Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or any properties in this work that I did not make myself.
Chapter one: The saga begins (AKA to set right what once went wrong)
After a long history of bloodshed, pain, turmoil, sacrifice and bloodshed, peace had finally come to the shinobi world. This was in no small part thanks to the village of Konohagakure and its current leader, the seventh lord Hokage, Uzumaki Naruto. Yes, all is well, and everyone is happy.
…Well, not EVERYONE.
"Hey, man," said the somber-sounding voice of a man. This man had straight, shoulder length pink hair, and a handsome face some likened to that of Asuma Sarutobi, except that this man had much lighter skin, virtually no facial hair to speak of and, oddly enough, eyes like that of renowned Konoha medic expert Sakura Uchiha. The man was also in his early sixties, but was in surprisingly great physical shape for a senior citizen.
The man was wearing a pale tan long-sleeved shirt with the ends of the sleeves so stretched and worn out that they hung loose instead of hugging the wrist snuggly. Over that the man wore a baggy t-shirt that had the logo of a popular alcoholic drink in the center. Completing the man's outfit was a pair of jeans, a pair of shinobi's sandals, and a Konoha shinobi's headband; the fact that a man of this age was still on active duty was a testament to his skills staying sharp for as long as they have been.
The man was standing before a grave marker in Konoha's cemetery. The name on the grave marker was 'Inoichi Yamanaka'; other information on the grave marker could not be read without moving flowers left on the grave marker. "I see that your wife has already come by," the man said to Inoichi's grave, "I hope she won't mind if I leave this here." Bending down, the man set a 40 oz. can that was labeled 'Pape Konoha's brand lager' next to the grave marker. Standing back up, the man said, "We never got to have that post-war drink, Inoichi. I was going to treat, remember?"
"Uncle Harold?" an adult woman's voice called out, getting the man, revealed to be named Harold, to turn around. Harold saw four people approach him; the first was his adult niece Sakura who, like other's with his family's bloodline in them, had pink hair. Standing next to Sakura on her right was her daughter, Sadara. Harold loved his grandniece dearly, but her somewhat smug attitude could make him feel frustrated.
Next to Sakura on her left was Ino, the adult daughter of the late Inoichi, and next to Ino opposite of Sakura was Ino's son Inojin. Harold had no doubt that, were he still alive, Inoichi would delight in going behind Ino's back to sneak proper snacks and other such goodies to Inojin; Ino would flip if the strict diet she set her son on was ever undermined. But Inoichi would have done it, and he would love his grandson, even if Inoichi would have wished Ino's husband Sai dead beyond any ability to do anything at all. Harold remembered very well the depths of hatred Inoichi had for the man that would eventually be his (Inoichi's) son-in-law.
"Mr. Fisher, what are you doing here?" Ino asked, looking curious. Clearing his throat before he spoke, Harold explained himself.
"As you'll recall, your father and I were best friends since before you or Sakura were born. That manly bond of friendship lasted up until the day that Inoichi was unjustly and unsmartly taken from this world."
"Unsmartly?" Sadara repeated, sounding confused.
"Hey Uncle Harold, I've always been meaning to ask," Sakura began, "You were stationed at the Intelligence Division HQ during the fourth shinobi war, weren't you?"
"Inoichi himself requested my being there," Harold replied with a happy smirk, "He said that I was to act as his security detail, given my kickass skills and his high position requiring that he be protected. But we both knew that he wanted me there because we're bros."
Sighing in a somewhat exasperated manner, Sakura continued with her line of questioning. "Yes, yes, but that's not what I'm really trying to get at. How did you survive the Intelligence Division HQ's destruction? It was hit by a gigantic tailed beast ball."
"Yeah, Sakura's got a point," Ino quipped, "Mr. Fisher, how DID you survive?"
"Well girls," Harold began as he thought of times long past, "That's a tale that I've had very little opportunity to talk about…"
(APPROXIMATLY TWENTY YEARS AGO)
(INTELLIGENCE DIVISION HQ, FOURTH SHINOBI WAR)
Shinobi of all five great nations were running around the Intelligence Division HQ in a panic, as a gigantic tailed beast ball was flying right at them. The only shinobi who was NOT panicking was Harold Fisher, a shinobi of Konoha. He was in the men's restroom, washing his hands. "Hoo boy," Harold said aloud as shook his hands dry, "Maybe I should have listened to Shikaku and not have gotten a second serving of that Iwagakure-style chili. That stuff gives you a bad case of the squirts! And the farts don't help either."
Still standing at the sink he was using, Harold looked up through the window above the sink, then looked back down to the sink to turn it off. A look of confusion suddenly appeared on Harold's face, and he immediately looked up through the window again. He saw the tailed beast ball flying right at the Intelligence Division HQ. "Oh snap," Harold swore under his breath. Acting quickly, Harold opened the cabinet under the sink he was using, threw out two packages of toilet paper to make room for himself, and crawled into the cabinet under the sink, closing the door behind him. Covering the back of his neck with his hands, Harold braced himself for the inevitable explosion, which occurred about half a minute later.
