Summary: Xander watches Anya sleep and comes to a decision. Xander's POV.

Parings: Xander/ Anya all the way:)

Rating: PG little bit of sex talk

Disclaimer: I own none: (wish I did though

A/N: ok I'm not the best writer but I try so please review I would like to here negative and positive and I'll try to do better next time. I don't know if this will be a continue story it just depends on if I can make one out of this .Any ideas for this if it is continued please tell me and I might put them in.

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I watch her sleep her breasts falling up and down. She sleeps with such grace and beauty like nothing is wrong but I know that is not true. Hurt. Anger. Sorrow. Is what she feels I guess that's partly my fault? I was the one that left her in her beautiful gown (which she looked damn sexy in) all because I was afraid to be like my father. But it occurred to me that Anya and I weren't like that. We had true love. We were and still are soul mates.

Giles rolls over beside me and I never noticed but he must always have bad hair in the morning. Dawn, Buffy, and Willow are in my room sleeping. Ana's on the couch she said something about being more comfortable out here then they would. I have no idea what that meant maybe because she's lived here before. It used to be OUR apartment. I'd come home and there she would be sitting there waiting for me because I was her hero. Her love. Her sex poodle as she said it. I know she still loves me. I can see it in her eyes when we look deep into he other. Ok I'm starting to sound like Willow now with all the mushy crap.

Right now I want to crawl up there on the couch with her and hold her in my arms just so I can feel her warm body against mine. Just a couple weeks ago she sacrificed herself to save 8 or 10 guys and her best friends was killed. I know what it feels like to have a close friend die. But Anya she blames herself I can tell the way when anyone mentions it. She gets a guilty face that I'm not used to seeing it kind of scares me. I can't protect her from this she has to go thought the pain it's the only way. I will help her be her best friend her protector for as long as I live I will love her and be her sex poodle.

Maybe she is rude, conceited, and blunt. But they don't know her like I do. In bed she used to tell me things that no one else would want to listen to not like I did but she was very talkative after sex. I realized she is the sweetest modest person I have ever known except for Tara. Anya fronts like she's all you know better, but she said she only did that because she didn't know how to act.

I wish Anya and I would forgive each other. And we will someday but tomorrow I'm going to grow up and say sorry and maybe she will too. I have the perfect plan to get alone with her. Go to her favorite spot. Giles said she goes there a lot now and I will tell her I love her and maybe she will kiss me and then we can have wild monkey sex there. You never know.