The Villain's Convention
(It's a typical villainous phenomenon, where all the members have a fine old time
It's the forty third, annual convention, of the Grand Mystic Royal Order
of the ignoble dolph, the Villains of the temple of the Slime.)
XXX
Beep beep beep
"Hi, Wade, it's about time you answered my call." A minorly tweaked Kim Possible spoke to her tech guru. "What was the hold up?"
"Oh, nothing serious, really...just minor, I'm getting it worked out." To the heroine's surprise, the young genius looked nervous.
"Wade, what have you done?"
"Nothing, really! Really nothing."
Kim frowned at her Kimmunicator screen, "All right, I'll table that for now. Where's Ron? I've been trying to get in touch with him the whole flight back and he's not answering."
Kim began to feel the beginnings of panic as her friend exhibited definite Ronnish behavior. Rubbing the back of his neck, looking everywhere but at her. "Ahhhh, yeah, about that..."
"Wade, you assured me that everything would be fine, that Ron could monitor the Villain's Convention while I went to the Annual Pixie Scout Awards banquet. You promised me, you told me it was safe, you..."
"Calm down, Kim, Ron's healthy."
"Healthy? What do you mean healthy? Why wouldn't he be healthy? Wade?" Kim was breathing a little heavier.
"Ah, you remember the plan was for Ron to hide in the ventilation ducts and use his Kimmunicator to record everything?"
"Wade." Kim growled lightly. "Why do I get the feeling the plan changed after I left?"
"It...ah...it...ah...it got improved a bit."
Kim's head jerked as if she'd been struck, visions of catastrophe and disaster flashing in her mind. She managed to speak calmly, "Improved, how?"
"See, I couldn't get good shots of the newest gadgets from the ventilation ducts," for the first time the pre-teen sounded enthusiastic, "so we, ok, I decided Ron needed to get closer."
"And you did this how?" Kim's panic was growing.
"Ron went in in disguise."
"Disguise, as in costume?"
"Uh huh."
"Wade," Kim drew a deep breath, "tell me you didn't use that costume."
"I worked with what I had, OK? And it went over great!"
"Wade," Kim was almost hyperventilating, "tell me you didn't, please tell me you didn't. Lie to me, tell me you didn't use the..." She couldn't finish.
"It was the only one I had," Wade said apologetically, "and it fits Ron even better now that he's been working out."
Kim's right hand clenched on her Kimmunicator, her left raised and the fingers began massaging her forehead. She could feel a massive tension headache coming on. "All right, Wade, cut to the chase, what happened? What went wrong?"
Wade looked wounded, "Why do you assume something went wrong? I mean..."
"Wade!" Kim spoke from gritted teeth, "What happened?"
"Well, because of the jamming from the villain's devices, I had to place a call to his room. Here, listen to the tape."
"Operator, give me room 321 please, thank you, Hello, evil villain? This is the technical genius. I said it's the technical genius. The tech...Ron this is Wade! Why weren't you at the demonstrations? You got a Harley? How did you...do you have it in your room? How'd you get it up there? Quit revving it up Ron, I can't hear you. Never mind, Ron, you have really put my research behind schedule. Be at the practical uses exhibit tonight, seven o'clock, in costume, and don't answer the phone udden udden, okay?"
"That doesn't sound so bad," Kim managed, "It sounds like Ron's having a good time, and it'll be spankin' to ride to school with him on a Harley."
"Yeah, well, things took a turn."
"A turn? What kind of turn Wade?"
"Kind of a curve, a really, really, strange curve."
"Wade!"
"Just listen to the tape."
"Operator, room 321, please. Thank you, Hello, Ron? What are you doin'? What do you mean who is this? This is Wade. Why weren't you at the exhibition? What do you mean all you had was a Hawaiian flowerdy shirt? Well, you may think you're fooling people, Ron, but I saw the whole thing. That's right, I hacked the security monitors. I saw Shego come running through the new improved Henchmen demonstration. That's right, and she wasn't wearing anything but your cape, Ron. Ron, you the only one that has a red cape with a gold glitter Z on the back. Yeah, yeah, and she was yelling out the Kimmunicator frequency too, Ron. We'll have to change it now. Ron, we are going to have a serious discussion when you get back about your behavior on this mission. Embarrassing, if anybody finds out. Now, can you make it to the secret plans and deceptions meeting tonight? And Ron? Can you keep the ID secret?"
"Shego! Cape with Z? Wade, tell me you didn't...Wait, I just realized something, why isn't Ron's voice on the tape?"
"Well," Wade looked embarrassed, "As near as I can figure out, he was using some kind of white noise filter to keep the recording blank."
"Why would he do that?"
"Well, see, there was this scanner at the entrance that Ron went through."
"Scanner for what?"
"It wasn't a normal scanner."
"What kind was it, then?" Kim voice sank.
"Remember the attitudinator?"
"Oh, no." Kim said weakly.
"It gets worse."
"What, how could it get worse?"
"Just listen."
"Operator, room three...how'd you know? Ron? What are you doing? No you weren't at the meeting. I watched the whole thing, you didn't show. Where you did show was on the pool cameras. That's right, I watched you and the cocktail lounge waitresses, and a certain green villain having a fine old time. Yeah, and all you had on were your Fearless Ferret boxers and blue skin. How did you keep the dye from running? What do you mean it's not dye? Ron, when you get back to Middleton, I may have to take your grappler, your communicator and your blaster boxers back. And if Kim finds out, well, you may have to leave town. What do you mean you won't have to leave town if you take it over? Ron? Ron? Who's Ron? You're Ron! Zorpox? Ron, Zorpox, whoever, don't...don't you hang up on me, don't you...Operator, operator, room 321 please, Ron. Zorpox? Quit revvin the engine Ron, Who's that gigglin...Ronnnnn..."
"Wade? Why did Ron's skin turn blue? And why is my BFBF cavorting with cocktail wattresses and SHEGO?" Kim's voice began quiet and calm, but rose to a roar. Her cracking knuckles, however, came through clearly to the young tech.
"I can explain...I think."
"Make it fast." Her voice wasn't quite as calm.
"Well, remember the attitudinator? It seems that Henchco put an improved one in the entrance scanners as a demonstration and free sample and Ron, well, he went through that one."
"Wade," Kim's tone was gentle, almost benevolent. "I do hope you didn't want to experience the joys of puberty." Kim's image disappeared from Wade's screen. He tried frantically to call his team leader, but there was no answer The only sound in the room was an eerie, "Boooyahahah!" from his recording.