The entire area shook, the sounds of destruction were deafening, and Harold felt like a small toy in a plastic capsule from a toy machine just being thrown around. Harold didn't even try to get out until many hours have passed, when people checking the rubble that had once been the Intelligence Division HQ were searching for survivors. "So you weren't even ensnared by the Infinite Tsukuyomi?" a Sunagakure kunoichi in her early twenties asked Harold after he was excavated from the remains of the men's restroom.
"The frig is an Infinite Tsukuyomi?" Harold replied, looking slightly annoyed and a little angry, but mostly just confused.
(END OF FLASHBACK)
"…And that's the tale of my survival," Harold said to his audience of four, "Little did that idiot Shikaku know that my second serving of that Iwagakure-style chili ended up saving my life." Sakura, Ino and Sadara all looked at Harold with looks of confusion and disgust. Inojin was the only one who maintain a neutral expression.
"I wish my grandfather had gotten a second serving of chili alongside you, Mr. Fisher," Inojin finally said, "Then perhaps he'd still be alive."
"Words like that would have made your grandfather say that you were the only good thing your father ever made," Harold replied with a kind smile, ruffling Inojin's hair.
"Dad would have eventually approved of Sai!" Ino strongly insisted, speaking almost instantly after Harold said the word 'made'.
Looking the Yamanaka woman in the face, Harold merely replied, "Obviously you didn't know your father as well as I did."
"Uncle Harold, you're being rude," Sadara stated.
Looking at his grandniece, the elderly Fisher man said, "Salad, dear, Uncle Harold knows what he's doing."
"My name's Sadara," the young Uchiha girl corrected in a monotone.
"Your name is Salad!" Harold insisted, pointing dramatically at his young niece.
"Uncle Harold, your grandniece's name is Sadara," Sakura said firmly, "Seriously. Why do you keep calling her Salad?"
"I think it's because her name sounds sort of like Salad," Ino guessed, "Which also explains why he calls Hinata's son Burrito. Although it escapes me why he refers to Choji's daughter as Beef Wellington."
"Well she looks like a Beef Wellington to me," Harold defended.
Later that afternoon, Harold was sitting alone at his favorite bar in Konoha. Harold picked up the highball glass he was drinking from by the top, and slowly made the scotch inside swirl around. Sighing in a sad tone, Harold muttered, "Drinking at the bar hasn't been as fun ever since-"
"Ever since Inoichi died?" a somewhat coarse woman's voice said from behind Harold, making the older Fisher man turn on his bar stool.
Harold ended up coming face to face with Tsume Inuzuka, one of his few friends that was still alive. Accompanying Tsume, as always, was her ninja dog, Kuromaru. Time had been surprisingly kind to the Inuzuka kunoichi, who looked the same as she did back when her children were still in their teens; the only sign of age were a few wrinkles here and there. Time was even kinder to Kuromaru, who by all reasoning should have died a long time ago, given that he's a dog. But Inuzuka clan ninja dogs are special like that.
"I'm guessing that you visited Inoichi's grave today?" the Inuzuka clan ninja dog asked (yes, some of their dogs gain the ability to talk).
"I always try to visit at least once a year," Harold explained, "Inoichi was my best friend."
"I gotta admire that kind of loyalty," Tsume remarked casually as she took the stool next to Harold. After quickly ordering a highball glass of scotch herself, Tsume turned to Harold. "A shame your niece and grandniece aren't as kind," the Inuzuka matriarch remarked.
"I know, right?" Harold agreed right after downing the rest of his scotch. Slamming his now empty highball glass down on the counter in front of him, Harold began to rant, "I mean, they are my family, and I love them both dearly. But their attitude towards me can be a bit grating at times. Where do they get that snark of theirs from?!"
"Well your grandniece Salad obviously gets her snark from her mother," Tsume remarked, "As for your niece Sakura, I'm willing to bet that she gets it from that Assburgers she has."
"Of course!" Harold agreed, "I always knew that Sakura getting that vaccine back when she was four was a bad move! It gave her Assburgers!"
"First off," Kuromaru began, speaking in a tone that clearly sounded offended, "It's pronounced 'Asperger's'. Second off, Asperger's doesn't automatically make whoever has it snarky. Third off, and this is the big one here, IT'S NOT CAUSED BY VACCINES!"
"It most totally IS caused by vaccines, my furry friend," Harold stated firmly, "And I can prove it. Let's go visit old lady Fifth! She's the medic expert who made Sakura a medic expert! She'll totally confirm that Assburgers is caused by vaccines!"
"Asperger's is not caused by vaccines," said Lady Tsunade, the now retired fifth lady Hokage. Even though she was older than Harold and Tsume, Tsunade still looked much younger. This is due to the sannin using her jitsu to keep up appearances; Tsunade is one of the vainer Hokage in Konoha's history.
