.
-SB
Dear Sirius,
You're delusional. I will not apologize for stating obvious facts. You can try and take me, but you'll fail. I suggest you give up this childish revenge ploy and just finish out your schooling, unless of course your plan was to fail out of school, and if that were the case, you're doing great!
-Remus Lupin
Moony,
Mate! Are you alright?! Doe Eyes told us you're in the hospital, but the stupid nurses won't let us see you! Did Sirius do this to you?! I swear I'm going to kill him! He's going to regret ever looking in our direction!
-Prongs
Dear James,
I'm fine. The injuries are minor. Honestly, I'm fine. Don't go messing with Sirius. We'll report him again and let the professors take care of it. Attacking him would be exactly what he wants. You and Snape need to stay away from him. Nurse says I'll be out in by dinner. See you then.
-Remus
Dear Sirius,
You were wrong.
-Remus Lupin
Remus,
What?
-SB
Dear Sirius,
I actually last more than five minutes in the battle, so that means you were wrong about your guess.
-Remus Lupin
Remus,
Wow… You're gloating about failing a duel in under ten minutes? Here I was actually starting to think maybe not all Gryffindors were as dumb as I thought before this. Guess this explains why Ravenclaw didn't want you.
-SB
Dear Sirius,
I know it's been a week since my last reply, but I saw what you did… I've been neglecting to reply because I figured this was a childish game and that you were a royal prick who didn't deserve my time. However, I think I understand now. It was a cry for help. You're obviously not as bad as you lead people onto believe. I think you're in with a bad crowd and the peer pressure of being what they want and what your family wants has gotten to you. But after seeing you save that kid, I know you can't be an all bad kid yourself. You're not a lost cause, and I'm willing to over look the attacks on my friends and I if you need someone to talk to.
-Remus Lupin
Remus,
You know nothing about me! Don't pretend to understand me! I don't need your sympathy and I definitely don't need your company! If this is a form of black mail, I don't care! Go tell everyone! My letters are not a 'cry for help'! I don't need any help! Especially not from YOU! Go die!
-SB
Completion of chapter one! Be expecting chapter two soon! Read and Review as always and tell me if you liked this!