And Yet ANOTHER Self Insert Fic

by Enigmatic Magus

I find myself in an Alternate Ranma Universe... and things just get weirder from there on out... chapter 1 updated slightly for grammatical errors.

1. Chapter 1

And Yet ANOTHER Self Insert Fic

Disclaimer: Rumiko Takahashi owns Ranma ½.

Chapter 1

I wasn't quite sure what had happened. One minute I was sitting there at my computer, watching a virus scan run and knowing it wouldn't turn anything up, the next I was standing on the side of a road, wearing shoes (I'd been barefoot before) and feeling generally confused.

"The hell...?"

For the most part, my life hadn't had many 'WTF'-inducing moments; hence my rather scientific approach to things like religion and superstition. But this...

Looking around with a bit more scrutiny, I spotted a few signs in English, though what they said made little sense. Worse, however, was the abundance of symbols, which I generically labeled "asian," many of which adorned the flat surfaces upon which people either advertised or informed pedestrians.

Pulling back the sleeve of a shirt I'd not been wearing a moment earlier, I checked my watch, belatedly reminding myself that, like the shirt, the watch had also been absent scant moments before.

"Ten thirty... At night, obviously..." Of course, I mused silently, if I was in a primarily Asian-speaking country, as the signs seemed to indicate, my watch might be off by a good 12 or so hours. Sighing, I reached in my pocket, the feeling of my wallet familiar, despite its recent position beside the keyboard, alongside my watch and...

Sure enough, my keys occupied the left locket, though I didn't feel the fuel-less Zippo or Remote-fog light-activation clicker I usually carried around when I went out. Glancing down, I sighed, realizing I wasn't wearing my cell phone either. Despite its current lack of minutes (a pre-paid phone's biggest downfall) I could have still used it in an emergency.

Still, I was standing, I could feel all my limbs (all of which seemed to be in relative working order) and a quick check reassured me that I'd not been the victim of some urban legend, all my organs still nestled behind an unpunctured layer of skin, muscle and bone.

A couple walked by, then, their hushed tones making eavesdropping impossible, though what few words I could hear weren't entirely sensible, either. In the sterile amber glow of the streetlamp, I could make out their (surprise) Asian features. Sighing at how out-of-place a six foot two Spaniard would look in any of the places I imagined myself, I leaned against a wall and thought quickly.

'Where the hell am I, and how did I get here? My legs aren't too sore, so I haven't been walking long, I'm dressed in my typical casual clothes, where before I was dressed in lazy inside-attire...'

Glancing once again at the street, I reached into my pocket and pulled my wallet out, hoping all my money was still in it. My Tax Refund had come last week, and, while I'd probably have blown it on food (and maybe a bill or two if any remained after a much-needed trip to the mall) now, the $400 meant my trip home, or at least, the first leg on the trip.

First, however, I was going to get food. I doubted I'd find a bank that could convert dollars into... whatever the local currency was, but hopefully I could find a restaurant willing to take a couple bills. Ignoring the fact that my eyes couldn't make heads or tails of the signs posted outside, I began walking down the street, hoping I'd discover a place to eat via my sense of smell or hearing.

A moment later, I doubled back, an interesting and undeniably edible odor emanating from a well-lit little building near where I'd first found myself. Glancing at the sign before wincing at the reminder that I was, for all intents and purposes, illiterate here, I slid the door open, after taking a moment to figure out why it didn't have a handle or hinges.

"Uigbioabwpiubapsibpiubvapsubdfpiu!"

"..." I blinked. The kid behind the counter had shouted something unintelligible at me, and I felt myself blushing slightly as I realized they probably didn't speak English. I knew I could, if the situation demanded it, pantomime to help get my situation across to people, but with other customers around, I didn't feel like acting like an utter fool in front of everyone.

When someone else walked in, and the cook said something similar (I hoped), the customer took a seat at the counter, and I followed silently, sitting a few spaces away. When they turned around, I sat up as I realized that the kid wasn't as young as I'd though, just short. He gave me a quick confused glance, before turning to the other patron and starting a short conversation.

Having worked in restaurants for most of my adult life, I didn't bother making a scene, just sitting back, and hoping the cook would get to me in due time. Eventually, he turned away from the customer, poured some sort of batter on the grill behind the counter, and then turned to me.

"Alkshdioubefoub..."

"Ahh..." I replied intelligently. Holding up my finger to indicate they give me a moment, the cook nodded and turned back to the grill while I dug out my wallet and removed two five-dollar bills. When the cook glanced my way again, I held them up and quirked a brow, hoping she could extrapolate the question from the gesture.

"Iiyayasfakshfliyinalkasfh."

I blinked.

"Yen." he said slowly, frowning at me. Wincing at the frown, and feeling my blush return, I shook my head slowly and stood to go. At least I knew where I was, now. Japan. Land of the Rising Sun. Just my luck, to find myself in a country of which I had just enough information to let me know just how little I knew.

Behind me I heard a sigh, and the cook muttered something before saying something louder I assumed was at me. Frowning in thought, I dredged up all the anime episodes, impromptu Japanese lessons, and any other random exposures to Japanese I had to form an understandable reply.

"Nani?"

The cook blinked in reply, then began talking again, prompting me to hold up my hands in surrender. He trailed off, frowning, and I cringed again, taking a step back and muttering a weary "Gomen nasai."

Wincing slightly, the cook spoke slowly, "Matte... Stopu. Stop..."

I froze, and then turned, "You... you can speak English?"

The cook frowned and I waited as he went through the same vocabulary drills I had. Finally, "Yes... Not-good is. I sorry."

"No need to be sorry. I'm the foreigner here," I muttered. The cook frowned at me, and I smiled, pointing to myself, "Gaijin." the cook snorted once, before holding up his finger for me to wait and turning back to the grill.

Standing there unsure of what, exactly, I was to do next, I made my way back to the stool I'd vacated and sat down, looking around the place in hopes of seeing something in English. Instead, I almost stumbled out of my chair when I realized something my subconscious had probably been screaming ever since I'd entered.

Single, blue-clad person cooking pizza-like thingies on a grill in a smallish restaurant with a red sign somewhere in Japan? I wasn't sure I was in Tokyo, but everything else was there, and, well, 'if it walks like a duck, looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and acts like a duck, it's probably a really bored Mousse...'

"Ukyo... err... Kuonji Ukyo?"

"Hai?" the cook, Ukyo, said, glancing at me with a slight frown. I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head and hoping I'd open them to see the computer monitors glowing back at me. Instead, I saw her frown at me a little more, and saying something that I couldn't quite catch.

"Umm... what?" I said, sheepishly. She opened her mouth then shut it again, closing her eyes in concentration for a moment before speaking.

"How you be?"

"Fine, fine. Sorry. Just surprised, that's all. I mean, if I'm here, then, well... how? And.." I shut up as I realized I was about to start babbling (already had, actually), and glanced at a clock on the wall. 8:47. Apparently, I needed to reset my watch for the local time.

"Oh my god..." I said, realizing that, aside from the local time, I also had to figure out the date... Damn. If I'd had my cell phone, I could sell that 'back' to Nokia for quite a hefty sum. Glancing around, I couldn't exactly tell if anything was of late 80's/early 90's manufacture, but Ranma didn't take place in 2004, or even 2000, so any new-millennial technology would be worth quite a bit to the right R&D people.

Ukyo, during my inner-monologue, had apparently moved off to let me think, and was currently cashing out a couple at a table alongside the wall. When she finished, she looked back at me and muttered something, before donning a fake smile and holding out her hand.

"Ore wa Kuonji Ukyo desu. Nani desu ka?"

I blinked. I had actually understood most of that. Taking her outstretched hand, I spoke, "Watashi wa Kyle desu," I smiled a little more before adding, "Genki desu ka?"

Ukyo started laughing, her false smile replaced by one of genuine mirth, and after a moment she spoke again, "Ore. Ore wa."

"Ohhh...." I said, not quite understanding why. Ukyo however, understood my monosyllabic response, and sighed. Trying again, she held her hand to her chest, cupping 'imaginary' breasts, and said "Watashi" in her real feminine voice, before dropping her arms (and her voice) and saying "Ore."

The patron at the bar chuckled and I nodded in understanding. Ukyo nodded back, then handed me a piece of paper with scribbles on it. Actually, I knew it was Japanese, but Hiragana, Katakana, or Kanji, I couldn't make heads or tails of it, and so resigned myself to staring helplessly.

Then, inspiration struck me. Grabbing a napkin, I pointed to a grease pencil she had sitting behind the counter, and she handed it to me hesitantly. I quickly drew a shrimp and little pig, before handing the napkin to her. She laughed once, before nodding and pouring some more batter on the grill.

A few minutes later, a steaming plate of "Okonomiyaki" sat before me, Ukyo's only other patron now finishing off his. I glanced around for a moment, trying to find some sort of silverware, but all I could see behind the counter was a cup full of paper-sheathed wooden chopsticks.

Glancing surreptitiously at the customer beside me, I watched as he used a pair of chopsticks to bring the remnants of his meal up to his lowered mouth before removing a bite, and I blinked, realizing that etiquette here was totally different than the etiquette in Florida.

Discreetly tearing the Okonomiyaki into fourths and wiping my fingers clean in the shrimp-and-pig decorated napkin, I picked up the triangular quarter and took a bite, much like I would a piece of pizza. Ukyo stared at me for a moment, then chuckled, quietly mumbling something around her grin. I smirked around the bite, before chewing quickly.

Ukyo said something that I didn't quite catch, and I quirked a brow at her, wishing I was certain whether "wakarimasen" meant "I understand" or "I don't understand." The other customer, the only one in the restaurant besides the owner and me handed Ukyo a couple bills, before excusing himself with a few words I had no chance of understanding.

"You... pay help?" she said, after a moment's hesitation. I opened my mouth to agree, reaching for the two fives I'd pulled out earlier, and then stopped. While I was certain the meal wasn't ten US dollars (though it tasted better than most 10 dollar meals I could get eating out) if she wanted a little help closing up or whatever, it was the least I could do.

Besides, it was Ukyo Kuonji. My favorite fiancée, and, taking a moment to watch her while she was staring off into space, I realized that, unbound and cleaned up, she was just as cute "in real life." She started to frown, and I followed her gaze to the wall, where a bronze gong-like object hung, reflecting her perfe... oh...

"Gomen." I said, staring down at my food and feeling a slight blush. I was thankful my complexion hid all but the most severe blushes, and after a moment, I heard Ukyo sigh and move towards the back.

"Don't go," she said, before disappearing into the back. I shrugged and ate the final piece of Okonomiyaki, waiting for her to return. A few minutes later she did, and on a table near the door, she set a couple books, before coming over and taking my plate.

"Err... wait..." I said, frowning. Thinking back, I tried something I'd heard her say earlier, "Matte." she stopped and turned to look at me, and I grinned, hopping off the stool and pointing at the plate in her hand.

"Help?" I said, pantomiming washing dishes. She frowned at me, and then shrugged.

"Okay," she replied, before continuing. After leading me to a big, deep sink, beside which sat many dirty plates, she took my plate and showed me how she apparently wanted me to clean them. Turning to me when she had finished, I nodded, and stood beside her, grabbing a dirty plate in my left hand, the sponge in my right, and got to scrubbing.

What felt like hours later, but was really just 15 minutes, I placed the last plate on its rack, then stepped out from the kitchen to find Ukyo working over her grill, which had cooled off enough to be cleaned.

"Uk... err... umm... hmm... Ku-Kuonji-san?" I said, quietly. Ukyo stopped wiping at her grill to laugh, and I waited for the outburst to stop patiently, glancing at the broom and mop she had sitting nearby.

"Ukyo. Onegai... Please. Ukyo." She said, slowly. I nodded, and then pointed to the broom and mop. She looked at me, confusion evident, and I shrugged, pointing at my watch before pointing at the door and then shrugging dismissively again.

"Iie... no plans?" she asked, trying to understand what I was trying to tell her.

"Hai. No plans." I replied, grabbing the broom. She nodded, and then moved around me to put one of the chairs up on the table. I noticed that al the tables and chairs had been wiped clean already, and quickly made my way around flipping chairs, before starting to sweep methodically, from one side of the restaurant to the other.

Looking around for a dustpan, I couldn't find one, so I called Ukyo and pointed to the small pile of dirt and quirked a brow at her. She pointed to the door, and I nodded, before sweeping the debris out the door.

Grabbing the mop, I briefly wondered why she didn't have a towel you ran up and down the floor barefoot with, before squashing the thought. Wishing for a much harder task was pretty stupid, I mused, as I began cleaning the floor. A little while later, Ukyo took the mop with her out back, and I glanced at the clock, surprised it was only 10:30.

"Okay... help now?" she asked, pointing at the books she'd placed in the booth. Making my way over to them (and hoping my tennis shoes weren't leaving marks on the freshly-mopped flooring) I sat across from her as she pushed a book towards me. Glancing down at it, I realized it was an English book.

"Ohh... help with English. I gotcha." I said, flipping it open. Ukyo mumbled something, and I smiled as I turned to a random page and began reading.

"Wow... this isn't exactly college-level, but I'm rather impressed... I was under the impression that English went up to about a 6th grade level."

"Nani?" Ukyo asked, probably not catching much of what I said.

"Nothing. Just thinking." I replied, flipping through a few more pages, before looking at her, "Where do you want to start?"

She said something in Japanese, then opened the book to a marked page, and pointing to the five vowels, each one written out with the little symbols to explain how they're stressed.

"Ohh..." I said, nodding slightly. I remember being surprised by the simplicity of the Japanese written language. At least, two thirds of it; the syllable-based 'alphabets.' Despite my upbringing, it made more sense than English's letter-based one.

"Okay, I can see where this is probably a problem. You've never had to stress an 'a' like an 'o' or whatever."

Ukyo pointed to the letter 'a' and said "Ahh."

I nodded, and glanced around before I settled my gaze on my watch. Pointing to it, I took a pencil she'd brought with her, and on a piece of paper, wrote 'W-A-T-C-H' then pointed at the word, my watch, before saying "watch," slowly and clearly. She gave me an "Are you stupid" look before taking the pencil to point at the letter 'a' with two little dots over it.

"Ahh" she said again. I nodded. Then she pointed to an 'a' with a little upside-down 'v' thingy over it, and said "Ahh?" though, this time I could hear the question in her voice.

Glancing at the example listed, "ham," I pointed to it and made an "aah" sound. She looked at me, then the book, then tentatively tried, making more of an "ehh" sound. She frowned and pointed at me then the book, and I made the sound again. After a moment where she just stared at me, I did it again, and she nodded, closing her eyes and trying again.

"Ahh... Aah?"

"Right!" I said, smiling. She smiled back at me, and I glanced at the rest of the page, wincing as I saw the letters left to work with.

When 11:30 rolled around, Ukyo glanced wearily at the clock, before sticking a paper we'd managed to cover in scribbles in the book and closing it with a slam that echoed within the restaurant. Jumping at the sudden sound, I looked at my watch, and then winced.

"Gomen." I said, knowing she had school tomorrow. Or did she? Realizing I still wasn't sure what part of Ranma I'd managed to make an appearance in, I looked down at the books and sighed. Well, she was apparently going to school somewhere. Glancing at the books, and realizing I'd be illiterate for a while, I slid out of the booth, Ukyo mirroring my, though slightly more lethargically.

"Arigato, Kyle-san." Ukyo said.

"Iie. Kyle. Umm... you're welcome." I said, wishing my Japanese wasn't quite as spotty as it was. She smiled slightly, then frowned, reaching into her pocket for something. When she withdrew a few bills, I shook my head, pulling out my wallet and showing her the contents of my wallet, the two hundred-dollar-bills given special emphasis. Ukyo looked at me with little comprehension, and I grabbed a piece of paper.

Writing out "100¥" (Ukyo chuckled as I took a moment to decide how many times the Y for yen got crossed through) I did a wavy equals-sign, then a "1$" then I pulled out a hundred and set it on the table, before drawing an arrow to it and writing "100$."

Ukyo glanced at the bill, then at me, then nodded, tucking the bills back into her pocket. She didn't sigh, but I could see the relief in her eyes, so I smiled at her.

"Help you tomorrow?" I asked.

"Help... me? You help again?" she asked. I nodded, drawing a clock face displaying 8:30, and pointed at the door. Ukyo looked thoughtful for a moment, then frowned.

"Pay?"

"Iie yen. Okonomiyaki. Ukyo no genki..." I replied, hoping she understood my meaning. She frowned at me, and for a brief moment, her gaze got far off, and her frown melted into a look that was an even mix of pain and anger. When she blinked, the emotions left, as if they were never there, and she nodded once, before picking up her books and walking with me too the door.

"Sayonara?" I said. Ukyo chuckled, before saying "Good nighto, Kyle."

With the doorway closed tight behind me, I glanced around at the streets of Japan, and wondered where exactly I was going to sleep for the night. While I knew there were hotels in Tokyo that catered to tourists and would accept American dollars, I didn't for a minute think I had enough for more than maybe two nights.

I'd have better luck renting an apartment, but without a job, I'd have a hell of a time getting one. Glancing at the corner, I spotted a newsstand, and on it, a newspaper rustled. Crossing the street quickly, I grabbed the paper, sighing as I saw that, while the articles were in Japanese, the date was in English.

"Holy shit..." I said, staring at the date. August 13th, 1994. What the hell could I do with $400 in Japan in 1994? Inflation wouldn't be as high, so I might be able to buy myself more than I could ten years later, in 2004, but still... in 1994, I'd been in 6th grade. Computers were just beginning to get good, and Windows 95 was a year away.

Glancing at the stars, I wondered if now was a good time to invest in Intel. With the Pentium classic chip just around the corner, the information superhighway about to be paved, and dot-com millionaires about to put their first paychecks into companies like Yahoo and , the electronics stock market was going to be a hell of a ride in the coming years.

Making my way around town, I eventually found a small park, where I settled down on a vacant bench secluded by thick bushes. It wasn't as cramped as my car had been back in Denver, but it certainly was draftier.

"Tomorrow, I seek out work. Or money."

The next day, I was awakened by the sound of a bird chirping too damn merrily by my head. Wincing at the sunlight, I sat up, brushing off a couple leaves that had fallen on me as I slept. Glancing at my watch, I realized I'd gotten about 6 hours of sleep, and muttered curses about the Army and its long-standing conditioning.

Stretching out a few kinks, I left the park in search of work. By 8:00, I'd converted some of my money into yen, found a room for rent in a house owned by a (deceased) US soldier's wife, and discovered the only real snag in any plans I'd developed.

I couldn't get the room without a job. I couldn't get a job without identification. And I couldn't use my Florida Drivers license, because the issue date was still three years away. My only hope was to talk Ukyo into lying for me, and then finding a way to work illegally... or at least, until I got enough to buy proper identification.

"Ah! Thank god." I muttered when I spotted the red curtain of Ukyo's little place. Frowning at the car parked outside, I pulled the door open, only to find myself looking at the backs of two business suits.

Taking stock of the situation, I realized Ukyo was glaring at the two, who with their sunglasses, top hats, and gray outfits screamed "mob" were apparently waiting for her to pay. The two muttered something over their shoulder, and continued staring at Ukyo, who stared back. I turned to go, opening the door, before stopping, and closing it again. It wasn't right to leave Ukyo to this, and, while I figured this had happened before and everything had turned out okay, I was here now, and if I could somehow tip the odds in Ukyo's favor, then so be it.

The two thugs, Yakuza, I mentally recalled, must have assumed I left when the door shut, because they began talking to Ukyo again, who didn't look at me, continuing to glare at them.

One spoke a little louder, and finally Ukyo responded, her response making the two jerk back as if physically slapped. The one who had spoken first took a step towards Ukyo, who, I now realized, was holding her Battle spatula low. The other thug was reaching into his coat slowly, and I waited, letting Ukyo make the first move.

