Author's note: This story contains aspects of self-harm, suicidal thoughts, bullying, homophobia, and parental negligence. Read at your own discretion. I'd like to thank +Connie Lol whose youtube comment I got the idea from.- Christopher
Dan Howell was never really popular. In grade school, he was always either alone or the friend no one noticed. Come middle school, he just thought everyone was too damn stupid to even bother with, and no one really bothered him. Everything was right in his world. A little lonely at times, sure, but he was okay with that. He figured that in high school, people would get it together and he'd be comfortable talking with them. He had never been more wrong.
His best bet in high school was to just lay low. Don't speak, don't cry, don't defend. Only a month into freshman year, he learned to be invisible. Rumors had spread around the school that he was mute, and then that he was deaf, and then that he was retarded. Then everyone just stopped caring. And so did he. He didn't have any friends. And he convinced himself he was okay with that.
"Oi, faggot!" A young man yelled at Dan across the hall. The brick building was full to the brim of boring assholes with nothing better to do than learn new ways to use gay slurs. Dan had to admit, there had been times when the insults where rather creative. This was not one of those times.
Dan sighed and ignored whoever the dimwitted pupil was that yelled at him. He grabbed his small lunch and headed outside. He didn't care for the loud, crowded lunchroom. Screaming teenage voices echoed off the walls and it smelled like sweat, cheap perfume, and shitty food. Not many kids went outside during break, because it was typically too rainy for them. So Dan went out there, along with the stoners and the emo kids. Dan used to wonder where he fit in. It didn't take too long for him to realize he didn't. He didn't have the traits of any particular group. He figured that he was just better off that way.
Dan's favorite spot was in the branches of maple tree far away from everyone else. It was especially beautiful now, in the fall, with hundreds of multicolored leaves above his head, swaying in the wind. From here he could see the entire campus, and all the buildings and roads around it. He was lucky to have this spot. The sounds of the city helped him think, which sometimes ended in he just pondering the inevitability of death and how eventually everything around him will be completely forgotten to other times, he dreams of what his future might be. Maybe one day, he'll have a job the he loves, a beautiful wife or husband, and 1 or 2 amazing children. Or maybe it'll just always be this way. Maybe he'll never find love, or friendship, or real happiness. Maybe he can convince himself that's how it's supposed to be, even then. He hoped his life would change, but he didn't really expect it to.
Before Dan knew, the lunch bell rang and it was time for him to drag himself back into a crammed classroom.
Dan sat in his normal spot for Algebra 2, everyone's favorite class. All kinds of teens filed through the door into their normal seats. Dan didn't pay much attention to them, he was too busy doodling mindlessly in his notebook. He was in his own mind when a voice pulled him away from his drawing.
"What was that?" Dan asked, looking up at whoever chose to speak to him. He was met by bright blue eyes, a slight smirk, and dorky glasses. He knew everyone in the class by name, whether or not they knew him, and he'd never seen this face.
"Is someone sitting here?" The boy said with a slight northern accent. He sounded almost excited. Dan didn't know why. School wasn't the most exciting thing in the world.
"Oh, um, no. I don't think so." Dan replied, returning to his doodling. The boy sat down and turned to Dan.
"I'm Phil." He introduced himself, holding out his hand. Dan looked away from his notebook once again. Phil seemed friendly enough, but, as much as he wanted to, Dan knew not to get too comfortable with that.
"Dan." He shook Phil's outstretched hand awkwardly. He hoped the conversation would end there. He didn't want to accidentally make an enemy or something.
"It's really easy to get lost at this school." Phil commented, insisting that the conversation continue. Dan sighed. He had to socialize now.
"I mean if you don't know where you're going, then yeah, it is." Dan responded, not really feeling up to small talk.
"I thought that I was going to accidentally end up walking into Narnia, or somehow die some kind of horrific Final Destination style death with a locker crushing me." Phil joked, chuckling a little at his own joke. Dan smiled, against his own wishes. A glimmer of hope shone in the back of his mind, all because of this Phil guy.
"Oh no, you'd have to go in a closet to find Narnia." Dan teased, suddenly enjoying Phil's company.
"Really? I used to live in a closet. You'd assume I would've at least seen Narnia." He laughed, almost nervously. Dan could tell that Phil was comfortable giving this information, but was probably worried about what he would say. Dan chuckled.
"Maybe you should've tried a wardrobe then." Dan suggested. He saw Phil visibly relax when he said this.
"Hey, do you think you can show me around the school sometime? Like, maybe afterschool? I'd rather not get lost again" Phil asked as the teacher walked in.
"Sure. I don't see-" Dan started before the teacher cut him off.
"Sorry I'm late, kids. I had to print out some worksheets and the printer stopped working. Anyway, we have a new student. Phillip, would you like to introduce yourself." the middle aged woman asked. Phil stood up and all eyes went to him. He smiled before introducing himself to the class.
