The Great St. Valentine's Day Fiasco
Well, I guess you could think of this as a semi-prequel to "The Perfect Gift". Done in the light of the upcoming Valentine's Day (although with my mom trying to limit the time I spend on the comp, this is liable to get finished by Easter), the story of how two very spec- aw, heck. I'm not fooling anyone. It's Ivan and Sheba pairings, that all I do anyways.
Warning to Valeshippers: Mud + Flame shipping inside. You can skip those parts if you want.
Dedicated to: 8BTFreek, for constant reviewing of my works, and encouragement. Go Freek! (waves flag)
Disclaimer: You know, if I did own this, Ivan would have saved Sheba on that lighthouse.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sunday
"Okay, try the chicken."
munch munch munch
"Actually, that's the potatoes."
chew chew chew
"Wait… maybe it is the chicken."
chomp chomp chomp
"Or maybe it's the salad."
Ivan leaned over, politely cupping his hand over his mouth as he spat an unidentifiable black lump of what he presumed was food onto the plate. Staring at the rest of the food, all similarly blackened masses, he sighed.
"Garet, you're a great friend, a powerful fighter, and all that, but never let it be said that you can cook a half-decent meal."
"I concur." Felix spoke as he spat a piece of fish burnt enough to be considered charcoal across the room straight into the wastebasket. "You should not be allowed within twenty feet of a kitchen for the rest of your life."
Garet sighed. "Come on, guys. My cooking's not that bad! Isaac! You know my cooking's good, right?"
Isaac kept silent, merely chewing his food. Ivan raised an eyebrow. "Isaac?'
Isaac shook his head, although Ivan thought he could hear a few strange sounds from the back of his throat.
"Hang on." Lifting an arm, the young Jupiter Adept focused, and a slightly purple glow surrounded him. Dropping the arm, he sighed again. "Your spinach somehow glued his mouth shut, dear Garet."
Picard, who had not eaten any of the food, but merely drunk from a cup of water, lifted it. "Well, now that we've had our share of victuals, shall we all proceed with the discussion?"
"Wait a second." The voice came from Jenna, who was the only person in the room who had managed to eat a fair portion of the… stuff on her plat. Finishing her last bite, she sat back with a loud burp! Staring at his sister, Felix made a disgusted face.
"How on Weyard can you stand to eat any of that junk?"
Jenna merely shrugged. "When you've married someone for two years, you learn how to eat his or her cooking."
Isaac, mouth finally free of the Spinach of Doom™, leaned back, smiling slightly. "I still remember that Valentine's Day. That was when you and Garet finally tied the knot."
"And received the blessings of the Psynergy Stone." Garet interjected.
"Yeah, yeah," Ivan muttered. "We're all familiar with the legend of Vale's Psynergy Stone. How every Valentine's Day, it'll choose one couple to bestow it's blessing on, and that guarantees they'll stay together forever, and all that."
"Which is why we're here." Isaac put in. "We need to pair you up with Sheba. Before Valentine's Day, too." No one noticed the slight shadow of discomfort that passed Felix's face.
Ivan leaned back in his chair, arms crossed. "Isaac, you know that Valentine's Day is only a week away. You also know I'm crazy about Sheba, and-"
"And that is precisely why we need success." Picard interrupted, a wry smile on his face. "We have only five- six, if you count today- days before Valentine's Day, and we need to get to work."
Ivan rolled his eyes. "Look, the problem is, Sheba doesn't feel that way about me, okay? She never pays attention to me, whenever I look at her she's staring in the opposite direction, and I… I just don't see her doing that, alright?"
"How do you know?" Garet asked, a coy smile on his face. "How do you know that she's not looking?"
"Because I would have seen her doing so if she was!" Ivan let out an exasperated sigh. "What makes you think I wouldn't notice her looking?"
"Well," Isaac put in. "She looks at you from close up, not far away like you do. After careful observation, we've noticed then whenever we're all together, she tends to gravitate to you. She also laughs at your lame jokes even if no one else does, and she was the only one who voluntarily finished your bowl of chili pancakes. In conclusion, and based on similar habits I've recorded from how me and Garet behave around Mia and Jenna respectively, I'd say she's in love with you."
"She just doesn't know it yet." Garet murmured almost to himself.
"Okay, fine." Ivan leaned back, fixing Isaac with a hard glare. "So how am I supposed to let her know? Just walk up and tell her?"
"No!" Isaac shot up. "That is the worst thing you can do! You have to show it to her. In your actions. Which is where phase one comes in." He turned to regard the two female Adepts in the room. "Jenna, Mia. Phase one is information gathering. You two are to penetrate Sheba's residence, and extricate whatever information concerning how she feels towards Ivan possible. You are all aware of your mission parameters, and this operation begins at- "
"Isaac, Isaac?" Garet raised an eyebrow. "You're starting to sound like Patton."
