The Dull Ache That Engulfs You

First fanfic so please R&R. Love this pairing so thought i'd give it a go. Set back in the middle of November, a month after the accident.

Chapter 1

The funeral was 3 weeks ago. Jackson just couldn't cope with things and slowly began to fall apart before my eyes. Each day, he just got worse and worse until he just gave up fighting all together. And now, Aaron was just going through the trials of everyday life, just through the motions. He had lost his first love, and was just pretending to cope.

Everyone had told him to open up, share what he was feeling. Paddy, Hazel, Chas, Adam, Ryan too, despite the fact he had been inside the past few months. Even Cain had told him to speak to someone. But the one person he wanted to speak to, share everything with, wasn't around anymore. His Jackson. His adorable odd comments that could change Aaron's strops into happiness in a second. His body being there to comfort his when times were going tough or he just wanted the comfort. Those little things that Aaron missed, the things that made Aaron fall in love without even realising. And he knew that once he realised, that it was too late.

He knew why everyone wanted him to open up, scared that he would retreat into a shell and do something stupid again. And he had to admit, he really wanted to. But it was his promise that he made to Jackson the night they finally got together that stopped him.

And now, Aaron did the things that he had to do. But it was clear to the whole village that he was barely coping. The drained face, the bloodshot eyes, sometimes even the evident tear stains on his face. Aaron just went to work, then sat in his room reminiscing. Wondering how to end the pain that had engulfed his heart, and was spreading around him so quickly, like a disease. Aaron even wished it was disease, because then the aching gap that had overtaken him would be over.

He was startled by the knock at the door. He knew who it was though.

"Aaron, can I come in?"

"No, Paddy, just do one"

"Aaron, at least come and get something to eat"

Aaron just ignored him now. Without Jackson here, he just didn't feel the need to eat. The pain in his stomach often took his mind of the greater one in his heart. Eating was something he did when the pain became too big to bear. Like sleeping. He knew it was plain to all to see that he wasn't getting much rest, his whole body was just on autopilot, his eyes red with the hours of unrest. Even when he did sleep, it wasn't for long, haunted by the memories of the train, of the huge crashing noise that still sent shivers down his spine. And then he would wake, covered in sweat, in his empty bed.

As he glanced at the clock, he knew it was getting close to the pub's closing time. Knowing it would give his mind a break from the memories, he watched the last of the villagers return to their respectable homes. Moira was the last to go, having locked up the front. Walking towards her car she glanced around, and her eyes locked briefly upon the figure in the window of Smithy Cottage. Adam had told her how Aaron was not even the same person since Jackson's death, though she hadn't seen him since the funeral. But it was evident to her that he was wasting away. His body looked considerably slimmer and moved slowly from lack of energy. But almost as quickly as she had spotted Aaron, he was gone again.

He sat on the floor of the bedroom, fingering the fabric of a red checked shirt. The one Jackson wore the first night they met. Aaron slowly brought it to his face, he could still smell his lover's scent upon it. He didn't even notice the tears that started to roll down his cheeks, one by one. Needing to be that little bit closer to his boyfriend, to his Jay, he wrapped the cotton around his shoulders.

He smiled slightly as he remembered one of the many times Jackson wrapped his arms around him, when he was washing up one time was the one that came to mind. The tickle of Jackson's beard upon his neck as he whispered something into his ear. As he nestled into Aaron's shoulder. Oh, how he longed to hear Jackson's voice again, just to be comforted by the sound.

Aaron lay down on the bed, on Jackson's side, and as he gripped the shirt closer to his body, he longed for a day in which his one dream could come true.

Hope you liked it