"Then why did info about my niece getting a vaccine when she was four lead to her getting diagnosed with butt patties?" Harold asked.
"Butt patties?!" Kuromaru muttered under his breath, sounding both offended and confused.
"Ever since that quote unquote 'medical journal' that made the false connection between vaccines and Asperger's in children was published, parents have been entirely convinced that everything is out to mess up their kids," Tsunade explained, her tone sounding like that this was not the first time she had to explain this to someone.
"Lady Tsunade, I have a question I'd like to ask," Kuromaru said. After the retired lady Fifth gave him the okay to proceed, the Inuzuka ninja dog asked, "Is it possible that Harold's niece was merely misdiagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome? I mean, Sakura WAS diagnosed back when the whole 'vaccines cause Asperger's' craze just started."
"I have actually considered that as a possibility," Tsunade replied as she walked over to a table with a few small objects on it. The small objects were all dark gray, almost black in color, and about the size and shape of eggs that you buy at a supermarket. Additionally, each egg-shaped object had a small button on the smaller end. Turning to face her visitors, the sannin continued, "I've been meaning to reexamine Sakura, to see if she really does have Asperger's. But with her work at Konoha General, and my work-"
"-Drinking sake and gambling all day?" Kuromaru finished, giving the retired Lady Fifth a knowing look of disapproval.
Looking the ninja dog in the eye, Tsunade replied, "…Yeah. I just haven't been able to make the time."
"Yo, Lady Fifth, I've been meaning to ask," Harold said as he looked at the small egg-shaped objects on the table Tsunade stood next to. Pointing at the objects, the older Fisher man asked, "The hell are those?"
"Oh, these?" Tsunade replied as she picked one of the objects up, "These are a new piece of equipment the boys in development have been working on. Watch this." With all eyes on her, Tsunade pressed the button on the top end of the egg-shaped object she was holding. Very quickly, the object turned into a giant, oval-shaped shield, large enough and long enough to completely shield a man the height and size of an adult Akimichi clan member. Pressing the button, now located on the inside of the shield, once again, Tsunade returned the shield to its small, egg-shaped form.
"Holy frigg'en balls, that was awesome!" Harold exclaimed as Tsunade set the egg-shaped object back where it was on the table.
"Yeah, once the boys in development finish up the finer points, these Pod Shields will be standard issue to all Konoha shinobi chunnin rank and up," Tsunade explained.
"They seem pretty fine to me," Tsume remarked, her face showing the same amount of amazement as Harold's.
Nodding in agreement with the older Inuzuka woman, Tsunade said, "Even as they are now, they can easily tank hits ranging from, oh, giant wooden spikes being thrown at high speeds to massive explosions."
Walking over to the table where the Pod Shields all laid dormant, Harold said as he picked one up, "These would have saved loads of asses back during the fourth shinobi war."
"Oh defiantly," the retired lady Fifth agreed. After Harold set the Pod Shield he picked up back down, Tsunade said, "Well guys, it's been great having you here, but it's getting about time for my stories to start playing on the TV, so I'm going to have to ask that-" Tsunade was cut off when a high-pitched whistling sounded from her kitchen. "Ah crud, that's the water for my tea," Tsunade swore under her breath, running into the kitchen to deal with her kettle.
With the elder sannin distracted, Tsume snatched three of the Pod Shields and quietly slipped them into her flask jacket, then rearranged the rest to make it look like none of them were taken. "You never know," Tsume explained to Harold and Kuromaru, the latter of the two looking very disappointed in his owner. With that, the three of them took their leave from Tsunade's place.
Later, as Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru walked down the streets of Konoha, Harold suddenly exclaimed, "That's it! I know how to cure my niece's Donkey buns!"
"Not only did you get the name wrong again, but you did so in a way that angers me more than usual," Kuromaru remarked, "I am both pissed by your insensitivity and slightly impressed by your creativity. Kudos."
"Isn't what your niece has something that can't be cured?" Tsume asked, looking slightly confused.
"We'll cure Sakura's thing by making it never happen in the first place," Harold explained causally. A look of realization crossed the older Inuzuka woman's face, making her smile mischievously.
"The Well of Time?" Tsume asked, a mischievous smile on her face.
"The Well of Time," Harold confirmed with a nod in the affirmative.
"Goddamn it you two, how many times have I told you to never use that blasted thing again?!" Kuromaru snapped, "Remember what happened LAST time?"
"Inoichi, Harold and I stopped the pirates from burning down Konoha Academy before Kiba, Ino and Sakura graduated," Tsume pointed out.
"That still doesn't change the fact that you three dumbasses nearly got the village conquered by pirates!" Kuromaru snapped.
"Kuromaru, dude, relax," Harold said, "Tsume and I will be careful this time."