The first thug, raised his hand as if to hit Ukyo, and Ukyo swung her spatula up, aping to broadside the guy's head. He jumped back out of the way, and the second thug began going for what I assumed was a gun in a shoulder holster. Tapping the second one on the shoulder, I grinned as he turned slowly, right before I gave him a face full of fist. I wasn't much of a martial artist, but at this range, and with the element of surprise (not to mention a foot of height, and a great angle) his lights went out for the night.

The first thug heard his friend hit the floor and turned to look, glancing at me and opening his mouth, however, anything he wanted to say would have to wait, as Ukyo brought her spatula down upon his head with a dull clang. Thug one crumbled and Ukyo slung her spatula before prodding him with her toe none-too gently.

Finally, she looked at me, and nodded once.

"Arigato, Kyle-san."

"No problem." I said softly, staring down at the two. Crouching down, I reached inside the jacket of the thug I'd decked, and pulled out an automatic, which I grinned at and pocketed.

"Nani?" Ukyo asked, as I removed a spare magazine.

"Finders keepers" I said, pulling out the guy's wallet. Pulling out the bills, I put the wallet back, and then moved over to the other guy. He didn't have a gun, but his wallet was fatter. After relieving him of his spending money, I turned to Ukyo, and frowned.

"What now?"

Surprisingly, she'd said the same thing at the same time. We shared a quick nervous laugh, a moment before the door opened, and a third suited thug came in, freezing when he saw me crouched over his friend. He reached back for his waistline, and I realized that he was probably going for a gun. Deciding not to go out like an idiot, I pushed Ukyo behind the counter, then dove, aiming for the guy, probably the driver of the car, in a low tackle.

Time seemed to crawl as I saw the gun, another automatic of some kind come out, but by the time he'd had it free, I felt his knee in my shoulder, and suddenly, I heard a loud pop beside my head, and the guy screamed as he fell, his left leg bending in a way it was never designed to bend.

BAM! the gun went off, and I prayed Ukyo had stayed down, and hoping adrenaline wasn't stopping me from feeling if I'd been shot or not. There was a wet THUD then, and the legs below me went limp, a clatter letting me know he'd dropped the gun.

"Ukyo?" I said, pushing myself up into a kneeling position.

"Hai?" she asked, looking somewhat pale.

"Umm... shit. Are you okay... err... Daijobu, ka?" I tried, hoping that was right. Ukyo nodded, staring at the three thugs and wincing when she saw the way the leg I'd impacted was bent.

Looking at the three I glanced at the clock, then the door, and then stood up.

"Help me," I said, grabbing the guy nearest to the door and dragging him towards it. After opening the door with my foot, I dragged him to the car, Ukyo following with the one she'd brained, and I quickly set the two in their car, before taking all the money out of bent-knee's wallet, and spreading it as evenly among the three as I could. Ukyo watched me take the shoulder holster off the one I'd stolen the gun from, and then grinned as she realized what I planned.

"Where hit?" she said, finally. I looked around, and realized nobody deserved having a yakuza car through the front wall without a damn good reason. Finally Ukyo glanced at me and said "Police?" I thought about it, and then nodded.

The police station would need a new wall, but these three would be out of the loop for quite some time if we could pull it off right. It took a half hour to set up and wipe away all our fingerprints, but in the end, we set the car up to roll into the police building nearby as soon as I dropped the thug's foot on the gas. Leaning in the window to do that, the thug in the passenger seat moaned, and I grinned, moving his friend's foot over the gas.

"Sayonara, sucker!" I said, letting go of the pant leg. The foot fell, and the car accelerated rapidly towards the building. A moment later, there was a loud crash, and the car came to a stop, its front end accordioned, and a couple police emerging from the building coughing.

"It's too bad they weren't wearing their seatbelts" I muttered as I ducked into the alley Ukyo was in. We made our way quickly back to her place, and, locking her door, collapsed bonelessly into the booth we'd done her homework in the night before.

After a few minutes (in which we heard a fire truck go by) Ukyo shifted in her seat, and looked at me "Arigato." I nodded, shuddering, and then tossing half the money I'd taken from them at her. Ukyo looked at it, then nodded, stepping over to her register and opening it. Blinking in surprise, I realized it had already been emptied, more than likely by the thugs.

I pulled out the other half of the money, but Ukyo shook her head, no longer looking at me. She said something I couldn't make out, but I could hear her voice shake, and I signed, tucking the bills into my pocket, before heading back to start washing dishes.

A while later I emerged, shaking my hands dry before I started putting the chairs up. Ukyo said something, and I turned to her, in time to see her frown and pull out a towel. When she started wiping down the chairs and tables I made my way over to her and gently put my hand on her shoulder. She jumped, then stopped to stare at me, and I shrugged, pointing at the booth.

"Iie... no..." I snorted and pointed at the booth again, she sighed, and reluctantly marched over to it while I began wiping the tables down, glad the lights were in the ceiling, and not hanging, like they had at Applebee's. When the tables and chairs were wiped down, I put them up and began sweeping, the whole time Ukyo sat in the booth looking somewhat shaken.

Finally, when I'd finished mopping, I made my way over to her only to find she'd fallen asleep sitting up. Sighing, I turned towards the grill, the one thing I could see that was left, and felt it briefly, sighing as I realized it had cooled. Looking around, I spotted the towel and steel wool Ukyo probably used to clean it, and started scrubbing, being gentle enough not to scratch the surface, but thorough enough to get out all the accumulated goop.

When I was finished, I stepped back, smirking as I realized my old Wendy's manager would be proud, and made my way back to Ukyo, who'd collapsed into crossed arms, similar to the way I'd slept at school. After trying briefly to wake her, I sighed, and resigned myself to taking her to her room.

Walking through the back, I blinked when I saw that the stairs were the steep folding stairs usually found in garages leading up to an attic. This wasn't Ukyo's shop in Nerima, then...

Climbing the stairs I saw that Ukyo had converted a storage room into a bedroom of sorts, and I wondered briefly if she used a public bath to stay clean. Shrugging the thought off, I went back for Ukyo, wondering how best to do this, before eventually scooping her up with both arms.

A couple minutes of carefully climbing the ladder backwards, I managed to get Ukyo into her futon, which was looking quite comfortable, after such a hectic evening. Shaking my head clear, I found her school supplies and, using stick figures and symbols, and wrote a comic-strip-like explanation for how she got up into her room and why I didn't change her clothes.

After closing the door behind me (locking it was easier than I'd assumed) I made my way back to my bench, hoping to get Ukyo's signature the tomorrow so I could sleep indoors next time I closed my eyes for the night.

Once again the sound of chirping roused me, and groaning, I sat up, mentally preparing myself to face the new day. After a couple hours in which I wandered (and learned just how rare porcelain thrones were in Japan) I found myself standing before the American Consulate, responsible for Osaka-Kobe, whatever the pamphlet I'd snagged meant by that.

Unsure what, exactly, I could do inside, without a plausible ID or anything, I stared long enough for a security guard to approach and begin asking me questions in mangled English.

"Huh?" I asked, snapping out of my daze finally.

"Can I help you?" he asked again, talking slowly. I smiled and turned back at the building. "Not yet..." I muttered, before turning and walking down the street. A quick stop at a convenience store, and a couple minutes of pantomiming later, I'd purchased for myself one phone card, which I quickly unwrapped and took with me to the nearest public phone.

Staring at the Japanese directions and cursing my luck, I picked up the phone and dialed the number indicated, crossing as many fingers, limbs and even my eyes that they'd offer instructions in English.

"If you'd like instructions in English, please press seven."

"YES!" I cried, pounding the 'seven' button down so hard it got stuck for a moment. Quickly following the instructions for making out-of-country phone calls, I finally got my home number punched in, gland my parents had used the same number for over 12 years.

"Thank you for calling Movie Gallery on Kinglsey. This is Shirley speaking, how may I help you?"

"... Mo-Movie... Gallery?!" I said, haltingly.

"Yes... Can I help you?"

"No... no, I think I'm a bit outside your rental zone... sorry." I hung up. Well, crap. Apparently my parents had a different phone number than before... or they didn't exist at all. Picking the phone back up, I dialed the only other number I could remember from my past, my best friend at the time.

"Ace Hardware Gardening center on Bland-" I hung up again. Okay, Travis isn't apparently there, either... not that I'd be able to talk my way past his mother... I was mature for my age back in 6th grade, but I doubted I could fake my younger voice convincingly.

Well, so much for getting a message back to my parents. Of course, had I existed, my double would be back there, leaving them to wonder just who the nutcase on the phone was, but, well... Sighing, I realized just how cut off I was, really, and decided to wander back towards Ukyo's Place.

Approaching it, I wondered briefly when I was in the Ranma Continuity. Ukyo looked pretty much like she did in the series (as much as a real-life person can look like an anime/manga character) so it wasn't too far in the past... but still, Ukyo had been practicing her art before season three, right? So what the hell was this?

Sitting down on a bench, I began to frown. Apparently this was some sort of alternate universe I'd stumbled across. Or maybe it was cannon, and this part of Ukyo's life wasn't important enough to comment on? Oh well. Whenever I was, I'd probably managed to screw it all up already with those thugs last night. Sitting up a little more, I decided. I'd already screwed with things a little... how out-of-whack could I really make things.

With nowhere to really go, and nothing holding me back, not to mention a rather good idea of what the future held in store, I figured I might as well have some fun with the natives, right? And, well, as much as I liked Ukyo, She was on a quest for Ranma, and it'd be just as fun giving her the upper hand when all the Nerima Wrecking Crew fell into place.

And just as I made that decision, a rather angry looking Ukyo rounded the block, an... energetic girl clinging to her arm, or trying her best to, as Ukyo kept wrenching her arm free of her grasp.

"Ukyo... err... San?" I called, faltering slightly as I realized that calling her by name might seem too familiar. She glanced at me, but the humanoid barnacle, talking too rapidly for me to understand much of anything, kept diverted her attention. Ukyo blushed lightly, tugging her arm free again, then hissed something, before unlocking her door.

"Err... Kuonji-san... uhh... Ukyo-kun? Umm..." I said, trying to figure out what the right thing to say was. Ukyo stared at me for a second, and then started laughing before she waved me inside. I crossed the street quickly, entering while Ukyo gave the girl a harsh-sounding dressing-down.

Jumping inside, she quickly locked the door behind her, and I quirked a brow at her.

"Tsubasa no baka." She muttered, flipping one of the chairs down. Moving towards another, I realized just who the 'girl' outside the door was.

"Tsubasa... Kurenai Tsubasa?"

"Hai," she said, frowning at me.

"You know he's a guy, right?"

"'He'... nani?"

"Tsubasa. err... ore-wa? Iie onna... umm... iie watashi-wa..." Damnit, I knew how to say 'girl' but not boy. Thankfully Ukyo understood.

"Tsubasa no otoko?" She asked, her frown deepening. I blinked, wondering if Otoko meant male.

"Maybe... Otoko... err... otoko no ore, onna no watashi?" I asked, knowing I was butchering Japanese horribly. She winced but nodded.

"Hai. Onna," she said, cupping 'imaginary' breasts, and then she dropped her hands and her voice and said "otoko."

I pointed at the door, and said "Otoko."

Ukyo nodded, grabbed her battle spatula from behind the counter, and walked outside.

There was a brief shout, followed by some muffled thumps, and I made my way around the room, putting the chairs back down on the floor. Ukyo came in a moment later, looking almost relieved, and I slipped into the booth, waiting for her to start.

Finally, she slid into the booth across from me and stared down at the table.

"Arigato, Kyle-san."

"Iie! Kyle... "I said, wondering how to convey that I didn't deserve or want honorifics. Ukyo just shrugged, and then looked at me questioningly.

"Umm... yeah, I need a slight favor..." I said. When she continued to stare at me, I sighed, and motioned for a piece of paper and a pencil, which she pulled out a pack she'd been wearing earlier.

Quickly drawing out a series of stick figures (another stellar piece destined for the Sunday funnies, to be sure) depicting Ukyo (complete with battle spatula) and myself (towering over everyone like some behemoth) in which she signed a form indicating I worked for her. Ukyo, who watched, suddenly made a noise that I figured meant understanding, and she ran into the back, returning a moment later with my other comic-like note.

She began reading it again, using her finger to follow it panel by panel, like I'd written it. Only after I thought about this did I realize that they read comics from right-to-left, top-to-bottom, and not left-to-right.

"Oops..." I mumbled. Ukyo paused over the panel where I indicated I knew she was a girl (the circle with a cross dangling from it thankfully universal) then she looked at me with a frown, though there was curiosity in her eyes.

"Ohh... I guess that didn't make much sense the first time through. Ahh... how do I know you're a girl?"

Ukyo continued staring at me questioningly.

"Ehh..." I stalled, wondering how I'd tell her I knew her secret.

"Sore wa... himitsu desu?" I said, blushing behind an enigmatic smile. She rolled her eyes and slid out of the booth, moving behind the counter to start powering up the stove. I took a seat at the bar, and Ukyo quirked a brow at me, handing me a stack of napkins, a cup full of chopsticks, and pointed at the tables, expectantly.

"Yes, master..." I mumbled, turning to set each table up. Ukyo chuckled, apparently understanding the gist of my utterance. While I prepped, I decided to press the issue.

"Ukyo... Ukyo no onna, ne?" I asked. After a moment of silence, I pressed further, "Ne?"

"Hai." She said, frowning at me. After a moment, she muttered, "Watashi wa Kuonji Ukyo desu."

"Sugoi." I said. Pointing at her with the wrapped chopsticks, I said "onna," before pointing at the two of us and saying "himitsu."

Ukyo nodded, and continued working, though I thought I heard another "arigato" come from her side of the restaurant. Finishing the table preparations, I snatched up my note and held it out to her.

Pausing for a moment to look at it, Ukyo looked at me and sighed. She said something I couldn't understand, then pulled out a wallet and waved a couple bills at me, frowning. I laughed.

"Iie."

"Iie?"

I pulled out the wad of money I'd taken off the thugs last night, "Yakuza yen." I stretched an imaginary substance between my hands, and Ukyo nodded when she realized I'd stretch the stolen money out to last me for a while. Pulling out a rather fancy looking piece of paper, Ukyo began writing, handing me the paper a moment later with the pen, and indicating that I write. I looked at her and she pointed at the blank, "Kyle."

"Oh!" I said, realizing she wanted me to sign the paper. Quickly filling in my name, Ukyo finished it, then stamped it with something she appeared to have produced out of thin air, before handing the letter to me.

"Thank you," I said, standing up. Grabbing the piece of paper I'd set down, she drew another clock face at 8:30, and I nodded, before walking out the door.

That afternoon, I got myself the room I'd wanted before, and paid it off for the next three months with the stolen money, which the homeowner had glanced at suspiciously before taking.

--===-- A couple nights later I entered Ukyo's restaurant, and stopped as I spotted two uniformed and one plain-clothes officer standing around talking to a sitting Ukyo, who looked somewhat annoyed with their presence.

The two officers spoke to the third, who nodded then turned to me.

"Nice to meet you, Mr...?"

"Kyle. Just... Kyle. You speak English very well..."

"Very well, 'Kyle,' and thank you. I learned in America."

"So... something wrong?"

"Ahh, to the point. About a week ago, a few Yakuza thugs ran off the road and managed to impact a nearby police station. While there wasn't any evidence anything other than poor driving was the cause, we have been asked to investigate their claim that a foreigner and a store owner maliciously attacked them and forced them to drive into the station."

"Yakuza... gangsters?" I asked, glad I'd left the gun I'd lifted back at my place. The cop nodded, "Yes, a mafia-like organization. These three are all going to be incarcerated for some time, but we've been asked to make a show of investigating their claims, to ensure a thorough and complete dedication to procedure."

I smirked as I realized these three didn't really care what the thugs had claimed. Apparently their disdain for the Yakuza matched most cops' feelings for mobsters. I briefly wondered if the person insisting on a thorough investigation was on the Yakuza's payroll, but knew better than to suggest, or even comment on such.

"Can't say I remember anything like that. Crashed a car, you said?" The officer nodded, and I frowned, "This area doesn't see much vehicular traffic... Was it a gray car? I saw one around here once before, but it was apparently empty."

"It was a gray car... are you sure it was empty?"

"I don't make a habit of peeking into tinted windows, if you know what I mean. I'm still a guest in your country, and making an ass of myself isn't the best way of extending my welcome."

"No, I would imagine not. Well, Kyle, I think that's all. You two have a nice evening." He turned to the other two officers and said something, and they turned and left with him, nodding bye as they exited. Ukyo looked up at me, then appeared to collapse into her chair, burying her head in her arms.

"Ehh... Ukyo?" She mumbled something in reply, and I just stood there, waiting for her to cheer up. After a few minutes, she stood up and started closing early. When I started to talk, she turned to me and said "No," and I decided not to bring it up again. Finally, we finished closing up, and I sat down to help her with her homework again.

-===-

"Hey, Ukyo?"

"Well, you're early. What's up?"

"Umm... well... It's been three months since I met you, and I wanted to talk about something that's been on my mind... well... ever since we first met, I suppose," I said. I'd learned just enough Japanese, and she just enough English for us to converse somewhat fluently using a mix of English and Japanese that left most eavesdroppers bewildered.

"Oh?" She asked, looking somewhat like she was expecting it. Frowning, I continued "It's nothing like that. I'm sure Tsubasa is enough." Ukyo rolled her eyes but nodded, and I grinned slightly. Despite that first beating, the Cross-dresser had, much like his cannon-counterpart, continued vying for Ukyo's heart.

I'd done what I could to keep them apart, but I wasn't around enough for to catch him all the time, and Ukyo was more than capable (Hell, more capable than me) at taking care of him herself.

"Gimme a hand closing up."

"Now?"

"It's been a slow night. It's less profitable staying open than it is closing up, nights like this."

I shrugged and started wiping down tables, while she started breaking down the grill. When we'd finished and taken our customary spots in the booth near the door, Ukyo smiled at me, and I quirked a brow.

"So what's up, Sugar?"

I about gagged on the glass of water I was sipping.

"Not much, Ukyo-chan," I said, almost maliciously. Ukyo blushed and I grinned, taking a sip before starting.

"Well, it's a long story, but basically I kind of want to explain how I knew you were a girl, and, well..."

"My name?"

"Huh?" I asked, confused.

"When you first came in here, you called me by name, before I introduced myself to you. Obviously you knew me, but I didn't really bother asking why."

"Oh, well yeah, that too."

"So talk. I've been wondering about this for a while now."

"Well, it's kind of hard to believe."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. If I were meeting you a year or so from now, it'd be much better, I suppose..."

"What, is something going to happen in the future that makes me believe weird stories?"

"You don't know the half of it," I said with a laugh.

"What? Kyle... that's not really funny."

"I know, but, really, you're going to have to trust me when I say I know a lot more than you think."

"Like what? You've been rather vague, so far. Tell me something I don't know."

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and spoke in Japanese, "Ukyo no iinazuke, Saotome Ranma."

I jerked my eyes open when Ukyo's palm slapped the table and she leaned forward, scowling at me, all amusement gone from her face in an instant.

"What do you know about him?"

"I... well, promise you'll let me finish before kicking me out?"

"Trust me, honey. If you know anything about Ranma, I'll listen real good," she said, her jaw clenched. Sighing, I summed up what I could remember of Ranma's life, up to leaving China for the Tendo's.

"You know, I could almost believe that story, if it weren't for the fact that you made Ranma out to be completely innocent."

"Well, as far as I could tell, he was."

"Ha! That bastard ran off with his worthless father-"

"Ukyo, you were his only friend. He still thinks fondly of you."

"Ha! I bet he still laughs whenever I come up in a conversation between him and his pathetic excuse for a father."

