Disclaimer: Paramount reigns absolute. Janeway and Chakotay, loyal subjects of the realm, only
visit here through my written hallucination.
Title: Java, As You Like It (or Coffee, a Broken Replicator, and Thou)
Author: kneipho
Rating: T (PG-13) for mild sexual references)
Fandom: VOY
Character/Pairing Codes: J/C, definitely AU
Authors Notes: Shakespeare wrote some beautifully strong woman. I hope he doesn't mind my foolishness.
Thank you, Gill Hoyle, for your support and suggestions.
(Night. The Captain's Quarters.)
Chakotay: Prithee Kathryn, pray be still. Upon, mine Elder's soul,
Thy constant pacing will drive me directly to be mad!
Janeway: Fie Chakotay! I will not. Fie, I refuse!
Chakotay: Come to bed.
Janeway: I cannot.
How canst thou be so cold?
Chakotay: 'Tis deep night. Thou lookst weary.
Janeway: My predicament,
means naught to a fellow who lacks all show of emotion.
Chakotay: I am no Sullen Vulcan!
Janeway: Imperturbable Villain!
Chakotay: Untrue. My blood's heat is clearly not in contest.
Janeway: Thou talkst of sleep as thy Queen frets in turbulence!
Chakotay: I find the closing of one's eyes a much demand'd state:
At Eventide, when rest is much required,
no being should deny the call of bed.
With me adjoin, mine Irritated Love.
Thou art like a frog hopping up and down.
These perpetual motions now must quit!
Janeway: O Lowly Knight, charge me not to cease my movements.
Chakotay: Do not cease thy movements, then. Still, if thou must move,
Shift thine action to our cot: 'neath me in Copulation.
Janeway: Dirty Knave. The Brig's the place for brains with thoughts like thine.
Chakotay: (He sighs) In faith, Kat, thou hast been thickly treading yon carpet thin.
With the tickings o' the clock, I'm dizzy from the view.
Janeway: Thou art dizzy for thy brain is much like a pea.
Chakotay: A pea?
Janeway: A pea! Or more exact: A tiny rubber ball. (1)
It skips within a skull too large —uncaught: not used at all.
Chakotay: Hard Wench!
Janeway: Pea Brain!
Chakotay: That insult hath brought me low.
Janeway: Forgive me Sweet, for my worries do me consume.
They drive me into a stir. This will end tonight. Call Torres. She'll mend my wounds with her expertise.
Chakotay: Thine Unruly Engineer's doubtlessly a bed,
wrap'd tight in the muscle'd arms of our Helmboy Tom.
Is it wise, to wake The Beast from her nightly rest?
Janeway: Thy point is made, but, I must have use of her skill.
Chakotay: And I must have use of thee.
Janeway: Thy thoughts are akin
to those of a puckish sprite, engrossed in his pranks.
Chakotay: 'Tis thy extraordinary beauty which doth cause
these unerrering lines of thought. Desire guzzles me.
Janeway: I cherish thee well, but cease thy prattel.
Thou sing'est pretty whilst my heart is bruised.
Still shock'd I can't believe, I blundered thus:
my Replicator dead by mine own hand.
The dooming blow? Cooking dinner for thee!
Chakotay: Thou think'est to blame me for this upheavel, then?
Janeway: I do.
Chakotay: God 's Blood!
Janeway: Hast thou like'd meals I placed 'fore thee?
Chakotay: Mighty Ancestors, watch over, Poor Chakotay.
The truth is like to be a boot into yon hall!
Janeway: I would not have cripple'ed my Sweet Machine so,
Had it not been for thy lack of chivalry.
Chakotay: What?
Janeway: I am no Meaty Maker —no Baker of Treats.
Plain fact the Quadrant wide: Thou art the Better Cook.
Thou should hath done right by me: (and) made our feast thineself.
Chakotay: It was at thine insistence, we supped —here in this place.
Janeway: Curse the fates for incident: This development so cruel.
Beshrew your heart! (Thou) Love me not.
Chakotay: Katerina, I love thee!
Janeway: Nay!
Chakotay: 'Tis accurate! I do love thee more than life itself.
Enough to ban all things I once held dear.
Do not wound me thus, with false indictments.
Thou art my heart: it beats Thy Name alone.
Set down any task —be it grand or great
I will knock off each pick'd monstrosity!
This Warrior's regard proved faithful —through deeds.
Janeway: My Lord, I claim, I'll have no Coffee in the morn.
Without it, trap'd in these rooms —I will be forever damned.
My grave is like to rise from loss of Java Beans!
Chakotay: How now? What's this? Thou art a Clever Fox, indeed.
Janeway: Alack! How will I rise to govern in the light of day?
Chakotay: Sly Sovereign, I now grasp the game which we do both play.
Janeway: French roast! French Roast! My Starship for a Flagon of the Brew!
Chakotay: Mistress Manipulate, I can take no more ado.
Such banshee wails hurt mine ears. Thy inclination I'll fulfill.
On the morrow —fetch thee, I will, a Pitcher Of Thy Swill.
Janeway: Before full light—
Chakotay: I shout: All right!
I'll get it while thou art in repose:
Sleeping the snooze of a babe newly born.
I will slink away from our comfy bed,
into Neelix's Chamber of Horrors.
From this Netherworld, I will replicate
—a shiny silver kettle brimming with
thy most influential Amber Poison!
Janeway: Noble Knight, how brave thou art My Favored Subject and Friend.
I treasure thee much more than is prudent for my nature.
Name any reward. I will make it so!
Chakotay: My head:
feels harsh, longing much, to rest upon thy pillowy breast.
My thoughts whirl with the dangers o'this near crusade.
Shrewd Royal, what canst be done to ease my worry?
Janeway: Dearest Sir, leave that to me: Wily Mistress, I be.
A stirring distraction, I'll devise, tailored, alone for thee!
Chakotay: Kiss me, Kate and have me then; I'll let thee pitch thy woo.
The night is short and come the dawn, I will have much to do. (2)
(Java) As You Like It, kneipho 2002
1"For he hopped like a cricket; like a pea in a saucepan; or a new rubber ball on a nursery floor." —Rudyard Kipling
2 "Kiss me, Kate" from The Taming of the Shrew, by William Shakespeare