Title: Hurricane Katrina

Disclaimer: Dick Wolf owns 'em. I invited Bobby to come out and play.

Summary: Eames is on maternity leave. Bishop bails. Who will partner with the infamous Detective Goren?

Rating: K+ (this chap.)

Genre: Humor/Angst (who said they don't mix?)

Characters: Goren, Eames, Deakins

Reviews welcome.

Chap. 1: Bishop's Surprise

Place: Major Case Squad, One Police Plaza

"Shit!" muttered Captain James Deakins to himself, "How the hell do I tell Goren that the replacement for Eames has bailed on us less than a week before her start date?"

Detective Lynne Bishop was scheduled to start at Major Case next Monday, but Bishop had received a wonderful offer from the FBI. It was a now-or-never offer and Bishop had jumped at it, leaving Major Case in her dust. Deakins quickly sent out an email to all appropriate department heads notifying them that this temp spot in Major Case had opened up again, hoping they would encourage some of their people to apply. Deakins sighed to himself. Goren had gone through partners like Kleenex. Both male and female partners had tried and then refused to work with him, a dozen of them. Too quirky, too weird, too difficult, too intimidating, too yada yada yada. His reputation was known far and wide. Only Detective Alexandra Eames had stuck with him. It was a brilliant pairing. They had the best solve rate in the state, never mind the city. But Eames was on a maternity leave that would last at least four months, longer if she ended up having a C-section. God forbid.

What does Goren need in a partner? Someone very intelligent who will understand him when he spouts obscure references, who will stand up to him, challenge him, soothe him, keep him grounded, tag-team with him, let him be the alpha male, but always make him feel safe. It should probably be a woman. Could Eames have herself cloned? Women detectives like her didn't grow on trees, unfortunately.

Twenty four hours later Deakins was reviewing a half dozen resumes and applications for Eames' job. Everyone looked good on paper, but when Deakins looked over their work record, their personality profile, he knew they would be on a collision course with Goren from day one. No one wants to be on a collision course with a man who's 6' 4" and weighs a good 240 lbs. Except maybe this one. Katrina Katayeva, age 35. She'd worked homicide, SVU and vice; was an officer the National Guard, military intelligence, spent three months in Afghanistan, top secret security clearance, advanced military weapons training; graduated summa cum laude from SUNY Stony Brook with a double major in sociology and psychology, double minors in criminal justice and anthropology; Master's degree in psychology and the law from Columbia; self-defense certification; speaks fluent Russian, as well as several other languages; computer geek – authors a tech column in a criminal justice journal; database expert; youngest of six children born in the U.S. to Russian immigrants. The other five kids were boys. Oh, this was a good sign. Eames had a passel of big brothers. It makes a girl grow up a little tougher. There was a photo. Katayeva is 5' 10" tall. Dressed impeccably. Why the hell isn't she on the cover of Vogue? Maybe she and Goren can shop Armani together. Oh, and she's married with two small children. Her husband is a bond trader at Cantor Fitzgerald, Irish last name. They share a large two-family house with her parents. Her father is a wood-carver and sculptor. Her mother had been a nurse, and now took care of her daughter's children. Deakins especially liked the comment in Katayeva's file from Capt. Don Cragen, "This woman doesn't take crap from anybody. She can tell someone to go to hell so that they will actually look forward to making the trip. Excellent partner, excellent detective."

When Deakins got news of Bishop's departure, he decided to not tell Goren nor anyone else in Major Case about it until he had a replacement waiting in the wings. He made the obligatory calls to Katayeva's previous supervisors. Everyone praised her work, her hustle, and her ability to get along. Cragen had even said that if anyone could handle Goren it would be Katayeva. Cragen also added that he wouldn't wish Goren on anybody.

On Thursday morning Deakins called Goren into his office. He was going to give him the bad news and the good news all at once, providing Goren less opportunity to brood over Bishop's departure. Goren did not like change. He was already out-of-kilter because of Eames' leave.

"Take a seat and close the door."

Goren immediately became suspicious.

"Is something wrong with Eames, Captain?"

"Uh, no, not at all. Eames is just fine. I called you in to tell you that Detective Bishop has ditched us for an offer from the FBI. So, she won't be joining us next week."

Goren had a strange look on his face. He'd been through the partner lottery before and had not enjoyed it, but he didn't utter a word.

"The good news is that you will have a new temp partner starting on Monday morning."

"Who? Where could you possibly find someone on such short notice?" demanded Goren.

"Her name is Katrina Katayeva. Here's her resume. I met with her last night and I was very impressed. She may not be Eames, but I think you two can work together well."

Goren scrutinized the resume carefully.

"Well, Captain, she certainly has impeccable credentials on paper," Goren admitted grudgingly.

"Oh, and here's a photo of her, Goren."

Goren blinked at the photo. "Hmph. Looks like a fashion model," he said dismissively.

"Don't judge a book by its cover, Goren. You hate it when people do it to you."

Goren just scrubbed his face with his hands. Deakins recognized it for the stress-related signal that it was.

"Katayeva will be here at 11:30 a.m. today to meet you. I want you two to have lunch together. I expect your full cooperation. Do I make myself clear, Detective?"

Goren just nodded and left Deakins' office. Popped three Advil™ in his mouth as soon as he got to his desk. Washed them down with lukewarm Starbucks™. Then he hid out in an empty conference room so he could phone Eames in private.

"Bobby, I know of her, but never actually met her. Our paths just never crossed. Never heard a bad word, though. Hey, you're going to meet her in less than two hours."

Goren grumbled something in response.

"Hey, Goren. Listen to me. It takes two people to make a partnership. Both have to work at it and both have to give a little. Even if it's a temp situation. You don't want to be miserable for the next few months, do you?"

"No, Eames, I don't," he conceded.

"Then shape up, buddy! You don't want Deakins on your case. Play nice with the woman, Goren."

"She's…..she's tall, Eames"

"How freakin' tall can she be?"

"Five feet, ten inches."

"Good…she'll have a better chance of looking you in the eye than I ever do," chuckled Eames.

"She…she was a psych major in college and….and grad school."

"Afraid she will out-analyze you, Bobby?"

"Uh…no…not at all."

"Liar."

"I..."

But he was interrupted by Eames.

"I gotta go, Bobby. This kid is kickin' my bladder and I need to hit the john again. I'll talk to you later. Behave yourself."

"OK, g'bye, Eames."

Eames didn't answer. She had already hung up and was headed for the bathroom. When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.