By OracleVortex
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Harry Potter, etc... blah blah... BUT the three Canadian OCs that are in this are real people, so you can't use them or steal them...because then they would sue you! (They would...) ^____^
...so there. This is my first attempt at a semi-comedy, so be nice! Thanx, and R&R!
Enjoy!
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Prologue: A New Addition
It was a sunny day, as it is when all good stories begin. The squid was splashing happily in the lake and the merfolk were bubbling away under the surface. Down in the dungeons of Hogwarts, something was growling, but other than that, everything was cool.
Oh, and the school was recieving two new students...transfer students from Canada. But that was a whole another story. ... Actually that is this story... isn't it?
Ha... don't mind me... I'm the narrator. Well, actually, I'm just telling this story from a first person point of view. You see, a little while ago, when I was just hanging around at school...sitting in my typing class, I decided to surf the net. Surfing the net is cool, because a) it just is, and b) it kills time. So, I was taking a looksee around the WB Harry Potter Site, and suddenly the screen goes blank.
"What the hell?" I said, though not loud enough for the teacher to hear. My buddie, Ann, who is sitting next to me, looks over.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
"Dunno." I replied. I didn't! Computers hate me, I have decided. Not too long ago my mouse crapped out on me, and my computer wouldn't work. I constantly get floppys stuck in the drive, and if i even touch my dad's system, it goes on the fritz.
Don't even get me started on my dial up.
So I figured that this was just my techo-curse, and I pressed the reset button. The screen turned green and a swirling kind of vortex appeared.
"Oh crap." It didn't look good, and there was no way that it was just the system rebooting. Leah, my other friend in my typing class, noticed that I was having...'difficulties', so to say.
"Is your computer screwing up, again?" Okay, so maybe I have a lot of problems with any sort of PC.
"Yes! And I don't know why!" Dammit, I hate computers.
Anyway, to make a long story short, me, Leah and Ann were sucked into the computer screen and into the Harry Potter reality.
How, you ask? Well, if you remember, I was on a Harry Potter site, and my buds was trying to help me fix the computer...but I don't really understand the vortex thing either.
Oh well.
Yeah, so it's a nice sunny day and the squid was splashing in the lake, the merfolk were bubbling and down in the dungeons of Hogwarts, something was growling. And me and Ann were sitting in the middle of the Great Hall, waiting to be announced by Dumbledore.
How, you ask? I have to admit, I don't know. One second I was reseting my computer, and the next, I was standing beside Dumbledore. He was talking to the student body.
"We are very priviliged to have three exchange students from Tillan, a wizarding school in Canada. As they will be joining us for the next year or so, they will be sorted into houses. They are fifth years, and they will be treated with the same respect as any other student of Hogwarts." Dumbledore seemed to be saying this directly to the Slytherin table. I don't blame him. I know their rep. We all know their rep.
Now, it was at this time that McGonagall came onto the floor, carrying the sorting hat and the stool. She set them down and stepped back. Then the hat began to sing.
"Oooooooooooooioooooh....
I am a hat made of felt,
And by some fluke I can talk,
For many, many years I have dwelt,
Inside a black magic box.
You have come to this school,
As a change from Tillan
Listen to my rule,
And it will give you a helping hand.
Noooooowwwwwwwwwwwwww....
Slytherins are sneaky
Smart are the Ravenclaw,
Hufflepuff is sorta sleepy,
And Gryffindor is the best of all.
Sooooooooooooooooooo...
Put me on your head,
I'll take a peek inside,
Push away your dread,
And you will be just fine!"
Yes...it was as cheezy as it sounds. And is it me, or was he biast in Gryffindor's favor? Oh well...everyone was...except Slytherins, but that's something else entirely.
But I'm babbling, so let's continue with my story. So, McGonagall pulls out a scroll and looks at the names that were written there. Now, there's only me, Leah and Ann being sorted, so why does she need a fancy scroll? Oh well... don't mind me...I'm playing the part of a pessimist right now.