"My name Phil." He stated cheerfully, before sitting back down. The class went back to their phones, all except for Dan.
"And something about you, dear" The woman explained in her Yorkshire accent. A few eyes turned to Phil, but many stopped caring already.
"Oh, I like flying." Phil smirked naturally. The teacher seemed this was good enough and got right into the lesson. Dan doodled the entire time, but there were times when he felt like someone was watching him. Whenever he looked up, Phil quickly looked over to the clock on an opposite wall. Dan figured Phil was just being weird so he brushed it off and kept doodling. Soon enough the bell ran and students rushed out the door to their next class. Dan was walking out the door, when a northern accent called him.
"Dan!" Phil called, running to catch up to the teen.
Dan spun around to face him, stopping in the middle of the hallway. Phil had almost caught up to him when his feet decided to trip over themselves. He fell to the floor with a loud thump. His books and notebooks sprawled out onto the floor. Dan rushed over to help the boy. He set down his books and began helping Phil pick up his. Phil got up to his knees and started gathering his stuff.
"Are you okay?" Dan asked, handing Phil some of his books. People in the hallway went around them, only a few yelling stupid things.
"Yeah, I'm really clumsy. I fall quite a bit." Phil commented, grabbing pencils and some papers. Dan suddenly became concerned when a drop of blood fell to the ground. He looked up and saw crimson blood streaming from the boy's nose.
"Phil, your nose is bleeding." Dan said, handing Phil his books and standing up, reaching down to help his new friend off the ground.
Phil stood and held his hand to his nose, trying to stop the blood.
"It's nothing." He smiled. The boys continued walking, both certain they'd be late to class now.
"What's your next class?" Phil asked, both rushing now. Phil followed Dan as he turned into a hallway, figuring he'd be literally lost without him.
"AP Econ. You?"
"Same."
"Follow me then." Dan commanded. The boys ran down a couple hallways before coming to a locked door. Phil raised a fist to knock, but before he could touch the door, Dan grabbed his wrist.
"What are you doing?" Phil questioned, confused. Dan looked around for any teachers. Seeing none he leaned in to Phil's ear and whispered,
"Do you really want to go to Econ?" Phil thought about it for a minute. Dan could see his conflict as he hesitated to answer. Before the boy could come to his conclusion, Dan heard footsteps down the hall. He grabbed Phil's arm and they bolted.
Their feet padded against the linoleum floor. By the time they reached a safe place, both the teens were gasping for air. Dan turned the knob of an oak door and slipped in. Phil stood outside, looking around, dazed and lost.
"You coming?" Dan offered, holding the door open for the other boy. Phil glanced towards where they had come from, then back to Dan.
"Sure." He said worriedly before joining Dan in the small room.
The room was small and windowless. The dim walls were painted an off white, and were free of any decoration. Wooden desk lined the walls, stacked precariously on top of each other. The room was nearly pitch black, save for a corner near the back with what seemed to be the only working light, which glowed a dim, yellow light. The chalkboard in the front of the class was covered in dust and crudely drawn penises. The teacher's desk was rusted and looked like it had been rummaged through recently. Candy wrappers and crisps bags littered the floor. It looked like a classroom out of the apocalypse.
"Whoa, very spooky." Phil commented, setting his books down and pulling a cloth out of his pocket to clean up his still bleeding nose. He ran his fingers over the desks, wiping away layers of dust.
"Yeah. It's been like this ever since I got here. I'm not the only one that uses it, obviously." Dan explained, sitting on the floor and pulling a note book out of his bag. Phil sat next to him, still covering his nose. The two sat in silence for a moment before Phil spoke again
"Where are you from?" He asked. His voice filled the silence of the dim room.
"Wokingham. It's about 50 kilometers from London. You probably haven't heard of it. What about you?" Dan replied, writing in his notebook.
Phil stared at his hands blankly after Dan asked this. An electric hum filled the air as both the boys grew silent. Dan noticed Phil's sudden discomfort. He looked over to the other boy. The cheerful boy acted as though Dan had just shot him. Awkwardly, Dan placed hand on his shoulder, attempting to comfort him slightly.
"I don't know where I'm from." Phil muttered, still staring at his pale hands. Dan observed the teen. He bright blue eyes were blank, his face almost emotionless, as if he was trying to be cold. Maybe he was. Maybe he was scared to cry in front of Dan. They had just met after all. Dan wondered what he was supposed to do. He had never had someone actually treat him like a person. He didn't know what he was doing when he wrapped his arms around Phil and hugged him. It was one of the most uncomfortable things Dan had ever done, but it felt right somehow.
Phil hesitated, confused, before returning the hug. Dan pulled away, feeling incredibly awkward, but he smiled at Phil. Phil made him feel something he'd never felt before. For the first time in his life, Dan felt loved.