"Well, I won't argue with that..."

"Huh?"

"Genma. He's definitely a worthless excuse for a father."

"Oh. But..."

"No, If Ranma's anything like the Ranma I'm thinking of, he sincerely still thinks you're his best friend. Hell, he never knew you were a girl."

"What!? Now I know you're lying!"

"He was just a little kid! What does it matter to him whether his friend is a boy or a girl? All he knew was that you were his friend until the day Genma took him away."

"That's so sweet, I wish I could bottle it and use it in my sauce," Ukyo said, frowning at me. I rolled my eyes. "Besides," she said, her frown deepening, "He knew I was a girl."

"Huh?"

"You heard me."

"Yes, yes I did, but I'm not quite sure how you're so sure."

"I'm sure! Okay?"

"But... That doesn't-"

"Kyle! Ranma knows because we played 'doctor' when we were children. And he was pointing and laughing as he rode off on my dowry!" Ukyo shouted, her eyes suddenly red around the rims.

"..." I said, staring at her as she turned and slumped over. Looking out the window, I realized how much trouble I was in. Not only was I in another universe, but also the one I thought I was in, the Ranmaverse, as I tended to call it, wasn't 'right' at all.

"So... I'm in some sort of fucked-up Alternate Universe," I muttered.

Ukyo glanced at me, and frowned, "What's that supposed to mean."

"Huh?"

"Don't you start now. 'Alternate Universe.' What is that, some sort of American way of saying a screwed up situation?"

"No, it's... well, basically, Umm... It's like..."

"Kyle."

"Yeah?"

'You're babbling."

"Sorry. Look, I'm not from here."

"Oh, really? I couldn't tell," Ukyo spat sarcastically.

"Damnit!" I said, jumping to my feet. I turned to the door, but Ukyo was there in a second, blocking my way, her battle spatula in hand.

"What?" I asked, frowning. She looked down at the spatula, then at me, and then sighed.

"One moment," she mumbled, disappearing into the back. After a couple minutes, I sighed, and slid the door open, but Ukyo shouted "WAIT, DAMMIT," causing me to slide the door closed again.

A minute later, Ukyo came back down, walking somewhat shyly. In the dim light, I couldn't realize why she was taking such small steps, until she got closer, and I realized she'd put on a pair of slacks, and a sweater, as opposed to her usual guy-ish attire. With her hair down, I realized she looked like a girl again. Looking even closer, I realized suddenly that aside from the clothes, her chest wasn't bound.

"Ehh... Ukyo?"

"What? It's not like you don't know. And it's not as comfortable as it used to be..." She said, defensively. I just nodded.

"So, why exactly are you following me?"

"Because. You're going to explain just what it is you think... thought... whatever... you knew, and if I belt you across town, I won't have to repair a wall when I do."

"How economically conscious of you," I said, wryly. Ukyo gave a noncommittal grunt and opened the door. A few minutes later, she spoke again, "Well?"

"Well what? This isn't the easiest or most believable of stories to tell. Believe me. Even worse when it might be wrong."

"Well, it's not all wrong. Ranma is my fiancée. Obviously some of what you know is right."

"Yeah, but... well... Fine. I'm from a different world, and a world very similar to this one is a form of entertainment to people on my world."

"Geeze, talk about a god complex..." Ukyo muttered.

"Ukyo... Kuonji! I'm serious. There's a Manga. A Manga called Ranma Nibun no Ichi, where Ranma is the main character, and he's got multiple fiancées and-"

"Are you saying, Kyle-san, that Ranma is some sort of glorified character in a perverted Manga, and I'm some sort of brainless second-string character?"

"Well... not really. There's not much perversion... you girls tend to beat him-"

"I AM NOT PART OF THAT JACKASSES HAREM!"

"Ukyo! It's just a story, where I'm from. And it's not even like this world, except some of you are here, and some of the situations are... okay, so it is a LITTLE like the manga. But if what you say is true, then a lot of things are wrong."

"Alright, so there's some sort of story based loosely upon my life..."

"Ranma's life."

"It'd have to be a different Ranma if the author didn't want to get strung up by their toes..." Ukyo mumbled. I snorted, before continuing.

"Look, Ukyo. Of all the characters in the story, you were probably the best one for Ranma. Sure you had your eccentric moments, and were a bit dense at times," I realized she was taking a couple practice swings with her spatula and hastily amended, "but they were very few and for the most part you were exceedingly kind and..."

"And?" She asked, holding the spatula still for a second.

"And... well... Rumiko Takahashi was right when she made you friendly, likable, and kind. You're pretty much exactly what she described. Including the cute part."

CLANG Ukyo dropped her spatula on the sidewalk. I took a step back to avoid any sudden random outbursts, and hoped she'd never find out that it was Ranma who'd thought she was cute.

"Anyway," I said, trying to keep the (one-sided) conversation going, "Aside from you, there was Akane Tendo, who Genma had engaged Ranma to before birth, Shampoo, a Chinese Amazon Ranma beat up and wanted him due to stupid laws, and... you."

"How was this other me dragged into it?"

"Well... Ranma complimented you while you were trying to kick his ass, and you sort of dropped the revenge and decided to try to win his heart."

"Okay, that other me had issues."

"You mean, you believe my story?"

WHAM! I felt the ground fall away, moments before I found myself lying facedown in a flowerbed. Spitting daisies and wincing at the sudden sting along my left side, I climbed to my feet and spun on her, "What the hell was that for?"

"What the hell? You tell me all that and then you-"

"I WAS SERIOUS!"

"But..."

"Look, I'm telling the truth. Really, I am. But the fact that you believe it is a bit surprising. I mean, I guess here in Japan, Mysticism still holds a bit more influence, but where I come from, a story like that would have gotten me a trip to the loony bin, or a job writing TV shows."

"TV shows?"

"Yeah. I just remembered that Sliders came out around this time in my world. It was a fun show. I just finished watching the first three seasons the week before I appeared here."

"Umm... right..." Ukyo said, frowning and looking at her spatula warily. She probably figured it messed with my head...

"Well, look... in this other universe, your double swore off her femininity, and devoted her life to getting revenge on Ranma. Up until season three of the anime, it was assumed she was training against the raging seas and whatnot, until going to Nerima to extract revenge."

"Well, I have been training and did swear off my femininity... looks like I didn't do too well at that," she muttered, looking down at the sweater she was wearing and running her hands through her hair for a moment.

"But I have to support myself somehow. What little money I got from my dad got me enough to start a curbside business, and what I made from that, I bought a place here. Nerima, you said?"

"Yeah," I replied, feeling a bruise on my shoulder. Suddenly I froze, "You aren't..."

"What? I swore I would get my revenge, and now that I know where he's headed-"

"But! I mean... what if he's not even headed there?"

Ukyo paused to consider that, and then shrugged. "I guess I'll worry about that when it happens. Besides, Osaka just doesn't have enough interest in Okonomiyaki to run an efficient business. At least, not this neighborhood. But Tokyo..." Ukyo's gaze turned upwards, at the stars, and I sighed, wondering what to do.

"Tomorrow, I'll go tell your landlord I fired you."

"WHAT! I'll get kicked out!"

"Well of course. You don't think I'm going to go to Nerima without a guide, do you? Who better than someone who knows the future?"

"But! Aren't you being a little impulsive?"

"Are you saying your story isn't true?"

"No, it is. But it's also obviously not perfect. This is an Alternate Universe. Some things have changed, and the further into the future we go, the more the changes will manifest." I rolled my eyes at my terminology. Fortunately, Ukyo didn't ask for an explanation, and I assumed she understood from the context, or knew what the words meant.

"Well, even 50% is more of an edge than anyone else on Earth has. Might as well exploit it, right?" Ukyo said, walking off. I hurried after her, hoping to at least talk her into waiting.

"Well, how is this going to work? I'm going to hate Nerima. Sure, you'll be one of the top fighters in the area, having been able to take on a season three Ranma... I can get creamed by Kuno... or even worse, Akane."

"Well, that's easy. I'll just have to train you while we move there," Ukyo said, as if that were the simplest thing in the world. I froze.

"What?"

"You heard me. You can walk, you have okay reflexes. I'll call my dad for my old training spatulas, and we can get you started tomorrow."

"But... but... but I'm a twenty year-old computer nerd with the endurance of a bullet, and attention deficit disorder!"

"... What?"

"I burn fuel almost instantly, I have a horrible attention span, and I'm more out of shape than a 500 pound redneck with an unlimited supply of pork rinds."

"You know, for someone so worried about not being able to fight, you sure seem adamant about not learning how to."

"Err..."

"Anyway, you can come with me or you can try to find someone else to let you work here. I may have bought your story, but without any proof of legality, you're not exactly going to be the most welcome addition to a work force here."

"You know... if Nabiki isn't in Nerima, I already know what happened to her."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" she said, spinning. I jumped back, barely avoiding her spatula, and she grinned.

"See! Already learning. Tomorrow I'll have a going-out-of-business sale, and we'll start working you into shape."

Watching her walk back to the restaurant, I sighed, "What the hell did I just do...?"

--===--

"You do realize that with my luck, we would be out camping in the northern wilds of Japan when the worst blizzard in 200 years just happens to blow through..."

"Shut up and dig. I know I put the Backpacks down somewhere near here."

--===--

"And then I add the sauce, right?"

"No, first you sprinkle on the seasoning, then the sauce. Otherwise the crust is just a crust."

"... I miss Dominos..."

--===---

"So, you want me to just jump off this small CLIFF and land like it's no big deal."

"Yep. Best way to learn how to turn in midair so you always land on your feet."

"Ever heard of parachutes?"

"They only work once, and can get caught on rocky outcroppings."

"But it's a- WAUGHH!!!"

"Always have to push them that first time..."

--===--

"Well, sugar, I think that's about all I can teach you."

"I'm done training?"

"No, you're done cooking. You've still got a long ways to go when it comes to practical applications."

"...shit."

--===---

Six months after we set out from Osaka, Ukyo and I walked into Nerima. Or, really, Ukyo walked, while I pulled the yattai we'd procured out of the forest. While I knew it was one way of building up strength, I didn't see why Ukyo insisted we avoid the trails, instead pulling the damned thing through every bush, branch, and sapling that stood in our way.

"Oh, thank god. I can... can..." I stopped as I stared at the neighborhood. Instead of the cute suburb I'd read about in the past, this Nerima looked like something out of Saving Private Ryan. In the distance I could hear what sounded like gunshots, and smoke billowed upwards in numerous places, leading me to believe the fire department had pulled out of Nerima a while ago.

Nearby, the crumbled remains of a building lay, skeletal beams reaching up into the sky like some hideous parody of some monstrous ribcage.

"Kyle-san?"

"Ukyo-san?"

"What was Nerima like in your world?"

I was about to correct her, then sighed, "It looked like a 70's style suburb of London or Tokyo... Temperate climate, lots of lined-up houses, generally smallish yards."

"Right..." Ukyo said, softly.

"Well, there goes any idea I harbored that things would run similarly to the original."

"Shut up Kyle."

"Yeah yeah..."

Following Ukyo through the streets, we saw little in the way of people, though I could feel multiple pairs of eyes on us. By the way Ukyo was acting, she felt the pressure just as keenly as I. Finally, ahead, a figure darted from one shadow to another, a sword held tightly in its hand.

Ukyo called out to him, and I frowned, reaching behind my back to pull out the pistol I'd liberated all those months ago. While I was proficient with Ukyo's (And now mine, apparently) school's throwing-spatulas, I did a lot better using the gun as a melee weapon than Ukyo's battle-spatula, which I tended to drop on my toes.

The figure turned and grinned when he saw Ukyo, turning and running at us, but suddenly paused when he saw my gun. The grin turned into a horrific rictus, and the figure seemed to morph into a wiry creature that leapt up, up...

Bringing the gun up, I intercepted the descending blade, flowing under it to guide it around me, instead of through my head, as the creature had planned.

"What the fu-" I was stopped when the creature buried its knee in my gut. Collapsing, I watched Ukyo blindside it with the flat of her spatula, launching the creature into a wall. Climbing shakily to my feet, I turned to her.

"What the hell was that?" She shouted, staring at the fallen figure.

"You know, I was just about to ask you that."

"As if I would know," I replied, scowling. Moving closer to the thing, I realized with a start that it wasn't human. It had looked it, before, but up close, when it wasn't moving like a punk on PCP, I could see the skeletal features, the eyeless holes that still burned with an devilish light, and the sinewy, holey body that looked like tangled tree roots.

"Kyle? Let's go..."

"One second... this thing is..."

"No. Now Kyle."

"It's not moving, I'm fairly certain we don't have much to worry about."

"It's not this one I'm worried about. It's friends, however..."

Glancing up at Ukyo, I saw she'd gone somewhat pale, and turned to follow her gaze, before jumping to my feet. Coming up the street were 8 more of the creatures, two of which were crawling on the wall like lickers from Resident Evil.

"Ohh..." I said, softly, taking a step back.

"RUN!" Ukyo screamed, grabbing my arm and pulling me in the opposite direction. I pulled free of her grasp for a moment, punching through the Yattai and grabbing a small bag with our savings in it, before joining her as we ran away from the advancing horde.

Turning a corner, Ukyo and I froze as a spotlight from above and ahead of us suddenly illuminated us, blinding us at the same time.

"Open fire!" someone shouted behind the light. Ukyo and I dove behind a building as bullets peppered the ground we'd been standing on moments before.

"What the fuck kinda stupid-assed Nerima is this?" I shouted to no one in particular. Ukyo blinked, checking her arms and legs for any unwanted holes, and I continued ranting, "I could have gotten Cannon Ranma. Or maybe some sort of paradise Ranma, but NO... I'm transported to a Nerima where the only sane person aside from myself is just as clueless as I am, and we- " I was stopped as Ukyo slapped me.

"I'm not going to thank you and tell you I needed that, you know. Ranting aloud after a firefight is great stress relief."

"I'm sure it is... lets wait until-" Whatever she said was drowned out by a soul-chilling shriek and the sound of bullets flying past our little alcove by the hundreds. Ukyo and I crouched down as the guns of whoever had earlier fired at us chewed the horde of beasties following us apart.

Finally, the noise died down, and I looked at Ukyo questioningly. She shrugged, and I sighed.

"Hey out there?"

"Hey yourself, hellspawn!"

"Wait! We're human!"

"Not likely. That oversized pancake flipper of yours was a dead give away."

"But that's just a... err..."

"Just a what?!"

"Look, it's a weapon, but so what? What can I do to prove to you that we're human?"

"Well, if you let us shoot you-"

"Fat chance!"

"Look, Hellspawn, unless you have some sort of firearm that proves you're alive-"

"I have a pistol!"

"You do?"

"Yes!"

"Step out in the open, and Fire it up in the air, once!"

"What?"

"Do it or I'll send a squad down there to shoot YOU instead."

I blinked down at Ukyo, who was looking as confused as I was, before sighing.

"Okay, here I come!" I shouted, stepping out. Feeling a dozen weapons pointed at me (and seeing the red glow of quite a few laser sights) I fired the pistol up in the air, once, then dropped it, careful not to point it at the congregation and find myself ventilated.

"Now your partner!"

Glancing at Ukyo, who looked at the gun disdainfully, stepped out and took the pistol, looking at it for a moment before pointing it up and firing once. She jumped when it went off, and then slapped it into my chest when she saw me smirk.

"Jackass."

"Both of you quickly come this way, before more Hellspawn come."

Ukyo and I glanced at each other, then jogged towards the blockade, hoping nobody had an itchy trigger finger, and none of those creatures appeared behind us suddenly. Both of us sighed with relief when we passed the barricade and all the JSDF weapons pointed outward. An officer of some sort approached us and, snatching my pistol before I could protest, led us away, not quite at gunpoint, but close to it.

"What the hell?" I asked when Ukyo and I were finally shoved into a barred cell that was too small to lie down in, much less hold two people.

"You two are human, which means you live, for now. But if you turn out to be spies for the hellspawn, you'll wish we'd shot you when you first rounded that corner." someone said. With the lights shining on us, we couldn't make out more than a figure, so Ukyo and I glanced at each other and said the same thing.

"We're not spies!"

"Right. That's what we're here to find out. You two don't look smart enough to be spies, but that's the best kind of cover, isn't it?"

"Err... I suppose." I muttered. Ukyo elbowed me and I rolled my eyes.

"Well, you two don't act much like spies, either. What were you two doing in a blockaded zone?"

"Blockaded zone?" Ukyo asked.

"Yes, you know... the whole west side of Nerima? Everything within a ten- block radius of the Kuno estate?"

"Kuno estate?" I asked, straightening up.

"You know something about it?" The figure asked, leaning forward.

"Kind of... I mean, maybe."

"Oh?"

"Well, if it's the same Kuno's I've heard of, they're all a bit... nuts." I said, cautiously.

"Nuts? The crazy kid caused this problem. Him and his friend Gosunkugi."

"Huh?"

"Geeze... even if you aren't spies, you two should know about what happened here last week."

Ukyo and I glanced at each other, then the figure, before shaking our heads.

"Great. Just great. I've got, what? Two ignorant civvies out for an evening stroll?"

"We just got through with a lengthy training trip."

"Camping trip," Ukyo amended. The figure sighed then stood up and began pacing.

"Nine days ago, from what we can tell, Hikaru Gosunkugi and Tatewaki Kuno met in the Kuno Estate. Kuno asked Gosunkugi to summon some sort of 'test' I dunno... something about opponents that fought with true weapons or some such bullshit. Anyway, somehow, Gosunkugi managed to create a portal to some sort of hell and out poured more opponents than Kuno could have taken on in a hundred years. They killed Gosunkugi, and Kuno somehow managed to get away, though he claims he was spared by their inability to touch 'one such as he' or something crazy along those lines."

"You know... as demented as this sounds, I can kind of see Gos and Kuno doing something stupid like that," I muttered.

"So you do know them?"

"Not personally." I said, offhandedly. The figure shrugged, "Anyhow, guns drop the things faster than they would normal humans, but once they get within range with their martial arts weapons, you're done for."

"Why's that?" Ukyo asked.

"What? The gun thing or the weapon thing?"

"Both," she replied.

"They fight like... I don't know. I saw a guy with his second Dan in Kempo go down in seconds. You have to be near-world-class, or far enough away to pick them off without getting shredded by their throwing stars. As for the gun thing," he took a breath, before continuing "we figure it's the way Kuno worded his wish. Whatever it is, they things can't touch any modern weapons, or they," the figure snorted humorously, or hysterically, "spontaneously combust."

"So that's why you had me fire my weapon..." I said. The figure nodded.

"Weren't there supposed to be a lot of martial artists in Nerima?" Ukyo asked. Whether or not she was asking the figure or me I wasn't sure, but the figure responded as if he'd been asked.

"Yes, as well as families, singles, and quite a few businesses. We evacuated those we could, but, well, there are quite a few people unaccounted for."

"What happens to those" Ukyo asked softly.

"Well, the lucky ones die. The unlucky ones join their ranks in a couple hours."

"You mean... like Zombies?"

"This isn't a horror movie, Kids," the figure nearly spat, turning to sit down.

"On that note," he said, straightening a small stack of papers, "You two are free to go, though we'll have to keep that pistol. Japan has strict anti-gun laws, you know. Other than that," the figure said, standing up and clapping his hands once, "Welcome to Nerima."

--===--

"What the fuck?" I said when Ukyo and I were deposited on the side of the road just outside one of the parks that dotted Nerima.

"You know, I'm beginning to think leaving Osaka wasn't such a good idea." Patting Ukyo on the shoulder, I turned towards the sunset and pointed.

"At least that war zone is contained. I mean, now that we're out of it, we can pretty much continue as planned..." I said, trailing off.

"What's wrong?" Ukyo asked, watching my finger drop.

"What, exactly, is our plan?"

