The Fleeting Nature of Happiness
Summary: After being married for several years, Luke and Lorelai go to see a lawyer.
Disclaimer: I don't own Gilmore Girls, so don't sue me.
Rating: K
Author's Notes: After seeing Luke consult with an attorney in the latest episode, this story sort of sprang to mind. Just a little one-shot that started pestering me as I was studying. Sorry if it's a little depressing at first.
As she sat in the too-comfortable chair, Lorelai looked around the lawyer's office with trepidation. The entire situation made her as nervous as a cat. A long tailed cat… How did that expression go? Something about cats and rocking chairs... But either way, she felt as though she were about to leap out of her skin.
Luke did not look much better. She knew how much he hated lawyers. Not only had he been married to one – briefly – but her team of legal counsel had harassed him for weeks after he told them that he wanted nothing from Nicole in the divorce.
Divorce lawyers. Lorelai had become familiar with them herself following her short-lived marriage to Christopher. The break up of their marriage had been bitter, ugly, and longer than she had imagined was possible. She supposed it was fitting that years later, she and Luke would be sitting in the office of the same attorney who had gotten her free of that hasty Paris elopement.
Of course, Lorelai and Luke had not gotten married right away. While each knew that they wanted to be together, the recentness of her union with Christopher and its subsequent implosion made the thought of marriage a touchy subject. Indeed, Luke had even been respectful of her decision to not simply start back up their prior relationship. With so many old wounds to heal and problems to work through, it made sense to take things slow and easy.
And at first, that is exactly what they did. They just dated: a dinner here, a movie there, and coffee every morning at the diner. But their rekindled relationship, while casual and friendly in the beginning, could not help but evolve into something deeper and more emotional. By the time he cooked her dinner at his apartment and she found herself waking up in his bed the next morning, neither of them could ignore the fact that they were officially back together. Even the townspeople had begun referring to them in the plural again: "Luke and Lorelai."
After that, things just sort of fell into place. He moved into her house gradually, possibly even one change of clothes at a time. The kitchen began to get that 'used' feeling back that it used to have, and fresh milk could be found in the refrigerator on any given day of the week. And within six months of their reconciliation, the only things left at Luke's apartment were a spare tool box and a set of sheets for the bed.
The house itself was a problem at first, as they were both conscious that Lorelai had lived there while she was married to Christopher. No remodeling or renovation could change that fact, although they did try. She went out and bought an entirely new bed, mattress, and linens, complete with plaid flannel sheets and a quilted comforter. Wanting to get away from what they had before and what she had shared with Chris, she almost asked Luke to bring back his grandmother's hideous furniture. But thankfully he had already given it away to charity.
"Good thing, too," she had said to Rory one afternoon as they were shopping for new bathroom décor. "That furniture was just awful. I don't know what I was thinking."
"Luke saved you from yourself," her daughter agreed.
Rory had taken everything in stride. At first, she reacted to the divorce with annoyance, angry that Lorelai could not seem to make up her mind. But at the same time, it was clear to her that her mother would never be happy with anyone but Luke. That knowledge made it easier for Rory when the two of them finally got back together. She had stopped yearning for her parents to get married and be a family the day of Sookie's wedding, when Christopher had left them to go back to Sherry. And she knew Luke was a good man who loved her mother and would stick with her, no matter what.
And despite the unpleasant association with Christopher, Luke admitted to Rory one day that he did not mind staying in their house as long as Lorelai wanted. The way he saw it, he had ten years sweat and labor invested in it – fixing the roof, repairing the porch railing, checking the support beams, working on his father's boat in his garage. Not to mention all the quiet memories since then that he had spent with Lorelai and their kids, times that he would not have traded for anything.
In fact, when all of them were there, the house took on a homey, familiar atmosphere that reminded him of his own family growing up. Luke would cook dinner in the kitchen while April worked on whatever school assignments she had brought from New Mexico, allowing Lorelai and Rory to chat about recent happenings in the small town. There was never anything spectacular or exciting, although Lorelai had a way of livening up any circumstance. But because April got to spend so little time with her father, and Rory only came home occasionally any more, the occasions they did have to be together all at once proved that much more special.
