The episode last night was so perfectly wrought with emotion that I couldn't help but want to get inside Clare's head. I get in Eli's head all the time, but I really wanted to explore Clare's feelings and thoughts in the episode…specifically the moment when she was staring at Eli across Above the Dot. This will be a short one-shot.
My other stories will be updated soon. Sorry, I haven't had a lot of time to write. =P
Jake Martin was disgusting…granted I had used him as a prop to get a rise out of Eli, but his comment about making out was unwarranted.
Eli calm was just so unnerving…
He was supposed to be the obsessive one. He was supposed to have a hard time handling the implications of our breakup. He should have been begging for me to talk to him. He should be stealing glances at me from across the room; he shouldn't be able to keep his eyes off me.
And yet here I was, watching him intently as I sat alone at the mock bar. He was talking to Adam and Jake. They seemed to be hitting it off quite nicely, and my stomach tightened strangely as Eli smiled at something Jake was saying. That smile…
Tears sprung to my eyes, but repressed them viciously. Why was he okay with this; why was I the one falling to pieces.
I raked my eyes over his face again and again. I was searching for any sign that he was bluffing, that he was just a good actor- hiding his real feelings expertly well. But his face looked oddly serene. There was a calmness there that I had never seen before.
My gaze landed on his lips, and my breath hitched, getting caught in my throat.
Every kiss that we shared flashed through my mind, twisting the dull blade in my heart just deep enough to let me keep hold of the tears. The tenderness of our Romeo and Juliet kiss…the passion and spontaneity of the one in the library…the elevated flirtations of our first date kiss…the complete, utter happiness and love of the one we had shared in his room as we tried to conquer his problems together. I lingered on that kiss, my eyes glued to the way Eli's pink, full lips moved as he talked.
How would I ever be able to kiss another when I so desperately yearned to run up to Eli and attack his lips with mine at this inappropriate time?
'Damnit, Clare,' I scolded myself. I broke up with him. He was unstable, and I didn't feel safe.
So did I feel so incomplete without him?
I shook away the thought. I knew the way I felt about him wasn't just going to go away, but I hadn't expected to be so unhappy with the way things were panning out. I should be happy Eli was moving on just fine…it was just weird; out of character.
I mean, this was the boy he spent a year trying to get over the fact that his girlfriend was killed. I didn't know Julia, or anything about their relationship, but it couldn't have been much more intense than mine and Eli's. So why was he able to forget me in the matter of a week?
My stomach rolled, and I had to rip my eyes from Eli's face. Not that it helped…my eyes landed on the couple snuggling next to me.
Unable to control my rampant thoughts, my mind jumped to a bittersweet memory. A hammock…a starry sky…strong arms wrapped around me…the feeling of love so strong it was nearly palpable. I was Eli's wish come true, and he was mine. So where had we gone wrong?
I blinked back the tears as I remembered how intense every feeling from the moment had felt. Eli loved me- there was no way I could deny that.
I had to find out why he was so emotionless…something wasn't right and I would get to the bottom of it.
Eli loved me, damnit, and he was going to admit it before the night ended.