"Well, I get us a shop, and we start a business, while we wait for Ranma and plan my revenge."

"Gee, how chipper."

"You know, as well as I do, what this means to me."

"Well... yeah... but..."

"But nothing, Kyle."

I sighed. Shaking the bag that contained pretty much all of our worldly possessions, now (everything else currently sitting in the middle of a war zone and probably being ravaged by hellspawn) and wondered just how far I could stretch it and the money in my wallet.

Ukyo looked at the bag, and then stared at the ground. Finally, she looked at me, "I'm glad you were clearheaded enough to grab that bag in the rush."

"I'm glad you told me to run, otherwise I wouldn't have realized I needed to run until those things were right on top of me."

"Well, thanks for looking out for both of us," she said, turning to look at the streets again.

"Let's not have a thank-you argument. You saved our butts immediately, I saved our butts in the near future, and we're even."

Ukyo nodded, and began walking, before pausing and looking back at me, "do you know the way around?"

"Err... not really. Just that the canal runs alongside the path to Furinken High school from the Tendo's, and that the Amazons and your shops were somewhere nearby that path, because you two managed to ambush Ranma quite a few times..."

"Yeah yeah... That must have been some other Ranma..." Ukyo said, glancing around before hopping up onto a nearby roof. Looking up at her, I frowned. While I knew that, physically, a person should not be capable of jumping more than half their high, much less three times their height or more, I'd learned that knowing didn't mean much when people around me did it at the most unusual times.

"Coming?" Ukyo asked, staring down at me for a moment before turning away. Sighing, I crouched, unsure how I did it, and Leapt, landing on the roof a moment later, as if I'd been on some sort of trampoline, and not a solid city street.

"You're still not going on about the improbability of jumping or whatever, are you?" She asked, as I looked down at the ground below. Turning to her, I sighed, "Not really. Kind of hard to argue when I routinely prove myself wrong."

Ukyo chuckled and leapt to another building, and I followed, throwing the sack over my back. Not only was I making good 20-foot horizontal leaps at times, I wasn't feeling much more than slightly winded. A far cry from the out-of-shape bum I'd been when I arrived 5 months ago.

"Ukyo, how is it you've trained all your life, as has everyone else, but I've managed to catch up to you in a matter of months?"

"Well, sugar, you seemed to have known a lot of the basics already. I mean, I had to teach you a lot, but I felt like I was teaching someone who had, at one point, already known quite a bit, but just forgotten it all."

"You mean I knew how to fight?"

"Some things. I don't know. You said you took Tae Kwon Do and Kung Fu back wherever you came from, right?"

"Yeah. And basic Armed Forces Self Defense."

"Well, I guess you mentally built upon those foundations some... If this world was an Anime series, you probably saw lots of different maneuvers and attacks. You can't help but subconsciously commit things like that to memory."

"So you mean every corny fight in a movie I saw was building up my martial arts arsenal?"

"Something like that. Once your body was up to the ability to use it, you probably started using them without really thinking about it."

"I so need to go watch some Jet Li movies, now."

"Huh?"

"Nothing. Never mind. Where are we going?"

Ukyo paused, looking down at the street four stories below us, then at Tokyo Tower, blinking in the distance. "I suppose camping is out of the question..."

"Well, those first couple nights I slept on a park bench..." I ventured.

"Kyle, if you're trying to make me feel bad for not inviting you in, think about how I felt that first time someone almost two meters tall and looking as out of place as a t-rex at a vegetarian convention walked through my door and couldn't speak a word of Japanese."

"I could speak a word. Quite a few!"

"'Watashi wa Kyle desu?'" she mimicked, laughing as she finished. I felt my face burn, and I remained silent as she leapt towards a run down-looking hotel.

I could read a little Katakana, though Hiragana and Kanji still gave me a bit of trouble, so when Ukyo leapt down, I followed(a three story drop was nothing after Ukyo's 'cliff-training'), understanding what she intended to do.

We quickly got a room with twin beds, and locked the door quickly, staring at the torn wallpaper and stained carpet briefly before collapsing on our respective beds, too tired to bother with sheets or pillows.

I awoke to the sound of voices whispering above me.

"These are the two. Had a bag full of cash and nothing else."

"Where do you think they stashed it?"

I felt the bag under my head, an improvised pillow, and wondered how long it'd take these idiots to figure it out. Lying on my side, I cracked my eye open, looking at Ukyo, who appeared to be sleeping (And snoring) through the interruption. Apparently, I'd have to fight alone if push came to shove.

"This guy's using it as a pillow!" the one above and behind me whispered a moment later. Keeping still, I wondered what they'd do about it, when I suddenly felt some vague, urgent urge to MOVE, and I rolled, narrowly avoiding the downward swing of a heavy flashlight.

"What the?" the guy said, moments before I sat up and swung, catching him with a viscous uppercut as he leaned over after swinging the flashlight at my head. He collapsed in a boneless heap behind the bed, and his friend backed away, reaching into his jacket. I groaned as he pulled a gun.

"... the hell? What kind of hypocrisy are Japan's gun-control laws?" I said, as the figure grinned. Unfortunately for him, his back was to Ukyo who brought her foot down on his head, sending him off to lala-land to join his friend.

"You know..." I said, rubbing my fist where I struck the other thugs' jawbone, "not that I'm ungrateful. Far from it. But next time something like this happens, could you hit the guy after he's pointed the gun somewhere else?"

"You mean like, at me?" Ukyo asked, frowning.

"No, well... not really," I said, pulling the thug's wallet, "The ground or the ceiling or a friend of theirs... just not at anyone we don't want getting shot."

Ukyo watched me search the guy, before doing the same with hers. "You want this?" she asked, holding the pistol up between her thumb and forefinger like it was a filthy rag.

"Sure. Hand it to me. I'm not sure if it's safe."

She held the gun out to me, and I sighed, before going over to her and taking it, kneeling to remove the thugs' shoulder holster as I had with the first one, oh so many months ago.

"Well, I guess this is a Yakuza hotel or something. These two were tipped off by the desk clerk that our luggage was full of money."

"Guess we'd better check out, then," Ukyo said. Shrugging, I tied the two up with the bed sheets, making sure to tie them down so they couldn't untie each other once they woke up. A quick anonymous tip to the police, and Ukyo and I left, the sound of sirens coming from the opposite direction.

Dawn saw Ukyo and me in the marketplace, looking around for a potential place to rent for a small restaurant.

After three hours, Ukyo stopped outside a small building, a "For Sale" sign in the window, and turned to me.

"Whaddaya think?"

"I think swinging doors haven't been invented yet."

Ukyo elbowed me in the stomach, and then peered through the window.

"It looks pretty nice. Not much fixing to do. And I think I can see real stairs in the back. It might actually have a real second-level apartment."

"Lucky you." I muttered, glancing around. To be honest, this place looked sort of familiar. Blinking, I turned around to look at the restaurant again, imagining Ukyo's red banner, fresh flowers, and a fresh coat of paint.

"This is your store. From b... from the story." I said. Ukyo was staring at me, and I quirked a brow at her.

"You don't think that, after all this time, I intend to send you out to find your own place, do you?"

"Huh" I said, not having expected that.

"I'm not looking for my own place, I'm looking for a place for us."

"But... well... umm..." I wasn't quite sure what to say. Finally, "Thanks?" I said, softly. She rolled her eyes, muttered something about men, and committed the phone number to memory, before running over to a public phone.

An hour later, we were standing in the hallway upstairs, the realtor carefully counting the large wad of bills we'd just handed him.

Ukyo was currently counting what few we had remaining, and I quickly snagged a large bill, grinning at her as I walked down the hall. Tonight, we'd probably celebrate the beginning of a new Ucchan's, but there was no way in hell I'd enjoy a place of my own that had one of those funky squatting toilets I'd been forced to use everywhere I go.

When I returned, brand-new porcelain throne nestled snugly under my arm, Ukyo rolled her eyes, before shrugging helplessly. During our Training trip/move, I'd forced her to try one, and she'd said she was mildly surprised at the difference. Now she'd find out how I'd felt.

I spent the rest of the afternoon removing the weird (and grossly stained) contraption that had been in the way, and replacing it with a bathroom appliance I took for granted in America.

That night, we went out, after stopping by a shopping center for some new clothes, and Ukyo began talking excitedly.

"We talked the price of the place down enough that we have the money to buy most of what we need. However, I'm not sure we can get a grill and still stock up on supplies, or things like tables and all that."

"Could..." I started, wondering if mentioning it was a good idea. Her questioning gaze, however, prompted me to continue, "Could we ask your dad for some help?"

Ukyo blushed red for a moment, then sighed, nodding, "That'll have to do. He can probably put a good word in with his supplier, maybe get us a deal..." she said, staring out the window.

"Hey, chipper up, Ukyo-chan." I said, grinning. She frowned at me, then nodded, the frown melting into a little smile, "You're right. Sorry, I just feel kind of dead, doing so much in one day."

"I know the feeling. It's just too much of a mental bite to swallow all at once."

"That's an interesting way of looking at it. But it makes sense..."

I grinned, "You did a lot today."

Ukyo frowned at me, "We did a lot today. Don't write yourself off just yet, Kyle. You may not be anywhere on this world's official paperwork, but you're helping run this thing."

"Me? But... you... err... your counterpart handled it alone, for the most part..."

"I'm not her," Ukyo said, her frown deepening. Then she muttered "thankfully," before glancing back up at me, "you can cook, you can make an Okonomiyaki almost as well as I can," I grinned at that, "and you're not in school." I blanched at the mere suggestion.

"The way I see it, if that other Ukyo could stay even, the two of us could clean this neighborhood out."

"Except for the hellspawn-laden war zone over on the other side of the ward..." I said, quickly. Ukyo choked on her drink, and I grinned, before taking a sip of my coke and wondering whether or not Ukyo would be adamant about installing a soda machine.

"So who else helped?"

"Excuse me?"

"The other Ukyo. You said she did it alone 'for the most part.' I'm assuming you meant she did have help at times."

"Oh... that. Konatsu. A male Kunoichi-"

"Kunoichi is feminine-"

"I know, I know. But he is. A cross-dressing ninja who is actually really good, despite his shortcomings in acting... well... like a guy."

"How good?"

"I think he fought Ranma to a draw when they eventually fought... a mutual knock out? I'm not quite sure. But this was after you'd been introduced, meaning him then is better than you, now. So, pretty good."

"I love how you sum up people's skills so scientifically," Ukyo said, making a face that meant she did everything but.

"Whatever, anyway, you and Ranma rescued him from some familial hell, and he started working for you. Had a big crush on you, too, though you never noticed."

"My other self being infatuated with that jackass, Saotome."

"Well, like I said before, big difference in Ranmas."

"Whatever. As far as I'm concerned, all Saotomes are only worth as much as their organs go for on the black market."

"Geeze... Ukyo, how am I supposed to eat with you talking about stuff like that?"

"I manage to," She said, taking a bite of her salad. Glancing down at my plate, I poked at the food gingerly with my chopsticks for a moment before digging in. Despite the way eel looks on a plate, it's extremely tasty. No matter how many times I told myself that, though, every time I caught sight of the orange-ish brown meat, I felt my appetite leaving.

"So what'd I give this Konatsu character in return?"

"Room and board, and a couple yen a week, I think."

"A couple... ohh..." Ukyo said, frowning suddenly.

"What's up?" I asked, not looking at my plate as I shoved more food in my mouth.

"I'll need to pay you, too. I doubt you've got a giant, unreturned crush on me that lets me get away with shortchanging you every way possible, eh?"

"Not quite." I said, glancing at the night sky outside.

"Ukyo... how old are you?" I asked, suddenly. Despite knowing her for almost half a year now, I still wasn't sure how old she was.

"Seventeen next... whoa!" She said, suddenly looking surprised.

"Next...? Month? Year?"

"Tomorrow!" She said, surprised.

"Really? Guess I'll have to go find something for you tomorrow morning..." I mused.

"Oh no you don't. Save your money" She said, threateningly. I just waved her off.

"As if. I'd ask you your three numbers, but something tells me it'd be an exercise in futility at the moment. Fortunately, I got them a few weeks ago, in Okinawa, so I'll be sure to get you something nice to make up for some of the stuff we lost on the cart."

"Kyle, if you do..." Ukyo said, frowning. I smiled, "Yes?"

Ukyo's frown deepened, before she sighed, "Don't, please?"

I sighed, "Fine... I won't SPOIL you, but you can't expect me not to get you anything. That'd be... wrong."

"Just don't spend anything!"

"Ukyo... when was the last time you had a friend get you a present for your birthday?"

"What? I... umm..." She said, trailing off as she got a thoughtful look on her face. I sighed, and interrupted her musings.

"Eleven years on the road doesn't give you much time to celebrate things like birthdays, now, does it? As your friend," I paused to quirk a brow at her, "I AM a friend, aren't I?" She nodded slightly, and I continued, "yes, as your friend, I think the least I could do for you is get you a little something to celebrate the day you were born."

Ukyo sighed and took a sip of her drink, not meeting my eyes. I grinned, knowing she'd not press any more, and then popped the last bite of food in my mouth.

Glancing up at the moon as we made our way back to our new home, I briefly considered the implications Ukyo's age brought to mind. Ukyo, Ranma and Akane were, in the original storyline, all in the same grade. If Ukyo is a Junior now, then Nabiki would be a senior, and therefore everything's skipped ahead a year.

"Shouldn't make too big a difference..." I muttered, trying to think of anything that would have happened time-wise. Ranma and the Tendo's would be relatively normal, as would, I'd assume, the amazons...

"Shit."

"What?"

"We need to be on our toes. I just realized that the main characters, the static ones, I suppose, will shift with the times like normal," I said, looking around before picking up my pace somewhat.

"But?"

"But all the attackers are random characters, and other nuisances might not shift ahead."

"So? They'll be after Ranma, not us."

"Yeah? Like the Gambling King?"

"Oh... "

"Yeah, judging by that response, I'll assume that means you dicked him over in this world, too."

Ukyo nodded, and I unlocked the door to the restaurant while I continued, "in any case, even if most of them are coming for Ranma, being able to handle them in case they act unlike their counterparts is still the safest bet."

"Well, what do you suggest we do? More training?"

"I don't know..." I trailed off. Training? "Actually, Ukyo..." I looked at my hands, and wondered how much work I'd have to put into learning some of the more advanced techniques I knew about. I mean, with what I-

"Kyle? Hello?" Ukyo called, waving her hand in front of my face. I blinked then grinned.

"We need supplies for a bonfire... and a bag of chestnuts..."

--==--

The next afternoon, I walked through a shopping center, glancing at the clothing on display and wondering what, exactly, to get Ukyo. While she'd probably want something traditional to cook in, buying outfits like that would best be left up to her. A dress, however...

Ukyo had sworn off her femininity, but much like her counterpart, this Ukyo seemed to be having second thoughts about it. While she hadn't gone out dressed like she had that one evening back in Osaka, she hadn't gone out of her way to act masculine, like before. Buying her a dress might actually be a viable option.

On the other hand-

"Hey buddy. Got a light?" Someone asked nearby. Looking around, I realized I was surrounded by a group of kids that seemed to have found the question hilarious. Playing dumb, I grinned and shrugged, trying to step around the guy in front of me, who quickly moved to block my path.

"Not so fast, friend," the punk to my right said, stressing the last word so that it sounded anything but friendly. Turning to him I frowned, before asking, "Can I help you?"

The other kids seemed to find this just as funny, and after the laughter died down, the one who'd spoken before began talking again, "Big sister seems to think you'd be willing to contribute to her little fundraiser. I'd have to agree, you look like the kind of guy who'd empty his own pockets to help those who find themselves wanting."

I blinked, surprised someone as dumb as this could say something so elegant, before I took a big breath, and laughed in the guys face. The others, obviously not expecting this, turned to the one who'd spoken, who had turned an interesting shade of red.

"Don't just stand there!" he finally shouted, pointing at a nearby alley they probably had emerged from, and pushing me roughly. The others began shoving me, and I groaned to myself as I let them lead me into the narrow corridor, before turning around.

"So, now what?" I asked, glancing at my watch. Two of the thugs advanced, doing their best to flank me and I sighed, leaping over the one on the left and pushing off the wall a moment later. Spinning, I tagged the guy in the back of the head with my foot, before stopping my flight with the other thud, who flew into the far wall and collapsed in a heap. Behind me, the first one I'd kicked stumbled, disoriented and I backed up a bit so I could keep him in sight.

"So, you think you know a little karate, eh? Hiroe, show Mr. Kung-Fu here how impressed we are."

A brown-haired kid stepped out of the crowd smirking, and I fell back into a fighting stance, while he made a show of stretching for his group-mates. Then he ran at me.

"Stupid," I mumbled, spinning out of the way of a grab Ukyo had shown me the first week of training. As he passed, I countered like she'd shown me, bringing my foot up mid-spin and driving the heel between shoulder blades swiftly. Hiroe fell forward, off balance and in pain, a moment before his face connected with a fire-escape support beam, and he collapsed to the ground.

"Okay... that was interesting." I said, turning to look at the other four. The leader started turning funny colors again, but before I could point it out to his posse, he screamed "Get him!" and the four charged me as one.

A minute later, the leader stood, surrounded by the unconscious bodies of his friends, and looking a little purple, while nursing a limp arm.

"Big sister's going to get you for this! She'll find out all your secrets and ruin you!" He shouted, before turning and running out of the alley and out of sight.

"Riiight..." I said, staring at the 5 bodies lying around me. Shrugging, I bent over the first one, pulling his wallet free, and mumbled to myself, "So much to do, so little time..."

--===--

That evening, I gave Ukyo a wrapped box after she blew the candle out on a small cake I'd gotten her. Ukyo, despite her protests last night, was obviously enjoying herself, and with the money I'd... liberated, earlier, I left the shopping center with a gift, a cake, and more money than I'd entered it carrying.

"Ahh!" Ukyo said when she pulled the box open. Inside was a sleeveless Chinese dress that shone like only silk could. It was royal blue at the shoulders, but the further down you went, the darker it got, until you got the midnight black base.

"I wasn't quite sure what colors you'd look best in, so I decided to go for something close to what I already knew you liked wearing. If you don't like it, though, I've got the receipt, just I-"

"Are you kidding? I love it! I..." she trailed off, looking at her reflection in the window, before smiling again, "I don't..." she said, finally, her eyes looking a little moist.

I jumped to my feet, and put an arm around her, "hey, it's okay. I wasn't quite sure... We can take it back, and go over to the men's wear store across the way."

Ukyo just shook her head, and wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, "No, Kyle. I... I think it's okay. I made that vow a long time ago, and looking back, I..." She sat down in the chair, folding the dress carefully over her lap before continuing, "Well, It's a lot easier being a guy when you're a young girl than when you're grown up. You know?"

I nodded, despite knowing nothing about being a young girl, or an older girl. Ukyo, however, caught on, and teasingly pushed me on the shoulder, a slight smile on her face.

"Don't lie. I've seen you shave."

I just nodded, and she took a deep breath, before letting it out slowly. When she was done, she fixed her gaze on the floor, and spoke quickly but evenly, "From now on, I'll do my best to be more feminine."

I blinked, and then patted her on the back before dishing up a piece of cake for her. She took it and grinned, before taking a bite.

"You know, I bet Ranma's going to kick himself when he realizes what he passed up all those years ago."

"Kyle... please don't mention him on my birthday." Ukyo said, around a mouthful of cake. I gulped sheepishly and apologized, glancing at some of the items Ukyo had picked up during the afternoon.

--===--

The rest of the week went by swiftly, our money disappearing rapidly as the store below and apartment above filled with furniture and whatnot to run the planned business. The afternoons were spent organizing, connecting, setting up and preparing objects as they were delivered, while our evenings were spent sparring in the tiny back yard, or doing our best to remove chestnuts from a bonfire without burning our hands.

