Disclaimer: I own nothing. Bla bla bla, it all belongs to J.K.R, you know the drill.
How could she be so deaf?
He had told her and told her, a million times over, that he couldn't be with her. But no, she didn't hear him. She persisted, saying she didn't care about all the little quirks. She had just finished reassuring him this miserably right in front of all the Weasley's, McGonagoll, Pomfrey, Harry, and Hermione. Remus was absolutely horrified, fuming. He had never felt such anger in all his life.
The worst part was, he didn't know why.
Why did he care? If he didn't love her, then he shouldn't care what she says, should he? It shouldn't break his heart to watch her wander out of the Hospital wing, looking lost and dejected, crippled by her own feelings. It shouldn't hurt so much to tell her no every time.
He also shouldn't have jumped to pursue her out of the room, when he was the cause of her pain.
But he did, because her pain was his pain, and Remus told himself it was because he did care about her, but in a way like a friend. She was his friend. Nothing more. And as her friend, he had to protect her from himself, as he was to dangerous for her to get involved with. Even if it killed him. He had tried to reason this with her tonight, and so many other nights. But his words fell on deaf ears.
How could she be so deaf?
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How could he be so blind?
She had tried to show him, in many ways that she loved him. She had been obvious, dead obvious, but still, he didn't see how she could love a person like him.
She didn't care what he said about being too old, too poor, and too dangerous. All Tonks knew was that she loved him, and she probably always would.
She sobbed, terrified by the thought. The idea of this being true love only scared her because she didn't want to go thorough life waiting for someone who was too blind to find their way to her, doomed to forever stumble and wander in the wrong direction. But that was exactly what would happen, if Remus never opened his eyes.
She thought back to a night that seemed an eternity ago, but had really only been a year ago. In the kitchen of Grimmuald place, over a bottle of Firewhiskey and joint guard duty, he had kissed her. He had caught her. He had changed her life and the way she looked at him.
With a bitter smile she remembered him apologizing madly after wards, saying things about ' not leading her on'.
Didn't he see how much she needed him? No, of course not. He was Remus Lupin, loves blind Martyr. He claimed if he was with her, he would only cause her pain. She wished he could see him not being with her was killing her. She squeezed her eyes shut as she walked out of the hospital wing, blinking back angry tears.
How could he be so blind?