"Oh? And how will you two manage that?" the Inuzuka ninja dog asked in a sarcastic tone.
"You guys know my younger sister Mebuki, right?" Harold asked.
"You mean Sakura's mother? Yeah," Tsume replied.
"Mebuki has been keeping a journal of her day to day life ever since she was a teenager," Harold began, "She has volumes and volumes of filled-out journals that date back to before Sakura was born. We just find the journal entry that says what date Sakura got her vaccine, then use that information to go back in time via the Well of Time, beat the hell out of the doctor who administered the vaccine to my niece, and bada bing bada boom, Sakura's mulepatties will be cured."
"Okay, now you're just being stupid with getting the name wrong!" Kuromaru snapped.
"So when do we begin?" Tsume asked.
"Well first we have to visit my sister's place," Harold explained, "In order to get the info we need. As soon as we have a date, we're going back through time, set right what once went wrong, then come back to the present."
"Won't doing something like this mess up the timeline?" Kuromaru asked.
"It's just us keeping my niece from getting that vaccine by beating up a doctor," Harold replied with a casual shrug, "What's the worst that can happen?"
"Zombies ravaging an idealized suburban neighborhood?" Kuromaru suggested.
"Okay, now that was just retarded," Tsume quipped.
"Who are you to…" Kuromaru began, but stopped short and gave what he was saying a bit of thought. "…You're right, that DOES sound pretty retarded," Kuromaru agreed, "I'm sorry."
"Then it's agreed," the older Fisher man declared with a fist-pump, "First we head to my sister's place, and then we go BACK IN TIME!"
In a wooded area a few miles out from the front entry gate of Konohagakure, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru came across a stone well. It was an old well, its base lightly coated in moss; the well seemed to give off an aura that would give you the feeling that you wouldn't be able to find it unless someone who knew where it was led you to it.
Harold pulled out a personal journal that had an old leather cover; it was bookmarked at a page somewhere in the middle. Flipping the journal to the appropriate page, Harold carefully scanned the hand written words. "…Aha! Here we go," Harold exclaimed, "Okay you two, ready?"
"Hell yeah!" Tsume replied assuredly.
"Hell no," Kuromaru declared flatly.
"Too bad, we're going in anyway," Harold replied as he crumpled up a hand written note he made and tossed it into the well. "Alright everyone, into the Well of Time!" Harold proclaimed, jumping into the well, followed by Tsume and (a very reluctant) Kuromaru. Together, the three flew through a vortex, through time itself…
(APPROXIMATLY THIRTY YEARS AGO)
Kuromaru was the first to fly out of the well; as gracefully as a cat, the Inuzuka ninja dog landed on all four paws. Tsume was the next to fly out of the well, landing perfectly in a ninja pose. Harold was the last to fly out of the well; he smacked face first onto the ground. "Ha!" Kuromaru laughed as the older Fisher man got up and brushed himself off.
"Yeah, I could never get the landing just right," Harold remarked.
Looking to his two companions, Harold said, "Okay, so here's the plan. We arrived a few hours before Sakura should have gotten her vaccine, so all we need to do is head to the hospital ahead of time, wait for the doctor, gang up on him, and repeatedly punch him in the stomach until he passes out. Sound cool?"
"I was actually planning on waiting out here by the Well of Time," Kuromaru suggested, "You know, to guard it." What Kuromaru said was diferent than what he was actually thinking; he just wanted to avoid crazy time-travel related shenanigans.
"Good plan," Harold replied. Looking to Tsume, Harold said, "Then it's you and me."
"I have a few…errands to run while we're here in the past," Tsume explained, "Just a thing or two here and there to smooth out some rough patches in our future."
"How about HELL NO?!" Kuromaru snapped, "The last thing we need is for you to-"
"Okay, okay, I get it," Tsume replied, "Geez, no need to chew me out."
"So it's agreed," Harold declared, "Kuromaru will guard the Well of Time, I'll keep my niece from getting her Asperger's-inducing vaccine, and Tsume will take care of her errands."
"Oh what, NOW you're getting the name right?!" Kuromaru criticized, "Also, Tsume is not doing her little 'errands'!"
Leaving Kuromaru to guard the Well of Time, the two older shinobi made their way to Konoha, with Tsume whispering to Harold, "Now you see why I didn't want to bring Kuromaru along for the ride."
Having broken away from Tsume, Harold snuck over to the old Konoha General; this was well before Pain blew up Konoha with his village-nuking jitsu. "If my mental layout of the old Konoha General is still intact," Harold muttered to himself, "I should hide around the-"
"Woah, dude!" a young voice called out, one that was familiar to Harold. The older Fisher man turned around, and came face to face with his past self, the Harold Fisher of this time.
"Dude, you look like an older me!" past Harold remarked as he approached his older counterpart.
"That would be because I am you," future Harold explained, "I come from the future."
"To set right what once went wrong?" past Harold asked.