"So, you never told me the name of this technique, or where you learned it," Ukyo said, a week after we'd celebrated her birthday. I blinked, realizing she was right, and then stared up at the cloudless night sky for a moment before answering.

"Well, honestly, since it's basically a sort of speed-training that can be applied to punches, I figured it'd be better not to call it's name out before executing it, like Ranma always did."

"Oh... so it's from that other Ranma story."

"Yeah. It was an Amazonian Technique, which is the other reason I'm not telling you the name. If the Amazons do come, and witness us using this attack, we can pretend to have learned it from someone else, or we just managed to train up to this speed, instead of letting them know we stole it."

"Well, that makes sense. Anything else in that head of yours we could learn?"

"Well... There are things like Ryouga's signature move, and Ranma's most powerful move I saw the training to..."

"What're those?"

"Ehh," I said, wondering if Ukyo would want to go through with the Baksai Tenketsu once I told her, and unsure how we could lie our way out of knowing the Hiryuu Shoten Ha. Shrugging, I decided to describe both to her, and hope she'd be smart about deciding on them.

"Well... that first one sounds painful," she said, slowly.

I nodded, "it is."

"But also somewhat handy, after all is said and done... and healed," she added, finally. I winced.

"And the other?"

"Well, both of those would be hard to hide or lie about," she said, after a moment's pause. I smiled despite myself, glad she'd seen the same problem I had with learning them. "However, an ultimate move like that could really save your ass in a pinch."

I nodded, unable to deny that. Looking back at the fire, I spoke quietly, "We could start learning it, since it's learned in two parts..."

"Yeah, I figured generating a cold battle aura would be something you trained for separately," Ukyo said.

"Well, let's finish learning this, first, before we start anything new."

"Alright. A couple more times, then we get to bed. Tomorrow is opening day."

--===--

Despite our less-than-stellar advertising, the Ucchan's first evening was packed, and Ukyo and I had our hands full making sure everything went as smoothly as possible. Having learned from Ukyo how to cook, I could have manned the grill, but Ukyo seemed happiest flipping Okonomiyaki, and I'd had enough experience serving tables back in the states to get things done quickly and efficiently.

By the time the last customer left, Ukyo looked as exhausted as I felt, and we both collapsed across from each other at a table near the counter, finally able to get off our feet.

"Whew. I forgot how taxing a lengthy rush was," I said, finally. Ukyo nodded, and then glanced at the register.

"At least now I know moving here from Osaka was a good idea," Ukyo said, moments before the sound of automatic gunfire was heard outside. Rushing to the door, we both peered out at a JSDF Soldier talking into a walkie-talkie for a moment before hopping into a Militant-looking jeep.

"What happened?" someone called out, voicing many unspoken thoughts.

"Hellspawn got past the blockade. Don't worry, though, we got it. Go on about your business," the soldier replied, before driving off. I turned to Ukyo.

"Yes. Moving to a neighborhood located beside a hellspawn-infested, blockaded war zone, with, I might add, an only partially successful barricade WAS a good idea."

"Oh, shut up and help me clean up."

--===--

"You know... I get the feeling that there's something missing here..." Ukyo said, as she cleared the fire of all the chestnuts I'd dumped into it. I kicked them back in, and a moment later, she'd piled them back up where they'd rested a moment before.

"So, do I have it?" she asked, looking up at me.

"Looks like it," I said, wondering how much longer I'd have to work at it. Ukyo grinned, and I pointed to a training dummy we'd hastily erected, "Now that you can move your hand fast, you need to practice punching at those speeds instead of grabbing things out of a fire. Try hitting the same spot so you can get your accuracy up."

"Yes, sensei," she said with a little grin before moving over towards it. Looking down at the chestnuts, I rolled my eyes and kicked them back into the fire, before starting to pluck them back out."

The next day, I joined Ukyo with the dummy.

--===--

"Hey, Kyle?"

"Yeah?"

"School is starting back up next week, and, well..." Ukyo looked at me, then the grill, and I shrugged.

"What, are you asking for my permission?"

"No. But I thought it best to let you know." She snapped, having missed my smirk and taking my question as barbed.

"Sorry, Umm... So you want me to run things while you're there?" Ukyo nodded, and I agreed, turning back to the customer I'd been helping.

The door slid open, and Ukyo called out her usual greeting, while I finished taking orders. Turning around, I just about bumped into the guests who'd just entered, then did a double take as I realized they were exceedingly familiar.

"Ehh... Sorry," I said weakly, while the figure frowned at me before sliding into a booth along with the other two.

Turning my back on them for a moment, I faked a cough, then made my way towards the back, snagging Ukyo, who yelped as she was swept out of the kitchen.

"Those guests out there..." I said quietly. Ukyo poked her head out the door before I could stop her, then ducked back inside quickly, "The two guys and the cross-dressing girl?" she queried.

"Yeah... that's Prince Herb, of the Musk, and Mint and Lime are his... err... retainers, I think he called them."

"Prince? I told you, that's a girl."

"He fell in the Nyanichuan, like Ranma did. Only his curse is-"

"The what? Was that Chinese?" Ukyo asked. I blinked.

"You mean... I never told you about Jusenkyo?" I stammered, realizing as I said it that, no, I'd neglected to bring that up in any of the conversations I can remember. When Ukyo shook her head, I buried my face in my hands.

"What the hell? Is there something you've forgotten to tell me?" Ukyo asked, frowning. I patter her on the shoulder.

"Not now, let me deal with them. We'll talk about it tonight." I said, darting back out to the table. A confused-sounding "okay" from behind me was all I heard from Ukyo before I smiled and took Herb's order.

"Welcome to Ucchan's Okonomiyaki. My name is Kyle, and I'll be your host this afternoon."

Herb frowned up at me before responding, "Do you normally greet people in English?" he asked, in the same language. There was a slapping noise behind me, and I turned to see Ukyo with her face buried in her hands, shaking with silent laughter.

"Ack! Sorry," I said, reverting to Japanese, "first language and all. I was caught off-guard by your arrival. I wasn't expecting royalty."

Herb blinked almost audibly, before responding, "You... know who I am?" Lime (or Mint, I wasn't sure who was who, having never actually read the manga) whispered something to Herb in what I assumed to be Chinese, who responded rapidly and harshly before turning back and awaiting my answer.

"Well, I was merely guessing, as I'd never actually seen you before, but I'm right, aren't I?"

Herb sighed, before confirming it, and I grinned, "Kickass. The meal's on me, your Highness. What'll it be?"

"I'm not some poor bum off the street!" Herb said, his voice rising slightly.

"I understand, but consider it my apology for bumping into you when you entered. As a martial artist, I should be more aware of my surroundings. It's the least I can do... at the moment."

Herb nodded slightly, frowning at my final words briefly, before placing his order. Collecting their menus, I retreated to the drink bar, where Ukyo was giving me a rather funny look.

"What the hell was that all about? And why are we feeding them?"

"Herb's ancestor was a dragon... or didn't you notice his slit pupils, pointed ears, and pink hair?" I asked, while pouring their drinks.

Ukyo glanced around me at Herb, before pouring the batter to make the trio's meal, "So she can breathe fire?"

I snorted, trying my best to contain a laugh, before shaking my head, "Not quite... as far as martial artists go, Herb's a safe bet if you're choosing on who's the best in the world."

"Her?"

"Him. Trust me. If I can help him get what he wants, maybe he can help us out," I said, turning to deliver the beverages.

Ukyo's hand darted out and snagged my sleeve, "Help us how?"

Pulling my arm free, I grinned at her, "Trust me."

As I walked away, I heard Ukyo mutter something about trust, and I chuckled as I set the drinks down before the three at the table.

"What did you mean by that 'at the moment' comment before you left?" Herb asked, before I could walk away.

"Oh? Stick around after the meal, and maybe I can help you with a problem your 'drying' to solve," I said in English. Herb stared at me for a moment, and then his eyes got wide. Before he could inquire about it, I held up my hand, "trust me."

"You'd best know what you're talking about," Herb said, before turning to look out the window.

A half hour later, Herb, Ukyo and I sat at a table, the Restaurant closed for a brief reprieve, and Lime and Mint out wandering the streets.

"Why's she here?" Herb asked, giving Ukyo a discreet once-over. Ukyo opened her mouth to object, but I beat her to it.

"Ukyo's my friend and partner."

"And yet you had me send Lime and Mint away?" he asked, frowning.

"Ukyo, also, is my equal, and therefore privy to any decisions I make concerning us, or this restaurant."

"A Woman is y-"

"You're a girl, too!" Ukyo said, hotly. Herb stiffened, and I sighed.

"Ukyo, Herb is a guy. Just not at the moment. And if we'd stop this arguing, I'd like to help the Prince fix that problem."

"So you say... I'd still like to know just how you know so much about me."

"Err... I'm well informed?" I said with a disarming grin.

"Hardly. Nobody, not even Mint and Lime, know about this," Herb replied.

"Well if we can act fast, you can keep it that way, and nobody will be the wiser."

"You know the location of the Liberating Pot?"

"Err, yeah. That's what it's called?" I said, cluelessly. Herb growled, and I held up my hands again, grinning. "Just kidding. Yeah, I know where it's at, somewhat."

"And yet I feel a condition is about to be set," herb said, frowning at Ukyo and I.

"It's nothing extravagant or anything. Just some assistance in Martial Arts and the chance to get to know each other better."

"Get to-" Herb said, scowling, "What do you mean?"

Ukyo grinned a little, and I winked at her, before responding, "What I mean, Herb, is you drop the high-and-mighty act for a few days, and act like a normal teenager. We'll help, and, in the end, you can go back to your citadel, and remember the fun time you had back in Japan. Heck, you may even want to do it again some time."

"And if I refuse?"

"You're going to turn down a few days of fun and Martial Arts, and your cure?" I asked, looking at him like I'd misjudged his intellect by a large margin. Herb blinked, and then looked down at the ground.

"I'm Royalty, though. I can't just... I'm not supposed to negotiate!"

"Well, you could Kidnap Ukyo here, or threaten to kill me, or her, or us, or you could acquiesce and enjoy a few days with minimal responsibilities, while doing something you obviously enjoy; namely Martial arts."

Ukyo was staring at me like I'd grown a second head, and Herb looked somewhat shocked that I'd suggested other ways to coerce the cure out of me, but finally sighed.

"When you state the terms that way, I find it hard not to see it as anything else but agreeable. So be it. If your information is correct, and the cure is to be had, I'll assist you both for a week's time. Agreed?"

"Well, you left out the 'having fun' and 'no high-and-mighty attitude' parts, but I suppose it'll work for me. How does the Musk Dynasty seal a deal?" I asked, unsure if shaking hands was appropriate.

"There are many ways, however, shaking hands is fine by me, if you'd prefer."

"Sounds good to me," I said, holding out my hand. Herb took it, and I did my best not to let it show when I felt bones start to grind. Giving as best I could, we broke off a moment later, and I smiled, hoping he'd turn around so I could shake my hand back into shape.

"The location?"

"To the Southwest, on Shikoku, I think, there's a mountain, Mount Horai. The tea-kettle shaped summit is what you're looking for."

Herb blinked, and then grinned.

"You... you're serious, aren't you?" she asked, suddenly looking more like an eager teenager than a somewhat-pompous prince. I nodded, and her grin grew.

"I'll be back if it's there..." her smile fell, Herb's face reverting back to its emotionless look, "and if it's not, I'll return, as well."

Before I could respond, Herb had disappeared out the door.

"Kyle... I hope to hell, for both our sake, that that mountain is where you said it was."

The rest of the day went by quickly, and finally we sat across from each other over green tea, the restaurant ready to open the next day.

"So what's this Juicy-Cove thing you were talking about?" she asked in English. Occasionally, we would talk in one language or the other, instead of our own hybrid language, to help keep each other's skills up. Tonight, apparently, Ukyo wanted to reaffirm her abilities with English.

"Well..." I said, slowly. She kicked me under the table, and I shot her a pained frown, before continuing, "'Jusenkyo' is a martial arts training ground, but a very dangerous one."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, there are hundreds of pools there, with bamboo poles sticking up in the air, and you fight on the poles, avoiding being knocked off, and doing your best to knock your opponent off."

"That's it?"

"Well, I would assume so. Maybe aliens made it, and really, they set some sort of gravity generator up to the side, and you really swing from pole to pole like they were some sort of demented uneven bars."

Ukyo stared at me for a moment, before shaking her head as if to rid herself of a stray thought, "What?!?"

I grinned, and swirled my tea for a moment, until she kicked me again, and I started talking again.

"Each pool there is cursed. In each one, a differed animal drowned in it, and now, whenever someone falls in, they take the shape of whatever drowned there."

"But..." Ukyo said, looking at me suspiciously, "are you saying Herb fell into some sort of pool of drowned girl?"

I reached across the table and patter her on the shoulder hard enough for the tea in her mug to dribble over the sides a little, "exactly!"

Setting the mug down, she scowled at me, and I continued, so as to avoid more bruised shins.

"After you fall in, hot water will reverse the curse, but only up until you get hit with cool water again."

"So why does Herb-"

"Ahh! I was just getting to that. Herb's people have this doohickey called a 'Locking Ladle' or something like that, which locks you in your cursed form. Herb was splashed... err..." I paused, not exactly sure how he got locked in his curse, before shrugging it off. "Well, somehow, and now, he's looking for a cure."

"And you gave it to him?"

"Of course."

"Oh. Well... I guess... wait... didn't you say Ranma..." Ukyo's face paled, and then she started laughing. Hard.

Scooting back, I watched as her laughter overturned both our mugs as she slapped her fist into the table. Getting up and grabbing a towel from the counter, I came back, her laughter finally turning into gasps for air. Wiping tears from her eyes, I smiled at her as I soaked up the spilt tea, which had managed somehow to miss both of us and drip on the floor.

"So THAT'S why it was called Ranma One-half," she said between breaths. I nodded, and she chuckled, one arm wrapped around her middle while she wiped her eyes again with the other.

When Ukyo had regained her composure, I handed her a fresh cup of tea, and briefly described the characters of Ranma to her.

"Kyle, why don't you just tell me the whole story?" she asked when I was finished.

"Well," I said, taking a sip of tea and wondering how much more sugar I could sneak into it, "I really haven't told you because I don't want both of us making mistakes based on that alternate universe."

Ukyo frowned at me, "is that the only reason?"

"Well..." I sighed, "No... I also thought it'd be best if I didn't tell you, because, as a character, your opinion might be a bit biased, compared to... well... mine."

"So you're saying you're totally objective in this?" she asked, looking at me funny.

"Absolutely not. Knowing the characters as well as any fan of the series, it'd be impossible not to choose a favorite." Suddenly realizing what I'd just admitted, I turned my gaze to the bottom of my cup and hoped-

"Favorite," Ukyo said softly, before speaking up, "you mean, you liked me? Before we met?"

Yep. The bottom of my cup was looking really interesting. Pity it disappeared as Ukyo pushed it out of the way and got right up in my face.

"Kyle."

"Err... What was the question?"

Ukyo frowned, and I closed my eyes, releasing a heavy sigh.

"Alright. Yeah. I liked you. I didn't have a crush on you or anything... no dolls or anything creepy like that, but of all Ranma's fiancées, you showed the most restraint and intelligence when dealing with all the situations being within ten miles of him brought."

"So, this other me wasn't too unlike me," Ukyo said, quietly. I shook my head.

"She was a lot like the you I saw when I first walked into your Restaurant... and into your life. Since then, however, I think I've had a... an influence on you. You're a lot different than the Ukyo of Season Three, episode One."

"So... wait... then that first real conversation, when you first brought up Ranma..."

"I was trying to help you get him... or at least prepare you for everything, so you'd go into Nerima with a cool head."

"You could have had anything and everything, if this had been that other universe, and your first priority was to help me?"

"Well, no, my first priority was to secure some food and money and lodging. After that, though, well..." I trailed off, staring down at the table.

When Ukyo failed to respond, I glanced up, about to ask her what she thought. I froze, however, when I saw the tears streaming down her face.

"U-Ukyo?"

"Kyle, I- I..." she folded, then, burying her face in her hands, and I winced as the first loud sob escaped her. I'd seen the occasional tear during our camping trip, and there'd been one night where she'd cried out in her sleep, waking me up, but this was the first time since Osaka that she'd cried in front of me.

I moved over to pat her on the back, then froze as she lunged the moment I touched her shoulder, knocking me to the floor and holding me as she cried.

"..." I opened my mouth to say something, and then snapped it shut as I reconsidered. Pulling her up, I wrapped my arms around her slowly, unsure whether or not that was what she really needed/wanted, before slowly rocking her as she cried. Catching our distorted reflection in the stainless steel door of the refrigerator, I sighed, unsure of how to get Ukyo upstairs to her room, and off the cold tile floor. I blinked. At some point, Ukyo must have fallen asleep. I glanced at the clock on the wall and blanched, realizing we'd been on the floor for a good 15 minutes, and I'd not even realized it.

Shifting slightly, I groaned as pins-and-needles shot up and down both legs. Doing my best to scoop Ukyo up, made my way slowly and unsteadily towards the apartment above, hoping my numb and wobbly legs could manage something as complex as stairs in their current state. Finally I entered Ukyo's room, and quickly made my way over to her bed, wincing as each step brought with it the flaming pins-and-needles that let me know my legs didn't appreciate having their circulation cut off.

Setting Ukyo gently on her bed, I turned to go, before pausing in the doorway. While she was obviously exhausted physically and mentally, Ukyo'd be rather grumpy if she found she'd been wearing her work clothes. Blushing as the option of changing her myself BRIEFLY crossed my mind, I decided to wake her just long enough to change. But before I did that, I shut off her alarm clock.

--===--

At a quarter past noon, Ukyo shambled into the kitchen, poking her head out just long enough to call me before ducking inside. Handing the customer I'd been dealing with his change, I tossed the finished Okonomiyaki across the room, to land perfectly before the woman who'd ordered it, before ducking into the back room with a grin.

The next moment I walked back out, feeling my face burn. I knew Ukyo wasn't denying her femininity anymore, but I hadn't expected her to greet me in a sports bra and daisy dukes, either. Backing back into the room, staring at the ceiling like it was suddenly the most amazing bit of architecture ever, I asked, "Shouldn't you get, you know... DRESSED, before coming downstairs?"

"Relax, I'm about to throw my uniform on. I just... I wanted to thank you for last night. And letting me sleep in this morning. And... well... everything."

"I didn't really do much. I mean, I suppose I did. Have. Whatever, but, I mean-"

"We can talk about it more after the lunch rush... there are still some things I want to know, but, trust me. You've done a lot more than I gave you credit for... probably more than I even know about now."

I didn't say anything, unsure exactly how to respond to that. There was the brief sound of rushing air, and when I glanced over my shoulder, she was gone, back upstairs. Blinking at the now-empty room, I sighed.

"Girls... just when they start making sense, they don't."

--===--

"So, what's up?" I asked, that afternoon during our regular dead time.

"Umm... actually..." Ukyo said, sounding somewhat nervous, "I don't... well..."

"Mmmhmm?"

"As conceited as it sounds, I was wondering... well..." Ukyo was fidgeting nervously and staring at the floor intently. I suppressed a chuckle, but couldn't help grinning.

"You want to know about your fans?"

An almost imperceptible nod was the only reply I got, so I started talking again, deciding to start with all the Fiancées.

"Well, there are two pre-arranged marriages, and one foreign-law-based marriage. Not to mention a psycho who just assumes Ranma loves her... Everyone else is pretty much window dressing."

"So who's the most popular?"

"Well... There really isn't one that I can see. A lot of people like the series, and nobody can question everyone and get a solid, worldwide-vote, so..."

"Well what do you think?"

