Psychicfiredemoness: Ok! Because I still am having problems with the evil story from hell that is actually quite popular, and cause people claim I am humorous, I bring you the ways to make a grown demon cry!
Alex: You idiot…
Psychic: I own nothing.
Chapter 1 How to make a demon cry
"Ok…how do we go about this?" Alex asked crouching in a tree near the fox's home.
"Uh…tear gas?" Sapphire guessed rubbing the back of her head.
"Hm…Or I could say different scenarios!" Alex proclaimed and jumped from the tree, miscalculated and fell onto a small branch and fell from the tree.
"You ok?" Sapphire asked from the tree.
"Just peachy," Alex replied sarcastically and lifted herself from the ground, "Subject is in sight! No wait, that's just a crow…Ah crows!"
"Run bitch run!" Sapphire screamed as a flock of crows flew at Alex.
"Meet you at the temple Sapph!" she called running for her life.
Temple
"And why are you two so tired?" Yusuke asked seeing the panting teens.
"Crows…" Alex said lying on the floor.
"Idiot," Hiei scoffed passing.
"Subject spotted," Sapphire prodded Alex, "Hey…if we were looking for Hiei why were we at Kurama's house? He lives in your tree I thought?"
"Uh…A lumberjack!" she proclaimed.
"Should I ask?" Yusuke raised a brow.
"We're trying to find a way to make Hiei cry," the girls whispered to him.
"Oh! Can I help?" he asked.
"Sure, but who've you made cry?" Alex asked.
"Keiko at the Dark Tournament, I think Kuwabara…oh! And my mom when I died," he stated.
Alex sweat dropped, "Ok…So how do you think we should go about this?"
"Uh…" he pondered.
"I say tear gas," Sapphire repeated.
"Or we could ask him what happens if Yukina died?" Alex guessed, "But Yukina's too nice for us to do something like that."
"I'll ask," Yusuke said.
"Alright," Sapphire agreed.
Yusuke ran off to find the demon.
"Hey Hiei, what would you do if Yukina died?" he asked.
"Why?" Hiei questioned.
"Would you cry?" Yusuke pressed.
Hiei only hit him instead and the boy stumbled back to find the girls.
"No go guys," Yusuke said rubbing his head, "Hey wait! I've got another idea!"
"This can't be good," Alex stated.
"Hey Hiei, would you cry if Alex died?" Yusuke asked.
"No."
"Kurama?"
"No.
"Kuwabara?"
"No."
"Mukuro."
Hiei's lips twitched and he shook his head.
"I give up," Yusuke came back into the living room.
"You dumbass Yusuke! We already know he wouldn't cry if I died," Alex kicked him.
"Hey! It was worth a shot!" He held his leg.
"No it wasn't!" she yelled.
"Fore!" Sapphire threw something into the kitchen and quickly ran out of the temple.
"Crap she threw the gas grenade!" Alex shrieked and headed out of the temple.
"So what now?" Yusuke asked as the two glared at Sapphire.
"I don't know," Sapphire replied.
"We could try beating tears out of him," Alex suggested liking this plan.
"Oh! Let's do that!" Sapphire proclaimed.
Forest clearing
"Ok, on the count of three…One…Two…Three!" Yusuke yelled and the three jumped from the tree. Well Alex did fall again giving away the element of surprise.
"What do you fools want?" Hiei questioned.
"Uh…Get him!" Sapphire yelled and she and Yusuke jumped the small demon.
"Uh, a little help please guys…" Alex asked dangling from a tree branch.
The two flew into different trees and Hiei disappeared.
"Haha," Alex mocked and her branch broke and she fell into a thistle bush.
"Haha," Yusuke mimicked.
Temple
"Ow, ow, ow!" Alex cried and Kurama used a pair of tweezers to rid the smallest detective of thistles.
"Ok, we know how to make Alex cry but not Hiei," Yusuke began.
"I'm not crying!" she fumed through gritted teeth, "This just hurts!"
"And why are you three trying to make Hiei cry?" Kurama asked removing a large thistle from Alex's neck.
"Well, Yukina cries Hireseki stones right? What about Jagan-boy?" Sapphire concluded.
"That is interesting," Kurama sweat dropped.
"Ah! I thought you were supposed be the on the teams that had the gentle touch!" Alex yelped.
"Quit complaining," Sapphire ordered.
"Make me bitch!" Alex growled, "And we need a new plan for making the bitch cry. Ow!"
"Well, you could rape him and he might cry in shame," Yusuke suggested.
"For the last time I am not raping Hiei!" she fumed.
"We could have him watch this, he might cry in laughter," Sapphire guessed.
"That'd be humiliating," she growled and let out a stream of Makai profanities.
"You still wanna beat it out of him don't you?" Yusuke asked.
