So. I have a beef with fan fics, Horizon, BioWare, and conceptions about all these events in conjunction with one another. It may not be a popular view, but I am okay with this. I think Horizon was well written. It fit the anger, hurt, and struggling that Kaidan must have been going through when femShep finally stood in front of him. Not only did she – according to his POV/knowledge – not try to contact him, she's working with one of the groups they hated together; a group that killed countless innocent people. Gotta cut the guy some slack!

But anyway, Horizon was painful and it was supposed to be. It's hard to deal with that. I think the dialogue was great. The delivery, on the other hand, was more than subpar for what Kaidan and Shepard shared in ME1. There wasn't enough hurt, enough underlying emotion, to give the lines their proper due. I have rectified that in what is probably an entirely too long fan fic. It's the conversation on Horizon, in 4,000 words. Please let me know what you think of it. All criticism is absolutely appreciated; I really mean it.

(Also, if anyone is interested in some flavor music to give more voice to Shepard's emotions during this, check out "Ghost Love Story" by Nightwish. The fic's too long to read along without looping repeatedly, but I promise it's exactly the feeling I was going for.)


The ship blasted away, severely damaged but clearly not enough to actually stop it. Shepard groaned to herself, praying EDI would get one final blast in, to take the damn thing down. Her head shook with frustration. Gone again. She failed every person aboard that…vessel. A voice broke through the roar of engines, frustrated and worried.

"No! Don't let them get away!" The mechanic they spotted earlier ran up, yelling toward the rapidly disappearing blaze of exhaust. Great. Now she got to deal with a hysteric survivor. Could this mission get any worse?

She put on her marine face and took a deep breath. The apology that managed to seep into her voice was seemingly unavoidable. "…There's nothing we can do. They're gone."

"Half the colony's in there! They took Egan and Sam and...and Lilith! Do something!" Poor guy, he lost all his friends. She knew what that was like.

She would be honest with him, though. "I didn't want it to end this way. I did what I could."

The scarred turian behind her softly spoke; she appreciated the verbal gesture. He really was a good friend. "More than most, Shepard."

The abandoned mechanic's voice suddenly went icy cold. "Shepard? Wait. I know that name." He peered at her, surprisingly effective at making her feel uncomfortable. Her eyes diverted to look at the ground. She was so sick of the reactions her last name garnered! "Sure, I remember you. You're some type of big Alliance hero."

Great. Someone else who didn't like her for absolutely no reason. She opened her mouth to reply, but she was cut off by a voice from her past. Her dreams. No, it couldn't be…did he survive the collection? Was she finally going insane?

l==============l

Kaidan sighed to himself, flexing muscles. He had failed. There was nothing he could have done to prevent it; whatever those flying things were affected him as well. Thank goodness for his biotics, they seemed to give him an edge on breaking its effects. They successfully immobilized him and kept him from helping anyone, though. Damn it.

He walked around, looking for any survivors. Someone had reactivated the turrets and shot at the ship. The targeting was completely bunk; who did it? Maybe the mechanic wasn't useless, assuming he survived. Too bad that mechanic hated his g- Wait. That voice. His stomach turned into a gravity well, causing him to lose his breath. Did he hear what he thought he heard? He saw the mechanic, talking to someone. They were obscured by the wall of crates.

"I didn't want it to end this way. I did what I could."

Her voice: trying to be controlled, feeling like she's failed; apologetic despite herself. It can't be.. His eyes widened further when the next voice made itself known, quiet as always.

"More than most, Shepard."

Garrus now? What would that turian be doing here? Well, if it was her…why would she take Garrus and not him? The reports were actually true? No, she wouldn't…she couldn't. After what they found…? Delan's tone immediately shifted to near hostility, and despite himself, Kaidan couldn't quite stop his feathers from ruffling. How dare he? The mechanic who ran and hid, while she just tried to help them…

Before he knew what he was doing, he walked from behind the crates, confirming what the dolt had just suggested: that she was, in fact, standing before him. His eyes widened and he had to swallow a frog in his throat when he first caught sight of her. Her hair was a brighter red than he remembered, but her eyes…the vivid green stood out against those cheekbones…

No. You need answers. Don't go there. He forced his voice to a neutral tone, purposefully light. The mechanic had no idea who they were, what they were.

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. The first human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel. You're in the presence of a legend, Delan." Another lump in his throat threatened to impede his speaking. He paused to clear it, but then their eyes met. He stopped to take the breath he didn't know he was holding. "…And a ghost."

l==============l

Shock held her in place. Her eyes were glued to the ground in front of her, wide and scared. What if she looked up and he wasn't there? The voice, that voice, his voice, kept ringing through her ears. It…was strained. She couldn't look up and have it be her imagination. Maybe if she kept staring at the ground, it'd talk forever. Maybe even say her full name; her first name, at least. No one did these days…no one did in those days, either, really; only he did. That one time. The voice stopped for a moment. Was it her imagination? Her eyes flickered toward the sound of the voice to confirm her insanity, and her senses were hit like a metric ton of bricks. Soft, dark brown eyes met vibrant green.

He's here. She finally tuned into what he was saying. "…And a ghost." A ghost. That's…what she would be to him… after all this time. Her eyes blinked closed, holding back tears. When they reopened, she was focused on the damned ground again. He was being careful, even now. Delan said something before walking away. She didn't give a damn what he had said; probably something disparaging. Damn it all! Here? Now?

l==============l

Not surprisingly, the hatred Delan initially threw at Shepard was immediately redirected to Kaidan. "All the good people we lost, and you get left behind. Figures. Screw this. I'm done with you Alliance types."

That wasn't unexpected at all. Kaidan barely registered the angry words, staring at the woman in front of him. She was there. Real. Alive. Dressed in armor. Saving the damn galaxy again. Something was different about her face…what was it? His legs didn't listen to his mind; it screamed to stay where he was, this could all be a trap. They moved forward, slowly, until he stood in front of her. She looked up. The green eyes that haunted his night and day stared back at him, shining with unshed tears. She would never let anyone in her crew see her cry…he had to… No. Don't. Don't do it, you won't want to–

His arms didn't listen to his mind, either. They folded around her like a homecoming. She fit against him like a glove, familiar and safe. Her arms pressed against his own back, causing him to draw a breath inward. It released in a soft, quiet sigh of relief. She was alive. Her hair smelled like it always did: a mixture of regulation shampoo, overheated gun-packs, and berries. She was the only woman he ever met who wore body spray in armor.

His eyes opened and noted there was a third party there; Garrus, he didn't care about. He could watch all he wanted. But who was the woman with far too little clothing? He immediately spotted a Cerberus symbol on her pack, eyes slamming back shut. No. No. No, no, no. It can't be true. She wouldn't. She couldn't. His arms slowly released their hold on her, taking a step back to watch her again. At least her tears had disappeared for now. He said the only thing he could process. He was torn between anger and crying as he kissed her. He…couldn't. Not now. Not here. Not with…who that may be behind her.

"...I thought you were dead, Shepard." He cleared his throat again. No tears. "We all did."