"Me? I think the fans that value intellect the most prefer Nabiki. A mix of intelligence and loyalty would get you, a preference for looks and... well... what those looks and marriage implies, they'd prefer Shampoo..."

"And the others?"

"Hmm... Akane is reputed as being sweet when she's not in a rage... I dunno... guys who like being hit?" I shrugged, before continuing, "Akane's Akane. And... err... She tends to have fans, but as to WHY, when there are, to me, better choices, well... that's beyond me."

"Probably why you don't see her as the best choice," Ukyo said, evenly. I started laughing.

"That's most definitely a reason. As for Kodachi," I said straightening up, "Well... I know some people out there like her, but with that laugh, the sideways ponytail, the obsession with drugs, and the slitted, aristocratic "I'm-better-than-you" gazes... AND attitude, She's got a snowballs chance in hell of moving out of the 'fat chance' category."

"A little harsh, don't you think?"

"If you met the Kodachi from the story, you'd agree with me," I replied, shuddering. Sure, she was a good catch in the fics where she got special help, but as for the regular, unadulterated Kodachi? No thanks.

"So, Nabiki attracts the head, I attract the heart, Shampoo attracts the... err... you know... eyes. And Akane... Akane attacks the body?"

I started laughing hard. "Got it in one," I squeezed out between breaths.

"So what do the fans do?" Ukyo asked when I had finished laughing.

"Well, for the most part, look for similarly-interested people to talk to about... well, similar interests."

"So you know other fans of mine?"

"Well, I did. And they were really fans of the other Ukyo... though being here I'd be hard pressed to choose her over you."

Ukyo blushed, and I chuckled before continuing, "Most of my friends did see you as the best choice, or second best... I think. I'm pretty sure."

"You're not certain?" She asked, though I could tell by the look on her face that she didn't mind.

"Well, it's a little late to go ask, so I'll just have to trust my instinct. Aside from that, there were Web Pages, fanfics and pics-"

"What?"

"Web... oh. Wow, its soo... Ohh!" I said, realizing it was '95, now.

"We need a computer! And a stock portfolio... I think."

"We... what? What the hell does a computer have to do with a stock portfolio?" Ukyo asked, looking confused.

"Well, we don't really need one, though I bet it could definitely help with handling our supplies and finances and everything."

"We do pretty well with a pen and paper, I thought..." Ukyo said, sounding reluctant to give up a 'tried-and-true' method.

"Trust me, by 2004, everyone has a computer. BUMS can't exist without knowing how to type."

"Ahh... 2004?"

"Oh... err... yeah. That was the year before I, err... appeared."

"You mean, you don't only know the future, but, well... the rest of the world's future, too?"

"Well, My world's future. Err... history. Or... umm... future's history?" I blanked out momentarily as I tried to describe what I knew. Ukyo saved me by shaking her head and speaking.

"Well, if there are parallels... is that why you wanted that stock portfolio?"

"Yeah. I mean, there's no reason to assume everything would change, right? So if I can get a good look at the guts of 'today's modern' computers, I can invest in a couple companies I know will still be around in nine years."

"But... How can you be sure?"

"Simple. I'll do some research. Either in the web or at a library."

"Lib... Oh!" Ukyo said, suddenly, before dashing upstairs.

"..." I said, wondering what the rush was. A moment later she dashed by me on her way out the door.

"Entranceexamsarestartinggottagobebacksoonwatchtheplacebye!"

Staring at the customer who'd just walked through the door, I sighed, and moved behind the grill to start on her order.

--===--

When Ukyo returned, I was glaring at the little radio we'd installed, and mumbling about the two-year wait I'd have before hearing One Winged Angel again.

"Well, I'm in," she said, cheerfully. I nodded, sliding away from the grill as she moved behind it after washing her hands.

"Congrats," I replied, wondering if I could pick up the FFVI OST, and convince Ukyo to get a CD player. One Winged Angel might not be available, but Kefka's Theme was memorable enough.

"I also managed to kill one of those shambling hellspawn on the way back," she declared, nonchalantly.

"That's-" I paused, "what?"

"Yeah, it was over by the school."

"What happened?" I asked, excited despite myself. Had she used the KTA?

"Well, it was about to attack this girl when I stopped it, and after a brief fight, I sliced its head off."

"... just like that?" I said, evenly.

"Well, no, it took quite a few hits before it would hold still, but after I started using that fast-punch thing, I got a good swing in with my spatula."

"Kickass!" I said, earning a curious look from the customers. Chuckling nervously, I turned back to Ukyo and, in more hushed tones, "I'm glad it worked so well for you. When Herb gets back... well... if he comes back cured, we can start working on other moves."

Ukyo was looking at me funny, and I realized with a start that we were inches away from each other's face, and most of the talking had died down. Feeling every customer's eyes on us, I jerked my head back, into one of the cabinets Ukyo had installed, before collapsing behind the counter with a groan.

"Are you okay," she asked, somewhat red herself. I held the back of my head, feeling a bump rising, and muttered, "Just say no to embarrassing situations..."

After getting some ice for the swelling, Ukyo and I returned to our work, finally collapsing at the table we subconsciously seemed to have designated as our evening chat-table.

"So how's the head," Ukyo asked, eyes twinkling.

"Fine. Nothing a bit of sleep won't fix."

Ukyo nodded, and I stood up, shambling off towards the stairs.

"Tomorrow," I said over my shoulder, "After the lunch rush, I'll go see what I can find out about the computer industry. Can you handle things without me?"

"The other me handled this place alone for months, right?" Ukyo asked, sounding somewhat annoyed that I suggested she couldn't.

Turning in the doorway, I replied, "The other Ukyo had fewer tables, and less customers. And I've come close to being swamped a couple times, so don't get too cocky."

"Oh..." She said, after a moment's pause.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll do fine. I don't doubt you, just letting you know I'd be out for a bit tomorrow."

"Okay." Ukyo said, finally. Giving a little wave and a "goodnight," I made my way upstairs and into my room for the evening.

--===--

The rest of the week went by similar to the past two days, Ukyo and I leaving every other afternoon for her school and my research. Finally, Sunday morning, we both slept in, having decided on taking a break after nearly a month of work.

"So! You start school tomorrow, and I get to invest in Intel... what're we going to do today?" I said, pouring myself a glass of Coke, at which Ukyo frowned, the idea of soda in the morning anathema to her.

"Well, we could go for a stroll along the barricade, or the canal..."

"Sounds rather mundane... And after walking to Tokyo from Osaka, by way of Okinawa, well..."

"Okay, then. There's that Ice skating rink..."

"Not unless you want to be pulled into some demented martial arts match," I said, quickly. Ukyo blinked, and then turned towards the window.

"Do YOU have any ideas?"

"Sure. Let's go to the beach."

"The beach?"

"The beach. Back in Florida, the water was always a brackish-brown, with the blue water out a good kilometer or so. And there were no Palm trees."

"What does blue water and Palm trees have to do with anything?"

"Aesthetics," I said, disappearing into the back room.

"Where are you going?" She said, following me a moment later.

"To grab my wallet. I need to pick up a swim suit... and unless you want to swim in panties and a bra, you need to get one, too."

Ukyo swung at me, and I ducked under her arm, sliding out the door and down the stairs as she grabbed her money and followed. Making our way towards the shopping center, taking our time as we went, I glanced at Ukyo, who looked somewhat unsure of herself.

"Something on your mind?"

"Nothing, really. Just... thinking," she replied quickly. Shrugging it off, I turned a corner and ran right into someone, knocking the two of us to the ground.

"Sorry, sorry," I said, flipping to my feet and offering the girl a hand up. Slapping my hand away, she climbed to her feet, dusting herself off gently before turning an irked glare at me.

"This idiot took you down?"

Frowning, I took a closer look at the girl, then gasped softly as I realized it was Nabiki, her hair a bit longer than usual, and wearing a face that screamed 'contempt for the world at large.'

"Yes, Big sister," someone said behind me. Turning, I spotted the gang leader from the other week, and waved, "howdy."

"You, Mr..." Nabiki said, trailing off. I waited patiently, deciding not to give her my name just yet, and her gaze deepened, before she continued, "... have something of mine."

"Oh?"

"Yes, a certain... donation, my companion here had helped collect for," she smiled, though with her eyes still glaring, it served better to show off her teeth, "a charity."

"I spent it. Sorry." I said, turning to go. Ukyo moved to follow, but found herself blocked by a girl who stepped in her way. After a quick glance, I realized it was Akane. Apparently here she was some sort of enforcer for Nabiki. Suddenly, Akane's eyes narrowed, matching her sister's gaze quite well.

"You! You're the girl that killed my hellspawn!"

"YOUR hellspawn?" Ukyo asked, surprised. Then her eyes widened in recognition, "Hey! You're that girl I saved. That thing was going to tear you apart!"

"It wouldn't have gotten one rotting hand on me before I'd caved its skull in. If you hadn't butted in, I'd have killed it in another minute!"

"Well well," Nabiki said, interrupting both of them. I turned around to see that two somewhat-familiar men had stepped out behind Nabiki, and opened my mouth to warn her, when one of them placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Nabiki, are these the two...?"

"Apparently." She responded, her eyes glinting harshly in the sunlight. Suddenly, one of the men gasped, and I sighed, realizing why they had looked somewhat familiar.

"Those are the two from the hotel!"

I turned to Ukyo, who'd said the same thing thug-on-the-left had said, and she blushed, before dropping into a martial arts stance. Following her lead, and hoping Ukyo and I could handle these five, I froze as one of the thugs pulled one of those dart-tazers out of his jacket, and grinned, aiming it at me.

"I'd suggest, to both of you, that you give me all your money and go cooperatively with my two... associates," Nabiki said, grinning.

"And if we don't?" Ukyo asked, hesitantly. Hearing glass break behind me I turned, spotting the rest of the gang I'd beaten approach, muttering to each other and occasionally laughing at what one had to say to the other.

"That's a little unfair, don't you think?" I asked, wondering if I could snatch the dart-tazer out of the thug's hand before he could pull the trigger.

"I wouldn't have it any other way," Nabiki said, holding out her hand, "Your wallets, please. And no funny business, you're surrounded, outnumbered, and with Akane here, outclassed."

"Willing to put your money where your mouth is?" I said, earning a shocked glance from Ukyo.

"Always. But since you're not going to have any money in a moment, I won't be able to collect... still, since you seem eager to have your legs broken, and your arms and probably a few ribs... After I've got your money, you can let Akane thrash you a bit."

"Right..." I muttered, glancing at Akane, who cracked her knuckles while giving me an unpleasant and hungry grin.

"So, wallets?" Nabiki said, holding out her hand again. Glancing at Ukyo, who was looking back at me with a questioning glance, I shrugged, and pulled my wallet out, handing it over. Ukyo looked shocked for a moment, then sighed and did the same. Nabiki quickly pulled all the cash out of Ukyo's, then looked through the paper and cards inside, before tossing the wallet over her shoulder like it was garbage. Opening mine, she removed the money, giving me a surprised glance when she saw the hundred-dollar bill, before flipping through my cards with a suspicious glance. Stopping at one, I saw her frown intensify, and then disappear as she saw something that must have surprised her.

Turning around, she spoke quickly to the two thugs, who responded quietly, before turning back to me.

"What's the meaning of this card?" she asked, holding up my driver's license.

"It's a Driver's License. Next stupid question."

"You're American, then." she said, a statement, not a question. Then she pointed, "Why is the issue date two years from now?"

I paused, unsure of how to answer that.

"I... ahh..." I stuttered. "I like to plan ahead?"

"No. I think not. Fighters like you don't have the mental capacity to plan for the here-and-now, much less ahead," she spat, throwing the rest of the wallet and its contents on the ground, and holding the card up.

"I'll keep this as well... see if my friends can work on recreating them for... profitable reasons."

"There's a hologram," I said, hoping to stall her. I didn't have a plan, but I figured it'd be better to talk than fighting Akane.

"Yes, I can see that, you idiot. That's why I'm going to start working on it now. Understand? Akane, show Mr. Boitet here some of that 'Tendo" hospitality."

"No problem," Akane said, shoving Ukyo harshly out of the way.

"Hey!" Ukyo cried as she struck the pavement. I frowned at Akane, dropping back into a fighting stance, "Try to hurt me all you want, but leave Ukyo out of this."

"Oh? Did you not hear me?" Nabiki asked, her arms crossed in amusement, "I said you can let Akane thrash you. Fight back and little Miss Kuonji here is going to find out what it's like to kiss a power line."

The thug with the tazer had turned to aim at Ukyo, and I winced as I realized that, with Ukyo on the ground, and me 20 feet away, neither of us could disarm him before he fired. Dropping my arms and straightening up, I turned to Akane.

"Your move."

"Damn straight it is. Take THIS!" her fist blurred out, and I dodged instinctively, the fist passing overhead, a moment before her foot buried itself in my gut. I fell to my knees, the air apparently not liking my lungs at the moment, and felt a breeze as Akane's other foot passed through the space my head had just vacated.

"Oh, stand up," Akane said, kicking me in the side just enough to feel bones creak in protest. Sucking in air, I stumbled to my feet, suddenly realizing that Baksai Tenketsu training might not be such a bad idea after all.

"Welcome to Nerima, Mister Boitet. Miss Kuonji." Nabiki said, before laughing. The two Yakuza thugs and Nabiki's gang started laughing as well, and Akane smirked as she grabbed my shirt and hauled me off my feet.

"And now, it's time to break stuff," she said, grabbing my wrist.

There was a brief flash of light, and suddenly Nabiki and the two thugs were sent flying, though all three climbed to their feet a moment later.

"What the hell was that?" Nabiki screeched, as Ukyo leapt back. The thug with the tazer was holding his hand, which looked bloody and broken, and Akane was gaping at the three like they had purposefully interrupted her. Deciding that now was as good a time as any, I twisted, bringing my heel up, around, and in, to drive into Akane's kidney at high speed. Her grip on my shirt disappeared, and I fell back into a crouch while she stumbled around, back arched, and tears in her eyes.

"Two against nine... hardly fair odds." Someone said. Everyone looked around, the voice having echoed and come from seemingly all around, and finally, from the alley the two Yakuza had stepped out of earlier, a tall, exotic looking man walked out, glaring at Nabiki who actually stepped back involuntarily.

"Now... three against nine is still unfair..." the figure turned to look at me, and I gasped as I recognized the slitted eyes, and exotic bracers, "in our favor."

"It doesn't matter how many little explosives you have. You're still outnumbered!" Akane said, glaring at me and crouching like she was about to pounce.

"Oh?" Herb asked, holding his hand out. A ball of Ki grew from nothingness there, and he flung it at the gang I'd beaten before, scattering them before the shock and surprise wore off.

"What the hell?" Nabiki said. The two Yakuza were backing off slowly, and Akane growled, "Fancy tricks and pyrotechnics are no match for real martial arts!"

I snickered, and she turned and pounced at me, seething. Ukyo ran towards the alley the two thugs had ducked into, and Herb turned to Nabiki, arms crossed.

Falling back and planting my foot into her stomach as she passed overhead, I push Akane up and ahead on her way, and she sailed into a wall with a thud, before collapsing.

"That was..." I said, turning to Herb. He nodded, turning towards the Alley Ukyo had taken off for. Nabiki was nowhere in sight, and I turned to Herb, "Can you go make sure Ukyo's alright? I have to find Nabiki."

Herb pointed and I nodded, taking off that way as he followed Ukyo.

Jumping to a low rooftop without thinking about how impossible it was, I leapt in the direction Herb had indicated, spotting Nabiki running below me a moment later. Leaping a building ahead of her, I dropped as she cam closer, landing directly in her way. Not looking where she was going, Nabiki crashed into me, while I barely moved, having braced for the impact.

"Watch where the fu-" Nabiki said, her mouth falling open when she saw me.

I held out my hand "Your wallet."

Nabiki scowled at me. "All I have to do is scream and you're deported..." she said, climbing to her feet.

"All I have to do is tell them about how you tried to steal my money, and make counterfeit foreign IDs, and the charges'd be dropped..."

"You have no proof."

"Neither do you, but Ukyo and Herb will testify in my defense... and I'm fairly certain PRINCE Herb will be able to counter pay any official you or your suited friends try to bribe."

"That guy's a prince?" Nabiki asked, her eyes suddenly glinting.

"He's also my friend, and despite his help just now, he probably still feels he owes me. You've threatened his friends, and, well... let's just say turning him against me isn't likely. Now... Your wallet?"

Nabiki grumbled, pulling out a (stolen) wad of bills, wrapped around my license. Pocketing the wad, I kept my hand out, "Wallet?"

"I just gave you eve..." she trailed off, realization dawning. "You wouldn't..."

"I would. And when I'm done here, all your friends lying on the ground back there? They'll be charged for ruining my day as well."

"Charged for-" she said, before laughing slightly. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a small wallet and held it out to me.

"I was wrong about you, Boitet. You may have a head on your shoulders, after all. Why don't we-"

"Work together?" I snapped, snatching the wallet from her hand too fast for her to see. She flinched, and I opened it, pulling out most of the bills.

"You're... not taking it all?"

I pulled another bill out of her wallet, "No, but I'm charging for each question answered..."

"What!?" She shouted, before clamping a hand over her mouth. I grinned, pulling another bill out.

"Well, this was the charge for ruining my day, and these are for those questions. And this last bill if my fee for making me carry around so much cash... after I liberate it from your less-than-stellar friends back where I left them."

If looks could kill, I'd be cinders floating in the wind as I tossed Nabiki back her now-empty wallet. Turning to walk away, I paused, "You know, while I'm turning down your offer, I could suggest a truce... you leave me alone, and I'll leave you alone... fair enough?"

"You just stole all my money and want me to just drop it like it's nothing?"

"Well, I could tell everyone about it, ruining your reputation, before going to the police and informing them of your activities anyway... but I'm feeling charitable."

"If you're feeling so charitable, I have a great-"

"I think not. Do we have a deal?"

"For the moment... yes," Nabiki mumbled, grudgingly.

I smiled, "What was that? Herb's Ki bomb played hell with my ears. You'll have to speak up."

"Yes, damn you! We have a deal. Now go before I do something-"

"You'll regret, yeah yeah... Nice doing business with you Tendo," I waved, before jumping onto the roof of a nearby building and darting back to Herb and Ukyo.

--===--

"So I take it you found what you were looking for?" I said, landing by Herb and Ukyo, who were talking over the unconscious bodies of the two Yakuza thugs.

"Yes, your direct- what are you doing?" Herb said, as I bent down to empty their wallets.

""Kyle always does this... why do you do it?" Ukyo said, her explanation dissolving into curiosity."

"Well, I told Nabiki this is what I planned on doing, and I like to keep my word. And, well, they intended to do the same to us, right before they beat us to within an inch of our lives, so I figured why not return the favor."

Ukyo gaped at me, "you're going to-"

'No! I'm not like that... and from the looks of how you handled these two, neither are you. No, they're defeated, and now they have to pay up."

"So you honor your word and do a dishonorable thing?" Herb asked, sounding somewhat confused still.

"Look, these are bad people. If this money isn't stolen, then it's been made illegally, which is just as bad. So it's not like I'm stealing from a priest or anything. If it makes you feel better, though, I'll turn the money in at a police box and say I found it lying on the sidewalk. Since it probably came from a dozen people's pockets, it'll sit in an envelop for days until the city uses it."

"Well, when you put it that way," Ukyo mumbled, making her way over to the fallen gang.

"Glad you understand," I muttered, glancing over at Akane, before asking Ukyo to attend to her.

A few minutes later the three of us arrived in the Restaurant, and, after locking the door behind us, we sat at the table, Ukyo and I feeling the adrenaline bleed off, and Herb looking prideful.

"So, my directions were right?"

"Yes, Mr. Boitet, the kettle was where you directed me."