Of course, by the time Luke and Lorelai had finally got married, they already felt like a family. And while the wedding was beautiful and brought tears to more than one townsperson's eye, everyone agreed that it was simply the inevitable conclusion of their bumpy romance. As Miss Patty said, it had only been a matter of time until the two of them realized that they belonged together.
"You doin' okay?" Luke asked, bringing her back to reality. The concern in his eyes was touching – it reminded Lorelai of the way he had looked at her even before they had started dating, so many years before. That expression of hidden desire masked by friendly concern had always made her feel a little weak in the knees.
"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. "I just never thought I'd be sitting here again."
She hated being in that lawyer's office, and not just because of the bad memories it evoked. The lawyer who had handled her divorce with Christopher was now going to remind her once again of how fleeting and temporary happiness could be.
Julia Walters entered the room, cutting off whatever reply Luke would made. She was a short, older woman with a no-nonsense attitude to match her grey, pinstriped suit.
"While I understand these kinds of things are never easy, it really is best that you came in to see me," she assured them. "It will be much simpler in the long run if we make sure that we dot all the i's and cross all the t's now." She handed them each a set of documents with the provisions they had already discussed with her the week before: lists of assets, and how they would be divided up.
It depressed Lorelai to see their lives distilled into a jumble of words on a page, descriptions of items they had accumulated over the years, both separately and together: the house, the diner, their cars, each of their interest in the Dragonfly. But as much as she loved them, they were all just things. None of it even touched on the memories they shared in those places: the first time Luke had kissed her on the porch of the inn, the countless morning conversations they had enjoyed as he poured her coffee in the diner, the chuppah he had made her, which still stood in a place of prominence in their front yard.
"We still need to discuss the issue of custody of young Leonard," Julia said, her voice as crisp as the lines in her suit. "Last time you were here, there seemed to be some dispute on that. I was hoping that the two of you had come to some sort of an agreement?"
"Um, yeah, we have," Luke interjected, sounding uncomfortable as he glanced over at Lorelai, looking almost afraid of upsetting her. When it came to that particular issue, disagreement was an understatement.
Leonard Lucas Danes, otherwise known as Leo, was their pride and joy. Not long after their marriage, they had decided to start trying for a baby. And despite their initial concerns about being unable to conceive, within months Lorelai had walked into the diner with a huge grin on her face. At first, she just stood there smiling at him, tears in her eyes. And within seconds, he understood her silent meaning and was around the counter, sweeping her into his arms. If they had not been in the middle of a diner, surrounded by gawking customers and nosy neighbors, it would have seemed like a scene out of a romance novel.
And eight and a half months later, Leo was born. Lorelai's pregnancy proved to be a difficult one, and she was placed on bed rest the three weeks before she went into labor. But for both of them, the entire experience turned out to be wonderful and enlightening as it brought them closer as a couple. In the early months, Lorelai suffer through morning sickness and strange cravings (fruit, as she had with Rory). At first, Luke hovered over her like a mother hen, concerned about her over exerting herself in the slightest way. However, that anxiety quickly dissipated even as he began to understand a truth that TJ had once tried to impart to him: hormones do crazy things to pregnant women.
Luke quickly learned to deal with her sudden mood swings and unexplained bouts of crying. And when it came to her more amorous temperaments, he reveled in the attention she paid him and the satisfaction of being in love with the woman who was carrying his child. Then, as her stomach started to grow and her ankles began to swell, he discovered how much she needed to be reassured about her attractiveness, something he had never anticipated her doubting.
Since the first day they had met, he had considered Lorelai to be one of the most breathtakingly gorgeous women he had ever met. Certainly, she was not a supermodel, but her simple beauty was amplified by her outgoing personality and the soulful way she looked at him through those soft blue eyes. And to Luke, who had not thought such a thing was possible, pregnancy made her even more attractive. Indeed, it would be safe to say that by the time Leo made his way into the world, Luke felt more in love than ever with the exhausted, sweat-soaked woman lying in that hospital bed, their son cradled in her arms.
