Goodbyes
A/N: Okay. You'll have to read this author's note carefully because I've changed stuff around compared to the actual timeline. First, pretend that Mac met Dalton and resigned some time after her Article 32 following her husband's reappearance in her life. Also pretend that the admiral was more severe in punishing Mac for getting herself in a situation that merited an admiral's mast. So, to recap: Mac's husband reappears and then dies. She has that Article 32 plus admiral's mast. Then some time after that Mac meets Dalton and resigns from JAG. Then, Harm gets himself in that situation where he ends up being a fugitive from the law and shows up at Mac's apartment (People v Rabb).
Why change the timeline, you ask? Well, I'd initially watched the episodes out of order, and it made sense to me that Mac had this hidden past before we got to know her better. The other way around still doesn't make sense to me, but what do I know I didn't produce the show. All else aside, this way just fits my story better.
Let's say this story starts about mid-season 4. This way Harm's dad issues are resolved, and it's enough time for the two to fight an attraction and settle into status quo.
Did any of the above make sense? If it didn't, fear not, you can still read on. It's not that long a story.
As always, your feedback is much appreciated, especially since the last two chapters are still incomplete and your comments will help me tweak them.
This story picks up right after Mac successfully defends Harm. In the actual episode (People v Rabb), she wants her job at JAG back. In this story, not so much.
..
Goodbyes 1/?
"Well done, Ms MacKenzie." The admiral gave Mac a curt nod. He did not wait for a response before turning to Harm. "Commander, I will see you in my office in ten minutes."
"Yes, Sir." Harm replied, still savouring the relief of this particular victory.
The admiral turned on his heel and walked out of the court room. Mac watched him go, and Harm studied Mac.
"He's still mad at me," She said.
"He's thawing," Harm assured her. A white lie, but a forgivable one. "He just took it personally."
She sighed, her eyes roaming the well-worn courtroom fixtures and furniture. The longing in her was palpable.
"Admit it," He tried not to goad, "You've missed this."
"I did."
"So you'll come back?" He asked, trying to mask his eagerness. He'd suspected that, once back in the courtroom, the pull would be too hard for her to resist. "Ask the admiral, I'm sure he wouldn't refuse, Mac. This place hasn't been the same. Hell, he's been walking around like a bear with a sore tooth since you left - you saw it yourself."
She didn't respond. Her glance slid to the courtroom doors. "You ever feel like you're playing it safe?" She was not looking at him, instead still watching the doors as they slid shut behind the last of the audience members to leave the courtroom.
"This is about you spreading your wings." He sighed. Stubborn woman.
"I feel like ever since I dried out, joined the Marines, I've been playing it safe. Making the comfortable decisions." She paused, shrugged. "And before that, I don't even know who I was. It's like the world is suddenly opening up all these opportunities. Possibilities."
"But you hate it at Dalton's firm."
She looked at him in surprise. "I've never told you that."
"I know you, Mac." He let his gaze linger on her, the way the afternoon light fell across her cheek. She felt so far away. "I can see it in your eyes."
She bit back a smile. Annoying as he could be, he was right and she knew it. "I do hate it. I sent out applications and resumes to other firms, though. Something more up my alley."
"You did?" He couldn't hide his surprise. This was all coming out of left field, and he couldn't wrap his mind around it. He was sure she'd come back to JAG. "Does Dalton know?"
"Dalton is not my keeper."
"But you two are..." He couldn't find a word that didn't leave a sour taste in his mouth. "...Involved."
"It's not that serious, Harm, that I would run my life plans by him."
And yet you're talking to me about it, he thought.
"I've never felt like this," Her eyes sparked, her smile flashed, "So ... free."
A deep worry clawed at his gut. He was afraid that she would end up floating away, unmoored from anything that tied her to this world, without the structure, the rules that her kept her on the straight and narrow since she turned nineteen. He didn't know how he felt about this side of her ... no, he did know how he felt. It was like trying to contain lightning. What would she be without the uniform? Would he recognize her?
"How did your Uncle feel about you leaving the Marines?" He cleaved for a way to make her reconsider.
"He was okay with it, I think. I wrote to him and he wrote back. But he can be so hard to get a read on. He isn't the best communicator."
He watched her, not able to process how she could give this life up.
She caught his stare. "You don't understand, do you?"
He shook his head, and then shrugged, giving up. Since when had she been predictable anyways. "You have to do what you have to do, Mac."
"That's not an answer."
"Why do you need me to understand?" He was getting upset.
For an instant, the adventure left her, replaced by a heart-rending vulnerability. "I don't want to lose my friends because of this."
He took a moment to answer, not sure if he wanted to reassure her.
"We're friends with you, Mac, not the uniform."
"I can't help shake that I'm betraying you all," She said, looking insecure, worried.
He didn't want to talk her into leaving, to convince her it was okay. So he kept silent. He really had thought she just needed to get all this out of her system, and then she would be back. He wasn't usually wrong about these things.
"I'll explain it to you one day," She promised, placing a hand on his arm. "When I figure out how."
He gave his eyes leisure to roam her face, soaking in the sight. Who knew when he would get another chance.
And I will understand what you're trying to say, he silently promised, when I figure out how.
"Do me a favour." She said, looking him square in the eye.
"Name it." He straightened at the chance for something he could hold on to, within the enigma she was presenting him with.
"Keep in touch. You aren't the best communicator either, and I don't want to lose sight of you." She hesitated. "I can't shake the feeling that you and I..." She searched his eyes. "We still have some pages to fill..."
The strange thing was, he couldn't shake that feeling either.
"You won't lose us," He told her. He put his hand out, and then changed his mind and pulled her in for a hug. He did not understand why goodbyes were so hard with this woman. You won't lose me, he wanted to say, but it seemed too much, it seemed more than he should tell a woman dating another man.
"Let me walk you out," He offered, extending this farewell.
"Actually," She smiled up at him, "If you do that you'll be late for your meeting with the admiral."
"Oh, right," He said, thoroughly disappointed. "Id forgotten about that." The last time she left, when she'd climbed into Lowne's car, he'd known she would come back. He would see her again, and she would be the same person he'd become good friends with. This time, he wasn't so sure. He felt as though he was losing his footing, walking over crumbling grounds. "Take care, Sarah."
"Keep in touch, Harm."
"I will."
She put her hand out. "Don't make a promise you can't keep."
He took her hand in his, giving a firm shake. He grinned. "I haven't yet."