"Keen. Call me Kyle. Can I call you Herb? Or should I still call you Lord Herb?" I said, carefully. Herb looked thoughtful for a moment, and then sighed.

"As per our agreement, you may call me Herb for the duration."

"Nice to meet you Herb. I'm Ukyo" Ukyo said, sticking out her hand. Herb blinked, then took it, shaking slowly. Ukyo grinned, and Herb blushed slightly before turning back to me.

"How did you know, though? I almost dismissed your suggestion, had I not run out of options myself."

"Well..." I looked at the ceiling, "it's a long story," Ukyo and I said at the same time.

"I've a week here, as agreed... certainly it doesn't take a week to tell," Herb insisted. I sighed.

"I will tell you, me, or Ukyo... just not yet. Some things are a bit hard to believe, and I don't want you to think I'm lying when I'm not."

Herb looked to Ukyo, who nodded softly, and he nodded, "very well."

"Don't be so glum, Herb. Let's go out back, and we can show us how much we know, so you know where to start in helping us get better."

Ukyo looked at me funny, and I smiled back. Herb, missing the brief exchange, nodded. "Understandable. While nowhere near my level, you both showed some small degree of skill earlier."

Ukyo frowned, but I waved at her to calm down.

"Herb... not to stroke your ego or anything, but even if I knew every person on the planet, I'd be able to count on my thumb the number of people capable of beating you head-to-head without being sneaky. And even then, with one, it'd be damn close. More luck than skill."

Herb straightened up slightly, and Ukyo suppressed a groan. Making our way out back, Ukyo turned to Herb, "how'd you prefer we do this? Kata, sparring each other, or one-on-one with each of us separately."

"Both of you come at me together, actually."

Ukyo looked at me with a surprised expression, and I shrugged, turning towards him, "Well, just to voice it aloud, this is a friendly match... no Ki blasts, no lethal moves, finished when Ukyo and I both submit or are Knocked out, or... err.. if Herb is."

Herb started laughing, then stopped, his mirth gone in an instant, "begin!"

Ukyo and I leapt as one, Ukyo bringing her spatula down in an over hand swing, while I landed short, and dropped into a sweep. Herb twisted in the air, rolling horizontally in the air, and Ukyo's spatula missed, barely missing my own head, while my foot passed under him. By the time I'd straightened up, Ukyo was swinging rapidly with the spatula, slicing through the air to build up speed, then twisting it at the last minute to bring the flat side up for a blunt impact, instead of a potentially deadly slice. Herb danced around the spatula, often dancing around Ukyo as well, the whole time avoiding turning his back to me.

I leapt again, Timing my dropkick so that I'd land outside of Ukyo's range even if I missed, and that's exactly what happened as Herb seemed to change direction in the air and land out of range. Ukyo suddenly slung her battle spatula and lunged, the two of us launching out high speed punches at the same time, from almost opposite sides. No matter where we aimed, however, we hit air, and after a moment, I stopped, Ukyo still going for a moment before she dropped her arm with a frown.

Tossing a pair of mini spatulas to me, Ukyo pulled two out herself, and brandished them like knives, which, I'd learned, they word as quite well. Ukyo and I continued to attack, hitting air, afterimages, and oftentimes the training dummy, but never touching, or getting touched by Herb, who looked like he was getting bored.

"Okay, New strategy," I said, tossing my spatulas over my shoulder, where they stuck in the training dummy's chest like throwing knives. Leaping at Herb, I began another high-speed barrage, but a moment into, I stopped consciously aiming, and began throwing punches in all directions, aiming at random. Ukyo, realizing my intentions, dropped her spatulas, and joined me, littering the air with fists. Herb weaved as fast as before, but suddenly, I felt something solid under my fist, and froze, Ukyo doing the same.

Looking up, I saw Ukyo's fist planted in Herb's jaw, while my fist was squarely lodged in his sternum. Ukyo looked amazed that she'd tagged him, and suddenly grinned at me. Smiling back, I didn't realize the air was getting a bit stuffy, until suddenly Ukyo and I were thrown back by a single sweep of Herb's arm. Climbing quickly to my feet, I looked at the Prince, who looked outraged that we'd managed to tag him.

"Uh-oh..." Ukyo said, a moment before Herb appeared in her face. I blinked as I watched Ukyo back slowly up, under a hail of strikes almost too fast to see, then I leapt at Herb's back, hoping to distract him.

A moment later, I was thrown into the wall by either an arm or a leg (I couldn't tell, it was going to fast) and then Herb was standing before me, Ukyo lying unconscious across the way. Climbing to my feet, I didn't even have time to groan before I was on the defensive, blocking attacks that I could barely see, and receiving hits that were too fast to react to at all. Realizing Ukyo'd just gone through the same thing, and that if I didn't fight back, I'd eventually loose no matter what, I clenched my teeth and began the last flurry of high speed punches I could, in both arms.

Blocking punches with punches, kicks with punches, and doing my best to tag Herb one more time, I felt my arms burn with the effort of keeping up the attack, and could feel my heart beating like it was trying to get out of my ribcage and run away. Finally, I got one lucky hit in, and froze, my fist resting against Herb's stomach, but apparently too underpowered to do more than earn me a sneer. Then everything went black.

--===--

The morning sun shining through the window slowly brought me back to consciousness, and with it, tactile sensations returned; the softness of the sheets, the blanket gently pressing down on me, the warm body in my arms, the-

Opening my eyes, I looked down to find Ukyo and I in a rather compromising embrace, in Ukyo's bed. A slight groan alerted me to the fact that Ukyo was close to waking up, and she mumbled something, before giving me a squeeze and burying her face in my chest as if to hide from the sunlight. Suddenly she tightened up, muscles everywhere tensing, before she tentatively gave me a squeeze.

"Err... Ukyo?" I said, doing my best not to move. She took a deep breath, and I braced myself for the scream, but it never came. Finally cracking one eye open, I glanced down at her, as she stared up at me.

"Umm... I can explain?" I squeaked. Actually, I couldn't yet, but I figured a little lie now was better than another beating right after that other one.

Ukyo's emotions flashed across her face so rapidly I felt like I was watching an electronic stock ticker on high speed, before she closed her eyes and gave an exasperated sigh, "Don't bother. Herb must have put is here after he knocked us out. He did knock you out, right?"

"Yeah, I got one more hit in, and then it was lights out. I don't even know what he got me with..." I said, trailing off as she relaxed, but didn't let go of me.

"Umm... Ukyo?" I said, squirming.

"Quit moving around. As compromising as this is, it is pretty comfortable, and since no guy will have a dowry-less girl like me, I might as well enjoy it, right?"

"But-" I started, before she interrupted me.

"Besides, you're a fan, you should enjoy yourself too."

"..." I stood up on the bed quickly before jumping to the door and exiting. Quickly entering my room, I shivered, before moving over to my small pack of clothes, moments before I tripped over someone sleeping in my futon.

"Who dares!?" Herb cried, sitting up. Rubbing my shoulder, which I'd managed to land on, I glanced at him, then apologized.

"Oh... why did you interrupt me? Is there something wrong?" he asked a moment later.

"Well, it was an accident. Something's wrong, but it's not... well... it is your fault, but it's not your problem, so..." I shut up, reaching over and pulling out a pair of clothes, which I exited the room with before Herb would question my odd reply. Making my way into the bathroom, I locked the door and quickly showered, before pulling on the clean clothes for the day. Opening the door, I froze as I saw Ukyo standing there, looking somewhat guilty.

I scowled, "Come to play with my head some more? Or maybe you'd rather toy with my heart, too?"

Ukyo paled, and I sighed, wondering why I'd just said that. Sure, what she'd said in bed had been cold and wrong... and painful... but she'd probably not meant it like that. Glancing back at her, I saw a tear slide its way down her face, catching the light just enough to sparkle as it fell to the floor.

"Ukyo, Look... I'm... I didn't mean that. I-"

"But you were right," she said, her voice sounding almost agonized. I blinked, and reached out for her but she shied away from my touch, not even looking at me.

"I'm just as bad as that bastard Ranma... taking advantage of the people who... who..." She collapsed to the floor sobbing, and I followed her down, wrapping her in one arm.

Unsure of what to say, and wondering just what kind of relationship we had in her eyes, I sat beside her, holding her as she sobbed again. Herb stuck his head out, made a funny noise, and ducked back into the room, probably uncomfortable with what little of the situation he'd seen. Finally, Ukyo looked at me, then back at the floor.

"I... I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry... it wasn't on purpose. Words can hurt, but the intent is what leaves the lasting impression."

"But-"

I put my finger over her mouth, shaking my head as I started to stand up, "I'm the one who was wrong, Ukyo. You've got nothing to be sorry about." She stared at me, and I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Chipper up!" I said, sliding away and downstairs quickly. Herb came into the dining room a couple minutes later, glancing back at the stairs before sitting across from me.

"Is Ukyo alright?"

I blinked, "what do you mean?"

"She's still sitting where she was a few minutes ago, and she's turned an interesting shade of red," Herb replied, like he was describing the weather. Finally looking at my stunned expression, he spoke again, "not to pry or anything, but I get the feeling you two are more than just the 'friends' you claim to be."

Feeling my face flush, I buried my head in my hands, speaking towards the floor, "is this feeling that obvious?"

"Yes... you know your ears are just about as red as hers are at the moment."

"That's great, Herb. Umm..." I took a deep breath, before speaking again, "Despite appearances, outwardly and to each other, Ukyo and I are still friends. But from what you say and what I've seen, I think Ukyo might be starting to want something more."

"And you don't?"

"Hah! I'd be lying if I said I didn't. No, I'd like to see what's next, but... "

"But what?" Ukyo's voice said from beside me. I yelped and tried to push away from the table, stand up, and turn around at the same time. Instead, I succeeded in falling back in my chair, the world spinning around me as my head met the hard floor.

Ukyo and Herb helped me into a booth as the world continued to swim around me, and finally I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on the table, deciding not to look at anything for a few minutes.

"But what?" Ukyo said again, sliding into the booth beside me. I heard Herb walking around the kitchen and sighed, knowing I'd not get out of this one without answering her question.

"Well... I'm... uhh... "

"What? Not Japanese?"

"Well... no... I'm also-"

"Not legally supposed to be here? From another world? Afraid you'll break me? What?"

"Err... the first two? And... well-"

"You're scared!" Ukyo said, the smile on her face obvious in her voice.

"No!" I said, straightening up and turning to look at her. The world swam around me again, and the next thing I knew, Ukyo was holding my head steady, and ever so gently pressed her lips to mine. I started to struggle, but suddenly relaxed, closing my eyes and leaning into it, and Ukyo let one hand drop to take mine. Far too early (in my opinion), she pulled away, and she looked at me, blushing slightly.

"Err... well... I was just afraid of what would happen if I suddenly appeared back home..."

Ukyo didn't say anything, simply nodding and looking downward. "Anything else?" she asked softly, rubbing the back of my hand with her thumb slowly.

"Umm... well... I still worry about... uhh..."

"Ranma."

"Yeah."

Ukyo put her hand on my shoulder, and bent over until she was looking up into my eyes. I stared back at her silently, and quietly, she said, "Kyle, before you knew about him here, you were willing to give up your own chance with me so that I could be happy... If you're still thinking like that, I assure you, the Ranma of this world is nothing like the one you know... I promise."

"But-"

"No 'but's. You have to trust me, just like I trust you when you tell me things about that other world."

"I..." I paused, no argument forthcoming. Finally, I nodded, "I trust you." Ukyo smiled, a tiny upturn at the corners of her mouth, and I closed my eyes, trying to capture that memory, moments before she lunched forward and wrapped her arms around me. Falling back into the booth (and thankfully missing the way by less-than an inch) I returned the hug, which lasted a few minutes before we both climbed out of the booth.

Standing nearby, a healthy shade of pink, Herb tried his best not to watch. Glancing at Ukyo, I realized she was in a t-shirt and the same pair of short-shorts from the other day, apparently her sleep apparel. Whispering to Ukyo to go get dressed and promising an explanation later, I sat back at the table, Herb taking a seat across from me and looking a little more composed.

"So..." I said, finally.

"It seems you two have come to some sort of agreement."

"So it seems..." I muttered, still feeling her arms around me, her lips on mine...

"As much as I'd love an explanation for your concerns," herb said, at which I grinned sheepishly, "I assume they'll be made clear when you are ready. Now, however, I'm sure you'd like to know discuss last night's little match,"

"Yeah, how'd we do?" Ukyo asked, tying her hair up as she sat down between us.

"Well, like I said before, you two both have some small degree of skill, more than even I thought, since you both managed to strike me-"

"What was up with that, anyway?" Ukyo said, suddenly, "you weren't doing anything but dodging, then the moment we hit you, you went all out."

"I... apologize. I'm not used to being hit, and for a moment, I forgot that it was a training match. Testament to your skills that you each managed to hit me again before I incapacitated you both."

"Fat lot of good those hits did," I mumbled.

"On the contrary. Here, have a look," Herb said, lifting his shirt. Above his navel was a purplish bruise from where I'd punched him before being knocked out. Turning, he showed us another, under his arm, apparently where Ukyo'd gotten a lucky hit in (not that mine wasn't a lucky hit, too) with her knee.

"So..." Ukyo prompted.

"So I underestimated you... even going full out, you aren't too far below me, as you each managed to get a hit in despite my going all out."

Ukyo and I grinned at each other, then blushed before looking away, the two of us finding something random suddenly interesting. Herb, not noticing, began speaking again, "while I doubt you'll have anywhere near as much power as I do, I think the best way to assist your training is to begin you on Ki manipulation... that and some sort of toughness conditioning... you both seem rather easily damaged..."

I nodded in agreement, wondering how to bring up Amazonian training. Finally, I decided to work up to it, "I read that you are generally a master of Ki manipulation... And that anything involving Ki you know by birthright..."

"Anything I see I know by birthright. If it's done with Ki, and I see, or hear about it, I can duplicate it."

"Well... I know a couple Ki techniques, but can't quite figure them out, yet... maybe you can work them out?"

"You know the techniques, but not the training?" Herb asked, frowning.

"Well... actually, they're Amazon techniques, and I know the training. I just didn't want to learn them and then get hunted by angry secretive Amazons." Herb hissed slightly as I said that, then nodded, before responding.

"I see your problem. So you want to describe them to me, so that I can figure them out, and then teach them to you, so if the Amazons come looking for you, you can direct them to me?"

"Well... er... I didn't really think it that far through yet..." I said, hoping he'd believe me. He'd more than likely wipe the floor with any Amazon one-on-one, so I wasn't sure why he'd hesitate to do it.

"Fine... As retribution for Cologne's obvious lie in denying her knowledge of the existence of the Liberating Pot."

"She... you went to her for help?"

"Yes. After I visited her, I scoured the Archives for information, but all I learned was that it was somewhere to the Far East. I'd just about given up hope when you turned up with the answer... "

Herb looked at me expectantly, and I sighed, "I promise, Herb. You'll understand in the end."

"And probably dislike it just as much as I did," Ukyo amended.

"Well, let me hear about those techniques you know, and I'll see what we can do with them," Herb said, as if the former conversation had never happened.

"Actually, we ought to open... we're already missed half the lunch rush..." Ukyo said, glancing at the clock.

I stood up, looking at the clock in surprise, before making my way around the dining room and flipping over chairs.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Herb offered, after a moment's hesitation.

"Err... what?" I said staring at him like he was a prince offering to help run a restaurant... which he was.

"Well..." he said, suddenly looking uncomfortable, "I did agree to be your friends for a week, and... while it's far below my station to even consider assisting, I feel rather useless standing around doing nothing."

Ukyo and I glanced at each other, then I shrugged, "Alright, you're hired, your Highness. You can deliver food, while I Take orders and Ukyo cooks."

"Serve... er... I suppose..." Herb said, his objection fading into indistinct murmuring.

"If you want... and this is only a suggestion," Ukyo said, cautiously, "you might want to change first."

"Change into what?"

"A girl," Ukyo said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"WHAT?"

"Only if you want, Herb. Ukyo's right though... It might help attract customers."

"But... I... well... are you serious about it helping?" Herb said, scowling.

"Well, not if you walk around with that look on your face. But if you smile and stuff, you'll help bring in new customers, and bigger tips," I replied.

"Alright... But only if I have your word that nobody hears of this. As far as my people are concerned, I have no curse."

"You have my word." Ukyo said, flipping on the grill.

"Our word. You have our word, Herb."

As Herb disappeared into the back room, I heard Ukyo, around a smile, quietly say "-chan," as he disappeared up the stairs. Needless to say, she was curious as to what we were smiling about when she came back down a couple minutes later.

--===--

That evening, Ukyo tallied up our sales for the day, while Herb mopped. I was busy scrubbing the grill clean, and when the three of us finished, we collapsed into the chairs. Apparently, Herb's presence had brought it more, because Ukyo had a weary smile plastered to her face. Thinking back to all the tables I'd worked with I could believe it.

"Well, your Highness, I can safely say that your presence greatly contributed... despite our late opening, we still more than doubled our typical Monday sales."

I grinned at Herb, who was looking at the floor she'd just mopped, before reaching across the table and patting her on the shoulder. She jumped, then looked at me, before breaking into a slight smile.

"I think Herb-chan here is proud of her work on the floors..." I ventured.

"It wasn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. I mean, as a Prince, I'd never imagine mopping the floor was so... peaceful."

"Err... how so?" I asked, caught off guard by the odd comment.

"I liked how it gave me time to think. It was like having time to myself, but even if I didn't use it to think about a problem, I was still being productive."

I blinked.

"That's... one way to look at it... I suppose," Ukyo said, after a moment's hesitation.

"Well," I said, yawning and stretching, "we can celebrate tomorrow... After Ukyo gets back from school."

"Ack! I forgot all about that!" Ukyo said, jumping to her feet. Herb walked away chuckling, and I sighed, quickly cleaning Ukyo and Herb's glasses, before flipping off the lights, and jumping up the stairs.

After brushing my teeth and making sure my complexion was clear in the mirror, I turned to enter my room, only to find the door locked. Blinking, I tried a little harder, with similar results. I briefly considered kicking the door in, when I realized someone was snoring inside.

"Herb..." I muttered, wondering why he'd lock me out of my room. Raising my foot to kick the door in, I thought about Herb's reaction when some enraged guy kicks the door in, waking him from his peaceful sounding slumber, then dropped my foot in annoyed resignation.

"Where are you going?" Ukyo asked as I passed the bathroom.

"Downstairs, I suppose. Herb commandeered my room. I'm going to go lie down in a booth or something..."

"Wait... we could just..." She said, staring at the floor.

"You mean... like last night?"

"Yeah... My bed is big enough, and... well... I just can't let you sleep in a booth."

I blinked, "but... well... it's... not-"

"Not what? Proper?" Ukyo asked, interrupting me, "I don't care about being proper... you shouldn't have to sleep in a booth," she said, loudly, before mumbling something under her breath.

"Ehh... what was that last part?"

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. So what do you say?"

"I... suppose. Just so long as it goes on the record that I objected."

"What, are you afraid someone's watching us and reporting to my dad or something?" Ukyo said, frowning at me.

"No, I just wanted it to be known that I was a gentleman before I was a guy. Let's get to bed, before school starts, eh?"

I passed Ukyo, grinning as I entered her room and dove under the covers, getting comfortable against the wall.

After a couple minutes, I heard Ukyo enter, shut off the light, and crawl into bed behind me.

"No funny business," she said, her voice somewhat muffled. Twisting, I realized we both had our backs towards each other.

"You're the one who offered to sleep with me," I said, suppressing a grin. Ukyo shuffled behind me for a moment, and suddenly I was hit with her pillow.

"Kyle?" Ukyo said, shaking me from those weird dream-like thoughts that happen right as you dose off.