"Cruch, Leah." Leah, the ever-happy person that she is, plopped down on the stool and put the hat on her head. There was a pause and then...
"Whoa! This thing talks!"
Me and Ann burst out laughing, soon followed by the rest of the school. So sue us! We just found out that we were in the Harry Potter series, what, five minutes ago? ANY-way...
"GRYFFINDOR!!" It yelled. Leah winced. After all, it was yelling in her ear.
"Gillespie, Alexandria."
Gods...I hate my first name...well, I like the nickname (Alex) but Alexandria is just so formal...ugh. I could hear snickering from the Slytherin table. Well, what do you expect? They are the Slytherins! Sending a dirty look backwards, I plunked myself down on the stool, and waited for the hat to start talking.
Hello. I said pleasantly, drumming my fingers on the side of my leg. Come to think of it, I was wearing the Hogwarts uniform. Whoa, when did that happen? Damn. I'm wearing a skirt.
//Well...based on your mind...\\
Pardon me, but would you mind not messing around in my head?
//Sorry, but it's my job. As I was saying, based on what I have seen.. you can only be suited for...\\
I waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Uh, hello? I'm only suited for....?
//Don't rush me! This takes a little while!\\
It didn't take you a little while to sort Draco Malfoy!
//That was different! Wait...how did you know that?\\
I'm his stalker.
"WHAT??" He burst out saying. McGonagall looked at us. Leah laughed, almost falling to the ground.
"HA! That's my hyper buddie!!" She giggled. "I bet she's driving the hat insane!"
Everybody stared at her and I fought the intense urge to laugh. Yeah, that's my hyper buddie for ya.
I'M KIDDING!!! I said to the Sorting Hat, trying to prevent him from having a hernia. Geez, you brits have no sense of humor...
//I see...Well, now I see you can only be suited for ONE house!\\
That being....?
"Gryffindor!!!"
WTF? How did that happen? After that remark, I kind of expected him to stick me in Slytherin! ...But then again, I said I was Draco's stalker, so maybe that was the whole point of it. Heh. Reminds me of a stalker joke that me and Ann came up with. If I remember, I'll tell you it later.
Okay, so I got off the stool and handed the hat to Ann. She sat down and put the hat on. We didn't even wait for McGonagall to announce her name. I mean, come on. It's only a little obvious who was next.
"Herperger, Ann." What a prat. (Heh, I'm using British terms!) She still announced Ann's name even though we already knew she was the last person. Oh well.
Ann sat on the stool patiently, waiting for the hat to spit out her house name. There was a little wait (which I spent twiddling my thumbs) and then the hat cried, "GRYFFINDOR!!"
Ann handed the hat to McGonagall, and I swear, that she looked the slightest bit disappointed. Oh, well...I'll have to figure that out later....
As for the moment, we were steered to, what is presume, was the Gryffindor table. McGongall plunked us down next to a boy with black hair and specks (glasses), a girl with frizzy brown hair, and another boy, though with bright red hair.
Three guesses who they were. The first three don't count.
Yeah, so they introduced themselves as Ron, Harry and Hermione. Not a surprise. We introduced ourselves yet again, and then set about to eat.
Hogwarts gives quite the spread, when it comes to evening meals. There was every sort of thing imaginable, and being a Canadian, there was some things that we couldn't identify. Oh well.
"So, what's it like, learning magic in Canada?" Hermione asked, questing for information as always. "Do you take the same classes as we do?"
The three of us looked at each other. What were we going to say? We don't even have wands! Or spells! We don't know anything!!! ... Well, we do know things, just not that relating to magic. Darn it.
Ann was the first to speak. "We basically take the same lessons that you do, except we don't have any need for wands."
No need for wands. What the hell was she talking about????
She went on. "Observe." She waved her hands at a goblet. It shimmered and floated in the air for a moment. Then she waved her hands again, and it set back down on the table.