Isaac blinked. "Who's Patton?"
"Um…" Garet shrugged. "I dunno who, but you just remind me of that name."
Isaac rolled his eyes. "Okay, and questions?"
"Um, yeah." Jenna said. "Exactly how are we supposed to get the info we need? It's not like we can just go up and say 'Hey! You like Ivan or not?'"
"You're girls, right?" Isaac said. "Use your women's way of just talking."
Mia rolled her eyes. "Yes, this will be so easy." Sighing, she got to her feet. "Fine, fine, we'll go."
Ivan gave a tiny snort before slumping back in his chair. He had a really bad feeling about this.
The fact the Felix seemed to be glaring at him didn't help too much either.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sheba slowly hummed an indistinct tune to herself as she bustled around the kitchen. Living alone got boring sometimes, but solitude, especially when you wanted it, was usually a given.
"Watch out for the-"
Crash!
"Lamp…"
Okay, solitude barring the nine Jupiter Djinn which had a strange genetic trait of being physically incapable of shutting up for more than two minutes at a stretch. Sheba rolled her eyes as she headed into the living room. Yup. All of them busy staring at the remains of a glass lamp on the floor. With a sigh, she motioned to the Djinn to absolve what they started.
Just then, a knock sounded on the door.
"Coming!" Sheba called out as she left the djinn to their task. Walking over to the door, she opened it, smile widening as she saw Jenna standing in the doorway. Behind her, Mia was looking rather… uncomfortable. Sheba shrugged it off, and opened the door wider.
"You wanna come in?"
Mia snapped out of her reverie. "Oh, yeah! Sure, thanks." With that, she entered the house. Sheba raised an eyebrow as she watched Mia's Mercury Djinn fall in after her, all in line and led by Fizz, who was belting out a steady rhythm.
"One, two! One, two! That's it, boys, keep up the pace!"
"Don't ask." Jenna muttered as she brushed by Sheba. "Just don't ask."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Okay," Isaac thumped his hand on the table, rattling it somewhat. "Now that Mia and Jenna have set out to gather information, our current task is to transform Ivan into a babe-magnet."
Garet raised an eyebrow as he stared at the stony-faced Jupiter Adept sitting on the chair, arms crossed, and looking ready to kill. And he would probably have already done so if Picard had not tied him securely to said chair with two meters of good rope. "I think it's going to be a slightly difficult."
"Nonsense." Isaac waved Garet's misgivings off with a brush of his hand. "It will be a total success with this!" From his pack, he withdrew a tiny bottle.
"Dare I ask what that is?" Ivan said resignedly.
"Perfume!" Isaac exclaimed, waving the bottle excitedly in the air. " It's guaranteed to work! Once Sheba gets a sniff of this, she'll be all over you!"
"Joy." Ivan muttered as he rolled his eyes. Not that he didn't want Sheba to be all over him. In fact, most of his current fantasies generally involved just that. It was just that he wasn't exactly too certain about the reliability factor of anything that had to do with Isaac.
"Well, then!" Isaac prattled on. "Let's try it out!" Uncorking the bottle, he splashed a generous amount of a strange, brown coloured liquid all over Ivan, causing him to flinch. Nodding to Picard, he indicated for the bonds on Ivan to be removed.
After freeing himself from the ropes, Ivan shot Isaac a death-glare. Isaac didn't even notice, but began hurriedly pushing him out the door. "Go to Sheba's! Once she smells this, she'll be head over heels in love with you! Go!" With a last shove, he managed to push the struggling Jupiter adept out of the door, dumping him unceremoniously onto the floor in the process.
Ivan picked himself off the floor, dusting himself off. Sighing slightly, he began walking towards Sheba's house. There couldn't be any harm in trying, right?
Inside the house, Isaac was currently pacing around with ill-contained excitement. "Once this succeeds, he'll practically worship me!" He said.
Garet meanwhile, was being much more reserved about this. Eyeing the bottle on the table, he picked it up. Guaranteed to work, huh? If this really did what it said, maybe it'd be useful for him and Jenna… Turning it over, he began to read the label.
Picard looked around uneasily. "Where is Felix? I thought he would be coming."
Isaac shrugged. "I dunno, he said he wasn't feeling too good."
Just then, Garet gave a long, low sigh. "Isaac?"
"Yes?"
"When Kraden gave us reading lessons, you weren't paying too much attention, were you?"
Isaac blinked. "I guess not. Why?"
Garet stood up, holding the bottle in his hands. "Because if you did, you would have realized that this is not perfume." He sighed slowly. "It's barbecue sauce."
