Disclaimer: I do not own HunterxHunter, or any related material.
requiem for the living
It's all an exercise in futility, he knows this. He knows that it will not help.
He knows this, and yet he can't allow himself to care.
Kurapika is an objective creature. He is aware. And he is anything but blind.
Yet he also knows that human beings are subjective creatures. They are meant to feel, and these emotions cloud reason. He is no exception. Perhaps he is cursed with this knowledge, this terrible knowing that death is never the solution. It never has been, and it never will be. Death only hurts the soul.
But he doesn't fear it. He doesn't. All that he fears is dying before he achieves his goal. He has no other reason to fear and he likes to think that he is the perfect vigilante- he has nothing else to lose. His morals are important, but guilt is an easy burden to bear in comparison to his own.
He doesn't sleep. Not really. He can't. And when he does, he awakens to nothing but the weight of his nightmares. The sounds of souls screaming in unrest, of faint whimpers of pain and his own eyes staring back at him in tens, in hundreds of pairs.
He cannot remember when he last dreamed.
But he knows. He knows that his revenge is only a means to an end, that it is futile.
Sometimes he wonders why others think that he doesn't.
He can see it in the way that they look away, the soft pity of their gaze, when they have realized that he is throwing his life away for something so pointless as revenge.
But he isn't, not really. Everyone dies. Even if he doesn't die during this, he will die eventually. He is empty. There is nothing left for him in this world. His only purpose is to put his clan to rest. And then, maybe, he can be at rest himself.
It may not happen this way, it probably won't, in fact. But he can dream. And until then- he can fill himself with hatred and fight and be the avenger. It is his purpose.
Until then, nothing else matters.