And now, three years later, Leo was in many respects just like his father. In fact, he followed Luke around endlessly, even going so far as to pull a chair next to the stove so that he could watch the bigger man cook dinner every night. But he also had a bull-headed stubbornness that could only be countered by Lorelai's patient insistence. Like most little boys, whenever something scared him or he needed reassurance, he went to his mother for comfort.
The possibility of being separated from their child cut through Lorelai like a knife, and she simply took a painful breath as she nodded to Luke for him to tell the lawyer the plan they had agreed on after much discussion.
"Well, we think it would be best for Leo that my sister Liz and her husband TJ have custody. Their little girl – Doula - is just a little older than him." He glanced over at Lorelai to confirm that was her final decision as well. She simply looked straight ahead, unable to meet his eyes. "We decided that Rory is probably too young to have to raise her little brother if anything were to happen to both of us… I mean, she has her whole life ahead of her without having to worry about being a mother any time soon."
While at first Lorelai had argued strenuously on behalf of Rory receiving custody, Luke had gradually brought her around to his reasoning. As many doubts as both of them had about Liz and TJ, especially in light of Jess's teenage years, they were doing a fabulous job with Doula. Besides, Rory was busy focusing on her career, jet-setting between New York and London without much time for family life. The last thing she needed was a Baby Boom lifestyle makeover brought on by inheriting her little brother.
Julia nodded her head in agreement. "That's probably a very sound decision. And in a few years, if things change – maybe if Rory gets married and has kids of her own, you can come back and amend your wills to give her custody of Leo." Glancing between the couple, she noted the sadness that so often appeared when clients were forced to face the possibility of their untimely deaths. "I know this is difficult for you both," she told them kindly, "but if anything happens to either or both of you, at least you'll know that your son will be taken care of. So many people don't have wills because they don't like to think about such unpleasantness. Like I told you when you came in, I don't usually do a lot of wills, but I make an exception for past clients because I have always considered planning ahead like this to be not only responsible, but an absolutely necessary part of life."
She jotted a few things down on a piece of paper before standing up from the desk. "I'm just going to have my secretary add in the custody provision and we can make everything official. Unless either of you have anything you want to add or change from the draft we went through last week…?"
Both of them shook their heads, and she slipped out of the room, leaving them alone for a few minutes. Once Julia was gone, Luke reached over and took Lorelai's hand in his own, carefully intertwining their fingers. "See? It's almost done," he told her. "And then we don't have to worry about this anymore. I'll know you're provided for if anything happens to me. And if anything happens to the both of us, we'll know that Leo is taken care of, both money-wise and who will take care of him."
"I know," she sighed, feeling silly about the sadness that had settled over her. "And it's something we should have done a long time ago. But I just don't like thinking about how life would be if I ever lost you. I mean, we haven't had that much time together – truly together. Only a few years, really."
"You're not going to lose me," Luke told her adamantly, then added, "At least not for a long time. And like she said, it's good to plan ahead, especially for Leo."
"That's you, being all responsible and thinking ahead. This'll be the first will I've ever had," Lorelai pointed out.
"That doesn't surprise me at all." There was an element of humor in Luke's voice, a note of teasing that he used when he was in a good mood, but there was also something else hiding beneath.
"Have you?"
"Have I what?"
"Ever had a will before?"
"Well… sure," he said quietly, obviously not wanting to elaborate.
"When?"
"When what?" he parroted again.
Lorelai sighed in exasperation. "When did you have your will done before?"
A shadow fell across Luke's face as his expression went blank. He did not answer immediately, but rather let his eyes wander across the lawyer's desk in front of them, taking in the neat, orderly array of pens and papers. Finally, when he spoke, he did so quietly, as though confessing a secret. "Well, Buddy made me get one drawn up after my dad died and I opened the diner. It was real simple; I used a form out of a book."
