Distraction
Juvia was sure he wanted to talk; there was so much that needed to be said, now that she was released from the infirmary and the guild hall had been rebuilt. She hesitated before turning down the street he had asked her to meet him on. What could she say to him? Should she say anything at all? Did she even have the right?
There was a fear deep in her chest, wringing about her heart in a grip of guilt. Placing one foot in front of the other was a struggle. If she couldn't forgive herself, how could she expect him to?
"Oi, Juvia."
Gray's voice broke through the rushing of thoughts and Juvia stopped, eyes wide. He looked every bit as she expected him to- strong, calculating, inviting... and a little lost. Of course he would be. He had lost his father all over again, and it had been her who landed the killing blow.
"Gray-sama, Juvia knows why you asked to see her."
He blinked, confused. "You do?"
"Yes." she said, lowering her chin a bit at the sting behind her eyes. What right had she to cry when she was the one who had broken his heart? "Juvia cannot ask you to forgi-"
Gray held up a hand to silence her, his eyes betraying the pain for a moment before he glanced at her fully. She fell quiet and awaited what she was sure would be him telling her she had betrayed his trust in a way that he couldn't forget. Maybe he would ask her to leave the guild so he wouldn't have to look at the person who had killed his father.
"Not now, Juvia. I don't want the first time I'm alone with you after everything to be about all that." he said, letting his hand drop and fall into his pocket once more. "I just want to forget about it for a few hours... I need a distraction."
"Gray-sama..." there was confusion in her voice.
He shook his head. "I promise we'll talk, but I need to forget for a little while. I asked you out for a good time, not a depressing conversation. Is that okay?"
Juvia glanced toward his face, noting the vulnerable expression and the desperate plea behind his words. He trusted Juvia still, at least in some way. He wanted a distraction and she owed him at least that much. It could be the last time they were alone like this. It felt wrong to allow herself to fall into old habits, but he had chosen to go with her for a reason.
A bright smile erupted over her face.
"You asked Juvia out? Like on a date?" she took a hold of his arm, seeing his expression quickly move from unsure and wounded to something between amused and frightened. "Gray-sama and Juvia's first date!"
"I didn't say that!"
"Where is Gray-sama taking Juvia?"
"I didn't know I was supposed to take you anywhere!"
She pouted. "You're terrible at dates. That's fine, Juvia will take Gray-sama on a date instead!"
Moving from a vice hold on his arm to looping her own through his, Juvia pulled Gray along the street and toward the center of the city. They were quickly swallowed in the bustle of busy people and the noise of peddlers, pulled away from the intimacy of being alone and once again in the protective embrace of a crowd.
"That one!"
Juvia handed over exact change to the baker, thanking him as he handed over the treat she had requested. Juvia paused as she glanced over her shoulder, noticing Gray's far off expression and slight blush. It couldn't be a blush, though—after this, Juvia was sure he would tell her he couldn't be alone with her like this again. It must have been from the chill in the air.
She walked over, placing up her smile once more. "Here Gray-sama! It's a raspberry pastry braid and some hot chocolate, with extra marshmallows and whipped cream."
He raised an eyebrow. "Raspberry what?"
"It's good, try it!" she tore a piece off and held it up toward his mouth. "Juvia has never been able to make it no matter how many times she tries… but they are one of her favorites."
Gray eyed the food warily before plucking the piece from her hands. He wasn't about to let her feed him in public. He placed the flaky, warm pastry into his mouth and chewed. The first flavor was of dough and a semi-sweet icing, soon overcome with a burst of tangy raspberry. He reached for more.
"It is good." He said, tearing another large chunk off. "Never had it before, don't usually stop by the bakery. You're always baking for me."
Juvia found her smile wavering a bit but kept it up. "Juvia just wants Gray-sama to be happy."
Their eyes settled on one another, and Juvia could tell he was looking for something in her gaze. She wasn't sure what but the depth in which he looked at her was unnerving. Under any other circumstance, at any other point in their lives, Juvia would have swooned at the thought of him searching for her deepest secrets. Now it was frightening.
"Cocoa?" she squeaked, shoving the cup toward him as he leaned in for more of the pastry, whipped cream and cup covering his chin, mouth and nose.