"I'm here to keep Sakura from receiving a vaccine that causes her to develop Assburgers," future Harold said, "So yeah. I'm here to fix things."
"Did you use the Well of Time?" past Harold asked.
"Yeah, I came back with the Tsume and Kuromaru of my time," future Harold answered. "…Why did you guys bring Tsume's dog? You know what a party pooper he is," past Harold asked, "Both figuratively AND literally."
"Well it's Yoshino's fault for not letting Kuromaru out into her family's backyard in time," future Harold replied.
Pointing to his future self, past Harold said, "You got me there, dude."
"Hay man, you wanna help me keep Sakura from getting butt patties?" future Harold asked.
"Hells yeah!" past Harold exclaimed, pumping both fists into the air.
"Alright, let's get going," future Harold replied as he led his past self to Konoha General.
Over at the Hyuga clan estate, Hiashi Hyuga was reading the morning paper in the living room when he heard a knock on his front door. "Now who is that?" the Hyuga clan lord said to himself as he got up to answer the door. He was mildly surprised to see Tsume Inuzuka standing there, and slightly more surprised to see her so old. "Tsume Inuzuka? Why are you here?" Hiashi asked, "And why do you look so old?"
"I'm working on a transformation jitsu that disguises the user as a much older version of themselves," explained the older Inuzuka woman. Normally, such an excuse wouldn't have flown.
But given the circumstances, Hiashi replied, "Well it most certainly works like a charm. It's kind of the opposite of that one jitsu I hear the legendary sannin Tsunade uses." Before the Hyuga clan lord could re-ask his original question, Tsume took out one of the Pod Shields she snatched earlier from Tsunade's place in the future.
Handing the Pod Shield to Hiashi, Tsume said, "When everyone gets ready to ship out for the fourth shinobi war, make sure you give this to your son Neji."
"Neji is my nephew," Hiashi explained. Looking down at the Pod Shield, Hiashi began to say, "Well what is this suppose to wait a minute, say what about a fourth shinobi-"
Hiashi stopped short, however, when he looked up from his hand and saw that Tsume was already gone. "…I hope neither of my children, or my nephew for that matter, ever has to work with an Inuzuka," Hiashi muttered to himself as he closed the front door so he could resume reading his newspaper.
Over at Konoha General, a young doctor was walking through one of the halls. He looked like your average, run-of-the-mill, fresh-out-of-medical school kind of doctors, except his light brown hair was slightly longer than what was normal at the time. "Well, I hope young miss…" the doctor said, stopping short to check his clipboard, "…Haruno doesn't mind needles."
As the doctor continued to stroll, he was grabbed from behind by future Harold and dragged into an empty hospital room. After future Harold had the doctor, past Harold closed the door behind them, chuckling darkly to himself as he did so.
Over at the Nara clan compound, Shikaku Nara was stretched out on the living room sofa. Right before he dozed off, he heard a knock on the front door. "Goddamn it," the Nara man muttered to himself as he got up and walked over to the door. Opening it, he was surprised to see Tsume Inuzuka, looking much older than what he was used to. "Why the hell do you look much older than you should, Inuzuka?" Shikaku asked in a mildly snappy tone. He was not in the mood to deal with any of the crap that either of Inoichi's two idiot friends can come up with.
"I'm working on a transformation jitsu that disguises the user as a much older version of themselves," Tsume replied, giving Shikaku the same spiel she gave Hiashi earlier.
After looking at Tsume suspiciously for a few seconds, the Nara man said, "I'm guessing that this was inspired by the jitsu Tsunade supposedly has to make herself look younger?"
"Hiashi said the same thing himself earlier," Tsume remarked. Before other words were spoken, Tsume handed another one of the Pod Shields she pilfered earlier to Shikaku.
"Eventually, we're all gonna ship out for the fourth shinobi war," Tsume explained, "Hold onto this until then, and make sure you have it with you. It will save your life."
"Have you been drinking with Inoichi and Harold again?" Shikaku asked in an annoyed tone. Looking down at the Pod Shield in his hand, Shikaku said, "The hell is this suppose to-"
Shikaku stopped midsentence when, looking up to see Tsume, he saw that she was gone. "…Goddamn woman," Shikaku muttered to himself, closing the door behind him as he went back inside.
Back at Konoha General, Mebuki Haruno was waiting in a check-up room with her young daughter Sakura. "Sakura want ice cream when check-up is done!" the young Haruno girl said.
"If you promise not to cry when the doctor gives you your shot, then I'll look into it," Mebuki replied, using the usual bargain parents give to kids in such a situation.
"Yay!" Sakura cheered excitedly. As the young Haruno girl swung her legs back and forth, Mebuki checked the watch on her right wrist.
"What is taking that doctor so long?" Mebuki thought, "He should have been here by now." Little did the Haruno woman know that, a few doors down in the next hallway over, her older brother and his future self were taking turns punching the doctor in the gut repeatedly.
