Soliloquy
Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto! Do own Hoshi!
A/N: Dearly Beloved Cannibal of Mine—so, I can't write anything you'd like, eh? Yeah to the fucking hell right. In your face, you Doritos-munching, Kit-Kat-stealing, Naruto-hating, hentai-drawing, bracelet-breaking, brutally honest bastard!
A/N 2: So yeah. This is a show-off show case of my talents at comedy. I hope it works out for you.
A/N 3: Can you say OOC?
Chapter One: The Prologue to a Troublesome Series
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"Excuse me?" Hoshi raised an offended eyebrow at the flaxen haired woman, "Come again?"
Temari pointed a finger at him. "You've been passing yourself as the greatest con artist of all Sunagakure history. I don't believe you."
"You don't have to believe me. It's true. I've bamboozled everyone in the village, and I'm actually a little alarmed at how powerfully stupid they are. You'd think they'd cotton on after the first ten times."
"The people of the Hidden Sand Village," Temari said matter-of-factly, "Are idiots. Of course you'd be able to con them. Now, if you look at…oh, I don't know, Konohagakure? Now that's a village of smart heads. Yep, no getting under their skin."
"Woman, please. I'm Ao Hoshi. I could sell Tokyo to the Prime Minister."
"But you couldn't sell a pacifier to a Leaf baby."
"I so could!"
"Prove it," Temari smirked.
Hoshi wagged a finger at her, and it wasn't his index. "Ah-ah-ah. I don't have to prove anything to you."
"What say we make it…interesting then? You con at least ten people from Konoha, and I'll pay you a hundred rhou."
The puce haired male tapped his chin thoughtfully. "That is appealing. Alright, Temari. You've got yourself a deal."
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Gaara looked to his sister, expectant. "Well?"
"I've gotten rid of him. And all it took was a hundred rhou."
"You're confident he won't come back?"
"Otouto-chan, when he sees how many gullible dumbfucks Konoha's got, he'll think he's in heaven. He won't even remember us."
"I'm gonna miss the twerp," Kankurou sighed.
"Kankurou," Temari said, "He sold you a hundred condoms for ten thousand rhou! And have you ever even used one? No!"
Gaara choked on his mint tea. "WHAT!?"
Kankurou glared at his sibling. "You said you'd never mention that!"
The blonde grinned sheepishly. "My bad?"
After a brief scuffle between brother and sister, Gaara separated them using his sand, both of them sporting lovely bruises.
"Konoha won't know what hit her," Temari said gleefully.
"Maybe we shouldn't have sent him to our ally?"
"Ah, screw it. He's not our problem anymore."
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Hoshi set his bags down in the middle of the street.
"Konoha," he smiled, "You've been chosen to be bamboozled."
Time for his first victim. Those bags weren't going to carry themselves, y'know.
A boy of about fifteen was prancing around, yelling, "I'm gonna be the seventh Hokage, bitches, bow down to me!" He had a dark scarf that trailed behind him like a bride's train. A girl pushed him, squealing, "Konohamaru, shut up you loser!"
"Hello," Hoshi said smoothly to the teen, "Konohamaru, is it?"
The boy looked up at the puce haired male. "Yeah, what about it? And hey, what village are you from, you don't have a head band!"
Hoshi grinned widely. This was going to be fun.
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Why soliloquy? Because it's a pretty word. No, I didn't post too soon, I just didn't write the first con.