He paused before continuing on. "Then I went to a lawyer in Woodbridge and got another one a little while after we got engaged… back when you and Rory were fighting. It was around the time Sookie asked you two to be godmothers, and that got me thinking about things like that – worst case scenario things. And, I mean, I left some money and stuff to Liz and Jess, but mostly… I just wanted to make sure that you would be taken care of. You know, in case anything happened. Not that you couldn't take care of yourself, but…" He trailed off as he looked up and saw her surprised expression.
"You got a will… for me?" she asked, dumbfounded. "When we were engaged, the fir- before… before everything?"
He nodded in response. "Yeah."
"And, afterwards… when we weren't together, did you change it back?"
"Haven't changed it 'til today," Luke answered simply.
As Lorelai stared at him, she felt something in between bewilderment and true awe at the man who had agreed to spend the rest of his life with her. She wondered if it was possible for a woman to love her husband more than she did in that moment.
When she did not say anything immediately, he added softly, "It's always been you, Lorelai. Even when we were… even when we weren't together, it was always you."
She had to look away as she blinked rapidly to fight back the involuntary tears his statement brought to her eyes. For a man of action rather than words, sometimes Luke really had a way of reducing her to a girly emotional puddle when she least expected it.
But before she could respond, Julia had re-entered the room. She brought with her two office secretaries who she explained would serve as witnesses to the documents. Handing each of them the copy of their individual will, she instructed them to read through and initial at the bottom of each page before signing the last page. For several minutes there was a great deal of confusion as papers were handed back and forth between the witnesses. But once they were finished, Julia reviewed both wills before sending the secretaries out to make copies.
Within ten minutes, the whole procedure was finished, and Luke and Lorelai were on the street and making their way to the car, each carrying their own document. The wills were not identical, of course. While most of their property was already jointly owned, Lorelai having put the house in his name and Luke doing the same for the diner and the building next door, there was still the matter of Lorelai's interest in the Dragonfly, not to mention their various personal items and bank accounts they kept separate.
When they had first gotten married, the process of learning to share had been a difficult one, not only of themselves but of the property they had each accumulated over the years. Perhaps I would have been easier if each had not already gone through a hasty marriage and unhappy divorce. But at the same time, they had each spent most of their lives being independent, taking care of things without needing or wanting to rely on someone else. Lorelai especially felt the need to prove her self-sufficiency.
Although she never said so, Luke suspected part of it was not only the lifestyle of her parents that she escaped as a teenager, but also the months spent married to her wealthy ex-husband. Lorelai did not like the idea of having to rely on anyone for money, and ever since divorcing Christopher, she more keenly disliked large displays of affluence that she once would have let go unnoticed.
"Do you want me to cook tonight or would you rather us pick up something on the way home?" Luke asked her as they got into the car.
"Oh, can we pick up Leo and go to Al's Pancake World?" she requested. "Tonight is supposed to be a Thai Italian combo, make your own eggroll."
"I can't believe I let you eat like that," he muttered as he put the vehicle into gear and began the drive to the Gilmore residence. Not wanting to take him to the lawyer's office, they had left their son with his grandparents for the afternoon.
Lorelai snorted. "Let me eat like that… you're the one that's been supplying me with cheeseburgers and pancakes for the last fifteen years, buster."
"And coffee. Don't forget the coffee," he said.
"Oooo, coffee…"
"No coffee."
"But Luke…"
"You heard what the doctor said. It's just as important to be healthy before you get pregnant as after."
"Fine," she said, crossing her arms in front of her in a fake pout. They had only been trying again for a couple of months. And while the doctor had also told them it might be more difficult to conceive considering her advancing age, she suspected that dull craving for a salad she had been ignoring all day was a good sign. She was waiting to tell Luke until she was more certain, not wanting to dash any of his hopes.
But as she silently studied his profile for several minutes, Lorelai suddenly grew serious again. "Luke?"
"Yeah." He glanced over at her.
"I just thought you should know… it's always been you, too."
fin
