Imago
[ih-mey-goh]
-noun
1. An adult insect
2. Idealized concept of a loved one, formed in childhood and retained unaltered into adult life
OOO
Dean finds himself curiously detached as his father's body goes up in flames, the smell of burning flesh and embalming fluid and some sort of herbal compound meant to ward off evil spirits that Sam whipped together from John's journal enough to make Dean heave but for the fact that his stomach has been surprisingly dormant for the past three days. He's had absolutely no appetite, and has only forced himself to eat so that Sam will follow the example.
He's been forcing himself to do a lot of things for that reason.
He's been forcing himself period. Because none of this seems real. His father can't be dead, can't be roasting on a pyre not ten feet from him, crumbling to ash and dissolving before his very eyes. His Dad isn't supposed to go out this way- without a fight, without barely a word or explanation.
He's supposed to go down in a blaze of glory, dragging that son of a bitch yellow-eyed demon with him, a smirk on his face and a victorious glint in his eye as that fucker screams in agony as it's not even afforded the luxury of being pulled back to hell, but is instead eradicated from the face of fucking existence. It's supposed to be impossible, but his Dad had found a way, always found a way, and now Dean has to finish a job he never wanted to take in the first place.
His Dad has left him. Left him with a brother who's had the last of his innocence ripped from him in the past year, who might turn out to be evil, who Dean might have to kill. His dad has left him with an impossible choice, has left him all alone with this knowledge that makes the silence between him and Sam no longer companionable, but a lie, and Dean doesn't know if he can handle it.
Dean clenches his fingers around his dad's dog tags and for the first time realizes a very important truth.
Nobody's perfect.
OOO
Episode(s): 2.02
Words: 338