Looking to his future self, past Harold said, "I haven't had this much fun since before the bar party last week."
"I know, right?" future Harold agreed, right before dealing the next punch.
Over at the Yamanaka clan residence, Inoichi Yamanaka was seated at a children's play table in a children's play chair. Seated opposite of Inoichi was his young daughter Ino; the little Yamanaka girl had convinced her father to play tea party with her (but given that Ino's father is Inoichi, it wasn't all that hard of a task). They weren't alone either; on Inoichi's left was a stuffed teddy bear, and on Inoichi's right was a doll.
"More tea, daddy?" Ino asked, offering her father some more imaginary tea.
"Why yes, thank you," Inoichi replied, holding his little tea cup out for Ino to fill. Right as the little Yamanaka girl was done, there was a knock at the door. "Sorry sweetie, but daddy has to get the door," Inoichi said as he got up, "Make sure Mr. Honeypot gets some more tea though, alright? I don't think he's gotten a refill in a while."
"My goodness, you're right!" Ino exclaimed worriedly, immediately offering her teddy bear some more imaginary tea. Out in the living room, Inoichi answered the front door, and was surprised to see an elderly-looking Tsume.
"Tsume, dude, you looked wrecked!" Inoichi exclaimed, "What the hell did you drink to mess you up so badly?! Also, where can I get some?"
"I'm actually working on a transformation jitsu that disguises the user as a much older version of themselves," Tsume explained, "Hiashi and Shikaku both thought it was a good idea."
"Sound pretty wicked, now that you mentioned it," Inoichi remarked as he considered the idea, "You get the idea for this from Tsunade's make-me-look-younger jitsu?"
"Totally," Tsume answered. Before continuing, Tsume handed Inoichi the last Pod Shield she took. "Keep this with you, for you will need it when the fourth shinobi war rolls around," the older Inuzuka woman instructed.
Marveling at the Pod Shield in his hand, Inoichi said, "Wow, this is totally hold on a minute. Say what about a fourth shinobi war?" Looking up from his hand, Inoichi saw that Tsume had already vanished. "Damn, that woman sure knows how to ninja herself out of places," the Yamanaka man muttered to himself in an impressed-sounding tone as he walked back inside his home and slipped his Pod Shield into his flask jacket, which hung on a hook on the wall in the living room.
Mebuki Haruno was STILL waiting for that darn doctor to show up, darn it! Mebuki wanted to get her daughter vaccinated as soon as possible, and that buffoon was taking ages to get here. Getting up from where she sat, Mebuki said, "Sakura, sweetie, wait here. Mommy has to go look for that doctor."
"Maybe mister doctor needed to go potty," the young Haruno girl guessed.
"If that's the case," Mebuki began as she opened the door, "Then it is HE who will need to see a-"
"Mebuki, dude!" a voice familiar to Mebuki exclaimed, cutting the Haruno woman off. Turning her head, Mebuki came face to face with her older brother Harold (this being past Harold).
"Harold! What are you doing here?" Mebuki asked, sounding surprised.
"I needed to see a doctor for something," Harold explained to his younger sister.
"Uncle Harold!" Sakura exclaimed excitedly, getting off of the doctor's bench she was seated on and running over to hug her uncle affectionately.
"Aww, it's great to see you too, Cherry Bug," Harold replied, affectionately ruffling his niece's hair as he used a cute nickname that he came up with for Sakura.
"So what did you need to see a doctor for?" Mebuki asked her older brother.
"Oh, he needed to check out my right hand," Harold casually explained (past Harold was using his right fist to punch the doctor).
"Who was the doctor?" Mebuki asked, "Maybe he knows where to find Dr. Brown, who was supposed to give Sakura a vaccine shot today."
"Oh, dude, that was the doctor who checked out my right hand," Harold said suddenly, "After he was finished, he left saying he had to take care of a family emergency, and won't be back for a while."
Huffing in an annoyed manner, Mebuki said, "Well great. I guess that means I have more time for my other errands today."
"You mind if I tag along?" Harold asked, "Sophia's busy with her social club, and both Inoichi and Tsume are occupied today. I'll even treat us to ice cream!" To his young niece, Harold said, "You like ice cream don't you, Cherry Bug?"
"Yay ice cream!" Sakura exclaimed excitedly, jumping up and down as a young girl would when ice cream is on the table.
Resigning herself to defeat, Mebuki sighed and said, "Very well. Kizashi's busy at work, so I could use the extra help getting groceries home." Harold led his younger sister and young niece out of Konoha General, with the two Haruno females unaware that Harold's future self was still beating up Dr. Brown in the same hospital room, using a very fast punch-punch-punch-knee combo.
Later in the afternoon, Harold met up with Tsume and Kuromaru by the Well of Time. "I'm guessing that the two of you succeeded in keeping Harold's niece from getting vaccinated?" Kuromaru asked.