Waiting for my next breath out, I hummed a little "hmm," too tired to even open my mouth.

"In the hall... No. Really, before... everything, this morning... Before I realized what was going on, and after, I... I didn't mind it."

"Hmm?"

"I just... didn't mind waking up like that. I felt safe... appreciated," she was whispering now, obviously talking to herself more than me, "maybe even... loved..."

My eyes cracked at that, and I summoned the strength to roll over. Ukyo's back was still to me, but I slowly reached out and wrapped my right arm around her, doing my best not to touch anything more than her sides below the ribs.

"Thanks" she whispered, sounding like she was almost asleep herself.

"You're welcome" I whispered back, feeling her curl up with my arm like she was afraid I'd pull it back.

We fell asleep like that, and the next morning, as the alarm brought us back into the waking world, we realized that sometime during the evening, we'd become entwined again.

--===--

"So," Herb said, helping me set up without being asked, "About those techniques, would now not be a good time to describe them?"

"Oh yeah. Basically there's the Baksai Tenketsu, and the Hiryuu Shoten Ha. The former is a technique to shatter boulders by applying Ki and pressure to a major stress-line focal point within the structure..."

"And that is helpful in a fight?"

"Not really. It's the training that really pays off. After being swung into a boulder enough times to learn it, your body builds up a sort of resistance to being struck... or so I've been told."

"That sounds rather painful... and crude. Leave it to the Amazons to develop something so rash."

"Hence my reluctance to start Ukyo and I on it... though if nothing else is forthcoming, I might just give in and try it."

"Before you do, give me a chance to work with it, see if I can't develop something from it," Herb replied, looking thoughtful. A moment later he nodded to himself then turned back to me, "and that other one? The Hiryuu Shoten Ha?"

"That ones very powerful, but somewhat limited in it's use, because your opponent has to be giving off hot Ki, while you give off cold Ki. After leading the enraged fighter into a tightening spiral, an uppercut by the user causes the two swirling energies to form a sort of tornado, which sucks the energy from your opponent to feed itself."

"Now that sounds impressive."

"It is, when you get it to work. But remember, you have to radiate cold Ki the whole time, your opponent has to radiate hot Ki, do the spiral correctly, the uppercut right, and, well... after being hit with it, you have to truly enrage them to make them fall for it again."

"Yes, I'd realized that. Still, if it were modified a bit... are there any known variations?" Herb said, sitting down.

Dropping into a chair across from him, I nodded, "Basically variations of the same theme. Hot and cold magical blasts, instead of Ki... and one user let the tornado suck him up, instead of his opponent, and then fired a blast of Ki down through the center."

"Why would they do that?" Herb asked.

Suppressing a smile, I explained, "Apparently, the opponent was too strong for the regular version to do much damage."

"I'd like to have met this opponent. From what you describe, and what I can tell about the forces involved, this opponent would have to be almost my equal."

"You already have. You just don't know it yet."

"What, exactly, do you mean by that?"

"It'll become clear, just like a lot of other things you're probably wondering about."

"Indeed," Herb said, frowning. Sighing he turned back to me, "Do you know any more Amazon techniques? Or techniques in general? Despite your understandably uneducated explanation, your information is rather valuable, and you do tend to convey enough information to give me something to work with in figuring the maneuvers out."

"Well..." I said, wondering what all I could include. Finally deciding on one, and seeing if Herb would buy it, I nodded.

"Well, there's this one I heard of called the Kamehameha..."

--===--

When Ukyo entered, she frowned at me before she collapsed in a chair at the table Herb and I were still sitting at.

"You never told me Nabiki and Akane went to Furinken, Kyle."

"Ahh... sorry?"

"Yeah, well, Akane tried to pick a fight, and Nabiki tried to take bets on it, but I managed to delay the fight for a few days... I thought you said they would leave us alone."

"They should! Unless..." I said, realizing I might not have specified that Nabiki leave the two of us alone.

"Unless?" Ukyo asked leaning forward to get right up in my face.

"I... I might have misworded the deal and only gotten the protection for me?" I said weakly. Herb snorted, then blushed, and Ukyo just rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair with a sigh.

"Well... I'll deal with her on Thursday. Why haven't you two opened the place yet?"

"We were discussing training," Herb said, as if that were reason enough for anybody.

Ukyo turned to him with a frown, "and you two couldn't talk about that while serving guests?"

"Well..." I said, slowly, "You managed to... err... manage... before, when it was just you and you were going to school. Both here... and in Osaka."

Ukyo gave me a funny look when I said she'd managed here, but then her eyes flashed in understanding, and she nodded. Herb remained silent, though I assumed he'd file the unspoken conversation away for the upcoming 'Explanation.'

"Besides... with all the money we... err... confiscated, we have enough to make up for a couple days without working," I added helpfully. Ukyo looked irked by this, and I sighed.

"Don't worry, Herb's and my conversation will more than likely result in some pretty good training for the two of us... and probably Herb as well. Right, your Highness?"

"Absolutely. I'm actually looking forward to attempting some of the techniques Kyle described. Even omitting the ones that he seemed to have made up on the spot, I've heard enough to keep me and the Trainers back at the Citadel busy for months."

"Months? I thought... what all did you tell him? I thought it was just those two Amazon moves?" Ukyo asked, turning to me.

"Err... well... you know. I just listed everything I knew."

"Ev..." Ukyo trailed off, and once again understanding dawned on her face, "Ohh... geeze... I didn't even think about that."

"Neither did I," I replied, truthfully.

"So what do you think, Herb? What would be the best starting point?" Ukyo asked, sounding almost excited.

"Well, as I said, some Ki training to help you learn anything I can recreate from Kyle's list... and while you two do that, I'll start working on a training schedule for the two of you as I figure out how to train people in the techniques you've described."

"Cool," I said, looking at Ukyo, whose expression was mirroring my own.

"Your school does allow branching out, right Ukyo?" I asked, suddenly wondering if she'd be able to learn any of the true techniques from other schools.

"Well, sort of... I mean, it encourages growth and learning, and of course, excellent cooking, but I don't know if that involves so many unarmed techniques... Though your ineptness with weapons hasn't hindered your overall ability in building your way up from the basics much at all..."

"Well, Ranma's school is a pretty hard to beat one, as it incorporates anything and everything that might be useful, Martial Arts-wise," I said, carefully. Ukyo's face fell, and she unconsciously plucked at one of the spatulas on her bandolier.

"I know, I can't really deny that with what you've told me... Anything-Goes is powerful... But to combat it, I don't want to give up my own school..."

"Can you develop a school from yours?" Herb asked, reminding us that he was still there.

"What do you mean?" Ukyo asked, glancing up at him.

"Well, if this Anything-Goes is powerful because it uses the techniques of other schools, then you'll need to either develop a move too powerful for him to ever develop a counter to, or develop a school that works like his, so you too can stockpile various techniques."

"Some sort of Adaptive Okonomiyaki School of Martial Arts?" I ventured.

Ukyo looked at me, then smirked, "Not bad, actually." She turned to Herb, nodding, "I'll have to call my father and ask if that's okay, but he might go for it. I also need to tell him a few things about what's been going on."

Herb and I nodded, and she excused herself to go change and make the call. Herb and I glanced at each other, and then stood up.

"Time for work," I said, as if it was just now turning eleven.

"You want to work, when I can start training?"

"Well," I replied, slowly, "Ukyo's on the phone with her dad, and considering everything that's been happening, and the briefness of her last call, I think she'll be there for a while. Besides, I can work, and you can go out back and start working out everything I told you."

"You won't need my assistance?"

"No, I've handled the place before a couple times. You get to work out back, I'll get to work in here, and tonight, after we close, you can start teaching us."

"If Ukyo's dad allows her to," I muttered.

Herb didn't reply, simply nodding before he disappeared out the back door.

--===--

"So, how'd it go?" I asked when Ukyo finally emerged from her room and hung the phone up. She'd originally objected to my suggestion that we buy a cordless, but after tonight, I doubted she'd ever look at it unhappily again.

"Well, First off, he wanted me to thank the guy that helped me for him," she said, grinning at me.

"Err... your welcome?" I replied, wondering why she hadn't just given me the phone.

"Secondly, he said I couldn't create a new branch of martial arts," she said, her smile dropping.

My grin faded as well, and I sighed, "Well... we'll figure som-"

"Thirdly, he gave me the number for his teacher, and told me I'd need to test out of our school if I was going to develop my own."

"Test out?"

"Well, it's rare, if not unprecedented, but dad said he'd put a good word in for me... And if Ranma inspired me to do this, then there's at least one silver lining to the hurricane the Saotome Name caused in our lives."

"How... ast- Wait. How...?"

"Think about how productive a father and daughter are without anything but the clothes on their back."

"Ahh..." I said, stupidly. Ukyo just patted me on the shoulder, before gently pushing me out of her place behind the grill. The rest of the evening passed rather slowly.

--===--

"Alright," Herb said, circling the two of us slowly, "despite your inability to learn multiple techniques at the moment, I can instruct you in new ways to train, and therefore, we're continuing as planned."

"Right," I said, quickly.

"Exactly," Ukyo agreed.

"Therefore, I'll start the two of you in the basics of Ki manipulation."

And so Ukyo and I took our first steps into a much larger world. The rest of the week went by similarly, Ukyo leaving for school, Herb and I talking as we prepared to open, Herb writing away or practicing while I worked until Ukyo came back. Ukyo and I would work together until closing time, and after an hour and a half of Herb's training, then a quick shower before turning in for the night.

Thursday, Ukyo's fight with Akane went on as planned, and Ukyo returned from school grumbling about a 'hard head' and 'pounding spatulas into shape.'

As the three of us sat around the table we'd come to refer to as 'The Conference Table,' Herb gave me a questioning look, and I nodded.

"Yeah, I've stalled long enough, and I did promise."

"Oh... time for that conversation, is it?" Ukyo asked, straightening up in her chair.

"Yep. Well, here's the deal. I'm from an alternate universe, in which one similar to this is a popular form of entertainment. In it, everyone from Ukyo here, to you, to Saffron and the Phoenix people are 'fictitious' characters who usually end up fighting the title character, one Ranma Saotome of the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts."

"... Excuse me?"

"Yeah, that was my reaction too, sugar. It gets better though... or worse, depending on how you look at it."

"Yeah, you see, YOU, Prince Herb, arrived here in Nerima seeking Cologne, and a cure, around this time, only Ranma had already arrived. After upsetting him by... uhh... 'mistreating' one of his fiancée's, you locked him in his cursed form, the same as yours, and as such ended up as bitter rivals."

"How... are you... you mean...?" Herb stammered, looking closely at Ukyo and I as if he expected us to tell him we were joking. Then he brightened, "So I was the one who forced Ranma to revise his ultimate attack?"

"Well, yeah..."

"And all those techniques you listed were from this... series?"

"Oh no! Just the ones I said were Amazons. Oh, and that Ki-vacuum and invisibility-with-a-cloth technique. And I think I mentioned the energy- from-underwear thing," Herb shuddered, but nodded.

"All the rest were from different series' that I'd seen," I said, not mentioning that a few were from game-series' and not anime/manga.

"I see..." Herb said, softly.

"So... you believe me?"

"As farfetched as your story is, your knowledge of things you shouldn't know about, as well as your sincerity over the past week lends much credit to your story."

"Ahh..." Ukyo said, sounding surprised herself.

"Indeed. And your caution in waiting to tell me about your origin is sensible, as well. I cannot fault your for your secrecy."

"How... formal. You aren't slipping back into Prince-mode yet, are you? You still have one more day."

"I... apologize. While I admit to finding your story hard to fault with the evidence provided, finding out I was a briefly mentioned character in some serialized tale, and more-than-likely listed as a proverbial 'bad-guy,' well..." Herb trailed off.

Ukyo nodded sympathetically, "yeah, I know how you feel. I was Ranma's fiancée, apparently."

"Then my... err... double?" Herb asked, hesitantly. When I nodded, he continued, "my double 'mistreated' you?"

"Err, no," I said, quickly, "that was Akane, actually."

"The easily angered enforcer of that smooth talking commoner from last week?"

I blinked. So did Ukyo. Then we started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Herb asked, frowning.

"That description... it was perfect. I'll have to remember it for later," Ukyo said between breaths. Finally, the mirth died down, and Herb looked out the window deep in thought.

"You know..." he said, after a minute of uncomfortable silence.

"Hmm?" I hummed, glad he'd finally broken the silence.

"Well, I remember hearing that you weren't really registered anywhere as a citizen..."

"Yeah, a bit of a bitch, if you know what I mean," I muttered.

"I might be able to help with that."

Ukyo and I both stared at Herb, waiting for him to continue. He blushed when he realized how intent we were on hearing more, and nervously continued.

"I... well, I could adopt you into the Musk, and register you with the Chinese Government."

"So I'd be an English-speaking Chinaman of Spanish descent working illegally in Japan..." I said, slowly.

"Well, it's a step up from "Origin-less Spaniard working illegally in Japan," Ukyo said helpfully.

"If you'd let me finish, I'd explain what I would do after that..." Herb said, eyebrow twitching.

"Sorry," Ukyo and I muttered.

Herb nodded, then coughed once before continuing, "I have a few allies in the Chinese Government and one friend in the Emperor's Palace here in Japan that I can use to get you dual-citizenship."

"Oh..." Ukyo 'oh'-ed, softly.

"That WOULD be very helpful," I said. Herb nodded.

"All I ask in return is to be listed as a co-creator when forming the new school."

"Err... what?"

"Those techniques you spoke of, the ones from another universe? For all intents and purposes, they're brand new here. You can claim them as your own and use them to start a school of Martial Arts that would be extremely powerful, and as versatile as this 'Anything Goes' you keep mentioning."

"Ohh..." I muttered, not having thought about that. To be honest, I'd thought I was giving Herb the techniques to do with as he saw fit.

"Since your current skill seems very similar in design to Ukyo's, I'd assume she trained you to your current level, though you seem to have a little Kung Fu and Tae-Kwon-Do training as well as something I can't readily identify. A hybrid, I suppose... In any case, Ukyo would also be a co-creator, and using her school as a basis for building up to the techniques you 'invented,' the three of us could develop a school of Martial Arts that would rival any other."

Ukyo blinked, as surprised at being dragged into this as I was, then she smiled.

"All I have to do is impress my father's master, and I would be free to help..." Ukyo said, softly. I nodded at her, then turned to Herb, "you've got yourself a deal."

--===--

Sunday afternoon found the three of us sitting together in an upscale restaurant in downtown Tokyo.

"So, Herb, did you enjoy your stay?" Ukyo asked after we'd placed our orders.

"It was... different, to say the least." He answered, after a moment's pause. Then he smiled, "I wouldn't be lying, however, if I were to say I'm not entirely opposed to doing it again sometime."

"Glad we got to show you how to have fun," I said, grinning around my drink.

"Among other things, I suppose. You two, of course, are welcome to the Citadel if ever you're in the area."

"That's quite a distance from here..." Ukyo said, remember where Herb had explained he hailed from."

"Well," Herb said, the beginnings of a smile on his lips, "I was thinking about your honeymoon." He grinned as Ukyo and I both started choking on our drinks, before continuing as if nothing was wrong, "Of course, I realize we've not got as much to offer as a town bordered on one side by a hellspawn-infested war zone, but I'm sure we could think of something..."

Ukyo and I glared at him as he stared out the window, and a moment later the food arrived.

When we'd paid for our food and stepped outside, when-

"There you two are."

"Lord Herb!"

"My Lord!"

Turning around, I saw Herb's companions, Lime and Mint, doing their best to grovel while on their feet. Herb waved them over and began talking quietly, before receiving something from them. Turning around, he came back towards Ukyo and me, his retainers flanking him. Ukyo was staring at Herb curiously, and I was fairly certain my face expressed just as much interest as well.

"As Prince of the Musk Dynasty and by the power granted to my by birthright, I, Prince Herb, hereby offer to you, warriors of exceptional status, honorary membership into the Dynasty of the Musk, and my undying loyalty to those I would call my friends."

Herb quickly removed a small dagger and gently pierced his palm, before taking two small rings that Lime had handed him and clenching his bloody fist around them. There was a flash of light, and when Herb opened his hand, the rings sat on unbroken flesh. Taking the two rings, he handed one to each of us, who took them with a stunned expression on our faces.

Looking down at the ring, I realized that the band was inlaid with tiny symbols I had no hope of reading, and flush against it lay one blood-red gem which seemed to glow from within. I glanced at Ukyo, who was examining it as closely as I was, and then looked to Herb.

"Ahh..." I started, unsure of what to say.

"Pointer finger, right hand. And no thanks is required, you two have earned those."

"Lord Herb!" Mint whispered, staring at the ring I slid onto my finger in obvious awe.

"So... not to be rude, but what are they?" Ukyo said, twisting hers into place before holding her hand up and admiring it.

"They're old treasures of the Musk, typically worn by those closest to the Royal Family."

"Magical?" I asked, knowing that most treasures from that area tended to have more than looks going for them.

Herb nodded, holding up his hand to show his, which I'd never noticed until now.

"Unless someone is wearing one themselves, knows what they are, or exceptionally powerful, they're invisible, and unless you consciously think of them, you will normally not notice it's there. Also, the gem is charged with draconic blood, amplifying almost anything that involves or requires Ki."

"Like a capacitor?" I asked, to which Herb nodded.

"I will contact you periodically as I work with the techniques you have given me, and get started on getting you citizenship after I leave here."

"You have our phone number?" Ukyo asked.

Herb laughed, "No, I'll use the rings. They work somewhat like beepers, in that I can contact you with them, though yours can't do anything other than receive messages from me."

Ukyo opened her mouth to object, but Herb waved his hand in a placating manner, "I would have given you the ability if I could, but the only way to use them is to have the blood of Dragons in your veins."

"Oh." I said intelligently. Herb nodded, before glancing at the sun and sighing.

"Now, my friends, I must be off. Take care of yourselves, remember what I taught you, and I'll be back to work on our school in three month's time."

"See you then!" I said, shaking Herb's hand and releasing a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding when my bones didn't grind together.

Stepping before Ukyo, Herb held his hand out as well, but Ukyo ignored it, wrapping him in a friendly hug. Lime and Mint tensed, but when it was apparent she wasn't attacking Herb, then relaxed, though stepping slightly closer to their charge.

"Be safe, Herb-chan." Ukyo said, grinning. Herb, as red as I'd ever seen him, nodded, before stammering out a "you too" and walking over to Lime and Mint. Turning around, he bent over in a formal bow, before turning and walking up the street, in the opposite direction from the Ucchan's.

===========

Author's notes:

Wow... who'd have thought I'd actually type this much in one chapter, eh? Here's the deal.. 'And Yet Another Self-Insert Fic' is, surprisingly, the basis for NASIF, though I published NASIF first... The original NASIF had just Ukyo appearing in the real world.. however, that Idea was put on hold for over a year, then one night, I decided to write something, and decided, instead of one, why not a few, and so Ukyo, was shelved in favor of Nabiki, Mara, and Makoto.

When NASIF got going, I considered doing an SI fic that took place inside Ukyo's restaurant , and from my avatar's point of view, I watched the going-ons of Nerima, helping Ukyo "get her man." This was supposed to be that fic, until I realized that, while original, restricting myself to the restaurant was boring as hell, and I had to get out some.. slowly, this alternate Ranmaverse began to take shape, and now I've got a me in a universe where only a few things are 'right,' the rest of the world not caring less how far it's diverting from cannon universe... and it's kind of fun.

Anyway... I could go on and on about this story, pretending it was a blog entry, as opposed to the AN, but I won't.. Hope you all enjoyed it.

... and yes, I'm still working on NASIF. In fact, part 4 chapter three is almost done. YAY!

Thanks to Nathan Huss and Parker Schadegg for pre-reading.