And far away, they heard Ivan screaming, accompanied with the growls of Mia's pet Mauler.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"So, to what do I owe this visit?" Sheba asked jokingly as she poured three cups of water for her friends. Jenna, for her part, merely smiled and replied.
"What? We need a reason for everything now?"
"Seriously, though." Mia spoke up, her cool voice flowing through the room. "We came to pressure you into getting a boyfriend."
Sheba nearly choked. "What!?"
Jenna raised an eyebrow. "It's true, though. You're the only one of us three who hasn't a boyfriend."
Sheba leaned over and gave Jenna a light shove. "Yeah? Well, maybe I don't want a boyfriend!"
Mia chuckled. "Oh, really? And why would you not want a boyfriend, mmm?"
"Can we not talk about this?"
Jenna acted shocked. "Why, but Sheba, you did ask why we were here."
Sheba shot Jenna a look before continuing. "Regardless, in response to your question, Mia, a boyfriend requires commitment I am not willing to give, I think boys fawning over me is slightly unsettling, and last, there is no one even if I wanted one."
"No one?" Mia asked, a hint of sarcasm about her voice. "What about… let's see… Ivan?"
"Ivan?" For reasons she didn't quite understand, Sheba felt a strange hotness behind her ears. "Ivan… Ivan is…" She found herself stammering as she tried to figure out just how to tell the two of them they were dead wrong. "H-he's just a friend. Just a friend. Yeah."
"Oh, really." Jenna intoned in a bored voice. "Then why is your face red? Specifically, why did your face turn red only at the mention of Ivan?"
Sheba blushed even deeper. "Look, regardless of whatever fantasies you may choose to construct about me and Ivan, there is nothing between us. And if he were here right now, he'd testify to that."
Mia seemed about to say something, then thought better of it. Jenna, meanwhile, seemed entirely skeptical. "I'm so sure, Sheba."
"You should be." Sheba replied. "You very well should be."
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"Oh, come on! I said I was sorry!" Isaac cried as he cast Potent Cure on Ivan again. This, however, did little to soothe the Jupiter Adept's fiery temper.
"Oh, yes, Isaac! I am so grateful for your wonderful apology." He muttered. "I will be sure to thank you for it with a well-aimed Spark Plasma once I can feel my arms again."
Garet stood nearby, looking down on Ivan with a bemused expression. "Ivan, I think you got out of the wrong side of bed today."
"No, I did not. However, I probably made a mistake by getting out of bed at all." Ivan winced as Isaac dabbed one of the wounds on his shoulder with a healing salve. "Hey! Easy there!"
"Yeah, yeah." Isaac grumbled as he cast Cure on a tiny scratch at Ivan's side. "There. All done."
Ivan got to his feet as he massaged one of his arms. "I'm going to bed. Don't bother to wake me up tomorrow, I'll sleep in." Saying so, he started up the stairs, wincing in pain each time he bent his leg.
Garet blinked. "Uh, Ivan… it's three in the afternoon."
"The sooner I get to sleep, the sooner it'll be tomorrow." Came the reply as the door on the upstairs landing slammed shut. Then…
CRASH!
The sounds of something crashing caught both Isaac and Garet's attention. Sprinting up the stairs, they found Ivan currently tangled in he collapsed remnants of his bed. After helping to dig him out, Ivan muttered a word unsuitable for print.
"Now, now." Garet admonished. "None of that language in this village." Pausing to consider the options, he finally sighed. "Kay's out to camp for the month. You can stay in her room for the time being, I guess."
Ivan grumbled under his breath as he shoveled a few clothes into a back pack, before stalking out of the house after Garet.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Felix stood by the riverside, glancing inconspicuously at the doorway of the Ivan's house. Sure enough, the young Jupiter Adept stepped out after Garet, with a face that would have curdled milk. Chuckling slightly, Felix grinned down at the retreating figure of Ivan.
"Ah, Ivan, Ivan, Ivan. That's what you get for trying to steal MY Sheba." Whistling to himself, he strolled off merrily towards the plaza, leaving a slightly rusty saw lying in the mud behind.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
"And this'll be your room." Garet indicated with a sweep of his hand.
"Thrillsville." Ivan deadpanned as he stared around the room. Clad almost completely in red wallpaper, there were lamps, cushions, and rugs everywhere. Not exactly his dream bedroom. Sighing, he flopped down onto the pink bed, staring dejectedly at the ceiling.
Garet coughed slightly. "I'll, uh be leaving now."
Ivan gave absolutely no response whatsoever.
Shrugging, Garet eased the door shut.
With another deep sigh, Ivan raised a hand and cast sleep on himself, feeling his mind sink into blessed oblivion.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
End Sunday
Well, then. Review, and maybe I won't send Dullahan after you.