What the hell. WTH!!!!!!! SINCE WHEN CAN SHE DO MAGIC?!?!?!?
With equal surprise, me and Leah gawked at her. Ron, for his part, seemed impressed. He turned to me and Leah. "Can you do that too?"
"Um..." I looked around, searching for something to do. Why did Ann have to take the easiest thing? I thought about it for a moment...waiting for something to come to mind.
...
...
...
Ah! There we go! Pointing at a distant roll, I concentrated for a moment.
Nothing happened.
Frowning, I thought at it. Yeah. I thought at it. So what?
Nothing.
Ron looked at me all funny. "You can't, can you?"
"I so can!" I whipped my head around, and pointed at the roll again. "Accio!" Maybe all I needed was a magic word...
Yeah. Then all the rolls came flying in my direction. I had to duck , along with five other people, in order to avoid being hit. Whupps.
Leah, being the hyper person that she was, was eager for her turn to amaze and preform magical feats. "Ooh! What can I do??"
Harry looked at her. "'What can you do?' Don't you know?"
Leah whistled, looking at the ceiling. "Well, look at that! There's stars!" Good job...she effectively dodged the whole question entirely.
Oy.
There was a small bang, and a large cloud of smoke. Suddenly the six of us were engulfed in a powdery air that sort of smelled like cotton candy and pixie sticks. Strange. When we could see through the fog again, the most horrible thing that could be imagined had happened.
Leah had a bat.
Now, I think, would be a good time to explain this little inside joke. It's not really that funny, I think, unless you were there, and if you know Leah. But let me try and explain anyway. You see, when Halloween had rolled around the previous year, Leah and I were just joking around, and it suddenly led to this great big joke that evolved into an inside joke.
I don't even remember what it all entitled, anymore, but it was blasted hilarious. Getting back to the story...
Leah had a bat in one hand; it was decorated with deep violet swirls and evil-looking happy faces. It chilled me to the very core. But I couldn't help but laugh.
So we laughed, and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed until we were crying and falling over into the pudding bowl, and receiving weird looks from everyone in the assembly.
Oh well.
Suffice to say, dinner was great, and Leah managed not to hurt anyone...too badly. Hermione led us up to the Gryffindor common room (the password was Hibberty-Gibberty) and we got settled in. We had our trunks (?) sent up already, and our books and things were already there. (?)
I have to admit, I was quite satisfied with what I had 'brought' to Hogwarts. Here, let me list off my crap to you...
Evidently, what I required was:
~Three pairs of everyday work robes (silver clasp)
~Three sets of Hogwarts uniform
~One winter cloak (black)
~One pair of dragon hide gloves (or something that looked similar)
~At least ten class textbooks
~A crystal ball (?) {I think I may be taking divination or something...}
~Cauldron and potion ingredients
~'Muggle' clothing
~Other crap.
Yeah, I suppose that you really didn't want to know about all that, but I don't really care. This is my narration. Live with it.
Leah was in the bed to my left, utterly obsorbed in something that was in a small box with holes in the top, while Ann was digging around in the contents of her bookbag.
The door swung open and in stepped three other girls. The first was Hermione. Leah glared at her. I don't know why. The second had violet hair (this was Lavender Brown) and the third was Pavarti Patil. Man, what a strange name. She must have been teased terribly when she was a kid.
Think about it a little.
Anyway, there was a little girl talk, and some gossip and stuff (which you don't really need to hear at this time) and then we all hit the sack.
All right, so maybe I'm skipping a lot of things, but it's not like I remember everything that happened while I was at Hogwarts. We were there for a year!
Err...forget I said that.
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Okay, so this really isn't all that funny, considering that it is supposed to be a comedy, but I wrote this at school, the epitome of boredom, and it seemed quite funny at the time.
Deal.
There's another chapter on the way, even if no one likes this. Cuz I do.
Luv ya all to pieces,
OracleVortex
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