"Totally," Harold confirmed, giving the Inuzuka ninja dog a thumbs-up.
Looking to his owner, Kuromaru asked, "And you didn't do your little 'errands', did you?"
"*sigh* No, MOM," Tsume answered in an exasperated tone.
"Well then gentlemen, let us bid the past adieu," Harold said to his companions. One by one, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru jumped into the Well of Time.
...
It was early evening in the present when Harold and company flew out of the Well of Time, landing in the exact same way that they respectively did when they arrived in the past. "Man, I have GOT to work on my landings," Harold remarked as he pulled a blade of grass out of his nose.
"Well at least you don't land in a stupid manner like Kuromaru," Tsume remarked. Turning to her ninja dog, Tsume said, "Seriously, Kuromaru. Where did you learn to land like a frigg'en cat?!"
"I picked it up from the last time the two of us visited your ex-husband," Kuromaru explained, "I watched Banyo's two cats play around while you and Banyo yelled at each other."
"Oh, my frigg'en God," Tsume exclaimed, "Kuromaru, you're a DOG! You aren't supposed to deal with THEIR kind! Especially those frigg'en hell spawns that Banyo owns."
Walking on the main road back to Konoha, Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru were talking amongst themselves. "I just hope that the present hasn't been changed TOO much by the two of you keeping Harold's niece from getting that vaccine," Kuromaru said.
"Don't worry," Harold assured the Inuzuka ninja dog, "Past me said that he'd keep meeting me a secret."
"Wait, you encountered your past self?!" Kuromaru exclaimed, "The hell is wrong with you?!"
"Past me said that he'd keep meeting me a secret!" Harold repeated in a whiny tone similar to that of a child.
"And where the hell was Tsume in all of this?" Kuromaru asked, "I never heard you mention that past you had seen her." Before the older Fisher man or the older Inuzuka woman could explain, the trio heard voices coming from behind them.
"…And so then I said to Hiashi 'Dude, that is SO not twenty percent cooler'," one of the voices said. It belonged to a man, one who Harold was all too familiar with. Squinting at the approaching men, Harold saw Choza Akimichi in the middle. But what really surprised Harold were the two men accompanying Choza: Shikaku Nara and Inoichi Yamanaka. It was Inoichi that was talking.
"Then I was all like 'Hiashi, dude, you have GOT to realize that Hinata wants to raise her daughter HER way. Your parenting advice is only going to go into Hinata's left ear and come flying out of her right'," Inoichi said as he continued his story to the other two members of the older Ino-Shika-Cho trio.
"I will admit that he was far harsher on his first born daughter than what was needed," Choza agreed, "I bet the poor girl hardly ate as she grew up."
"You say that same thing about EVERYONE'S kid, Choza," Shikaku remarked.
"…Well it's true," the older Akimichi man defended. Harold and his companions watched the older Ino-Shika-Cho trio approach with varying expressions; the two most easily readable were those of Harold and Kuromaru. Kuromaru's expression was one of pure anger, whereas Harold's was one of shock and surprise, but in a good way.
Harold and his group all ran up to meet with the older Ino-Shika-Cho trio. "Inoichi, dude!" Harold exclaimed joyfully, practically on the verge of tears. The older Fisher man got his left arm around his now-alive-again best friend while using his right fist to affectionately noogie the Yamanaka patriarch.
"Ah hell, it's Inoichi's idiot brigade," Shikaku muttered as he face-palmed, "That's the last thing I need."
"Inoichi, dude, I thought you were dead!" Harold said as he let Inoichi out of the headlock. Looking to the older Nara man, Harold continued, "I thought you were dead too, Shikaku."
"Yeah," Kuromaru added to the conversation. Turning to face his owner, the Inuzuka ninja dog said, "I thought you guys were dead, too."
"Oh shut up," Tsume replied, looking away with an annoyed expression on her face.
"The hell made you think we were dead?" Shikaku snapped, sounding more confused than annoyed.
"Well first off," Harold began, "Tsume, Kuromaru and I used the Well of Time to-"
"Let me stop you right there," Shikaku interrupted. With all eyes on him, Shikaku said, "If this is going to involve that made up crap that you, Inoichi and Tsume came up with, then I'm not wanting to hear it. You all were obviously drunk when you came up with it."
"Ah don't mind him, dudes," Inoichi said to Harold and Tsume, "Let's just get back to Konoha. We wouldn't want to keep our respective families waiting."
"No, we don't wanna do that," Harold agreed, walking along side Inoichi as the five seniors and one ninja dog made their way back to the village.
After Shikaku and Choza took their leave, Inoichi continued on with Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru, who all took the opportunity to fill the Yamanaka patriarch on the goings-on of the timeline they remember. "…Yeah, a lot of the things you guys mentioned are different and or non-existent in THIS timeline," Inoichi remarked
"Like how you and Shikaku are ALIVE?!" Kuromaru exclaimed.