"Yes, very much so," she nodded, "Oh! Let's have Mukuro rape him!"
"I'd kill myself child," Hiei stated entering the room, "What the hell is going on and why were you screaming foul words a moment ago?"
"I landed in a- Ow! Thistle bush and now Kurama is playing doctor," Alex winced, "And stop calling me child!"
"Shojo," he retorted.
She dove at him and was restrained by Kurama who continued to remove the evil plant seeds from her body.
"Let me at him damnit!" she fumed and a rather large thistle was dislodge awkwardly. She shrieked.
"Last one," Kurama sighed rubbing his ears.
"What in the world was that?" Genkai asked entering the room.
They all pointed at the blonde.
"Bite me bitches!" she stomped outside and they heard he fall down the porch stairs.
"Hm…" Sapphire pondered a moment, 'Hey Hiei are you ticklish?"
"What?" he questioned.
"Aha!' she dove at him and started tickling his ribs.
The only reaction from this was Sapphire got a black eye.
"So now what?" Yusuke asked as the three sat on the porch.
"We could tell him tales of dead puppies," Sapphire suggested and Alex stared at her in horror, "I'm kidding!"
"Well there's one thing I can do," Alex stood up.
"What's that?" Yusuke asked.
"Go make dinner," she stated and walked inside as the two fell over twitching.
"Well, it's up to us Sapph," Yusuke declared.
"Got it," she nodded pulling out her video camera from god knows where.
"Let's go!" he stated punching the air.
"Yeah!" she agreed, "One problem though."
"What?"
"We don't know here Hiei is."
"Oh yeah…"
The two sighed but ran off in search anyway.
"Hn, idiots," Hiei stated from the roof of the temple.
He jumped down and walked inside. There was an awful smell emanating from the kitchen. He wandered in holding his sleeve to his nose.
"Shojo what in Makai are you making in here?" he growled; his eyes beginning to water at the pungent odor.
"Dinner," she retorted stirring something in a large pot on the stove.
"Then what is that smell? Not even your cooking could be that bad," he remarked.
"Oh so now my cooking's bad Mr. I-ate-all-of-everything-Alex-ate-last-time-and-Yukina-wasn't-even-there-so-I-didn't-need-be-that-polite-cause-I'm-not. And that smell is onion," she stated, "Red onion to be exact, it gives off a really bad smell and the vapors it releases when cut can irritate the eyes." She turned to show him the pair of machinery goggles she wore.
"You look like an idiot," he stated still covering his nose and unaware that this tactic wouldn't work on the vegetable from hell.
"You ok?" she questioned seeing his watery eyes.
"Hn," he stated and blinked; a solitary tear rolled down his cheek and fell to the floor as a black gem.
She blinked and bit her tongue to stop from laughing. It failed and in another minutes she was on the ground cracking up.
"You tell anyone about this child and I'll have your head!" he screamed as more onion induced tears rolled down his face and fell to the floor with small clatters.
"I, I won't just this is funny, I never thought onions could make you of all people cry," she held the stitch in her side.
"Temi," he growled out rubbing his eyes to try and rid himself of the dampness in his eyes.
"That isn't gonna work," she stated and tossed him the safety goggle, however he was too caught up in rubbing his eyes to not look weak that they hit his head.
"Don't throw things at me shojo," he growled.
"Ok one, I tossed them to you," This was just a downright lie, "Two, STOP calling me shojo before I kill your ass and three, put them on so you stop bawling like a little girl you idiot!"
He hned and dawned the goggles, why he still stayed in kitchen being a mystery.
"Alex is dinner coming along alright?" Yukina asked entering the kitchen, "Hello oniisan, um are you helping?" She noticed the goggles.
"Naw he isn't and it'll be done in about five minutes," she stated and Yukina nodded and left to go tell the others.
"If you gave me these…things. Why aren't you crying?" Hiei suddenly asked.
"Simple, I being used to cooking onions and such have gained a immunity to their dreaded effects. And knowing you liked my cooking knew you would come in here eventually and so I decided to test my 'will Hiei cry with onions' theory. So to make amends and suffer a less painful death at your hands, brought them," she stated turning the stovetop off.
"You…Bitch!" he yelled grabbing her throat and started screaming in Makai dialect.
And hopefully this has taught us all, don't piss Hiei off, don't try to make him cry, don't eventually make him cry. And as Sapphire later found out, don't try to sell black Hireseki stones on the internet, however she soon forgot due to memory loss on Hiei's part. And now she'll never know where those fist shaped bruises came from…
End story
Psychic: Not bad for a one shot I suppose. Please tell me what you guys thought, thanks and peace out…I still can't think of anything from the story with the really long title, so ideas are still welcome on it. Later.