Gray pulled back from the cup, white whipped cream beard dripping brown chocolate. The situation was ridiculous, and despite her better judgment Juvia could feel a laugh bubbling behind her lips. She tried to stifle it with her arm, but the shaking overcame her.
The laughter filled the room.
"Juvia is s-sorry!" she managed between her giggled, glancing toward him. "A beard does not suit you, Gray-sama."
He fingered the whipped cream about his face. "You're dumping the cocoa, Juvia."
"Ah!"
Juvia's "date" did not end at the baker's shop, or with the spilled cocoa that had soaked both of their feet. She took him to a curiosities shop, convinced him to try on a multitude of silly hats, bought him a wrist guard with snowflakes embossed in the brass. They stopped by a museum of mage history, studying the stories about dragons and the beginning of the guilds that now reigned supreme over the country. When the wind grew colder, she took him to a quaint café that served hot tea and sandwiches beside a fireplace.
After being kicked out over Gray's impromptu stripping, they found themselves walking along the frost bitten autumn foliage of City Park. The lights buzzed to life when the sky changed from the color of pumpkins and bruised apples to purple twilight, and Juvia maneuvered them toward the stillness of the river. Despite the merriment and distracting nature of the day, her heart remained heavy and guilt ridden.
Juvia couldn't keep her thoughts to herself anymore.
They stopped along the bridge, Gray's back against the stone frame. He faced the sky while she faced the water.
"You're not cold, Juvia?"
She shook her head. "Juvia is okay. Juvia is worried about you, Gray-sama."
He was quiet for a moment as he contemplated what she had said. Juvia took that as an open invitation to begin the conversation he had wanted to avoid.
"Juvia cannot ask Gray-sama to forgive her." She said softly. "She doesn't understand why he would want to spend the day with her like this after what happened. It is Juvia's fault that Father is dead, it is Juvia who took away someone precious to Gray-sama."
"You don't need to be forgiven." Gray stated. "I saw my dad die. What he was then was just a corpse. He wanted to be with my mom. He spent all that time believing mom and I were dead, wanting to be with us, killing demons to avenge us—"
"But Juvia took him away again."
He shook his head, turning to face the same direction she did. "You didn't. You defeated the necromancer, who kept him animated when he should have been allowed to rest. You kept Face from activating, you saved our magic power."
Juvia glanced toward him, feeling a prick at the corners of her eyes once more. The Gray that overlooked the river was sad but determined at the same time.
"Juvia is responsible for hurting you."
"Yeah, it hurt to see it again. It hurt more talking to him and knowing all he wanted to do was finally be dead, but not being strong enough to let him go." Gray's hands fisted momentarily before he released them again. "I realized something when I was fighting him, though. It's so easy to be overcome by anger and pain that you miss what is in front of you while you have it. You never know when you're going to lose it. That's what he couldn't let go of, and I don't want to be like that."
Wind blew, pushing autumn leaves from the trees and to the surface of the water, across the bridge and about them. Juvia watched them fall, succumbing to the unexpected chill with a shiver.
"Father asked Juvia to take care of you." She responded.
"Yeah, that's still weird. I don't know how he knew you would be the one to contact."
Juvia glanced in his direction, eyes wide. "Huh?"
"When I got back and you were lying there…" he stopped, mulling the words over in his mind. "… I thought I'd lost you too. I can't lose you."
Juvia hesitated, lifting a hand and setting it on his arm. "Gray-sama…"
"I'm trying to say I don't blame you, so don't distance yourself from me. You don't need to feel guilty. It was inevitable. If you feel bad, do what he asked you to do." He turned toward her, catching her confused gaze. "You can't take care of me if you're not around."
"Gray-sama isn't mad?"
"I was never mad at you, I was making a decision."
"Decision?"
He nodded, reaching and pulling out a leaf that had lodged itself in her hair. "I don't want to keep chasing after things and then turning around to see I lost what really mattered. You matter to me, Juvia. I don't want to lose that."
Juvia had no response. Her cheeks reddened, a combination of her confused emotions and the chill in the air. There were words she wanted to say, but none of them would push past her lips.
"Snow?" Gray glanced beyond her, hand outstretched.
Juvia turned from him to glance around herself. Snow fell in slow, light movements, melting as soon as it made contact with any surface.
Gray shifted from his place, placing an arm around her shoulders and steering her away from the bridge.
"Lets head back. I'll walk you home."