"I didn't know going back in time to keep my niece from getting that vaccine would inevitably lead to my best friend somehow surviving the fourth shinobi war," Harold remarked.
"I don't think that what YOU did had as far reaching an effect on the timeline as you're giving it credit for, Harold," Kuromaru said. Looking to his owner, Kuromaru said, "Not that far reaching at all."
"No, no," Harold firmly declared, "I am certain that all of the changes are the sole doing of me keeping my niece from getting that vaccine."
"Goddamn butterfly effect," Inoichi agreed. Looking up ahead, Inoichi said, "Oh, Harold, dude. Speaking of your niece, she's over there."
Looking to where Inoichi was pointing, Harold saw his adult niece Sakura. She looked the same as she did in the old timeline, except that she wore a more casual outfit consisting of a t-shirt and pants (while still maintaining a similar color scheme) and that her hair was slightly longer. Also, for reasons that escaped Harold, Sakura was accompanied by a boy about the same height and age as Sadara. This boy resembled a twelve-year-old Sasuke, except he had a kinder looking face, as if he had never suffered the early childhood trauma that Sasuke had suffered.
"Sakura!" the older Fisher man said, getting his adult niece's attention.
"Oh, Uncle Harold," Sakura replied as she and the mysterious boy turned to face the approaching Harold and his friends.
"Hey Sakura, quick question," Harold began, his tone showing he was curious, "Do you have Donkey buns?"
"Wait, what?" Sakura exclaimed, obviously sounding confused.
"…He means Asperger's," Kuromaru translated, looking more disappointed than angry (he was still plenty angry, though).
"No, I don't," Sakura explained, "I mean, I understand if you thought that was the case, as there was this crazy belief that was going around back when I was a kid saying that vaccines cause Asperger's to develop in children. But I never got any sort of vaccine back then."
"Sweet," Harold said while doing a fist pump. Suddenly looking at the mysterious young boy that was with Sakura, Harold pointed at him and said, "By the way Sakura, who's this kid?"
"This is Haru," Sakura explained, sounding mildly worried, "…You know, my son and your grandnephew."
"Well that's all well and did you just say grandnephew?!" Harold exclaimed.
"Oh snap," Tsume muttered in a worried tone, "Goddamn butterfly effect!"
"Sakura, what happened to Salad?!" Harold demanded in a worried tone.
"…What about a salad?" Sakura replied, sounding totally confused and mildly scared.
"Mom, dad and I had tacos for dinner if that helps," the young Uchiha boy offered.
Turning to face Inoichi, Tsume and Kuromaru, Harold said in a worried tone, "Yo, I think we may have frigged things up here." Tsume, with a worried look on her face, pointed to something behind Harold.
"I believe you may be right, dude," the older Inuzuka woman agreed. Turning around to see what the older Inuzuka woman was pointing at, Harold was shocked to see a massive change from what he remembered.
The Hokage monument, which was supposed to have seven giant stone heads representing each of the Hokage that Konoha has had, only had six heads; instead of Tsunade's head followed by Kakashi's head followed by Naruto's head, it went from Tsunade's head straight to Naruto's head, signifying Naruto as the sixth and current Hokage. Also, the hair on the Naruto head was much longer than what Harold, Tsume and Kuromaru remembered. "Where's Kakashi's head?" Harold asked, pointing dramatically at the Hokage monument.
Looking to where her uncle was pointing, Sakura said, "Kakashi-sensei was never the Hokage."
"Also, why isn't there nearly as much building development on the plateau above the Hokage monument?" Tsume asked.
"Yeah, there's supposed to be loads of buildings and other development up there!" Harold agreed.
"…Well Naruto said that if it wasn't for the ongoing fifth shinobi war eating up a lot of Konoha's time, effort and money, at least seven other building projects would have long since been finished," Sakura explained.
"Well I suppose that's a very reasonable did you just say fifth shinobi war?" Kuromaru said, changing his line of thought midsentence.
"Oh yeah, Konohagakure and Sunagakure are fighting against Kumogakure," Haru explained. Doing the 'nice guy' pose made popular by two certain bowl cut sporting shinobi, Haru added in a confidant tone, "Lord Sixth Hokage and Lord Fifth Kazekage have teamed up to take down Kumo!"
Turning to face his friends, Harold said in a mildly concerned tone, "Hoo boy, I am NOT going to envy whoever has to clean this mess up."
END, CHAPTER ONE
Author's note: Well...that just set the mood, now didn't it?
Anyway, what do you all think about using time travel to create alternate realities/timelines?
To be honest, this chapter is my first attempt at writing something with the intent of putting it up somewhere for others to read. I look forward to comments and constructive criticism.
I'm working on chapter two right now, BTW.
EDIT: Chapter two is up, obviously.
EDIT 6-9-16: Fixed some grammar errors.
EDIT 7-15-16: Changed some wording in this chapter to make it more 'T for teen.'